Always On Your Side
by Steffx621
Summary: Aftermath of a kiss that was so much more than just a kiss. What happens when you are done forgiving? Move on and let go were the two things she could do. Lucas&Peyton...?   Canon up to 507's kiss.
1. Always On Your Side

**Summary : **Aftermath of a kiss that was _so_ much more than just a kiss. What happens when you are done forgiving? Move on and let go were the two things she could do. Lucas&Peyton...? ~ Canon up to 507's kiss.

**Author's Note : **Proper brand _new_ story you guys! My very own Season5 twist! hehehe ;) What can I say? It really does get me excited! This one was my proper second idea put into paper. Of course, it's an LP story _even though_ sometimes the road is going to be a little too bumpy for you to see it. It **IS **LP in the end anyway, and that is something you **really** got to remember!

I'm enjoying a LOT writing this story. Don't say anybody, but having Luke squirming from time to time can be a bit _too_ fun sometimes! I don't want to give much away, but let's just say the boy is gonna have a hard time getting the girl back!

Now I'll shush! ***lol*** I'm hoping you'd like this story, but ultimately you are the only ones with say!

The story picks up a few years into the future so I'll be filling you in the blanks through flashbacks. *****Lots of them! lol***** Like the summary says everything stays the same up until 507, the **one** thing that changes anyway is that…_What if, _instead of only a kiss, something '_more_' happened between the two of them that night at TRIC?

Well, now you know where this story is going…Hope you give it a go! **;)**

**Always On Your Side**

* * *

"What are you doing here?" Peyton asked simply, but they both knew those five words held a lot more weight behind them.

She didn't even care to turn to look at him; her eyes remained staring steadily to the front. She was indifferent, listless, cold towards him. He knew he shouldn't have expected anything different; however, the Peyton before him was the polar opposite to the Peyton he remembered.

He waited a beat to see if she would turn, but after realizing she really wouldn't, he processed taking a seat next to her. "Would you believe me if I said I was in the neighborhood?" He asked in an attempt of humor, but obviously, she didn't think so. She didn't even flinch, nor move, or acknowledge his presence or words in any other way than her previous question.

He closed his eyes, sighing heavily, and maybe too cursing himself for the fact that he was right there right now.

It had been _so_ long after all; maybe he had been wrong all along. Maybe coming all the way over there to find her hadn't been the smartest of decisions.

In any case, now it was a little too late for regrets; he had come, and surprisingly enough he still did it, he saw her sitting there, and he felt the exact same way he'd _always_ felt when she was next to him. "I wanted to see you, I wanted to see–"

"_Don't_." Peyton warned firmly before he could say everything she certainly didn't want to hear. Taking a small breath, she let her eyes fell close for just a moment. Of course she had dreaded that moment. She had. For years actually. She knew someday it would happen, and as strange as it sounded, she wasn't feeling at all as she thought she would fell.

Some people said that time heals old wounds, but for some others, for people like _her_, that time didn't do the trick and healed them. As a matter of fact, feeling him sitting right beside her, after all those years, only caused _new_ wounds to open.

Lucas hadn't been taken aback when she cut him short. Something like that he had actually expected. After yet another moment of silence, he leaned back on the bench they were sitting on, and stared to the front just like Peyton was doing. "He looks just like you," He whispered in a tone of voice he hadn't heard himself speak in years.

It had been one night. One night was enough to change it all. He wished he could say it had been for the better. But it hadn't. Things would be so different if he had only done what was really in his heart.

"I was..." Peyton began, but trailed off mid-sentence when her voice cracked. All of it was indeed harder than she thought it would be, but not for the same reasons she'd expected it to be hard once. "I spent a lot of time being angry at you, you know? I...I resented you for not being a better man, for not being the man I always thought you were–"

"_Peyton,_" Lucas pleaded turning his eyes from the small playground in front of them, to Peyton next to him. "I..."

"No... You–you can't..." Peyton continued talking, not bothering in grant Lucas any chance to speak his mind._ She_ was the one that was talking. In fact, the one that _could_ talk. "You can't just come in here and pretend as nothing's happened, because it has." She stated firmly although she could feel how her voice underneath was aching to break. "You can't waltz back into my life today just because you felt like it; things... things are different now –"

"I know that," Lucas interrupted yet again, even though his voice was rather soft. It was carrying regret... pain, guilt, and a whole other merge of feelings with it. He knew that, and he also knew she'd heard all that too.

Taking a deep breath Peyton in one swift move turned so that she was staring firmly into his eyes. "Then what are you doing here?" She asked harshly, her eyes decisively staying on his, but after a beat, she had to blink twice upon seeing a face she didn't think she would be seeing again.

Lucas remained stunned for a few moments, just staring loosely into her big green eyes. They hadn't lost one bit of beauty, although he could see that hint of sadness, that same sadness _he _had caused.

At that moment his mind was a whirlwind; there were so many things he wanted to tell her, but he felt as though no words could come out of his lips despite the fact he desperately wanted to explain himself. His actions, why he hadn't been that man she once loved.

However, he couldn't, her gaze on him was so strong, held so much power over him, that he just couldn't pronounce a word.

"I don't need you in my life anymore," Peyton stated strongly after a couple minutes of both simply staring into each other eyes. The silence actually becoming too much for her to bear. "I don't need you rescuing me, or coming back here acting as if we were the same two people we once were._ You_ asked me not to stay, so _don't _..." She paused, closing her eyes tightly and sighing. She opened them back only mere seconds later, and stared powerfully into his eyes once again. "Don't you _dare_ to walk back into my life now. I don't need you, and I don't want you here anymore." She said firmly, and actually believing what she was saying. It surprised her somehow, but for once, and despite all she'd lived and gone through with Lucas, she meant those words.

There are things you can't just come back from and what Lucas had done to her was one of those.

"You should go now," Peyton said coolly, never shifting her eyes from his. "I've said all I needed to say." She said just as calm, as she began standing up from the bench grabbing her purse with one hand.

"But I–I haven't," Lucas said brokenly, finally finding his words, and grabbing Peyton's arm strongly with his hand.

"And why would I care?" Peyton replied back stonily, as she yanked his hand away. "I've heard already all what you have to say, Lucas."

Lucas held his eyes on hers for a few seconds, but then obliged... he let go of her and just watched as she reached the playground, calling out a small boy with loose curly blond hair, and big chubby cheeks.

It was _then _when he saw her again; the same kind, caring, loving woman he loved. She knelt down in front of the boy saying something Lucas couldn't understand, but that in any way he simply knew it had to be something sweet giving the wide smile the little boy was wearing. She then kissed the top of his head, and grabbed his hand walking away.

Lucas honestly couldn't stay put. Impulsively he walked all his way towards Peyton and the boy as they were reaching her car. He had come all the way over there and he wasn't just backing out now. He had come not only so he could _see_ her, so he could see _him_; he had come, because more than anything, he _needed_ her to hear what he had to say.

"What do you think you're doing?" Peyton asked harshly, just as Lucas stepped in front of her and her son stopping them both from getting into the car.

"I told you," Lucas said firmly for the first time that day. His body firmly blocking the passenger's door of her car. "I haven't tell you what I came here to tell you,"

"I'm not interested," Peyton told him honestly, slightly shaking her head. One of her hands resting on the little boy's back, sheltering him behind her legs. "I simply don't care what you have to say," She added roughly. "I..." She said, but paused sighing, then after a few seconds began again softening her voice.

"I have a good life now, Luke. I do, I'm...I'm happy, and...I just don't need this," Peyton said simply, and calmed for Lucas' surprise.

"I can understand that," Lucas admitted painfully. "But what..."

"What?" Peyton interrupted feeling rather confused actually. She had never hid from him; he could have show in her life in so many other opportunities in the past five years. Even if he didn't know where she was, he could have just ask, she never hid from anyone.

But then again, it had been five... _five _long years in which she didn't hear one single word from his mouth.

It really was simply too late now.

"What about him?" Lucas asked after a beat, gesturing her to the small boy.

"What about him?" Peyton asked back and the softness she had prior used completely disappearing at the mention of _her_ son.

"He's..." Lucas began but the expression on Peyton's face caused him immediately to freeze.

"No, he is not, Lucas. And you more than _anyone_ should understand that." Peyton said coldly, frowning as she spoke. "He's _not_ your son and you know that." She stated firmly yet softly enough so Lucas was the only one hearing. She waited a beat, but then just decisively motioned him to move away from her car, which he did, somewhat defeated and stunned. She was right, he had never been a father to that boy, and it was all his entire fault.

He had waited five years to contact Peyton, and maybe... maybe everybody was right, and now it was just too late.

He stood there and watched when she placed the little boy safely in the backseat. This time around he could hear clearly what she said, _and_ they way she said it.

"_It's okay, baby. We're going home now. Mommy's still got ya,"_

She said sweetly, and her voice was carrying all shades of love. He saw as she caressed softly with her thumb the apple of the boy's cheek, before kissing fondly the top of his head, and head to the front of the car.

She didn't, not once, turn to look at him again.

So he then did all he could do...stand still. He watched warily as they pulled away from him. He saw the woman he loved..._leaving._ The son he'd never fathered, and probably never would leaving too.

What was he supposed to do now?

He only knew one thing; he hated himself for being who he was. For having let her go so easily, for not choosing her, for not choosing _them._

It hurt, but there was still no one else he could blame other than himself.

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**AN :** What do you say, should I continue? You want more?**:)**

**...**

**PS :** Credit where credit's due, the reason why I finally started writing this story was Ch7 of bendecida82's "Love is Letting Go" story. Lucas snapped on Peyton SO bad in that chapter, so after reading it I just decided I should start writing _this_. I wanted that for once Peyton didn't have to be the bad guy, y'know?. In most stories I'd read, she's always the one that hides the baby from Luke somehow...whether she has good reasons or not, that's not the point. The thing is that I felt for the girl with that story's chapter so then _THIS_ story became clear in my head.

For the record, I am SO playing with the _very_ worst version of Lucas back in Season Five, so...If you like this, and actually want me to keep going, you'd get a better explanation in a later chapter.

Thank You so much for reading anyway and if you read the first chapter and got any thoughts, please let me know! **hehe** **;)**


	2. Green Eggs & Ham… Sam I Am!

**Author's Note : **Thank you sooo much for reviewing last chapter, as well as thank you to the ones who favorited already &/or put the story on alert. Thank You!

Here's the second chapter, but just so you know, the following two chapters would be a little of "filling" chapters. Both would more or less tell you a little background on the story and the last five years.

Oh, also, this chapter is honestly THE exception. For one reason or the other, the chapters to the story are rather short. 2000-3000 words top each chapter, so _this one_, yeah, completely the exception. It was Peyton's pov, so I guess that's why I got carried away. Unfortunately I wasn't so lucky with Lucas' pov lol

Anywho, thanks so much again for the feedback last chapter, and please, keep letting me know what you think of the story. It really helps me, so...**Enjoy!**

{And maybe start guessing if you want at the end of the chapter hehehe}

**Chapter Two : Green Eggs**** & ****Ham****… ****Sam**** I ****Am! {****Fairytale}**

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_Princesses and Happily Ever Afters?_

She could honestly spend a lifetime thinking over that "_idea_"

There's always that time in people's life when the meaning of love is simply based in how the valiant knight happens to rescue the beautiful maiden. How he would slay the dragon and how she would inevitably fall in love with him.

No problems, just _true love. _

Stories with never-endings apparently.

Almost every day she would say that simple, four letters word... _love_.

It really was simple, that's a word children start saying before the actual meaning had in fact set in in them, but they still do. They say it anyway.

"_Tell mama you love her,"_ It is as simple as that, the kid would say it back. It's what you've been told since the moment that you are old enough to start talking.

Then again, as Peyton had come to realize, there is also this _other_ moment in people's lives when the notion starts changing. They don't say the words anymore because someone is telling them to do it; they say them because they _feel_ like saying them.

Or so they think they're feeling them.

She should know that.

Thinking about love, her mind would at first start whirling around that fabricated scene she had played in her mind every time that four letters, two syllables word was mentioned in her past. Sometimes that big, truthful scene in which the _right_ guy, after dealing and resolving some kind of conflict made his mind at last about who was the _one_ for him, would fill her thoughts.

In her mind, he would go to her, tell her a couple lovely things into her ear... and then they would kiss. As simple as it sounded; they would just..._kiss_. A big display of _love_. Then she'll probably see the marriage scene, which usually was big as well. They saying _I do_ with big smiles painted across their faces. People in the background clapping and tearing up since the couple who had _always_ been meant to be together, finally found each other, and were now..._happy_.

_Happy. _

Yet another simple word. Five letters only. It should be something simple to accomplish as well ...Or so she'd thought.

The difference was that when she looked back at her life things never seemed to work out that way. Things were _never_ as simple, perfect or...ideal.

Things were –_more often than not_– messy really.

In real life, in _her _life, her valiant knight…the one who came over to her rescue every time that she was in distress happened to be an illusion.

She had come to a conclusion though, in people's lives, in people's regular, ordinary, even dull lives at times, the point of the fairytale was in _try_ to kid themselves into believing how the magic of the fairytale could be real somehow.

Believing that one day they would have a _happily ever after_ of their very own. Into trying to fit themselves into the daily stereotype of what love, and be in love means.

Believing that, no matter what, they would find that _true love_ the fairytale talked about. The one that completed them and made them feel like no one else can.

But...The truth of the matter was different. She knew that now. Life _isn't_ a fairytale. The romantic notion of finding that person, though at some point seemed perfect in her mind, was rarely ever achieved.

People make mistakes, they can be selfish, weak, distant, do unexpected things that in the blink of an eye can make of that _"undeniable"_ love, plain..._hatred_.

That was the other side of the coin, and Peyton had seen it clearly. That was something that eventually had snapped in her. She didn't think all that much about it. She just _knew_ it one day.

That line, the one that divided love and hatred was rather thin.

One moment people are swearing true love until the end of time. They are swearing to that person before them how they would love them _forever_. That that love they feel is _so_ strong, and _so_ pure, that nothing, not anything could _ever_ get in the way of that love...

That of course, until _something _does.

Pride. Distance. Lies. Dignity. Dishonesty. Jealousy. Trickery.

And then she had simply been left with the pieces of what she thought she felt.

Of what she thought that _love_ was.

"_I want to have everything with you. I want it all. I want us."_

"_I have to be with you."_

"_Whatever you think, I really do care about you."_

"_It's always going to be there, isn't it? You and me."_

"_I'm not leaving you. Nothing will happen to you, I promise."_

"_On the contrary to what's written on your wall, people don't always leave."_

"_It's you. When all my dreams come true... the one I want next to me. It's you."_

"_No matter how long it takes, I'll wait for you."_

But it is never the same. There is that point she had reached in which she somehow learned to live with that hole those broken promises left in her heart.

It wasn't easy, she never got a text book that told her how to deal with the disappointment her unfulfilled fairytale left in her, but somehow, as time passed by she realized that maybe, just maybe she have had all along better things in her life other than _that_ person.

She'd start seeing herself as a different person, independent from that love one that defined her for so long. She'd started thinking of herself as someone strong enough not to need someone else reminding her who she was; because surprisingly enough, she learned to see that for herself, and it... it was enough, because eventually she realized _she _was enough.

And even though it never stopped hurting, that person one way or the other always stayed with her–_not exactly in her heart anymore_– but in the back of her mind perhaps...it _did_ get easier with time.

That of course until...

"_I saw him today,"_

Four words she didn't think she would be saying any time soon.

The last time she had seen him was almost five years ago. It had been in one of those really cold winter nights. There was not one bit of snow though, but the cold she felt that night was a different...a deeper kind of cold.

It was late at night; a Wednesday night actually, she had been in her old room at Brooke's house. She hadn't been home for Peyton's luck..._or_ misfortune maybe. That was something she never quite defined. The bottom line was that Lucas appeared, out of nowhere, and socked from head to toe at her doorstep. He seemed racked, and was poorly dressed, and even a little drunk she could tell. But he still wasn't nearly enough drunk for his words not to matter, or for those words not to have meaning for her. In fact, every single word that came out from Lucas' lips that night were the most sincere words Peyton had heard from his mouth in all the time she had been back at Tree Hill.

But now he seemed different, the man she saw at the park that day was actually really well dressed, she saw right into those familiar blue eyes, but for some reason they didn't seem that familiar anymore.

She had always felt that strange connection with Lucas Scott. It was that odd bond, tie that tied them and that always managed to get her into trouble. Every time she had let her heart feel for him, she had ended up hurting.

Her heart breaking over and over again because of _him_.

But this time there was no connection as she stared into deep, piercing blue eyes. The glint in his eyes she constantly saw, and now used to remember, was long gone. It wasn't there, and maybe it was because it was never there in the first place.

There's yet another line between what you _think_ love is, and what love _really_ is. She would never, _ever _deny what she had with Lucas, because she did love him. More than anything at some point.

More than _herself _at some point.

Maybe that had been the point of no return. When she realized she loved someone, a guy, a man that had literally shattered her heart repeatedly, more than she loved herself.

When do men start defining who you are? What you want? Which your dreams are?

It felt nothing short of wrong because of what she _needed_ to get out.

She would be fooling herself if she claim she wasn't hoping for him to stop her. To tell her _once again_, that he loved her. That she was the _one_ for him and that he had been wrong all along with Lindsey.

A part of her, though foolish and naïve was hoping he wouldn't get married the next week.

That he was going to choose her... Choose _them_.

Thing he didn't do. He just stood there and...let her go.

It had been tough, seeing, front and center, how the idea of what she always thought her life was going to be, vanished...disappeared right before her eyes.

Seeing that the man she always thought she love was maybe just an idea. An idealization she had created in her mind to help her bear with all the _other _crap life had thrown at her.

But what she saw that night was the man she supposedly love not doing a thing to stop her. In a way, it was as if he even encouraged her to go. To go away and just disappear for once and for all from his life.

Thing she did. She went away and found a new beginning. A greater new beginning actually. And one that for a change, seemed to be the _one_ for her.

She had found contentment in things she never thought she would. But she had and it was enough most of the time.

She had found that four letter feeling again. She had found _love_ in a man that had once too broke her heart, but then again, she had also broke his as well, so they have called it _'even'_.

It had felt everything _but_ right at first, she had tried with all her might to push him away. She didn't feel as though she deserved that man loving her. But he had been there for her anyway. He had been by her side when she needed him most. When everybody else had turned their backs at her.

Actually, not really _everybody _else did... just Lucas. But in a way, and in a way that he understood perfectly for some reason, Lucas was the _one_ person she had needed by her side, and he hadn't been.

He was the one that mattered the most to her at that time, so the fact that he hadn't; make her statement true... _Everybody_ else had turned his back at her.

Many questions had been asked too, Peyton for some reason had ended up being the villain in the story... at least at first.

"_How could she just leave? Especially now."_

But those people never stopped to consider _her_ feelings in the matter. It had meant the world for her to leave. To finally make a decision for herself about what she thought was right.

Right for her, right for him.

But in the end, it had in fact turned out to be the right choice. Or so she believed it was.

Back in Tree Hill, she had been turning into a person she didn't recognize.

She was losing herself in that mad attempt to hold on to Lucas. To hold on to the idea of she and Lucas _together_.

She would look at the mirror but the person that stood at the other side didn't feel like herself. It just wasn't her at all.

And it would have only gotten worst whether she had stay in that town.

With him...with him _married_.

So she left, against...only against Brooke's wishes actually. She was the one person that nearly begged her to stay. To stay with her, and not to..._run away_.

Those two had been the words Brooke had used in her attempt to convince her to stay.

But she wasn't running away. Lucas merely asked her not to stay so she simply did what she knew was right.

_Leave._

And life didn't turn out as bad. In reality, it didn't turn out bad at all.

At some moments in her life she had thought of being happy again an impossible, something she could never achieve, but in the course of the last four years, ten months and two days, she had make it.

She wasn't the sad little girl that left Tree Hill once upon a time. She wasn't scared of the future because she'd dealt with the worst already and she had survived.

She was stronger now. Braver, and she was doing the things she loved without questioning herself in Lucas' eyes.

She hadn't heard that much from him either. At first, his name became some sort of cuss word. She wouldn't pronounce it, and neither could anyone that choose to speak with her and had any knowledge about her past.

That had been especially hard on Brooke. Peyton always knew that. But that was the less she needed.

She didn't want to know what Lucas was feeling; she didn't need to hear how he didn't get married in the end. How he was _supposedly_ hurting. How he _obviously_ missed her.

What about what _she_ was feeling?

Some nights she still would sit in the dark. In complete silence and just hoping he would show up at her doorsteps again, but this time for the_ right_ reasons.

To tell her everything Brooke was dying to tell her, but with his words._ His_ truth.

But he never, not once did it.

Not a call in years, not a letter, or any kind of message.

Just Silence.

It was as though she was just vanished from his life, and even though it had been one of the hardest things she had ever done in her life...so was he.

There was no room for Lucas Scott in her life anymore. She was settled on that. And she believed it.

The problem held on what _he_ believed now though.

And then there was her boy too.

Her _actual_ boy.

"_Did he saw him? What did he say?"_

Were the two questions that escaped Brooke's lips almost immediately as Peyton finished informing her _how_ and _when _she had seen Lucas _again_.

In any case she didn't respond...not for a few minutes anyway. She remained in silence.

Still and quiet silence.

But Lucas did see him. He certainly did. But he wasn't worth of him.

_Samuel Matthew Sawyer_ was his name.

Both his names held its meanings in God for some reason. She'd never been the religious type, at least not since her mother had died, and indeed she didn't name her son because she purposely wanted God involve in his name.

But in any way, in one of those long nights of insomnia –_and huge chocolate ice-cream cravings–_ he had brought along the baby names book and both had started laughing at all the possible crazy names she could name her child.

_Matthew _had popped up first. He'd said it meant _'Gift of God'_, he also had said he liked it... that babies were always a gift.

She had laughed at his cheesiness. She had also claimed the name as overused which he didn't argue.

Then _Samuel_ escaped his lips. He said he liked that one too. He had said how many '_cute' _nicknames they could call the boy.

She had laughed at him again.

But he again argued how it had the nicest of rings to it.

"'_Samuel Sawyer'_ I like it," He'd said simply flashing a chocolate stained grin.

She had laughed again, but then demanded for him to tell her the meaning.

He then had said _'God has listened'_ and she had yawned at his words making him roll his eyes, and close the book in one swift movement. She had then laughed once again and he'd pouted before taking one large spoon of ice-cream into his mouth.

After that night, the topic wasn't touch again until the afternoon of the day of his birth. She had looked down at her baby. He had been soundly asleep, and some kind of peaceful silence had settled in her room. And as she carefully saw him, she certainly thought of him as a gift, so _Matthew_ became his name.

Then a Doctor came inside the room, his tag read _'Dr. Ryan Samuel', _and he mainly told Peyton how she could breathe again, that in spite of everything her baby-boy was okay. And so _Samuel_ became his name as well.

'_Samuel Matthew Sawyer'_

He was born at the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in LA. Five weeks early but nonetheless healthy.

His birth certificate declared Peyton Sawyer as his mother, and a blank spot where his father name should be written.

It was just a piece of paper, it shouldn't mean much, but in a way, it did.

And it did a lot.

She had a beautiful boy she call her son _every_ day. She was proud of the fact. She never hid him, or showed any kind of shame towards the little boy.

She was definitely proud of him.

He was smart, and kind, and cared about the littlest of things any other child his age wouldn't.

He was tall for a four-year-old though, huge bright blue eyes, and sandy blond hair. He would wear daily some messy curls on top of his head. It weren't nearly as curly as his mama's curls were. For his very own sake, according to Peyton; but he still would proudly claim his stylish hair was _all_ thanks to his mother.

And he could talk. He could certainly talk. About everything and anything if you just allow him to. _And_ for as long as you let him.

He was still fairly shy. At least at first when he hadn't had the time to process who was this new person he was meeting. Not a big fan of strangers, or of having to move around. He was a steady little boy who had live in the same house he always had since the first time he was brought home from the hospital.

He loved it there. It was_ his_ home, everything that he had ever known, and simply the place that made him happy.

Peyton wasn't one to complain about it either. She liked it in there too. In was near the ocean and they could walk to everything for her delight.

They both enjoy the outdoor lifestyle. She had never felt, not once during the whole time she had been living in Santa Monica with Sam, that urge of hide she used to feel back in Tree Hill.

Their life was rather simple there. There was something about the energy the city gave them. There were so many people living there with all these big dreams yet to fulfill, and with the conviction that those dreams would come true eventually...that feeling alone was somehow liberating for both of them. _Even_ if Sam was only four-years-old.

They enjoyed the weather, the views, the beach, the long beautiful walking paths; the California she had happened to discover in the course of the last four years _with_ Sam, had been a very different California than the one she once lived after high school.

She didn't carry with her that big burden... guilt she did all those years ago. That had been her curse once upon a time. She had said..._someday_. She said someday to Lucas, and because of that, because of that word, she had blamed herself for years. She had carried the guilt of hers and Lucas' relationship not working out because of _her_. Because she just couldn't say _yes_. Because she wasn't ready. Because she said _that_ word. Because she said someday.

_Someday._

But she was done with that. She was done feeling guilty, and angry, and resentful. She was done with whining and moping. She had bigger things in her life right now.

Bigger things she wasn't willing to lose simply because Lucas Scott had had a change of heart at last.

She wasn't going to deal with that. She couldn't, and she wasn't going to.

_Her _son deserved a whole lot more than whatever Lucas could possibly be willing to give him.

He deserved a father since the very first moment they found out of his existence but he hadn't.

Lucas hadn't been there for him back then, so why could he be here for him now?

Sammy may not have a father's name written on his birth certificate, but that definitely didn't mean he didn't have a dad.

He does have one. One Lucas, not in a million years could replace. That man had been with that little boy since the moment he realized Peyton hadn't come back to him completely alone – though at first it seemed as though she had.

He had been there through everything, and for both of them. _Always_.

He didn't miss one doctor's appointment with Peyton. He had been there when they bought _together_ his first crib, his first tiny clothes. When they found out he was a boy at birth. He was the first man who held her boy. The first man who truly loved her boy. The one who gave them a family.

He was there for his first gurgles, when he first rolled, and sat up. His very first steps. When he said _mama_. When he said..._dada_.

He was his father in all the ways that mattered, and Lucas wasn't one to change that.

And even if he could, even if he tried, he will never change the facts.

_Lucas Scott._ That name didn't mean anything in Sam's life. For all that little boy cared, he had a mom who tell him every day, no miss, that she loved him more than anything. And a father that even though is well aware blood doesn't tie them; love him just as much. Also Aunts and Uncles that had been there for him at every step of the way. He doesn't need him, and even if he did, Lucas had never been there for him, why would Sam want him now anyway?

Then again, even though sometimes it felt as though everything turned around that little boy, she was in the picture too.

And of course Peyton was wondering just what the heck had gotten into Lucas' mind that made him come all the way to California in the first place. If it was because of work, because of Sam, because of...her? What was exactly the reason that made him sit right next to her at the park?

Was he there to stay?

She wanted answers, of course she did, but a part of her was maybe afraid of them.

Afraid of what really meant having Lucas in town and in their lives again. She was sure, one hundred percent, that she didn't want him here, but the reality was that he was, and that somewhat scared her.

She could have go on all night thinking about all and any of the reasons of her encounter with Lucas Scott today, but the sound of a loud thunder, and lightning through her window made her jump rapidly from her bed.

It was rarely the night they had to deal with a storm. Yet, today hadn't been the most typical of days; it seemed as though weather had been messed up because of it too.

She sat at the edge of her bed shaking slightly her head. It was 3 o'clock in the morning. She had been awake, just thinking for hours now and it...it just felt silly.

Walking down the hall, she entered quietly the room of the little man of the house. He was into Toy Story this month so everything and anything in his room display his new '_passion'_.

In any case, before Peyton could put a smile on her face upon seeing her sleeping boy, she was instead faced to an empty bed with a whirlwind of messy sheets atop.

It wasn't a bit odd how fast her heart started pounding in her chest, but before she let herself start worrying –_even more_–, she proceeded turning on the lights and with that revealing her little boy curled up under the bed, snuggled tightly to his blue blanky.

Letting out a breath she hadn't even known had been holding, she walked slowly towards the bed and sat down on the floor resting her back on the side of the bed where her boy's head was peeked out.

"What are you doing up, kiddo?" She asked with a small puff of air.

Sam tilted his head slightly so that he was seeing right into his mom's eyes. "I was gonna get ya," He informed quietly but still flashing a small smirk on his face.

Peyton shifted her eyes down catching special sight of her boy _and_ his outfit. She couldn't help but smile. Apparently, even part of his last Halloween costume had made its way on top of his head. "Did the storm wake you?" She asked even though she already knew the answer. Of course she'd still tried to keep her voice soft and as soothing as she could. Thunderstorms were definitely _not_ her boy's strong suit.

"It's pretty loud momma," Sam replied with some strong nods of his head.

Peyton huffed but smiled shifting so that she could pull him out of his cocoon. "Come here little man," She said stretching out her arms for Sammy to cuddle into them.

She wasn't one bit surprised when he didn't think twice in hurriedly get out of the bed and gripped to her fiercely.

"I got ya," She whispered softly into his hair.

Those three little words had always been everything she'd needed to say to calm him down.

He loved to hear them, and she loved to say them. It was as simple as that, and it never failed to work.

And she knew that for as long as she could, she was going to keep saying them.

She will _always_ be the one to get him.

"Did the noises wake you, too?" Sam asked innocently looking up firmly into Peyton's eyes.

She offered him a helpless nod, smoothing his curls out of his face. "Those are some loud noises, kiddo," She agreed goofily, and chuckled at the vigorously way her boy started nodding his head.

"You miss Daddy, huh?" Peyton asked softly, but with a knowing look on her face. She knew the storm had been part of it, but the fact that daddy wasn't home for the week had also helped him get a '_little'_ scared more easily.

Instead of reply, Sam gave her one of those sheepish grins he well knew his mama couldn't say no to. "Can we call him?" He asked mischievously, and snuggling closer to Peyton as though that would help him get a _yes_.

Peyton smiled looking down at him and then just did as she felt to do; she hugged him tightly to her chest, and chuckled before looking up at his night-stand to the clock. "It's three eleven," She stated drawing Sammy's attention, and as he looked up at her again, she continued. "That means it's _six_ eleven for Daddy–"

"He's awake already, Daddy's an early man!" Sam interrupted nodding strongly.

Peyton couldn't help but chuckle, but agreed also with a nod of her own. "He is," She said firmly. "We'll call him but_ you'd_ talk to him, okay? You know that if I do so, he's going to start teasing me for being a girl," She said jokingly and laughed sincerely when Sammy started giggling and bouncing playfully on her lap.

That certainly hadn't been the first time they happened to call him in the middle of the night because they couldn't sleep while he was away on one of his trips. And the fact that she was –_most of the times_– the only _'girl'_ in the house caused of course all the jokes to fly in her direction more often than not.

"I'll talk with Daddy," Sammy said reassuringly, as he kneeled on Peyton's lap and grabbed the phone from his nightstand, passing it to his mom so she could dial his father's number.

After doing so, fighting back laughter at the seriousness on her son's face, Peyton passed him the phone and leaned closer to his ear so that she could hear the conversation as well.

"Daddy?" Sam asked hesitantly, causing Peyton to frown but only for a few short seconds as a smile tugged on his lips.

...

"All okay, Daddy," He said in a reassuring tone of voice after most likely having heard his dad worrying out loud over the phone. "We just couldn't sleep," He continued and hushed to listen carefully the other end.

...

"Momma was scared with the thunder noises outside house," He informed his father seriously, and earned a growl from his mom's mouth.

"I was _not_." Peyton grumbled loudly into the phone, but was rapidly moved away from it by Sam. She could still clearly hear him laughing at the other end, because of which she laughed too.

Sammy shook his head strongly staring at Peyton and then went back seriously to the phone. "I wasn't scared either, Daddy," He stated shyly. He was a big boy, big boys do _not_ get scared because of thunderstorms... he knew that.

...

"Yeah Daddy, I love you, too," He said sweetly before passing the phone over to his mom. "He wants to talk to you,"

Peyton smiled giving him a small nod and grabbed the phone with one hand, and with the other cuddled Sammy closer to her side again. "We weren't scared," She stated goofily into the phone.

...

"We're okay," Peyton told him honestly. "But…we _do_ miss you," She added with a twist of her lips. That was the truth, she missed him, but she still hadn't told him about his encounter with Lucas earlier today. She hated keeping things from him, but then again, she didn't think something as Lucas coming back was something she could tell him over the phone.

...

"I know, I love you, too. Come home soon, okay?" She said sincerely before seconds later hanging up the phone.

All in all, he was in fact coming home in just a few days, and hopefully, just _hopefully,_ by that day Lucas had go back already to whatever place he came from.

She could hope so anyway.

* * *

**AN : **Well, now you know Sam, what do you think of the boy? And Peyton, and really, what do you think it's gonna happen next? *HA!*

Thanks so much for reading! ;)

**...**

**PS :** Flashback chapter to "**That night**" is still "under consideration"...I got the idea, so it'd probably be written anyway, but suggestions or a little help couldn't honestly come wrong my way hehehe **;)**


	3. Stranger in a Strange Land

**Author's Note : **This is why I am thankful for pre-written chapters. This is the first time in three days I'm sitting in front of my computer, soooo much going on, but still here you got a little update. I honestly hate having you all waiting, so here it is! ;) Hope you like it, even though I do think I _need_ to figure out Lucas' mind a little bit better hehehe! ;)

**Enjoy! **

**Chapter Three : Stranger in a Strange Land**

* * *

He was at a bar. He had honestly gotten himself into a bar. Drinks pouring in front, and at his sides. He didn't mean to get there, he just didn't know where else to go.

In the course of the past four years, he had somehow lost himself.

And in _every_ way.

He didn't have a home anymore. He had managed to alienate all the people that had once mattered in his life.

There was no home. There was no Haley, no Nathan, no Jamie... No family. No real friends. He would still talk to his mom though, but...she was his mom, she _had_ to talk to him.

That was the reason he always give to himself every time he happened to receive a new letter, or a call from her and his little sister. The fact that they share the same blood created this kind of commitment towards him. She didn't call anymore because she was eager to know about her son...she called because she actually did have to call.

He had proved them all how blood wasn't reason enough to stand up for a person.

And because of that, he hated himself.

He _despised_ himself.

He had grown in a world in which his father hadn't wanted him. He'd always had the knowledge about how his dad had walked out on him and his mom since the moment he knew about his existence.

Repeatedly he had sworn to himself how he would never... not _ever _do that. How he would never be his father.

But he had become him. He was he.

In fact, he was even worse than Dan was. His father was a bad person. The worst person Lucas have ever met. Dan had killed his own brother in cold blood. He had killed his uncle. However... he had had several changes of heart in what Lucas was concerned.

He had gone to the hospital the day he was born.

He had asked for joint custody while he was still a baby.

He kept a box in which he'd followed his life as a kid.

That in reality didn't mean anything for Lucas now but...At least Dan knew his name, knew where he lived, and cared enough to know how he was doing.

Even if he never acted on those feelings the way he should have, at least he _felt _them.

Lucas on the other hand, he hardly even knew his son's name.

He wouldn't even have if Brooke hadn't shouted the boy's name aloud for him to wake up from whatever trance he was.

But not even then he'd reacted. He instead asked her to leave before he even cared to ask her _one _question about that boy.

That boy that was supposedly his son.

His son _with_ Peyton.

That was the worst part of his life, there was no Peyton in his life anymore.

It had been one cold Wednesday night when _he_ had asked her to leave.

They had yelled at each other, she had cried, he had cursed, she had pleaded, but he...he just hadn't trust.

He hadn't trust what he felt for her back then and what he had _always_ felt for her.

In what he still _feels_ for her right now.

He loves her. That had always been the truth.

But for some reason he was _never_ able to acknowledge that feeling the way he _should _have.

He would run.

He had always run.

From the start.

He blurted out his feelings at Peyton once and she had gotten scared. And him, instead of wait a little for her, instead of _fight_ for her, he had run.

He had run into Brooke's arms, and found something... _easier_.

He loved Brooke, he did, but she was no Peyton.

He even told Peyton that once and she had risked it all for him. She had risked her best friend for him. For a guy who at the first chance he found had slept with a woman he didn't even know.

And so he let her go and instead decided to fight for Brooke. The gorgeous brunette that...just wasn't Peyton.

And it didn't work out.

Things with Brooke were finished soon after they began.

And then there was Peyton. He should have known what it meant for her to tell him her true feelings the night before the state-championship game. He should have known how much it meant for her to let her heart out for him.

For him to shatter.

She then flew to Los Angeles.

He told her it didn't matter where she went he would always love her.

He didn't lie, yet, hardly a year after he was already proposing... claiming how much they had grown apart.

She wasn't ready. She said _someday_.

She said someday and he decided to run away once again.

He had been a coward. He kissed the side of her head and left her there..._alone_.

Not a goodbye to her face. Not a...simple explanation about his acts.

He just left.

He left her alone in a hotel room one more time with her heart broken because of him.

He didn't choose to fight for her.

He instead...let her go.

She came back home because of him. Because she loved him.

She had again opened her heart to him. She told him just how much she regretted not saying yes to his proposal even though she clearly wasn't ready.

She had said those five words that will forever echo in his mind.

"_I still love you, Lucas."_

And what he did, he ran away claiming he had to go see Lindsey.

The woman he proposed breaking Peyton's heart, only to break hers as well mere months later.

And then there was _that_ night. The last straw.

She told him she needed a little time to think... to pull herself together and to get herself ready to everything she knew was about to come.

She never said she wasn't coming back.

Not at first anyway.

'_A little time'_ had been the words she used, but for some reason _he_ had been the reason of Peyton leaving Tree Hill for good.

She went away and didn't look back.

A part of him had even doubted she was even pregnant in the first place. He told her so, and then saw the hurt on her face.

It had been as if she had been roughly slapped in the face.

_Betrayed._

But he didn't even flinch. He kept pushing instead.

Questioning how was she ever going to be able to be someone's mother when she couldn't even take care of herself.

"_Let alone a baby,"_ Had been his words.

She had swallowed hard in front of him. Staring firmly into his eyes in a way that seemed as though she didn't recognize the person who was before her.

Lucas still couldn't blame her. He couldn't recognize himself either, but instead of stop the stupidity and drag her into his arms telling her how things would be okay, he had push her away.

He had told her how maybe it was for the best for her to just..._leave_.

But he was wrong. Completely, and utterly wrong.

He knew that now. If it had been for the best he wouldn't, not ever, be feeling the way he was feeling now. The way he had been feeling for years now.

He ran. That was what he did. But not anymore. He was now somehow determinate not to do so any longer.

He was done running and hiding his feelings.

And most important he sure as hell was done hurting Peyton.

Then again, he really couldn't stop wondering; he had that constant thought in the back of his mind, he couldn't stop himself of thinking how maybe now it really could be too late.

He saw her at the park, her big green eyes sparkling at everything _but_ him.

She had told him how she didn't want him in her life anymore.

He couldn't blame her, if he was in any other position he wouldn't want himself in his life either but...

He just couldn't stay away. He just couldn't let go of her.

Peyton Sawyer had been haunting him for four years, ten months and almost three days now.

He would run across her face, memories of her, and ideas of what could have been, in _every_ single place he would go.

He had fought it, he had try like hell to make things work with Lindsey but there was always _Peyton_.

Peyton... it was as if she was a curse that simply wouldn't leave him alone.

He seen her at his house, at work, at the court, at the streets, at the café, at her empty office... he saw her everywhere and he just wanted it to stop.

He had tried blaming her. He tried to blame on her his failed marriage. Blamed her for everything that had gotten wrong in his life.

He blamed her for supposedly tearing down his life. For making everything worst for him.

He had wanted, and wanted hard, to hate her.

To despise the idea of Peyton Sawyer in his life.

To despise the day he met her. To despise the day she almost ran him over. To despise the day he joined the team. To despise the day she first kissed him. To despise her touch on him.

Her smell. Her laugh. Her eyes. Her kindness. Her passion. Her...love.

But not ever, not once, he could.

And even though it took him forever to realizing so, he had. He now knew he didn't want to be left alone by Peyton.

Not by her.

He wanted her in his life.

He _needed_ her for heaven's sake.

But he had hurt her so much over the course of the years.

He was the man that though claim of her the love of his life had hurt her more than anything else had.

He knew he wasn't worth of her...Of her love.

But that didn't really matter to his heart; instead, it made him find her.

One afternoon he had decided it. He had decided he wanted her back in his life...whether she would like it or not, he had made his mind.

He was going to find her.

Tell her he loved her. Tell her he had been as ass. The most stupid man for letting her go. For doubt of her, and for doubt in what had always been in his heart.

He simply loved her.

That was the one truth in his mind, and in his heart.

She deserved better, of course she did, but he couldn't let go.

He _wouldn't_ let go of her.

And he wasn't going to let go.

Not again.

Whatever he felt for her was simply so strong and powerful that no matter how hard, or what he tried, she would always remained constant in his heart.

And he now was okay with that fact.

He wanted her back, and he was getting her back.

No matter what it cost. No matter how hard it would be. No matter how long it would take.

He was decided in getting Peyton Sawyer back into his life.

He wasn't really aware of everything that had changed in Peyton's life in the last four years though. But maybe...just maybe she had been fighting the same war he had been waging against his feelings for her.

Maybe she still loved him.

Deep down in her heart maybe there was still room for him, even though she denied it stonily when they met earlier.

She hadn't married. That was one of the few things Lucas knew about her life. He knew she was still working with her record label now with main office in Santa Monica, California. He knew she had had some success. He was definitely proud of her.

He also knew she had a son who was currently attending to a kindergarten nearby Peyton's office.

A son who was also his own.

He hadn't seen him though. Not once before today. He knew his name was Sam, but at some point, the day Brooke shouted at him, he hadn't even been sure if it was a boy or a girl.

Twenty-Three days ago, he learned it was a boy.

He had seen him today. Barely...but he had.

He saw the connection that existed between him and Peyton, and that certainly warmed his heart, but it tore it apart too.

He should have been there for Peyton, for that boy who was his son, _his_ son, his blood and flesh, but he hadn't.

He hadn't been there when Peyton's belly started growing. He hadn't been there to hear his heartbeat. He hadn't been there when the doctors told her she was having a boy. He hadn't been there when he was born. He hadn't ever held his own son in over four years. He had missed his birthdays. Every milestone.

He had absolutely no clue how he was going to gain Peyton's love and forgiveness, but he was determinate in doing so.

He wanted her, and he wanted his son.

He wanted them both whether it took him a lifetime to win them back.

He was going to try. He was going to do _anything_ and _everything _in his power to make Peyton his again.

His and no one else.

_Simply his._

* * *

**AN : **Eeek, I don't know, what do _you_ say? Next update *should* be up tomorrow, and you know LP gotta see each other again soon, so who knows, right? Maybe it is tomorrow too! *Or Maybe _not_! You gotta read hehe!*

**...**

**PS :** If you knew any of my friends or family, they'd tell you I tend to "over-share"...So...oh well, today I'm gonna prove them right, but it's not something for you to be worry *lol* it's just a little behind this story.

"Always On Your Side" by Sheryl Crow.

"Apologies" by Grace Potter & The Nocturnals

"Forgiveness" by Sarah McLachlan

Those are the three songs I listen endlessly (aka in-repeat) while writing this story's chapters. Here's the cash, whenever you are reading one of my stories and you want to know a little bit more of how the story _may_ unfold, you should listen to the fic's name song, and you'll get a few clues. Sometimes even lines of the songs get inside the dialogs, so yeah, just so you know hehehe **;)**

**PPS : **All three are beautiful, beautiful, _beautiful_ pieces of music btw**!**!**! *lol***


	4. Unfinished Business

**Author's Note : **Thank You! *****Again!***** I guess I'm getting old with the thank yous, but I really would not get tired to say them. I think I'm getting excited about this story too. Here's Chapter Four already! Hope you continue to like it, and oh well...Please be awesome **&** let me know what you think hehe** ;)**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter Four : Unfinished Business**

* * *

Opening her front door, Peyton couldn't help but chuckle. She'd been friends with Brooke Davis – _now Davis-Shepherd _– for over twenty years now, you'd think Peyton had gotten used to her spark, to the way she just jumped into things without thinking twice, but surprisingly enough...she simply hadn't.

It hadn't even being eight o'clock in the morning, when Peyton had heard her doorbell ringing madly. She had gotten worried at first; rushing to open the door thinking something bad had happened. However, that feeling had only lasted a few seconds upon seeing her perky best friend through the peephole. She was extremely dressed up and carrying only one small suitcase with one hand and her purse with the other.

They hadn't seen each other in only a couple of months, but it still felt as a lifetime for Peyton even though they talked constantly –_for not saying that they talked in fact several times a day_ – over the phone.

Brooke was her best friend; she didn't care to take an almost five hour's fly to go get her friend when she knew she needed her. That was what made Brooke special, the fact that she was always so selfless, and so willing to help her friends.

Peyton could not be any more grateful. Though a little selfish of her own, she was in fact relieved to see Brooke at the other side of the door.

She wasn't one to admit it that openly though.

"You didn't have to come and get me," Peyton said as she greeted Brooke with one tight hug.

"I know, but I wanted too," Brooke replied into her hair, before a few moments later push away from the hug and look firmly into Peyton's eyes. "I was worried about you," She admitted honestly.

Peyton nodded and offered her a faint smile. She was worried about herself too. "I'm okay," But still, she wasn't going to admit that either. They didn't even know for sure what Lucas was doing in town anyway.

She had told him to go away; maybe he had listened to her. Maybe Brooke and she were just overreacting over nothing.

"Yeah, right," Brooke said with a loud puff of air as she walked inside the house. She actually did love Peyton's little home here in California. It was just really...homey. She would have never pictured Peyton as the motherly-type, and although she wasn't at all the typical Stepford mom, her house was still filled with photographs, and sketches, and drawings all about Sam. She was a great mother to that boy, and Brooke was one very, _very_ proud friend. She had been there for Peyton for every little thing both of them had needed, but in the end, she had always known Peyton would have done just fine without her help.

Sometimes she would even wish Peyton used her more.

"Where's the little guy?" Brooke asked with a small chuckle as she focused her attention back on her friend and the reason why she had flew all the way to California in the first place.

"Kitchen, we were having breakfast," Peyton informed her as she placed her suitcase in the hallway cupboard. "Let's go," She ordered playfully, putting both her hands on top Brooke's shoulders and leading the way to the kitchen.

"Morning Aunt Brooke," Sam greeted forgetting for a second how his mouth was still full of pancakes.

"Sam!" Peyton scolded the little boy but it only caused Brooke to slightly chuckle.

"Morning to you too, buddy." Brooke said somewhat ignoring Peyton, and instead kissing sweetly the boy's cheek.

"How..." Sam began, but before he continued, he gulped dramatically, and opened widely his mouth in Peyton's direction. After she gave him a nod, he focused back his attention on his Aunt. "How are ya?" He chirped not even attempting not to sound happy.

That really was just who he was.

"Pretty good, Sammy," Brooke replied with a smile taking a seat on the stool right next to him.

Before she could say another word, the boy was already asking again. He had turned out really talkative for a reason Brooke didn't really understand, but she loved him anyway. He was one of those boys that without trying at all had everyone loving him anyway.

"Where's Sadie?" He asked curiously upon not seeing his favorite cousin squealing in Brooke's arms.

"She had to stay at home, buddy," Brooke said giving him an apologetic smile before turning to look in Peyton's direction where she was pouring some coffee for the two of them. "This was kinda short notice, you know?"

"I didn't ask you to come," Peyton grumbled playfully. "But I'm glad you did," She added with a soft smile, and a shrug of her shoulders.

"Yeah," Brooke agreed simply, sharing looks between Peyton and the little boy. She sure as hell was hoping nothing to disturb Peyton's little family.

"Anyway," Peyton began, shaking her head lightly. "Since you're asking too much this morning, I take mister you're done with breakfast?" She asked with her eyebrows knitted. Sam stared at her for a few seconds before nodding sheepishly. "Okay," She said with a chuckle. "Now go upstairs and brush your teeth or we'll be late for school. Chop, chop," She all but ordered, and Sam did nothing other than oblige...sadly. He could _so _stay all morning talking with his Auntie, but now he _had_ to go to school.

"So," Brooke started cautiously when Sammy was already out of view, and earshot. "What do we know?" She asked warily.

Peyton shook her head immediately, and Brooke could clearly see the hint of sorrow that was clouding her eyes. "Not much," Peyton replied honestly before taking a deep breath and adding. "What is he doing here?" She asked somewhat brokenly.

Brooke couldn't help but wish badly she had an answer for her question. The_ right_ answer, but she didn't. She hadn't heard from Lucas in over three years now. The last time she had seen him had been right before he left Tree Hill for New York in an attempt to gain Lindsey back. She knew he had stayed there for a while but short after left there too since things with Lindsey never really pick up. "I don't know," Brooke replied at last sorrowfully, as she took the cup of coffee Peyton was offering her.

"What if... What if he tries something with Sammy, what if he wants to, you know... take him from me?" Peyton asked hesitantly. That had been one of the thoughts that just wouldn't stop whirling around her head.

"Peyton," Brooke tried firmly, standing up from her stool, and walking towards her. "Lucas can't take that little boy from you. Not ever. _You_ are his mom, that's the way it had always been. Even if he tried something, we aren't letting him get _your _boy. Not in a million years." She said with a faint chuckle. "_I _won't let that happen," She added reassuringly dragging the blonde into her arms.

Peyton nodded uneasily against Brooke's chest but still allowed her words to sink in, and soothe her somehow. "He's still going to be late for school," She noted with a small giggle.

Brooke laughed as she let go of her. "Okay, I...I'm still staying for the day, and..." She trailed off, somewhat studying Peyton's frame; she actually needed to make sure Peyton wasn't one to break down now. She needed her strong, because even though she was hoping for the best, she also couldn't shake off her mind the idea of Lucas coming back to claim father rights over her nephew. "I'm going to try and found out everything I can about him today, in fact I got a meeting with a layer in like half an hour, but I meet you at the studio afterwards, okay?"

Peyton nodded offering her a grateful smile. "Okay," She agreed simply, as they both walked towards the stairs. "Sammy!" She called out from the bottom. She truly loved her son, she did, he was a sweetheart, but he too could well be the slowest kid in world's history. "We're running late kid!" She called out helplessly when only mumbles were her response.

Chuckling at the too familiar picture, Brooke gave Peyton a sympathetic look. "When is he...?"

"He gets home on Friday," Peyton interrupted responding the question she already knew Brooke was asking.

"You've told...?" Brooke began once again, but Peyton cut her off _again_.

"No, not yet," Peyton replied slightly shaking her head. "I don't want him to worry," She added uneasily.

"I know that honey, but..." Brooke started, but paused smiling softly at Peyton. "But you need him, and he deserves to know, you know that," She stated seriously.

"Yeah," Peyton said simply with yet another nod of her head. "He'll be home in just two days, I promise I'll tell him then," She added a little more happily and with a smile painted on her face.

"Okay," Brooke granted nodding. "I'll be right here with you in the meantime anyway," She said pulling Peyton into her arms once again, but this time around their hug lasted a whole lot less since out of the corner of her eye, Brooke caught sight of her _very_ rambunctious nephew creeping down the stairs. He sat on the top stair, crossing seriously his arms over his chest, and just watching the hug.

Brooke laughed, letting go of Peyton and gesturing her to the boy.

Peyton shook her head, _slightly_ rolling her eyes, but then acknowledged the look on her boy's face. "Your cap?" She asked simply, offering him a knowing look.

Sammy nodded helplessly. "I can't find the stripy one," He all but pouted.

Peyton smiled and then turned to look at Brooke as she ran up the stairs. "Be right back," She called as she walked past Sam ruffling playfully his hair, and then headed towards his bedroom.

Sammy offered Brooke a shrug of his shoulders, before following his mom into the bedroom. That was, yet another thing he had got from his mama; all her messy genes that simply _forbid_ him from having a neat bedroom. And even though he loved with all his might wearing any and all kind of caps_ every_ day, he could hardly ever find the '_right one'_ for the day without Peyton's help.

That was yet another fact of who he was.

* * *

As he walked through the large lounge that welcome _Red Bedroom Records_, he just couldn't hide how nervous he was feeling. It was more like anxious actually; he was expectant, and afraid about what was about to happen.

Finding Peyton Sawyer on the phone-book hadn't been one bit hard. He now knew where she worked, and where she lived. He hadn't still dare to go to her home. He knew better than that. Or so he thought he did.

He had spent a large part of his morning the day before right outside that very same building of her office. It didn't matter how hard he had tried, he just couldn't find the guts to put a step inside. So instead, he waited outside, waited until she came out around two o'clock in the afternoon. He didn't even think about it; before he knew it, he had already turned on his car, and was driving slowly behind hers.

That was how he found out where her son went to school. She had pick him up with a smile, and then both of them made a quick stop on an ice-cream place, only for Peyton later on taking the little boy to a nearby park.

Lucas just watched them for about fifteen minutes before stepping out of his car and reached her by the benches.

He had thought the moment he _first_ talked to her would be the scariest moment, however there was he, about to see Peyton for the second time and he was same as panicked as he had been the day before. He was nearly shaking, and his hands were definitely sweatier than ever.

He didn't know for sure what he was scared the most about, that she hated him, or that she didn't.

If she hated him, then he still had the comfort of knowing Peyton Sawyer held still some kind of feeling towards him. On the other hand, if she didn't, if she simply didn't care any longer about him, then he would be in some real troubles. He just couldn't bear to believe she had moved on from him and now...and now, he was just another ghost of her past.

Shaking slightly his head, Lucas walked further into the lounge. It was completely different to her old studio back in Tree Hill; this one was lighter, even fancier. There were numerous artists' billboards hanging on the walls. He assumed were the ones of the artists she had produce, and he just couldn't help but feel extremely proud of her.

Walking further, he stopped at a desk. Didn't seem to be Peyton's though. This one was neatly put together, maybe it was her assistant was what he thought. Maybe a moment or two passed by, before curiosity got the best of him and made him take one of the small photograph frames that rest on top of the desk. He smiled at the sight. It was Peyton, and a really,_ really_ small, blue and white dressed baby-boy resting in her arms. She was smiling, and so was the baby that couldn't be more than six months-old at the time. They were at that very same lounge but none of the billboards were hanging then. The walls were still painted plain white, maybe they had just moved was the explanation he gave to himself before putting the frame back on the desk.

He then, unable to resist, and also maybe stalling his second face-to-face with Peyton, grabbed a second frame, it was again a picture of Peyton and the baby the same day of the prior picture. However, another woman stood beside Peyton this time around, she was the one now holding the baby as she smiled sincerely at the camera. He wondered who she was, but instead of merging himself into theories, he decided to put it back down.

Taking a deep breath, he walked past the desk, and caught sight of Peyton's office at the end of the long hallway. The door was opened a crack, yet he didn't see her. He wondered why everything was so silent. He even wondered if it was because of him. In any way he continued walking and without thinking twice reached the office and knocked twice. First softy, but after not getting any response, he knocked another couple of times more strongly.

He was just about to push the door open when a voice behind him startled him. He remained still... frozen upon hearing Peyton's gentle voice directed to him, but realizing too, that certainly she didn't know who he was...yet.

"I'm sorry; we were loading some packages outside. Can I help you?" She asked softly, walking closer to him.

Lucas closed his eyes tightly before slowly turning in her direction. As he opened them back, he saw her, she was wearing a really beautiful black dress he couldn't help but admire, admire _her._ She really looked stunning. Yet he also stopped to wonder why she was so well dressed. That he remembered she was always more of the t-shirt, jeans kind of girl, but then again, he hadn't seen her, let alone talked to her in almost five years. He was sure a lot had changed in those years.

Shifting his eyes from Peyton for a split second, he then also realized the woman that walked beside her. It was definitely the girl from the picture, she seemed happy, unlike Peyton, who as soon as their eyes locked, froze on her spot too. "I think we need to talk,"

* * *

**AN : **So maybe you'll hear the boy out next chapter! Sorry, but still let me know what you think of this one!** ;)**

Should Peyton talk to him, really?** *lol***


	5. The End in the Beginning

**Author's Note : **Hey! Happy Holidays you Guys! I'm leaving to spend Christmas and New Years with the fam, and Grandma but I'm still gonna try to give you a couple more updates before Christmas! ;) ...It's not a promise, but I'll try. This chapter is pretty short, but I hope you still like it. Thanks so much to all of you who are reading, and also to the ones who are reviwing. Really hope you find this chapter good enough and not that out of character (Either, Luke or Peyton lol)

Thanks so much again, and...**Enjoy! ;)**

**Chapter Five : The End in the Beginning**

* * *

His voice was raw and husky, yet after quite harshly clearing his throat, the words simply came out from Lucas' lips. "I think we need to talk," He was unsure though, and there was no way in hell she hadn't listen that.

Peyton looked down at his words. She closed her eyes lightly, and shook her head in small jerks, before turning to the woman at her side.

Lucas could have sworn she was going to tell her to call security or the police or who knew who else, but instead, she offered her a smile and one small nod.

"Okay," Peyton said simply, finally turning to look up right into his eyes.

Lucas swallowed hard; he couldn't hide the surprise that single word caused him. He was absolutely sure he was going to have to convince her into talk to him; however, before he knew it, she was already walking past him in silence and heading to her own office. She didn't look at him as she did so, or tell him to come in, but he knew he shouldn't be expecting her to do any of that, so he simply followed her.

The other woman stayed still at the other end of the hallway; she was clearly confused, but Lucas, in all honesty, couldn't care any less about her now.

He entered the office and again his mind started admiring ever little detail of everything he could catch sight of. Her desk was surely messy, but also had on top of it a lot of photograph frames. All of them had its backs at him and for obvious reasons, Lucas didn't dare to look at them this time around. Instead, he took a seat quietly as Peyton did so first behind her desk.

Her eyes were down fixed on the papers on her desk. His were awkwardly dancing around the room. He know he should be the one speaking first, he was the one that claimed they had to talk in the first place, but now it felt as though he was paralyzed upon her presence again.

Sighing heavily...and loudly, Peyton lifted her head and met his eyes at last. Surprisingly enough she offered him a weak smile, it was the weakest of smiles, Lucas could of course tell that, but it was nonetheless a smile.

"You wanted to talk," She noted simply. Her eyes staring expectantly into his. She was actually scared, she was, but he seemed ten times more terrified that she did, so she tried speaking the first thought that was running in her head. It was simple, but it still broke the awkward silence that was settling in the room.

Lucas ran one of his hands through the back of his head, and then all the way over his face. "I...I'm sorry," He admitted shifting his eyes from her powerful stare.

"Don't," Peyton called strongly, but in some bizarre way, still gently. "Don't apologize," She requested sincerely.

"But Peyt," Lucas tried but Peyton got on his away again.

"_No_," She said simply and lightly scowling. The less she wanted was Lucas coming over saying _'I'm sorrys'_ he didn't even mean. She had heard in the course of the years, all and every apology from his mouth. She just didn't want that anymore.

"What do you want me to say then?" Lucas asked brokenly slowly lifting his gaze.

Peyton couldn't help but huff shaking her head. "You're the one that wanted to talk, didn't you?" She asked with an incredulous laugh.

"Yes," Lucas agreed strongly, but trailed off contemplating what else to say. Put into words all he wanted to tell her was being harder than what he thought it would be.

"I..." Lucas began again, gathering every piece of strength he had left into the words he was about to say, but before he could, Peyton was already speaking again for him.

"You can't have him...Sam," She said and added her boy's name awkwardly upon seeing Lucas' confused look. "I don't care what you say, you're not his dad and you...you never will." She stated seriously, recalling the few words Lucas had in fact told her the day before.

And it actually felt relieving calling that out on his face. That was her one fear when it was concern Lucas Scott now: what he might be able to do to her son. She wasn't afraid anymore in falling for his apologies and sad faces, she was afraid her son might be target of Lucas' words and promises now.

"I'm his...He's my son," Lucas stated weakly after a couple minutes of silence.

Peyton let out a sarcastic laugh before replying. It really was hard to believe _he_; he from all people was saying those words..._again_ "And you really believe that?"

Lucas lifted his eyes at last meeting hers and then sighed. "No," He admitted painfully, but before Peyton could say another word, he added. "But I want that to change,"

Peyton stared at him, and softened her features. He seemed broken, he really did, but she just couldn't. "I can't," She stated solemnly.

"You can't what?" Lucas asked back confused.

Sighing she locked firmly eyes with him. "I...I can't let you in into his life. He's a little boy and he...He has a family already. I just...I can't let you hurt him, too,"

Lucas couldn't argue that. She was right, he was the person that had hurt Peyton the most; how could he possibly convince her he wasn't going to that with her son?

"I want to be a part of his life...Of _your_ life," Lucas said so softly that it was even hard for Peyton to hear him. His eyes were on his lap, and his hands were dancing awkwardly all over.

Peyton was about to reply, when Lucas' head lifting caused her to stop as he continued.

"I know I don't deserve you, or him. I know that I hurt you but..." He swallowed hard as he found her eyes. "But I wanna fix it. At least try to do so," He nearly pleaded.

Peyton closed her eyes tightly at the picture of a broken boy before her eyes. In any other moment, she wouldn't help the need of reach him, hold him closer to her body, and soothe him the best way she knew. Yet, this time around she couldn't, she... she didn't feel as if she wanted too.

Yes, she actually felt sorry for Lucas, he was hurting; of course she could see that much, but the cause of his aching was no one other than himself. He had made many mistakes, mistakes that had hurt _her_ like nothing else had. She knew he was sorry, but that still wouldn't, and couldn't erase everything that he had done. "I'm sorry," She replied quietly at last.

"Peyton," Lucas pleaded in something just above a whisper.

"What do you want me to say?" She replied just as softly. She wasn't mad; she just couldn't pretend everything was all right when the reality was the total opposite. Things were _not_ all right. "That you can stop by at our house at whatever moment you'd like and I'll introduce you to him? What I am supposed to tell him?" Her voice was slightly rising with every word that came out of her lips. "Just so you know, he's four-years-old, he's a little boy but he is definitely not silly. He knows who his mom is, and who his father is. He...He doesn't need you, or me for that matter changing the world he knows just because you decided _now_ you want him in your life."

Sighing heavily her eyes fell shut. The less she wanted was to yell at him, and though she hadn't –_yet_– she was close to it.

"I never wanted you not to be a part of his life. I wished so many times Sammy would have you as his father, but you...you just weren't there, Luke." Peyton started again, in a soft tone as she opened her eyes and revealed still a broken Lucas in front of her. "If I do wish things would have turned out differently? Yeah. I wish you and I would have been a family with him, _and_ for him. But that's not how things are. You have a life, and I have mine with him. I guess now..."

"Don't say that, it's _not_ too late." Lucas stated firmly, knowing exactly what Peyton was about to tell him. "It's not too late for me to meet him, to be in his life. Please," He said as both his hands ran to his face.

Peyton stared carefully at him for a few more moments. She didn't know what to answer him.

A part of her was screaming, and screaming loudly, to tell him to go away, to disappear from their lives and never come back again. That part of her felt that huge urge to yell at him that it was in fact _too_ late. That there was no chance in hell he could emend his mistakes. That it didn't matter what he do, or what he said, things weren't going to be as they once were.

That part of her screamed for her life back, she wanted back the peaceful little life she had been leading until the moment Lucas reappeared in her life.

But then there was this other part inside of her, a part of her she was beginning to hate actually. It was making her think in how her life would be if she let Lucas in again. If she allow him to be a part of Sam's life. That part was telling her that maybe, just maybe Lucas was saying the truth and he really wanted her little boy in his life. That he had actually change, and change for the better.

But... then she just couldn't shut up the larger part of her that kept reminding her how much he had hurt her...all the ache he had put her through. Her rational side was desperately telling her to ask him to leave, but though she was hating the fact more than anything else she had hate lately, she still could hear that soft whisper in the back of her mind pleading her to give him a second chance.

In any case, she was blessed by her office door swinging open. Brooke appeared through it hurriedly and Peyton felt as though she could breathe again when she saw her. She didn't have to answer Lucas' plea.

Not yet anyway.

"What do you think you are doing here?" Brooke asked harshly addressing Lucas in the chair across Peyton's desk. "I think you need to go," She demanded upon hearing no response back from Lucas.

Peyton could only stare at Brooke, she was relieved, she surely was, but she still was somehow hating the way she was talking to him. He had a lot on his plate today as is, the less he needed was someone else scolding him for what he didn't do. "Brooke," She called softly, wordlessly telling her to back off.

However, Brooke wasn't one to listen. Not today when her best friend was facing the man that had nearly broken her. "I said you need to go," Brooke said again, staring strongly at Lucas, and completely ignoring Peyton's pleas.

Lucas sighed and closed his eyes before turning to look at Peyton as he opened them back again. "She's right. I...I should better go," He agreed simply, as he started standing up from his seat, and walking slowly towards the door.

Brooke stepped aside from the doorway allowing him to leave the room for once and for all.

Still, when he reached the exit he couldn't help but turn around one more time to look into Peyton's sparkling green eyes.

"I just wanna meet him," He stated brokenly before disappearing completely through the door.

* * *

**AN : **I dunno! What do you say? That conversation between Luke and Peyton has something of the sort of a **_"To be continue..."_** of course, but this is what you got for now.

Also...A couple reviews reminded me that Lucas and Sam...and Sam's Dad have to meet with each other too? That should happen soon, but if I'm not wrong, you'd get a flashback before, and that one should answer a few questions, so anyway, thank you so much for reading, and I really hope you've like it. Let me know what you think! I myself liked Brooke! lol Kidding though I did! **;)**


	6. Something to Talk About

**Author's Note : **Helloo! Lazy day after Christmas = Me watching old interviews. "...A four-year-gap where _anything_ could've happen. Sometimes all it takes is a couple of years to turn you right back into a bad guy." Hilarie Burton said that once upon a time, and well...I agree! LOL So, onto "our" kind of business...reviews are a little divided...I feel like you don't want Peyton to forgive Lucas right away (I don't either, and I don't think she would) But then again, this is an LP fic, so you can't expect her to hate him either (Though maybe she should...and maybe even want, and maybe even does at some level lol).:

But, anywho, that's just a thought I thought I should say. Thank you so much for all the input you'd give to this story, means a lot, and your feedback always gets me writing more, so keep doing what you are doing, and I'd keep doing what I'm doing too. Thanks! & well, here goes chapter6 already**...Enjoy! ;)**

**Chapter Six : Something to Talk About**

* * *

Sometimes she felt as though Brooke was more of a part-time mom to her rather than her best friend. Lucas had left her office silently a quarter past eleven, a whole hour went by, and Brooke continued scolding her about letting him inside her office in the first place.

How weak did Brooke think she was?

She wasn't going to fell into Lucas' spell once again only because they were sharing the same space.

She wasn't going to forgive him miraculously simply because he had said '_I'm sorry'_.

She most certainly wasn't going to jump in his arms because deep down in her heart she did feel that need to sooth him.

She still wasn't going to do any of that.

But it wasn't because Brooke didn't _'allow' _her to; it was because... it was simply because she hadn't been lying.

She always thought that the day she saw Lucas again would be terrifying. That even though she had thought over, and over again the words she was going to tell him, it was going to be the hardest thing she would ever had to do.

That it was going to be mainly impossible for her to say '_no' _to him. That she just wouldn't be able to tell him that she couldn't love him anymore. That she had moved on, and that not her, not her son needed him.

But it hadn't been as tough as she thought it would be. She had told Lucas the truth that afternoon at the part. The fact that he was here now changed very little.

He was struggling, he was hurting, he was... sorry.

She felt all that. She saw in his eyes and she knew he wasn't lying. She saw regret, and pain, and a darkness she hadn't seen before in his eyes.

But...the bottom line of this story,_ their_ story was that Lucas had already proven her how he wasn't worth of her love, let alone her child's.

She knew one thing and one thing only for sure; she simply wasn't going to risk Sam's heart to be shatter in Lucas' hands, just like hers had been repeatedly in the past.

If he well wasn't lying about wanting her, wanting them _today_, that still didn't mean that feeling would last longer.

Lucas Scott had long ago showed her how she wasn't worth fighting for. That he'd rather move on from her, to easiest things. There was simply nothing that tell her this time it was going to be any different.

And this time what was at risk was something a whole lot bigger and important than herself, than her own heart, this time her son's heart was at risk, and she was certainly not one to hand him over to Lucas simply because he decided to be a father this week.

"What did he have to say for himself?" Brooke asked at last with one long sigh.

Peyton shook her head slightly trying to gain focus on the person before her. "What?" She asked back confused, fixing her eyes on Brooke's.

"Lucas," She replied somewhat exasperatedly. She had been ranting on and on about the guy for hours now, and she was still asking the reason of it. "What did he tell you?"

"Not that much actually." Peyton told her honestly, but Brooke's look on her demanded a more elaborated answer.

But still, given the fact Brooke had been the only one talking for the past hour, it felt as if she had already said all that was there to be said.

Sighing softly Peyton offered her a uneasy smile. "He said he was sorry," She noted simply with a small shrug of her shoulder.

Brooke's head started shaking from side to side in disagreement, for what Peyton allowed herself to chuckle slightly. There's this point you reach when your apologies start losing meaning; Lucas Scott had definitely reached and overcame that point and they both knew it.

"He said that it was not too late, that he...that he wanted to be in Sammy's life." Peyton continued recounting, before Brooke could start ranting again. "He called himself his father," She added somewhat incredulously. He honestly shouldn't have done that. She had seen him two times in the last couple of days, and both times, he had claimed Sam as his own.

He was definitely too late saying those words.

Brooke let out a loud huff at Peyton's latest words.

"I know," Peyton said with a nod in understanding. She knew exactly what Brooke was thinking, she was feeling the exact same thing. Or at least something really alike.

"So..." Brooke began again as she somewhat sunk in the little Lucas had said. "What now?" She asked cautiously.

"I don't know." Peyton replied her frankly. "I told him I wouldn't let him in his life, but..."

"What?" Brooke hurriedly asked.

Letting her eyes fell shut for a second; Peyton kept going. "The look in his eyes," She whispered.

"What about it?" Brooke asked again, her voice carrying a bit of worry this time around. "Peyton," She called up softly upon her friend's silence.

"No, it's not like that." Peyton replied rapidly letting Brooke know exactly where her heart lay. "It's just...he looked so broken," She admitted sorrowfully. She'd never wanted that for him, he had hurt her, yes, but... she still knew the boy Lucas once was, and the kind of heart he had. She would hate to believe he had let himself fall into one of those dark places life had made her visit more often than not.

Brooke's lips twisted in her attempt to offer Peyton a smile. What was she suppose to tell her? If Lucas was in a dark place, it was fault of nobody else other than himself.

In any way Brooke was somewhat amazed, the one feeling she was feeling towards Lucas at this very moment was plain _hate_. She hated him for walking out on Peyton...on her nephew. She hated him for the way he treated Peyton, for the hell he made her go through, but then again, here she was in front of a Peyton that despite all the crap Lucas had done to her was still feeling bad for the guy.

She had not a real clue how she could do it.

In all honesty, if Lucas hadn't left the room as fast as he did, she would have probably snapped on him in the worst of ways.

However she didn't, so shaking lightly her head, Brooke focused back on the blonde in front of her. "Are you okay, Peyton?" She asked sincerely concerned.

Nodding Peyton gave her a soft smile. "I am," She told her decisively. "I know what I want, and that's not Lucas. I just..." She paused taking a deep breath. "I just hate we'd come this far, you know?" Brooke nodded in understanding; still no words manage to come out of her lips, so instead Peyton continued talking softly. "Whether I like it or not he is the father of my son, and he...I do wish I could let Sammy know him," She admitted for Brooke's, and actually for her own surprise too. "But I just...I just can't–"

"Trust him?" Brooke filled in quietly for her.

"Yeah," Peyton replied with a single nod. "I can't let Sammy get attach to him because what's going to happen the day it all becomes too much for Lucas and he decides to walk away again? I simply can't let him break my little boy's heart, too." She stated with a helpless shrug.

Brooke nodded understandingly, but then proceeded to break in what she'd learn earlier that morning with her layers. She knew she should wait, but... Peyton did have the right to know what she already did. "He's here to stay," She blurted out softly, her eyes looking down at her lap and her fingers taping nervously the chair she was sitting on.

"What?" Peyton asked confused, shaking her head. "How do you know that?"

Brooke lifted her head meeting Peyton's eyes and sighed heavily. "A small condo by the beach, he... he actually _bought_ it," She explained uneasily.

Closing her eyes Peyton let her head fall freely on her hands. No matter how hard she wanted to believe it, this whole mess wouldn't be over any time soon.

* * *

Today he had decided walking was a smarter idea than merge himself in a bar. He was hoping the beach, the sand, the soft hot wind, the strangers walking past him, would somehow help him take his mind off of Peyton Sawyer.

He had honestly hate she had been so nice with him. Okay, yes, she had told him she didn't want him in her son's life, which was of course something he understood, he had even expected that response –_at first_– but she too had used the softest tone of voice towards him...It felt as though she understood him. She looked at him right in the eyes, not with love, not with hate, but with...compassion.

He still didn't feel as if she let him inside her office out of pity, he knew, just as well as he knew _she_ did, that that conversation was something they needed to have. And even though most of what he was supposed to say was still unsaid, it was still the beginning of him rebuilding his relationship with Peyton.

He wanted badly to tell her he had changed; that he had learned from his mistakes, and that she and Sam are all he needed in his life right now to be happy, but... he also knew he couldn't just blurt out his feelings on her after all those years.

He knew gaining her back was going to be hard, the toughest thing he would ever had to do but...he also knew now Peyton was worth it. His son was worth the fight and the wait.

He was more than certain not backing out this time. He was going to wait for as long as she needed him too. He was going to fight as hard as she needed him too.

He was going to do it, because he simply needed them to be whole again.

Because the reality was that, he wasn't. He wasn't whole anymore.

He hadn't been a whole man since the morning he walked out on Peyton in that hotel room in Los Angeles. That had been the beginning of his life going downhill, and the worst part was that he was just now realizing it.

If he had only waited for her, he would now have the perfect of families. He would more than likely be now Peyton's husband... at her own time and terms. They would be raising their son _together_, and he would probably also have little siblings already. They would be living that life he dreamed about years ago. They would be just... happy.

Though he felt naïve for believing it, the hope of _someday_ having that with Peyton, with the woman he loved, was what helped him get through the day.

Without that conviction, he would probably be dead by now.

Then again, at that moment, he could still hear this nagging voice on the back of his mind that kept reminding him of something Peyton said. He hadn't catch on it until after he left the office, but she had said it, and he didn't really know what it meant.

"_He knows who his mom is, and who his father is."_

Who his _father _is, what did she exactly mean with that?

* * *

Two whole days had come and go since the morning she met Lucas in her office, she hadn't heard from him since, yet she knew he would show up sooner rather than later.

According to Brooke, with any luck he had finally realize how he had nothing to do here, and had hopefully decide to return that same 'dark hole he buried himself into for the past years'.

According to Peyton on the other hand, he was probably just giving her some space before ambushing her again with a whole new level of questions and... demands concerned Sam.

Brooke was going back home today, it had been a hard task convincing her she was going to be okay without her, but then arguing how much her nine-month-old baby girl would be missing her had been the one reason she had cave in, and because of whom she was returning Tree Hill in a late fly this evening.

She still had left Peyton in the hands of a complete layer's firm _'just in case'_ Lucas decided to go legal on her and started claiming rights out of the blue. Apparently, they had already a whole case against Lucas without him even trying anything yet. But as Brooke put it, it was better safe than sorry, so if needed, Peyton Sawyer was more than ready to fight for her son.

The layers had explained her how Lucas could not get custody over Sam at first even if he wanted to. However, if he fought for him, and eventually went to trial, he would probably start getting supervised visitations with her boy, and later on, depending on how things developed between the three of them, he could claim for joint custody if he decided that was what he wanted.

Peyton prayed and hoped he wouldn't do any of it, but there was still the possibility, and even though she didn't want to admit it, it honestly scared her.

She just couldn't picture that world in which she'll have to _'share'_ her son every other week with Lucas. In which her son won't be just hers anymore. She didn't want that especially for Sammy, she knew him, she knew the kind of boy he is, and putting him through that just wouldn't be fair.

In any way none of that had happened yet, Lucas hadn't even showed up again so she chose to shake away those thoughts.

If only for now.

"We're going to be okay," Peyton stated in the most reassuring tone she could find in herself.

"I know you are, but I...I still worry," Brooke admitted with a small shrug. "You do know that even though I'm leaving I am not, right?" At Peyton's confused look, Brooke tried elaborating a bit more her statement. "I don't care where I am, I'm still here for you, even though..."

"Even though you aren't really..._here_," Peyton filled in goofily for Brooke who after shooting her a glare, gave her a smile. She knew Brooke would stay here with her for as long as she asked her to. But though she wanted to be selfish and get her for herself for more time, she knew Brooke had a beautiful baby girl and a husband who needed her just as much, so she was just going to put on a brave face, and tell her things would be all right even though she wasn't entirely sure of that fact yet. "I know you are," She agreed at last with a smile on her lips.

"Good," Brooke nodded strongly before pulling the blonde for a tight hug. "You call me for _anything_, got it?" She mumbled into Peyton's hair.

"Will do," Peyton replied with a nod as they pull away. "Let me go get Sam so you can say goodbye to him, too," She said as she started walking towards the study room where Sammy was really focus working on a '_See you soon'_ letter for her aunt, uncle, and cousin.

Peyton came back with Sam only mere moments later. Brooke made sure to safe that bright smile the little boy was wearing in her heart. She loved that boy a whole lot more than just because he was her nephew. She loved him because of the type of caring little boy he was, and for the wonders he had made for his mom over the years.

She honestly cursed the moment Lucas Scott happened to return to their lives, she had once even begged him to get Peyton, tears welled her eyes as she told him how much Peyton needed him, and how he would lose her if he didn't go to her. But he hadn't even flinch; he had reminded her how what happened between Peyton and him wasn't any of her _'damn'_ business.

So in the end she did what he told her to, she back out and never put a step on his doorsteps again. With those words and attitude Lucas Scott had lost her as a friend that evening, in fact, he lost her as a friend and won her as an enemy; she just couldn't, and would not forgive him for what he did to Peyton.

And it was in fact, _a lot_ of her business.

"Bye Silly Goose," Brooke said sweetly bending down so that she was at Sam's eye level. "I'm going to miss you buddy,"

"I'm gonna miss you, too, Aunt Brooke," He replied as he dropped a loud slobbery kiss upon Brooke's cheek.

She laughed as she dragged the little boy into her arms for a hug. "You be good to your mama, okay?" She mumbled into his curls, and smiled when he started nodding strongly against her body.

"I'll take care of mommy," Sammy promised only half-jokingly as he pulled away from his Aunt's arms.

But just as he was ready to speak again, the sound of the front door swinging open caught completely his attention.

"Daddy!" Sam yelled jumping without thinking in the large man's arms.

Brooke stood on her spot and watched as the smile on Peyton's face only grew bigger at the picture. The hell with Lucas for trying to tear that down, Peyton had a family, a family she loved and she knew that Lucas without even trying was already causing problems.

"God, I go away a week and you're already ten pounds heavier," He noted teasingly as he swung the small boy in his arms, so that he could say a proper _'hello'_ to Peyton too, who by then had already made all her way to where her boys stood.

Brooke walked cautiously towards them not wanting to disturb the little moment, but she still needed to be polite and greet him as well, right?

"Hey," She said shyly offering him a half-hug at the doorway. She genuinely liked him for Peyton. She did, he was good to her, he loved her and he loved Sam, but in the back of her mind, Brooke could never really shake away the idea of Julian Baker being only just a really, _really_ great rebound guy.

* * *

**AN : **Now you know who "he" is! It was a bit too predictable I know, but since next chapter is flashback chapter, you should learn a bit more then about why I chose movie-guy over Jake this time around (Cuz, truth be told, I was really torn about that t too hehe) Thanks for reading, and I really hope you've liked it. Let me know your thoughts! **;)**


	7. The Parts in the Sum of the Whole

**Author's Note : ****Update!** Hey there! Today was a good day, but a _crazy_ day nonetheless! You however still got an update simply cause I'm happy and that's enough for me lol! Thanks for your reviews last chapter, and I hope you get to enjoy _this_ one, too!

Like always, flashbacks go in _Italics_. There are chapters when present time is 'mixed' with past time, so just so we're clear,_ every_ time we get flashbacks, we are gonna get them in italics. Sometimes you'd get the dates, just so you can have an idea of the timeline, but sometimes I would just throw the flashback, okay? Just so you know, they graduated High School 2007, early 2011 Peyton was back in TreeHill (That's a little adjusted, she was back in the show probably mid-September, later, a little while before basketball season began, but oh well...I had to change the timing a little bit) &...Present time to this story is sometime in 2016 (October actually). This chapter happened to be Christmas Eve, I'm a little late, but oh well... **;)**

Hope you like it**...Enjoy! ;)**

**Chapter Seven : The Parts in the Sum of the Whole**

* * *

_**December 24**__**th**__** ~ 2011**_

"_And then there were two," _

Five little words that changed the course of her life completely.

_She'd been backpacking the country for merely nineteen days at the time; she had started at her brother's home at St. Florence. It wasn't that far from her own 'home', and given he was out of duty for a couple of weeks, she decided to stay for a while with him. _

_She didn't stay there longer though, she just didn't want to explain; explain herself and for some reason she always had to explain Lucas too, so her visit there lasted a little less than four days._

_She enjoyed them though, her brother was the biggest pain in the ass she had ever met, but he still would always tell her the truth. She had never heard him say a lie, or not say whatever that was in his mind at any moment._

_She liked that about him, the fact that he never pretend. He was himself twenty-four hours of every day. He was always the same person and was never ashamed of the fact._

_She actually loved that about him._

_However, the same fact that he was unable to keep his opinions to himself was what made her leave a little bit sooner that what she had planned at first._

_He had made to her very clear his intentions to knock some sense into Lucas until he was ready to hold accountable of his responsibilities. Peyton however, hadn't 'allowed' him to do any of what he wanted although she did thank him for the 'support'._

_She'd stayed in Florida still after her visit to Derek. Charlotte had been her second stop; she'd been mainly alone the whole time she stayed there, but it had gone...okay. Just walking down the port appeared to be something that helped her forget everything that was going on with her life._

_In her mind what she was doing was simple; she was just searching for a place to stay, a place to begin again and that didn't seem to her as if she were asking too much. She needed a place that would not remind her of Lucas, or anything related to him. _

_Soon enough however, she'd learned how it was indeed a lot to ask. He would always be with her whether she liked it or not._

_Whether she was okay with it or not._

_She was carrying his kid. It took her a while to actually sink in that knowledge. She was pregnant, pregnant at twenty-two and with not a family. Not for her, not for her kid. She felt guilty for him or her already; how could she'd been so reckless and now was about to bring a whole other little person into the world? __A world that had more often than not been rather unfair to her?_

_Whatever the case was, she'd knew she couldn't stay in Charlotte forever - that place didn't strike as "home" to her somehow, so she had to move on from there, too._

_Savannah had been the city she had dreaded, but also wanted badly to go. She wanted to, more than anything else, really. She knew who was there, and she also knew how he would help her. _

_How he would...love her._

_She knew Jake would do everything in his power to make her feel all right again. She know how he would lend her his hand so they could together get past such horrific moment in her life._

_But she didn't want that for him, she didn't want him putting back together the pieces of whatever was left of her._

_He more than likely had moved on from her years ago. Why rehash the past simply because she needed him?_

_He deserved better than her._

_That was the plain reality._

_In any way, up in Seattle she happened to find her Dad. Apparently, Brooke had reached the guy and demanded for him to give her a call, which he did, and Peyton genuinely appreciated. _

_They had stayed together going from hotel to hotel and to tourists' places for about six days. He had apologized for almost an hour for not been able to spend the holidays with her._

_She'd dismissed the fact though, telling him it was okay, that she was going to be just...fine._

_Still, she couldn't dare to tell him about the baby while they hang out together._

_She simply didn't want to disappoint him._

_So in the end she ended back where she had started. Alone, in an empty apartment near North Hollywood with nothing more than an old couch in a large living room._

_That apartment had once been her home though. She had felt safe and even happy while she lived there. _

_But now those were just phantom memories like most things in her life were at that moment._

_She had been lying on the floor; her head resting on one small cushion, her legs awkwardly placed on top of the couch, and her eyes strongly shut when he walked into the apartment._

_She hardly even felt him come in; only when his too familiar voice above her managed to startle her, was when she saw him. The first thing that she saw was his grin, and she felt as though she wanted to smack his pretty little face away._

_But she didn't do it; instead, she closed her eyes back again and tried to ignore him._

_If only for a little while._

"_What are you doing here?" Was the first question she asked him upon realizing he wasn't going anywhere. _

_By then he had already settled himself on the couch, actually moving her legs away._

_She had growled dramatically at him, as she'd also thrown the small pillow on his smiley face._

_However, he didn't go away, instead he stayed in silence until she decided to open her eyes, and acknowledge his presence at last._

_Using all the strength she had, she shifted herself into a sitting position in a way that let her see him on the couch. "I asked you, what are you doing here?" She asked again, but now a little more softly._

_It was Christmas Eve in the end, yet, he was the first person she was talking to in days._

"_Happened to know you were here," Julian replied simply yet with the most annoying of smirks on his face._

_Peyton rolled her eyes looking everywhere but at him. It was in all honesty making her nauseous. She was simply hating all this._

"_That didn't answer my question, why did you come?" She asked once again, this time somewhat frustrated._

_They hadn't seen each other in almost two years, the last time they saw each other had been in that very same living room, but he was doing the same thing every other person in her life did..._

_Leave._

_And now he was simply staring at her without uttering a single word._

_And in fact, before he said anything next, he had actually taken a deep breath. Peyton had been surprised at the action; he was never the kind of guy that had any problems replying any kind of questions._

_Yet, he remained quiet for another long moment…just staring steadily at her._

"_I promised myself something," He began speaking softly, and actually serious for the first time that evening._

"_What?" Peyton asked sarcastically, but regretted upon seeing his face expression not changing one bit. "I'm sorry," She acknowledged a few seconds later, looking down at the floor for some reason._

_Maybe it was out of shame, really._

"_I was never sure if I was ever going to see you again, you know?" He asked sincerely, somehow ignoring the last few lines of their conversation._

_Peyton looked up at his eyes; she hesitated for a moment, but then just nodded her head a little. "Likewise," She replied simply, with a faint smile on her face._

"_But still," Julian began again, firmly fixing his eyes on hers. "I promised that if I did she you, the first thing I would say to you was I'm sorry, so...that's what I'm doing," He said with a small shrug. "I'm right here saying to you that I'm sorry for walking out that door like...quite an ass," He admitted with a shy smirk on his face, but still Peyton smiled at his words._

_She cocked her head to one side, as though agreeing with his statement. "Well, yeah," She said only half-teasingly._

_Julian smiled at her, but after a few seconds put on his serious face again, as he continued talking. "I didn't want to leave you here, I wanted so badly to be with you, I was just..."_

"_I'm sorry, too," Peyton interrupted with an apologetic smile on her face._

"_For what?" Julian asked back confused._

_Peyton simply shrugged. "For not loving you enough. For not loving you the way I should have...You left, yes, but...I can't blame you for it," She told him honestly._

"_I still shouldn't have," Julian stated firmly._

_Peyton didn't argue, instead she offered him yet another nod of her head. "For what it's worth," She began somewhat jokingly, drawing Julian's attention back to herself. "I burned all the copies of his book already," She said with a helpless shrug and attempting to sound carelessly._

_Julian's eyebrow narrowed as if in disbelief. "You did so?" He asked surprised._

"_All of them." Peyton stated seriously._

"_I'm sorry," He replied shifting his eyes from hers to the empty room they were at. "What are you doing here anyway?" He asked shaking slightly his head. _

_The one thing he knew was that the landlord man have left a message for him in which he told him how the sad blonde he used to live with, had rented again his once apartment. He hadn't heard from her in years, he had actually looked up for her in LA; but could never really found a real answer, so now that he had found her again, he was taking all he could get._

_Even if it only were little pieces of her. After all, that had been pretty much the way he'd found her once upon a time when life somehow seemed __–_felt really– simpler.

"_Spending the while," Peyton replied uneasily. The less she needed was someone interrogating her again, she was actually glad he was here –for some bizarre reason– but she still didn't need to relive her own personal drama all over again._

"_What happened?" Julian asked simply again, however his voice carried genuine concern. The truth was; he loved the girl, he always had, and though he could never really understand her relationship with the so-called Lucas Scott, he could still read her like an open book, and what he was seeing right now was plain sorrow._

"_Life happened." Peyton replied with a single shrug. "I went after Lucas, you know?" She confessed somewhat shamefully. "But..."_

"_Do you wanna spend Christmas with me?" Julian offered, cutting her off as he got up from the couch, and held his hand down for Peyton to reach._

_Confused at the sudden way he changed the subject, she shook her head but still took his hand, and stood up from the floor as well. _

_As he pulled her up, before she was able to even acknowledge it, she was standing dangerously close to his face. Their noses were merely brushing and she was looking right into his eyes; at that she had to take one big step back, that was honestly the less she wanted...and, or needed for that matter, too._

"_I asked you a question," Julian pointed out as she started walking away from him._

_Turning around slightly, Peyton stared cautiously at him. "What do you want?" _

"_Nothing," Julian explained simply, shrugging his shoulders innocently. "You're here, I am here, you seem to be alone, so I'm just asking you to come and spend the while with me. Wanna come?" He asked again, kinking his eyebrows playfully._

_After a small moment, and at her hesitation, Julian moved closer to her and took one of her hands into his own. "I don't care where have you been all this time, I don't care if you went to see Lucas, or Alex or Allan, all I care is that you're here with me, and I just don't want you to be alone." He promised sincerely. "Would you come with me, Peyton Sawyer?" He asked once again, firmly staring into her sparking big green eyes._

_Peyton was actually just about to nod her head when Julian spoke again. "Well, that because you're still Sawyer, aren't you? You hadn't got married, and had lots of book-writers' babies, now, have you?" He asked teasingly earning a playful smack to his chest._

_Peyton moved away from him rolling her eyes but actually smiling. She hated he was somehow right, but on the other hand she was also somewhat liking the fact that he was joking about it. That was her reality, whatever; it didn't mean she couldn't forget about the whole madness her life had turned into for the night, right? So in the end, she did it, she agreed his offer with one strong nod of her head._

"_Good," Julian said back not missing a beat, and with a smirk on his face. "Now go fix yourself." He ordered causally. "I ain't taking you looking like that anywhere," He added jokingly when her jaw dropped, yet the remark only got him yet another glare from Peyton._

_She was smiling though as she began walking towards her bedroom._

"_Hey," She called softly stopping in her tracks before leaving completely the living room._

_Julian turned around slightly, shooting at her a 'What?' look._

"_Thank you," She said simply before disappearing quietly down the small hallway._

* * *

**AN : **You know, episodes like 623, that little conversation Julian and Peyton had in the wedding reception, even 624 when Julian told Brooke how he wanted to make sure Peyton was okay before leaving for LA again, 614 when he found out about the baby, those kind of conversations between the two of them (When he actually put down that cocky façade) were the conversations that made me "choose" him. He was a good guy when he was with her too in my opinion. When he got to TH he was just a little bitter maybe because of their history, how they broke up, who knows, but I still always feel their relationship back in California wasn't just a fling, you know? They cared for one another, and from where I see it, they always will... i.e 623-624.

Well, that's anyway my opinion and why I thought he'd be there for her whatever way she got back to him. You'd see in future flashbacks how their relationship _"grew"_ but for now this is how it began. (For the record, I kinda do love Jake, but indeed, he was kinda too perfect, wasn't he? lol) Let me know what you think!** ;)**

**PS : **Happy New Year Everybody!


	8. No Good at Saying Sorry

**Author's Note : **A bit of a long chapter, but what I say? I got carried away! heehee! Plus, I hadn't update in a while, so I hope the length it's okay with you all, and that in the end you like it. This is one of my "jumpy" kind of chapters, so we'll see if you like it. Please let me know what you think and let's just hope I stayed in-character for the better part of this (Let me know if I didn't, too!)

**Enjoy! ;)**

**PS : **Has any of you seen where my story-marks went? Ugh, it's so annoying. Mine totally disappear! lol

**Chapter Eight : ****No Good at Saying Sorry {One More Chance}**

* * *

She had been rather lost in thought the moment it happened.

She hadn't even been thinking about crying when the teardrops had simply started falling down to her cheeks.

For a long time crying was simply a thing she did. She had cried for all the reasons a person could actually cry. She had cried out of anger, pain, misery, grief…sorrow. Then again, she had also cried out of joy and even love so she couldn't completely complain.

She could still vividly remember the times she had cried because of Lucas' first book. Sometimes it was nostalgic that brought the tears to her eyes. Some others it was anger at him for not holding true to his words. Others it was simply love; she loved him and that hurt. Hurt because she loved every single word he'd wrote about her.

There was a time when she even felt better after crying. That however, as the years started passing by, she had somehow grown to hate the fact. Crying make her feel weak, even humiliated for showing how she wasn't strong enough.

Still, today it had been different; she had allowed herself to do so just as soon as Sam had been tucked into bed. That she remembered, she hadn't really cried in about twenty-three whole months. She almost made it to two years but...today everything had just become too much for her to handle alone.

Right there in his arms, she was letting out every bit of emotion she had bottled up inside herself for the past five years. That night she was crying out of anger, out of love, out of_ fear_…She didn't want Lucas in her life; she knew that, but it…it all still hurt.

And it hurt a lot.

Julian was holding her tightly against his chest and she, tired of hearing her own tears falling, had instead focused in his heartbeat; it was steady and strong. It was actually soothing her for some reason. She felt safe in his arms, but she also knew she was going to have to explain the reason of her break down sometime soon, but if she were being completely honest with herself, she'd knew just how much she was dreading the moment.

She just didn't want her life to change.

After around forty minutes, her cries died down to soft sniffles, albeit Julian could still feel her body shaking underneath his. He couldn't possible name one thing he hated the most but seeing Peyton hurting. He wished for something to make it stop, he wanted to kiss her and asked her badly what had happened, but the vulnerability painted on her face forbid him to make any questions before she was genuinely ready to respond them.

And even though he didn't want to jump to conclusions; that was the less he wanted actually, he still knew it...by the way she was crying he couldn't think in any other person responsible of it all, other than _Lucas Scott_.

And he truthfully hated the guy.

Hated him for hurting Peyton.

Hated him for taking that woman's love for granted.

Hated him for being a coward and ran away from his responsibility.

Hated him for not loving Peyton back the way he should.

Hated him for being the reason he walked out on Peyton once upon a time, too.

Hated him for the simple fact of existing.

Hated him because…he hated Lucas more than anything else, because even though he ignored it most of the time…he still knew how Peyton Sawyer still loved him.

"You wanna talk now?" He asked softy, as he stroked tenderly her back.

Peyton's hands flew to her face in an attempt to wipe the tears that had fallen down to her cheeks, as well as also the ones that remained unshed in the corners of her eyes.

He deserved better than her, she…she felt broken at times, but in any way; she couldn't feel gladder she was resting in his arms right now.

"Yeah," She whispered softly lifting her head from his chest. "I'm sorry,"

"It's okay," Julian replied just as softy, caressing the apple of her cheek with his thumb. He was hating the sadness that was clouding her eyes. He'd do anything and everything to take that pain away. "I'm right here with you," He promised at a mere whisper, but still with a smile.

Peyton nodded, and faintly returned him the smile. "I…I saw Lucas," She told him bluntly, yet somewhat shamefully too, shifting her eyes away from his.

"Okay," Julian said calmly. He knew this moment was going to happen eventually, it didn't matter how hard both tried to convince themselves Sammy was his, both of them knew he was not, and Lucas was a reality they were going to face sooner rather than later. He hated though that day had arrived so unexpectedly. "You talked to him?"

With her eyes still focused on her nervous hands, Peyton nodded her head again. "Yeah, a couple of days ago," She confessed coyly.

Julian couldn't help but frown; he would have come back home earlier if she had only told him so. There was still not a chance in hell he was going to argue her decisions now, she was dealing with a lot as is; the less he wanted now was relaying more problems on her. "Okay, what did he want?" He asked softly.

He didn't want to interrogate her, but then again, he also knew that even though it was being hard on her, she needed to let that out.

"He said he was sorry, and that he..." Peyton began, but paused closing her eyes and absently resting her head back on his shoulder. "He wants to be in Sam's life," She said as her eyes fluttered open, and she caught sight of his.

Julian sighed but offered her a shrug. "He's his father,"

"Julian," Peyton tried in almost a plea.

"No, it's okay," He soothed, tucking her messy curls behind her ear. "You know I love that boy more than anything, but that doesn't change the facts, does it?"

Peyton simply shook her head once so he continued talking. "I'm always going to be here for him, for you, but…We knew this was gonna happen ultimately. Now...now I don't know; we're just going to have to deal with him head on…like we always have, okay?" He asked, forcing her to meet his eyes.

Peyton did as he wanted and nodded quietly. "What should I do?" She asked brokenly. She sincerely needed someone to tell her just that. What to do? How to handle this whole mess?

How to _fix_ it.

"He's his father," Julian repeated simply, and with an apologetic look on his face. Simply because he hated the fact, he still couldn't make it go away.

"But…" Peyton began protesting but Julian's forefinger on her lips caused her to stop.

"I know," He said with a nod in understanding. "But I too know you. And I certainly know your heart and how much you're aching to do the right thing–"

"And what that is?" Peyton interrupted asking what was nonstop whirling around her mind.

Julian stared carefully into her green eyes. It wasn't that late, just a little past nine but he still could see the tiredness her eyes were wearing. He loved her more than anything else in the world, he was grateful to call Peyton _his_, but even though it scared him to death, he also knew what Lucas Scott back in their lives meant. He was sure of what he felt for her, hell he was sure of what _she_ felt for him but…he still had no right to tell her what to do. "You know I wish I could tell you that, but –"

"You can't," Peyton filled in for him quietly. "I guess I'm stuck answering that question on my own, huh?" She asked somewhat sarcastically. She wasn't being rude, not on purpose anyway, but she still hated this whole situation.

Instead of replying, Julian wrapped her small frame tightly with his arms. If he couldn't find the right words to soothe her, he knew still what the right actions were, and that was with no doubt, just hold her tight until she was feeling better...Or at least, a little less bad.

"I love you," Peyton mumbled with a small sigh. She said it because she meant it, she really did; she could only hope he knew it, too.

Julian nodded and kissed fondly the top of her head. "I love you, too," He replied sincerely, closing tightly his eyes. He believed in her, of course he did, but there was still a whole lot more truth behind those three little words than he really wanted to see.

* * *

Apparently, Brooke's layers were a lot more than just effectives. They had gotten to Peyton in less than an hour all possible numbers she could contact Lucas Scott in California, and in whatever other state or city he may happen to reside.

Still, she wasn't going to call him. _That_ was the right thing to do.

If Lucas wanted something to do with Sam and her, _he_ was the one that had to reach for her.

She was definitely not going to move one single finger to help him. So instead, she purposely let the folder fell in the large cabinet above her desk.

She wasn't calling him and offering him her son just because she could.

If he wanted to talk to her, he would have to find the ways.

However, not two days after Peyton "forgot" about the so-called "Lucas' folder," –_rather_– unfortunately, he did find his ways. Way sooner than Peyton expected him to do so. In fact, despite the tough front she'd settled herself on, she still didn't even feel as though she was ready for him yet.

Although it was naïve, after not hearing from him in almost four days she had thought that maybe Brooke had been right all along and Lucas had disappeared again from their lives, but a call, a sad little call at three o'clock that afternoon had completely erase those hopes.

She was having a really fun weekend with Sam and Julian; all three of them were attempting to make a pie together. Or at least she liked to believe they were. No matter how hard she'd tried, she still sucked as a cook. Breakfast was the best she could do without setting on the fire alarms of their home. Sam and Julian were a whole lot better in that aspect than she would ever be, so instead of argue the fact, she had settled to be spoil by both boys.

Sam was young, but he was still overly protective over Peyton. Sometimes she could even question the parenting roles between the two of them. She was the mom, she is the one that should be crazy protective over her son, and though she was, Samuel Matthew Sawyer's biggest responsibility was to take care of his mama, and he actually did it gladly.

That of course also meant cooking for her every once in a while. Peyton really couldn't complain about that fact.

However, when the telephone rang that afternoon, the fact that she was more of staring at them as they cooked other than cooking herself, was the reason why she _had_ to be the one answering Lucas' call.

His voice was quiet, foreign, yet familiar for some reason. He said he wanted to stop by and…talk. That was what he said; _talk._ As if it only was all that simple.

In any case, Peyton kept the conversation civil; she was polite. And even though she hesitating to the point of being slightly shaking, she still told him he could come…come to her house. A part of her couldn't believe she had so easily opened the doors of her home, _their _home to Lucas. Still, she did it, and now was just a little too late for regrets.

Julian had supported her, it wasn't really a surprise though, she knew the kind of man she was sharing her life with and knew already exactly how he would react. Still, the fact that he told her that she had to deal with Lucas without him had almost make her back out.

But he was right, hell the guy was always right, she rather hated that fact, but the bottom line was that whatever Lucas had to say, though it did concerned Julian at some level, having him on the room would only cause unnecessary tension, so she had agreed to do so alone.

Her two favorite boys would stay in the back, and hopefully, just _hopefully,_ things would go smoothly.

And just as if on cue, the doorbell snapped Peyton out of her musings. She shifted her eyes instinctively to the stove where Sam was very concentrated whisking eggs. She smiled at the picture and then after giving two small kisses, one to Sammy's hair, and the other to Julian's lips, she headed towards the living room.

She could actually see his frame behind the door; it was somewhat scary but…she still managed to shake those feelings away soon enough. She knew she wasn't the one that should be nervous; she'd done everything right, if there was someone that should be feeling nervous it was Lucas behind the door.

Walking to the door, she opened it slowly, and offered him one of those crooked sad smiles as she did so.

"Hi," Lucas said coyly. Both his hands were locked in his pockets, and his eyes were fighting the urge to look down.

"Hey," Peyton greeted simply, stepping aside so he could come inside.

Lucas walked forward but stopped mere steps further. He didn't know where to head himself at. It was a big house, carried some kind of vintage, old style, definitely Peyton's home. He was standing in one small hall; some big stairs where in front of him, and a small room was at his right side; a couple couches, a lion beanbag-chair at one corner, and a coffee table in the middle. If he tried, he could also see the dining room passing that room. To his left he saw another sort of living room. That one was a bit more... serious. It was more of an open study room actually; in any case, Peyton walking past him to that room abruptly brought him back to reality.

He walked shyly after her, taking in his surroundings and the amount of pictures and stuff holding memories that rested on every possible inch of her house. Most of the pictures were of the boy, sometimes with company but most of the times by himself. It was curious how he was always wearing a smile or some sort of mocking expression on his face.

He seemed like quite a boy, and even though it didn't feel entirely right, Lucas felt overly proud of him already.

"Well," Peyton broke the silence again. She was beginning to hate that, Lucas claimed and claimed they had to talk, but once they were face to face, he froze.

"Yeah," Lucas replied rapidly, shifting his eyes from the walls to Peyton's eyes before him. She had taken a seat across the one he did. He was nervous, sure he was, but then again, today he was feeling more confided than what he had felt in the past days. "Um, I just..." He began, but at Peyton's expectant look, he decided it was better to cut to the chase.

"I know you have every right to shut me out of your life, all right? I know I don't deserve any place in that boy's life, let alone in yours, but…You really need to know that I _am_ sorry. I know that's the less you wanna hear from me but, I am, I am sorry for what I did to you. I was...I _am_ ashamed of the person I've been for the past few years. I was a coward; I had no courage to accept what I was really feeling, I was afraid, and blind. I never, _ever_ wanted us to end up like this, but...that's exactly my point," He stated firmly, his eyes steadily fixed on Peyton's; she looked a bit stunned though, Lucas couldn't be sure if that was a good sign, or a bad one, so he continued talking rapidly anyhow.

"We don't need to end up like this. Life's too short Peyton, we never know what is going to happen tomorrow, hell; we don't know what's gonna happen tonight. Things can change in the blink of an eye, and I just…I just know _I_ can do better. I know I can be a better man for you, for…Sam," His lips slightly quivered at the mention of his son's name. That had been actually the first time he had said his name aloud, it felt…it simply felt liberating in some way. "I just want a chance to prove you how you can trust me. How I am still the man you once lo–"

"Stop it," Peyton interrupted nearly pleading. "Please, _please_ just stop." She was torn about what she was feeling but one thing she did know for sure...He _needed_ to stop.

She had become aware of how hard it was for her to find her voice, her words...She had been so lost in Lucas' words, but…that was just exactly what he did, he talk and promise things that for one reason or the other, he was never really able to fulfill, so...no, not anymore.

Lucas softened his features as he looked carefully her eyes falling shut. He knew she was hurting, this all mess was getting the best of her, and he...he only wish he could pull her into his arms and feel her in him the way he hadn't in so many time.

But instead of doing so, he stayed quiet, for just a couple minutes anyway. He knew she was trying the best she could to sink in his words. It couldn't be easy, how could she believe in him after all the sorrow he had put her through, right? Anyway, he was choosing to trust in that big heart he knew Peyton had. He could only trust, and believe she could find somewhere deep in her heart a way to...not forgive him, but at least listen to what he had to say.

"I don't expect you to believe me right now," Lucas began speaking softly, Peyton's eyes remained closed, but she still didn't stop him this time around. "I know that what I did to you is..." He shook his head as though erasing what he had just said, and rephrase it instead. "I hate myself for what I did to you. In all those years, I promise you...I _swear _to you, not one day passed by that I didn't think of you. I know that doesn't mean anything to you. I should have call you, I should have come and get you before this week, I know that. But you, you _never_ leave my mind…or my heart. Not for one second." He stated strongly, and believing those words more than anything else he'd said before.

"Then why didn't you?" Peyton asked softly as her eyes slowly fluttered open.

"Because I was an idiot," Lucas blurted out without thinking twice. Yet, he didn't regret one bit that was his answer. It was the truth in the end. "I...I took you for granted. I took your feelings for granted. For some reason I just couldn't realize just how much you meant...you _mean_ to me. I knew I love you but I just couldn't shut up my stupid pride and ended up making all the bad decisions. I should have never left you in that hotel room in LA," Lucas admitted truthfully and completely taking Peyton aback at his words. Lucas couldn't miss her face expression as he spoke. She was surprised at that statement, he could see that in her eyes, but that was yet another fact he needed her to know. "I was an ass back then, I...I shouldn't have left you with not even a goodbye. I should have stay, and we should have deal with it _together_. I...I'm _so_ sorry I gave up on us." He stated sorrowfully as his eyes closed tightly out of shame for a few seconds. He was sorry, hell, he was a lot more than just sorry, but looking into her eyes filled with unforeseen tears became just too much for him to bear.

She didn't want to cry, that was the less she wanted, yet, her eyes were welled up with tears to the point she had to look up in order to stop them from falling. She hated she was feeling so vulnerable in front of Lucas, the guy had made her go and come back from hell repeatedly, why in hell she was still feeling for him?

She hated it, but she still knew the answer. She could see the sincerity in Lucas' eyes. Sincerity she had never really seen before. He was owning up his mistakes, a thing he hardly ever did – at least with her. He used to blame everything on everyone, never himself. He used to blame everything on _her_. It had been _her_ fault he left her in LA. It had been _she_ who gave up on them. It had always been her fault, now...now she was seeing regret in his eyes. She would have give anything for hearing him say those words five years ago.

Now, although she was almost sure he was meaning what he was saying, it was still just too much for her to forgive. The Lucas and Peyton they both once were where now buried deep down, and nowhere to be found. She could see the pain on his face but she in all honesty couldn't think in anything that she could do to take it away.

Sighing she looked up into his eyes ready to reply at him, but before a single word could come out of her lips, her perky four-year-old running through the dining room snapped her abruptly out of her conversation with Lucas.

"_Momma gotta try it," _Was all she could hear of Sam's whines before she actually caught sight of him and Julian following helplessly after him.

That boy was sometimes too much like her, he was the most stubborn four-year-old she would ever meet. He wanted her to try the dough he'd more than likely had been kneading in the time she'd been with Lucas; he'd always done that without any problem. Why today had to be any different for him?

"I'm sorry," Julian called guiltily as he finally managed to grab Sam into his arms just before he made his way completely into the studio Peyton and Lucas where at.

She still offered him an understanding nod, she knew how Sammy was; sometimes neither of them could really stop him from doing the things he wanted to.

However just as Peyton stared at her son, for a second, just for that spilt second she forgot where she was, and with _who_ she was. Sammy was still sporting that goofy tall chef's hat, and had dough in all possible spots of his body. She smiled at the sight of him, but it faded all too quickly when Sammy continued complaining in Julian's arms.

"Daddy put me down," He cried out, as he struggled against Julian's arms to be put on the floor. "I wanna give it to Momma," He pleaded softly looking right into Julian's eyes, and that was when his resolve faded to dust. Before even looking at Peyton for 'approval', Julian put the little boy back on the floor, and simply saw as he ran towards Peyton handing her over a small piece of dough he had been holding in his hands since the moment he left the kitchen.

"I kneaded it," Sam noted sweetly as he put the small piece carefully into Peyton's mouth. She received it with a smile, and as she taste it started making goofy face expressions letting her boy know just how very yummy it really was.

It took her a bit more of a couple of minutes before she finally turn to look at Lucas. She saw nothing short of hurt painted all over his face.

That was certainly not the way she wanted him to find out about Julian, in fact, she hadn't even give any thought about how she was going to tell Lucas about him. She'd thought it was none of his business, and it wasn't. Yet, Sam was his son, and he was calling another man '_Daddy_', she could only imagine what Lucas was feeling at that very moment.

Trying to break the awkward silence that was slowly settling on the room as Peyton simply shared looks between the three men, Julian decided to go ahead and clear loudly his throat. He didn't want to make a big deal of it, he only wished he had been able to keep Sammy put in the kitchen.

Peyton sighed heavily, but offered a soft smile in his direction. "It's okay," She told Julian, gesturing to the small boy. "I'll give him back to you in a little while," She said somewhat playfully.

"Okay," Julian replied simply with a small smile dancing on his lips. She was handling it all okay; he was actually feeling incredibly proud of her at that moment. "See you in the kitchen little man!" He called out with his back to them as he exited the living room.

Peyton smiled at him, but then in one small move, turned the little boy in her arms so that he was facing Lucas, whom more than likely, Sam hadn't even notice.

"Oh, hi," Sammy chirped as he caught sight of Lucas. He surely didn't spot him when he ran his way into the room.

"Hi," Lucas replied back simply. His voice however, carrying all shades of sadness.

Feeling a little guilty, Peyton decided to proceed with official introductions. Her guts were screaming at her not to do it, to send Sam back into the kitchen, but the sadness in Lucas' eyes was something she felt as though responsible for right now.

In that moment, she honestly was only trying to light up the mood a little. "Lucas this is Sam," She began but as soon as she spoke Sam's head jerked up so that he was looking right into his mom's eyes. "Oh," Peyton granted simply upon seeing the look he was giving her.

Looking back down Sam began addressing Lucas. "Samuel Matthew Sawyer, nice to meet you," He proudly corrected his mama. He'd of course learned how when you're meeting a new person you _have_ to introduce yourself with your _full_ name.

At his words, a small _'Oh'_ managed to come out Lucas' lips as well. Although he was feeling as if someone was tugging out his heart, he couldn't help the smile that was slowly gracing on his lips. That was the first time he was actually seeing his son. He was so beautiful, and had so much from Peyton. Yet, as he saw right into his baby blue eyes, he felt as if his own eyes were staring back at him. "Nice to meet you too Samuel Matthew Sawyer," Lucas spoke at last offering his hand for the boy to shake.

Sam hesitated just a bit, before followed by a shrug; he proceeded shaking hands strongly with the man before him.

Peyton shook her head slightly at the picture; a part of her couldn't really believe it. She heaved a sigh but then just spoke softly again. "Sammy this is Lucas, he is..." She began but trailed off thinking in just the right way to introduce Lucas to Sam right now. You'd think she'd had the time to think about things like that in the past four years, but she honestly hadn't.

Thankfully for Peyton, Lucas chimed in saving her from that awkward moment. He truthfully couldn't be any more grateful with her for the fact that his own hand was now holding his son's little hand. "I'm just one of your Momma's old friends," He filled in for Peyton, offering her a coy smile, and then looking down again at _his_ son. "It really is _so_ nice to meet you," He said once again, as he let go of the boy's hand.

"You too, Sir," Sammy replied rather politely, before rapidly turning to look back at Peyton. "Can I go with Daddy now? Please? We gotta finish your pie Momma," He informed her with one big smile on his face.

Peyton nodded wordlessly at him, before giving him a quick Eskimo kiss, and patting slightly his back as he exited the studio room.

She lingered in the moment as she saw her little boy running away, but at last met back Lucas' eyes. She gave him an apologetic look, though she really didn't know why. It wasn't her fault things had turned out the way they did.

Lucas offered her a small nod of his head. He tried to smile at her but the hurt he was feeling was simply too much. If he had ever before claimed of being hurting, feeling excruciating pain in his heart, this time had certainly top them all. His own son was calling someone else _'Daddy'_, that just couldn't be right. He was a regular _'Sir'_ for that little boy. If it hadn't really hit him before how much he regretted his decision of letting Peyton go, the time had definitely hit him today.

"Lucas," Peyton tried softly, pulling him out of his thoughts. His eyes stayed closed, and she could still vividly see the pain on his face.

Shaking slightly his head Lucas looked up at her. "It's okay, you...you don't have to explain, I..."

"He's his father," Peyton stated as nicely as she could sound. She didn't want to push things more, but then again, the sooner he realized how things were now the better.

After a few minutes, and upon Lucas' silence after her words, Peyton decided to speak again. "It's been a long day, maybe you should –"

"I don't wanna go," Lucas stated brokenly before she could even finish her statement.

Peyton gave him a nod, but it had in fact been a long day, and he seemed just so emotionally drained. "Maybe you can come over again, I–Lucas, I just…please,"

Lucas looked up at her, and upon seeing her face realized maybe it had been enough for today, so he obliged giving her a nod as he stood up from the couch.

"Lucas," Peyton called again only a couple of seconds later, when he had reached the hall to the front door. She stood by one tall books' shelf, and after just a little while of searching for the right one, she turned around and walked her way towards him.

"Here," Peyton said simply as she handed Lucas a curious white and blue small book. "It's Sammy's," She noted with a small giggle at Lucas' confused look. "It's his first scrapbook; we started making it before he was even born. That one goes up until he turns one or so, you...you can take it for the day if you'd like to," Peyton offered with a small shrug.

Lucas nodded at her taking the book from her hands, and only gave her a thankful look given no sound managed to come out of his lips.

"It's okay," Peyton granted nonchalantly as she walked to the door and held it open for him to step outside.

Lucas obliged slowly, holding tightly to the book on his hands. Looking at her once last time today, he offered her the only two words he could find in himself.

"_Thank you__,"_

* * *

**AN : **What do you think? Was it Peyton too soft? OOC? I dunno, but I did try with this chapter! *lol*

What did you think of Lucas 'meeting' Sammy? Ugh, LP conversation didn't come to me too easily, but I always knew Lucas would hurt the moment he met Sam. I hope you've liked it anyhow, and well…Reviews are love, so let me know what you think if you liked it (or not)

Thanks for reading!

**PS :** I honestly can't see Peyton cooking. I think this is like the 3rd story of mine where she's a poor cook, but I really can't help it. Do any of you actually see her with all the yummy/healthy foods? I cannot lol


	9. Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

**Author's Note : **Updating again so soon? Yup! (Writing machine? Yup!) Another flashback so soon, too? Yup! For some reason, I _really_ like writing flashbacks (Sometimes it is as if you are telling another little story inside the proper story, and well, I do _love_ that! heehee!) Plus, writing in Italics it's kinda nice, too, don't judge me lol!

I hope you like this, and thank you so _so_ much for all your input last chapter! (Greatly appreciated!) I wish I could tell you my take on Julian, too, (Why he's kind of too soft and understanding and not throwing punches at Lucas for waltzing back in) but let's just say you'd learn that at the same time as the story moves along. I think it's Peyton the one who tells Lucas just how her relationship with Julian-boy is, so yup, we're not jumping steps, and I'm not spoiling anything, but let just say, this time around, he'd been with Peyton for over five years (+ the time they've already spent together in LA the first time) This time they really have the time (and might) to built a _real _relationship...I really hope I can manage to show that just about right in upcoming chapters! heehee!

Anywho, I totally went rambling, sorry about that, today we get flashback, soon enough we'll pick with LP! Promise! **;)**

**&...Enjoy! ;)**

**Chapter Nine : Tell Me Sweet Little Lies**

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_The New Year celebration came and go uneventful for Peyton; when she less realized it, Valentine's Day arrangements were already been set. She had ended up spending most of her time with Julian for some reason and actually surprising her. It wasn't as if either of them were really seeking out for a love relationship, in a way they simply enjoyed being in each other's life without any kind of commitments. _

_They cared for one another, and that seemed to be enough. However, she had found herself ignoring everything else that was happening around her, moreover, what was happening inside her. She'd been back in Los Angeles for a little over a month now, yet, she hadn't told one person, not even Julian, the fact that she was pregnant. She somehow hated herself for it; she was being a bad mother months before her baby was even born, but then again, she desperately needed to pretend everything was okay. _

_That she was okay._

_She had merged herself into moving her label from Tree Hill, which happened to be a little harder than what she original planned, but surprisingly enough, the fact that she was struggling to get that done, helped her forget all the other stuff she was dealing with_.

_Her relationship with Tree Hill was rather little. The one person she kept in touch with, and simply because she just couldn't not talk to her, was Brooke Davis. She hadn't told her where she was, or with whom she was. Peyton had only tell the brunette -repeatedly- that she was okay, and that eventually things were going to come around and that that day she would be the first person Peyton would call._

_She hated the fact however; some days it felt as though she was running away from her life -her friends and the people she loved- because of Lucas. But then again, the reality was that since the moment she returned to Tree Hill, rarely were the moments when she genuinely felt at home. So now, that was her main task, create that feeling again, create a sense of home. _

_She was aware that would take time so she wasn't rushing a single thing; she was taking one little step at the time until she felt as though she was ready to face her past head on and not backing out because of a guy that simply wasn't the one for her._

_In the mean time she was going to keep telling Brooke that she was okay, and promise her over and over again, that it didn't matter the hour it was, if she needed something, anything, Brooke was going to be the person she'd call. _

_Luckily for Peyton, it had been two whole months since she left Tree Hill, and even though she did miss her friend, she hadn't had to call her because she was in 'distress' and needed to be 'rescue' quite yet._

_She still had gotten one text message from Haley once; and although Peyton was far from heard the brunette actually yelling at her, she could have sworn that was exactly what Haley was doing when she wrote that text. She was genuinely fired up for some reason; she had started telling her, 'how dare you,' as if it had been her decision all along. She also called her selfish, and merely blamed her for the way Lucas was acting. For the way her best friend was throwing his life at the garbage because of __her__._

_At that point, Peyton had really little knowledge of the way he was acting, but by the way Haley was ranting about it, it sure as hell didn't seem pretty._

_At the end of the message, Peyton could actually feel Haley putting down her weapons; she told her to come back, to come home, that things would be all right if she only did so._

_Peyton's reply was a plain 'I'm sorry'._

_Though in reality, it wasn't as plain as it sounded. She wasn't just saying sorry for leaving, she was also saying sorry for what was happening to Lucas, for the way things turned out to be. She was even saying sorry for Haley's hurting, because Peyton knew she was hurting too. It simply couldn't be easy see your best friend being its very own worst enemy, but there wasn't really something in Peyton's hands to solve his problems anymore._

_Haley didn't reply back, Peyton took that as a sign that she had actually understood the meaning of her message._

_Far from those small talks with Tree Hill, she was oblivious about everything else that was happening. She firmly forbid Brooke to tell her anything about Lucas or the 'one who shall not be named' as the brunette put it once when she couldn't help herself and had to mention him. Peyton however, she simply couldn't handle hearing his problems when hers were still waiting for her to solve them, so Brooke had obliged -eventually- and their conversations remained mainly simple and short for Brooke's bad luck._

_Peyton had gotten back to Sire Records, but they had learned soon enough how she wasn't anymore the same little girl they met a few years ago. For starters, she wasn't really 'back'; she was just working on their offices while she searched for just the right place to set Red Bedroom Records again. The office in Tree Hill had been shut down before she left town, but she did it in quite a quiet way. A part of her honestly hated leaving that place especially; that had been in more than one way, the place where her dream took off, where she realized she was able to do a lot more of what she'd give herself credit of, so...it had been hard. But she also hoped this new start would be for the best. _

_Julian had been really good to her in the month or so they had been 'hanging out'. He had helped her set up the apartment again. He had insisted though, how she should go and find someplace else; he'd argued how that place held so many memories of the two of them and that that couldn't end up all right. However, she dismissed his statements, saying how the memories where exactly her point. She had laughed in that apartment, so being there somehow assured her she would do so again._

_He of course, had agreed._

_The place was short of much furniture though. She hardly had her bed, a small dining table -she never dined on- one couch and a couple desks. But then again, in reality, she didn't spend that much time there anyway. Mostly just to sleep, and to past by the weekends sometimes._

_She was doing okay regardless that constant ache that haunted her at nights when she was alone with her thoughts. _

_Keeping herself busy in the day helped her...not to forget, but to bear easily the pain she carried in her heart. But she was doing it anyway; she was fighting to get her life back._

_Actually, she was fighting for a hell of a lot more than that; she was fighting to get the life she knew she deserved to have. _

_One in which there was no sorrow caused by Lucas. _

_One in which she's happy with herself. _

_One in which she's loved the way she should be loved._

_One in which she's doing what she loved. _

_One in which there's no tomorrows, but todays._

_One in which she'll be simply happy._

_She knew she could get that if only she fought hard enough, and she sure was determined to do so._

_Still, unfortunately for her, something had to get in the way of that luck...of that good and uneventful new beginning she'd been living for a while now._

_Why just couldn't her luck last a little bit longer?_

_It had been the Friday before Valentine's Day when she was forced to see the bigger picture. She had been at the label, working overtime for really...no one's surprise. _

_It had been still early, only a little past two o'clock in the afternoon, but because of the holiday and the party the company was offering later that day, offices had closed right after noon. _

_However, she had decided to stay for 'a little while longer', and get some things done before she left for the weekend. And then it was when it happened, all of a sudden, completely unannounced, her world turned black in one single blink._

_One moment she was signing some paperwork, and at the other, she was laid on one small bed in a really noisy ER. She felt groggy, and her surroundings didn't really make sense._

_Of course that, until she saw him. He had worried painted all over his face. She had felt ashamed at that, but she was still too confused to actually show it._

"_How are you feeling?" Was the first question Julian asked her as he reached the bed._

_Blinking a few times, and swallowing hard, Peyton managed to get out a husky 'Okay'._

"_Okay," Julian echoed as he leaned forward, and strongly kissed the top of her head._

"_What?" Peyton asked as she felt him mumbling some indistinguishable words against her temple._

_Shaking his head slightly, Julian drew back from her. "Nothing, it's just..." He trailed off staring down into her eyes. "You scared me," He stated sincerely._

"_I'm okay," Peyton said with a faint smile. However, it only took her a few seconds to realize she really didn't know what had happened. So after scrunching her whole face, she asked uncertainly. "I am?"_

_Julian let out a chuckle at her words, but also nodded. "You are," He assured her simply as he sat on the chair next to her bed. "You and your baby are okay," He added in almost a whisper._

_Peyton face contorted at Julian's words. His eyes were down on his lap, but she could still see how awkward, and uncomfortable that moment was for him. "I...Did they tell you?" She asked uneasily._

_Looking up to meet her eyes, Julian offered her a small shrug. "I already knew," He stated simply, and almost laughed at the way Peyton's eyes widened and her mouth opened. "You forget I lived with you for almost a year?" He asked in his defense._

"_Yeah, but..." Peyton began, but she just couldn't hide the surprise those words had caused in her. "How?"_

_Julian shrugged helplessly one more time. "You're a whole lot more moody that I remembered," He smirked, but regretted upon Peyton's glare. Shaking a little his head, he began again. "You've got a 'bug' since the first day I saw you again. And although you're doing a pretty good job hiding it, I know you've been hurting since the first moment you stepped back in LA. Yet, you hadn't had one single drink in all these time. Not even for New Years toast if I recall correctly," He said almost laughing._

_Peyton simply twisted her lips, staring coyly at him. She honestly had no idea he knew._

"_Plus," Julian called after a beat, drawing Peyton's attention. "You just keep touching your belly really funny,"_

"_Hey!" Peyton cried back indignantly. For a moment she actually could forget just where she was, and well...why, too. "I do not," She argued, and he could clearly see the pout on her lips._

"_You so do," Julian scoffed. "It's actually kinda cute, it is as if you were asking it permission to do stuff," He explained, but at Peyton's confused look, he elaborated a bit more. "Every time I ask you to go out with me to some place, anywhere, to go to dinner, to the set. Whenever I ask you what you want to eat, before responding you always hesitate a bit looking down at your lap, and your hand always ended up landing shyly on your tummy. You...I think you're actually going to be a good mom. That...That kid just won the lottery." He stated sincerely, and seriously for a change. "I mean that."_

_For a few seconds, Peyton simply stared at him softly. Moments like those, where the ones that reminded her just why she'd been in love with him in the first place. "Thank you," She whispered._

"_Whatever," Julian replied playfully, standing up from his chair, and taking a few steps closer to Peyton. "I should let you rest. They said you are okay, but that you gotta take it easy from now on." He all but ordered. Peyton simply nodded so he continued. "You're staying here for the night, and they are running a bunch of more tests on you and your 'bug'." He said trying to be serious, yet he couldn't help but smirk. "But now you need to rest. And sleep, and... Don't worry about anything, okay?" He asked, as he leaned in kissing her forehead again. "I'll be right outside, so if you need anything, just...I'll be outside." He promised as he slowly walked away from the bed._

"_Julian," Peyton called softly after him. He simply looked back at her from the doorway. "Would you stay?"_

* * *

**AN : **Was_ this_ Julian easier to picture? Maybe I _do_ write him too nice, though I did borrow some lines from the show at the end (Couldn't help myself, I kinda loved the way he said it once upon a time heehee) so, oh well...Let me know how I'm doing it.

**As a couple random notes :**

**+ First, **the thing of having Peyton all the way here in California, means that I _can't_ write her as often as I'd want to write her with Brooke, and Nate and Hales (We haven't even heard about them (their lives) yet, but hey! We will!)...Sometimes if I really want to do that, "something" has to happen, so have that in mind! hehe!** ;)**

**Second, **Peyton's baby is going to stay "baby" in this fic. I said that cuz Julian did call Sammy _bug_ here too, but I just did that here so he could "play" a little with the fact instead of getting all dramatic over the baby. I actually think that's how my family began calling the new babies bugs; mamas-to-be always get sick as if they got a bug so I guess that's somehow my (our) logic! **;)**

Hope you like this! Let me know what you think! ;)

Oh and hey, random thought number**3**, I was just watching S6 (617 actually) and there was Brooke&Julian...and Sam? I honestly hadn't thought about that ti'll today! Whoops, I guess LOL (Always liked Sammy for LP kid anyway, so oh well...no offence, but Sammy fits better to_ this_ boy lol Only Kidding!)


	10. Whatever Happened, Happened

**Author's Note : **Hi you guys! I've been having a lot going on lately so that is kind of keeping me a bit busy and not to free to update as I wish I could. Thankfully, only good things are happening so don't need to panic heehee! I will of course still find time to write, even though sometimes I find myself with unanswered questions that keep me from writing for a few days (i.e. If Haley weren't one to be with Nathan -we're talking Season1- Who should she be with? I'd tried Jake which I don't completely dislike, but eh, doesn't click quite right still, you know?)

Anyway, onto _this_ story, and_ this_ chapter, well...I do have to say that I quite liked writing it, you know? -Until _certain_ point, but mostly-

Here you'd learn (through Peyton) some back-story on her and Sammy's life mainly. I hope you get to like that. In one weird way (not really that weird, but not normal either) here they are (LP) kind of reconnecting with each other at some level, and as a hardcore LP fan, that was pretty nice to write.  
One more time, I hope you agree, and that this chapter is good enough. (Sorry btw I wrote this comment at the beginning, couldn't quite write it at the end but it really is not spoiler-y. After all, if you're reading the **AN** I suppose you'd read the chapter, so yup, soon enough you'll understand what the heck was I talking about heehee!)

**Enjoy! ;)**

**Chapter Ten : ****Whatever Happened, Happened**

* * *

Perhaps a story involving only nice things would be for some people the definition of a boring story...

People for some reason enjoy such negative emotions as grief, sadness..._tragedy_. Makes you wonder if there is a real reason why people feel good for feeling…_bad_.

Do people really have to struggle, beat the odds, suffer, cry, grieve, in order to overcome their problems? Can't they just be happy?

Perhaps that's just our nature. For us to know something had mattered maybe we have to struggle to get it.

But when do you know you have struggled too much? Or at least _enough_?

Peyton's day had started rather simple, rather easy…rather _happy_. Maybe that should have been her cue.

In the past, whenever everything seemed to be going so smoothly, something _always _got in the way of that. Maybe she should have been prepared for it. Prepare to lose. Prepare to struggle.

However, she hadn't. She had been with Lucas, actually talking with him for the first time in years when everything simply went wrong.

It all had begun with a call. For some reason she'd left her phone in the kitchen instead than with her that morning.

That had been her first mistake of the day.

Actually, her first mistake had been taking her life for granted for a second.

At some point she couldn't even hear her own thoughts.

Everything seemed just _so_ wrong.

"_Thank you," Lucas said as he entered Peyton's house for the second time in less than a week._

_She smiled faintly at him as they headed towards the living room. "You gotta stop saying that, though." She called nonchalantly, walking past him._

_Lucas nodded his head sheepishly before walking after her. "You have a nice home," He noted simply in an attempt to break that awkward tension that somehow settled between them every time they were together now._

"_Thanks," Peyton replied as she took a seat in the end of one couch. _

_She seemed as if she wanted to put distance from him, so sighing Lucas accepted the hint, and sat down on the end of the other couch; far enough distance between the two. "I brought you back his scrapbook," He said, taking out from his case the small book._

_Peyton smiled almost immediately at the sight of it. "Thank you," She said one more time, but this time around Lucas knew she'd mean it, and hadn't said it only to be polite._

_After Peyton took the book in her hands, Lucas waited a beat before speaking again. He was now always unsure of what the right words to tell her were. Then again, he knew he couldn't expect their relationship to go back to normal with just a couple encounters, so in any case, he was going to try. Try and keep trying, and hope he'd get better with each try. "I saw the book," He commented casually, but that was nothing short of the truth; he surely had seen the book. Repeatedly actually. He was amazed of the amount of pictures Peyton…they had taken of his son._

_The book started around when Peyton was five, perhaps six months pregnant. Her belly was already big, but not too much. Lucas could notice how most of the pictures were taken without her permission, although she was laughing in most, she was also attempting to hide her face...or her belly for that matter, too._

_He wasn't completely sure of the reason why Peyton gave him the book to take home, maybe it had been out of the kindness of her heart, or maybe it had been to torture him._

_Lucas had never felt less sure of what he was feeling than while he was watching at all those pictures._

_He felt an awful lot of remorse, and guilt for not having been there for her. The pictures were __nourishment__ for his agony; he'd known how he should have been there taking those pictures instead of just seeing them almost five years later._

_He still was grateful of at least having the chance of see them, but that was exactly his struggle. _

_How could he'd been so selfish and let her deal with it all alone?_

_In a way, he was even thankful with that man who was with her in some pictures. He wanted to hate the guy though, but he couldn't. Lucas could see in the pictures how he did make things easier for Peyton and his son, so although it killed him, he was in fact grateful for that man._

_A man he didn't even know his name yet, but that somehow was his son's father._

_After just a few more pictures of Peyton's big belly, the pictures of the boy had began, he was so little at the beginning; his eyes were most of the times strongly shut in lots of the pictures. _

_Sam always had his very same eyes though; that was the first thing Lucas noticed when a picture of the baby with big open icy blue eyes appeared. There were only a few pictures at the hospital, regardless the fact, in the few that he did see; Peyton was wearing the proudest of smiles._

_She held the boy with such love, and worship, that Lucas could only hate himself even more after seeing them._

_He should have been there._

_Afterwards he had been witness of Sam's firsts everything. The scrapbook held pictures of the first time he was brought home, the first time he went into his bedroom, the first time he cooed to Peyton, the first time he was set in his basinet and later on into his crib. The first time he had cried all night long and hadn't let anyone sleep. The first time he took a bath. The first time he smiled. His first temper-tantrum at the sweet age of not even two months. His first hysterical laugh attack. The first time he frowned seriously at Peyton._

_The first time he squinted._

_That had been especially hard on him for some reason. A part of him was glad she had highlighted the fact, but he was the one who was supposed to that._

_His heart also contorted when he saw the pictures of Sam's first Basketball Season, his brother was there, Haley, Jamie, Brooke...that man. The boy must not have been more than four months-old but he was still wearing a teeny tiny jersey of which Lucas didn't manage to read the name on the back. _

_The boy shared pictures with all his family, all the people who loved him._

_He __**should**__ have been there._

_Although they were many pictures, it all was over a little too soon. The last picture in the book was the baby and Peyton, it was the night of his first birthday, and they were surrounded by many presents and balloons. Peyton held him tight to her chest, as they both where sitting on the floor. She was smiling brightly and so was he. Sam was attempting to put the chocolate cake filled spoon into Peyton's mouth, but she held his hand, and it seemed as though she was motioning him to the camera._

_When he closed the book after watching it the first time, tears were completely flooding his eyes._

_That book had made everything more real. It had showed him all the big and little things he had missed in only his son's first year of life. There were still three or so more years he was still missing._

_It had reminded him how much of a bad father he was. It had told him over, and over again, how it was too late._

_That there was no chance in hell he could make up for all the time he'd lost._

_But he had then made himself stop soon enough. He had shut up that stupid voice in his head, and had watched the small book again. _

_And a few other times after that._

_He just didn't want to miss any other detail of that little boy._

"_You did?" Peyton asked with a genuine smile on her face. "We have a few more; Sam's the kind of boy that really likes when we take him pictures. He loves attention for some reason," She added somewhat teasingly. She just couldn't pretend and talk coldly when it was about her son. He was in the end the reason of most of her smiles, so it really didn't matter if she was with Lucas or not, she will always love talking about that boy._

"_I saw that," Lucas said coyly with a nod of his head. "I...I, can I see them?" He asked hesitantly. _

"_Oh...yeah," Peyton replied somewhat confused, but after shaking lightly her head, she stood up and walked all the way to the studio where they had met a couple of days ago._

_She returned only a few minutes later with at least four more scrapbooks, each one thicker than the other. _

"_Whoa, he definitely likes the camera," Lucas stated, as he stood up and helped her put the books on the coffee table before them._

_Each one was different from one another. The color blue was always present though, but the other colorings, and the type of letters Peyton used to write his name every time in the cover was different from book to book._

"_He does," Peyton agreed with one small chuckle, as she took a seat again on the couch. "You can take a look of them," She offered simply._

_Lucas nodded, reaching out his hand to take the book on top, but took it back all too quickly. "How is he?" He asked, locking eyes with Peyton._

_She narrowed her brows at his question, so Lucas took the hint and elaborated. "I can see all the pictures in the world, but I'd like to...You know, what kind of boy is he?" He asked uneasily, and feeling actually nervous for the first time that morning._

"_Oh," Peyton said simply, feeling a little lost at Lucas' question, but she still offered him a small smile. She could see the curiosity in his eyes, so taking the first book in her hands; she stood up and sat again next to Lucas on the couch he was, placing the small book on his lap for him to open._

"_You already know his name...his full name," She began as Lucas started flipping his fingers through the book. "He's a pretty good boy, kinda mama's boy," She added teasingly, laughing slightly because of which so did Lucas, although his eyes were still focused on the book. "He…His birthday is June 23__rd__; he was an early boy from the start. He was born at three-seven in the morning, and also a little sooner than…"_

"_Yeah, at eight months," Lucas interrupted, lifting his head from the book so that he could meet Peyton's eyes. "I did the math," He added somewhat shamefully with a shrug. _

_But that had been exactly what he had done the night before while seeing for the hundredth time the first little book._

_He had played a thousand scenarios in his mind about the reason of that. He had thought in all possible complications Peyton may had had with her pregnancy, and it only killed him a bit more every time he realized how it didn't matter how hard he tried to guess, he couldn't know the right answer simply because he wasn't there._

"_Yeah," Peyton replied uneasily, before shifting her eyes from Lucas' to the book on his lap. Still she couldn't ignore the questioning look of his eyes. "Long story short," She said looking back up. "He was always kind of a big baby, and I've always been rather thin, so..." She explained vaguely._

_Lucas However gave her a nod. "Okay," He said simply. The less he was going to do was pushing things. He had no right in the end._

"_Hmm," Peyton muttered, gesturing him back to the book. "We had to stay for like three days at the hospital after he was born, but then we brought him right here. This one has always been his home. I'm not sure if he liked it that much, though. He was kind of a grumpy baby at the beginning, really. Sometimes it was as if he was just pissed off at the world half the time or something," She admitted half-serious, half-jokingly. "That didn't last long though, but still..." She added shrugging rather flippantly. _

_"We never even tried the cry-to-sleep so-called technique so he was used to arms and being held. He still does, I guess, but we don't regret that. Now he is just a lot more of a cuddling little boy, and that's just fine by me. Back then it was a bit of a problem though; he really used to hate when we put it alone on top of the bed, or in his crib while he was still awake. There was nothing that worked for him other than arms, sometimes though if we were lucky, he'd like the swing, but most of the times that wasn't the case." She said with a nod, and smiled when Lucas nodded along without really looking up at her. _

_"After he was born he always did everything early, you know? He was always desperate to multitask. He was eating but at the same time he would stretch his whole body just so he could grab something, or catch sight of the TV. When he was a baby, he liked to just stare at the TV. That was kind of weird at times. Even when the TV was off he would just stare at it and started laughing out of the blue. That was odd," She said with a chuckle. _"_But he actually did that a lot, laughed for no apparent reason. I actually was concerned about it at some point but Julian said that that was what babies did, so I settled. After a while it did stop, although he does love to laugh." Peyton said proudly, but couldn't help but see Lucas' face contorting when she said Julian's name. Anyway, she didn't give it much importance. That was the way things happened, why would she keep stuff?_

"_He doesn't like anymore to be read, he used to like it, but…I don't know; since he got into preschool he says he's a little too old to be read. Even though he still has quite a few things to master with his reading, he would still tell you that been read is for babies. So now, he likes instead to attempt and read to me his bed-night story. It's cute," She said simply with a shrug. "He squints the same way you do when you're reading and focused, you know?"_

"_Yeah?" Lucas asked quietly, slowly lifting his eyes from the book. _

_Just then, he had arrived to Sammy's terrible twos, Peyton had pictures of him climbed up on every possible inch of that house, and of her studio, too. He was playing in most of the pictures, painting, dressed up, and dirty from head to toe from any kind of food, or mud, or anything really._

_This all was being way too overwhelming for Lucas' taste. He shouldn't be listening all that Peyton was sharing with him, or seeing all those photographs, although he couldn't help but loving it. She was opening her heart to him once again, he wouldn't, and was not taking that for granted this time around._

"_Yep," Peyton replied nodding. "He's a really perky, frisky, happy little boy. He talks a lot by the way," She added with her eyes wide. Lucas didn't have any other option but to trust her. "Hmm, he said his first real word when he was...almost seven months, and he hadn't stopped talking since." She said laughing._

"_What was it?" Lucas asked curiously. "His first word I mean," He added upon Peyton's confused stare on him._

"_Oh," She said sheepishly, but with a smile on her lips. He could clearly see how much she enjoyed talking about that boy, and it only brought joy, and proud to his heart. "It was '__**more**__'...well, kinda," She began explaining. _

_Lucas simply stared expectantly at her, so she kept going. "It was one night, it was actually pretty late already, it was one of the first nights he had been sleeping through the night, so I was doing some work stuff while he slept. I was alone with him that night, I don't know why, but like at 2am he started crying inconsolable. He really wouldn't stop until I took him out of his crib and brought him with me back to my room. He then just sat there on the bed and began messing with my papers, and smirking at me every time he did something he shouldn't. Because that's another thing he did early, that boy's smirk is priceless. He's way more stubborn than you and me together, so you're warned." She joked cracking a smile Lucas matched, but after a beat, she continued. _

"_I was eating ice-cream that night, strawberry ice-cream it was, and it was melting on the night-stand while I was trying to get him to go to sleep again, but instead of doing what I wanted him to, he just kept eyeing my ice-cream, so–"_

"_You gave in?" Lucas asked softly._

"_Yeah," Peyton said with a chuckle. "You just have had to see those puppy eyes pleading at me for some ice-cream, so I know I shouldn't have, but I gave him a little bit with the tip of my finger. At first, he winced when the ice-cream touch his lips, because it was obviously cold, but of course he didn't know that. But then he started licking his lips, and opening and closing his mouth like quite a goof. I told him he couldn't have more, that ice-cream was not for babies, but he didn't listen," Peyton confessed, playfully shaking her head. "He instead kept his eyes steadily fixed on me, and all of a sudden he started bouncing on his spot saying __**'mo'**__ over and over again."_

"_More," Lucas noted as Peyton started chuckling. "You gave him more?"_

"_No," Peyton replied rapidly, but then smiled sheepishly, letting him know just how she in fact had given him more. "Not at first anyway," She added coyly. "After a while when he noticed I wasn't giving in, he added a second word to his plea,"_

"_What did he say?" Lucas asked, narrowing lightly his eyes._

"'_**mo, ma**__," Peyton replied with a smirk of her own. "That was the first time he called me 'ma', so I just had to give him a bit more," She said with a shrug._

"_More ma," Lucas echoed quietly, staring firmly into Peyton's eyes. Today they were sparkling a whole lot more than what he'd seen the few times he'd seen her lately. "I'm sorry," He blurted out softly._

_Peyton's eyebrows knitted, and she shook her head as though his words had pulled her out of whatever world she had let herself fall for the hour or so they had been talking. "Do you want something to drink, to eat?" She asked distantly, as she stood up from the couch and walked a few steps away from him._

"_No, I'm...um," Lucas stuttered but then shook his head._

"_I'll go bring you some water," Peyton stated simply before disappearing to the other room, leaving Lucas alone with the memories of the son he was just meeting, and also cursing under his breath for having scared her away._

_Some good ten minutes passed by and Peyton hadn't made her way back to the living room, so Lucas couldn't help but feel a little worried. He hesitated, and actually called her name before doing so, but after getting no response from her, he walked slowly towards the kitchen. _

_He hadn't walked that part of the house quite yet, but instead of focusing on the details as he had with the other rooms he had been in, he focused himself in finding Peyton without crossing any kind of lines._

"_Peyton," Lucas called up quietly, walking through one long hallway. "Peyt," He said one more time as he pushed open the kitchen door, and revealed a broken Peyton, sitting at the counter, with both her hands on her face, and her cell phone tightly gripped in one hand._

"_Hey, Peyt. You okay?" Lucas asked softy, reaching her on the counter. He placed his hand on the small of her back, and smoothed some curls out of her face. "What happened?" He asked hesitantly. He couldn't help but being surprised she hadn't yanked his hand away...at least not yet anyway. "Do you want me to go?" Lucas tried once more time, upon seeing no change on her features._

"_I...Um," Peyton muttered under her breath._

"_It's okay," Lucas cooed, sitting on the stool next to her. _

_Peyton slowly lifted her head from her hands, revealing the tears on her cheeks Lucas had not seen yet. "I...I–" She began, gesturing to her cell phone but her voice cracked. "There are like five missing calls from Sammy's school in..." She trailed off putting her hands back on her face, as a sob escaped her lips._

"_Peyton what happened?" Lucas asked worriedly, rubbing small circles on her back in a lame attempt to soothe her._

_Shaking her head in rapid jerks, she closed tightly her eyes. "I...I don't know," She mumbled between weeps. "They said an accident," She stated brokenly, finally looking firmly into Lucas' eyes._

* * *

**...**


	11. From A Whisper to a Scream

**Author's Note :** This update was supposed to come last night, but let's just say "White Collar" got in my way. Just for the record, loved, loved the new epi, and really, love Hilarie! What can I say? She really is great, and even though I do miss Peyton (so, so much) seeing her in WC is also quite awesome!  
Anywho, onto our actual business, here's a new chapter! I hope you like it, and remember, reviews are love, so please let me know what you think! ;)

**Enjoy! ;)**

**Chapter Eleven : ****From A Whisper to a Scream**

* * *

_Accident._

_Large truck._

_Over 35 children involved._

_Big Blue bus incident._

_Drivers' irresponsibility._

_UCLA Medical Center._

_Two unknown victims._

_Aggressive Driving._

_Speeding._

_St. John's Health Center._

_Red lights._

_**Fatal.**_

The feeling was surreal; all she could hear were small pieces of a puzzle she just didn't know how to put together.

Is like you know you should put it together, you actually know you can, but somehow someone took the box and you are simply stuck figuring out what is that, that you're supposed to do with the pieces.

She had talked with an endless number of people, being left on hold for minutes at the time, and still no one was able to tell her Sam's whereabouts.

Whether he was okay, whether he wasn't, nothing.

That was all she had hear..._nothing_.

Twenty-one minutes was the distance Julian had to drive each day from his office in LA to his home in Santa Monica; in a regular day it never felt as too much, today however, it felt like a lifetime. For him, as well as it did for Peyton.

She had called him between sobs only seconds after she called back the school and was informed the little they knew about what had happened with her son's school bus.

Today wasn't a Wednesday like all the others, today the kids had a school trip designed to teach them about public transportation. They would draw pictures that later on would be displayed on the Big Blue buses that round the city every day.

They were supposed to ride the buses, go to the buses facility and simply have fun and learn a little about their city.

They were supposed to have _fun_.

However, fate, or whatever you want to called it, had different plans for those children that day.

"_Hey, it's okay. What did they tell you?" Lucas asked as calmed as he could, given the circumstances. He hadn't been in his son's life for longer than a week, and now something had happened already._

_Taking a deep breath in an attempt to pull herself together, Peyton opened her eyes and stared weakly into his eyes. "They had a school trip today," Her voice cracked but she kept going still. "He was so excited this morning. He...He was in one of the buses," She stated fearfully. _

"_Did something happen to him?" Lucas asked cautiously, the less he wanted was break her more than she already was but he still needed to know._

"_No," Peyton replied rapidly, but then shook her head, as tears fell freely down her cheeks. "I mean, I don't know. A truck, there was a truck, and the bus they were in, I..."_

"_Hey, hey, hey!" Lucas called as she started sobbing harder beside him. He then, for the first time in almost five years, grabbed Peyton Sawyer into his arms and held her tightly to his chest. He had completely forgotten how fragile she was. How...perfectly she fitted in his arms._

_However, he hated she was there right now. Moreover, the reason of such._

"_Hey, it's going to be okay. You don't know what happened yet, I'm sure...I'm sure he's okay, Peyton." Lucas stated firmly, lifting her face with his finger tucked under her chin. "It's going to be okay," He reassured her, once their eyes had locked. _

"_You don't know that," Peyton said brokenly as more thick tears fell from her eyes._

"_Yeah, I do." Lucas replied strongly wiping a few tears off of her face with his thumb. "I do," He said again, half for Peyton's reassurance, and the other half for his own. _

_Everything __had__ to be okay._

_She didn't say anything back for a few seconds but instead buried her head deeply into Lucas' arms, and cried even harder. Her body was shaking terribly, and Lucas could only remain steady, and held her tight, hoping for the best._

"_I can't lose him," Peyton said softly, trying as hard as she could to stop crying and remain calm. She didn't know a whole much of information yet; things could still be okay. She was at least trying to hold on to that feeling as strongly as she could. _

_However, there was that annoying little voice in the back of her mind that just couldn't stop yelling at her the truth of the matters in her life. The worst part was that she knew that little voice was somehow right, whom was she kidding, right? She was Peyton Sawyer; universe never went easy on her, why would that change now?_

"_You won't," Lucas soothed. "You won't."_

"_Not him," Peyton cried, nestling deeper in Lucas' embrace._

_Not five minutes went by when Lucas heard the back door opening and closing loudly before a man rushed into the kitchen he and Peyton's where at. He took in his surroundings rapidly, but in any way, before Lucas could really acknowledge him and the worried look on his face, Peyton was already slipping away from him, and rushing to the arms of the man that had just appeared before his eyes._

"_They won't tell me anything," Peyton cried helplessly in his arms._

_Julian closed his eyes strongly, holding her for dear life. "He's going to be fine, Peyton," He mumbled softly kissing fondly the top of his head. "It'll all be okay."_

_Lifting her face so that he could see into her eyes, Julian cupped her face with both his hands lovingly. "He's your boy, remember?" He began, not even caring to acknowledge Lucas' questioning look on him. "He's all a fighter. You know that," He stated, fighting back his own tears and fears. It didn't matter how many Lucas Scotts appeared at his doorsteps, he loved that boy a whole lot more than if he were his own biologically. He only knew one thing for sure, nothing could happen to him; not him. "He's probably just fine, you hear me?…You hear me?" He asked strongly upon Peyton's silence._

"_Yeah," She nodded, wiping vaguely her tears before burying her head back on Julian's shoulder._

_That should be him._

_That was the alone thought that was running in Lucas' mind at the sight of the two of them tangled in each other's arms. The man holding, and soothing Peyton should be him and no one else._

_However, he knew he'd lost that right long ago, and that now that was apparently his place._

_An outsider. A watcher. A viewer._

_Now his role was to watch and envy the man who was holding his woman._

_His Peyton._

_He hated him, at that very moment was when it hit Lucas the real feeling he held towards the man._

_But he also knew he was lying to himself at some level. Yeah, he hated that guy Julian, he did hate him. But he still hated himself more._

_A whole lot more._

The local news had been showing nonstop footage of the accident, yet, Peyton, nor Julian seemed to find out any useful information about the kids, or...the deceased.

They had talked with the preschool teachers that were just as inpatients as them to find out what had happened but all they knew was what the news kept repeating.

"_Two dead people and one in critical condition after trunk plowed into a Big Blue in West Los Angeles Wednesday morning."_

"_An 80.000 pounds large truck collided with a Big Blue full of children from the Westside Montessori Preschool at around 9am this morning. Kids are being send to all the nearby medical facilities but the amount of loses haven't been yet officially confirmed."_

"_Off the record statements declared over 15 children with minor injuries, and about three severely injured including the driver of the Big Blue."_

"St. John's Health Center," Peyton pretty much cried before hanging up the phone. Both men's eyes turned to her, so composing herself a little she added. "That's where they are taking Sammy," She said, before taking one deep breath, and fixing her eyes firmly on Julian. "We need to go," She all but ordered.

"What did they say?" Julian asked as calmly as he could sound. Not knowing was definitely taking the best of him.

"Nothing," Peyton said frustrated. "They just told me that's where they are taking him." She stated quietly. "Let's go," She pleaded.

"Yeah" Was all Julian could let out, as he walked his way to Peyton and kissed her forehead strongly. "It will be okay," He reassured her one more time, before locking his arm around her waist and started walking along with her towards the back door.

"I need to go, too," Lucas spoke for the first time since Julian had entered the kitchen.

Peyton turned around to look at him with tears welling terribly her eyes; the picture alone breaking in a million pieces Lucas' heart. Still, he insisted. "I need to go. Please," He asked once again.

Shaking her head slightly, and closing her eyes, Peyton began. "You hear me," She said, her voice cracked but after just a moment, she made herself keep going. "St. John's Health Center" She said before turning away and snuggling closer to Julian as they exited the house.

The less she needed was Lucas demanding things, but then again, Sam was his son too so the least she could do was try to understand him. He was his father at some level in the end; maybe he was just as nervous as she was.

The car ride to the hospital was rather quiet; the traffic was insane though, not helping at all Peyton's nerves. She could see Lucas' car following right behind them but in all honesty, she couldn't really care. She had no idea what was happening to her boy, if he was okay, if he was injured, it he was scared, alone...all and each scary thought was crossing her mind as they drove closer to the hospital.

In any other day that care ride would have last no more than seven minutes, however today it took them a little bit over forty-one minutes.

"Let's go," Julian said as he hurriedly parked the car outside the hospital. Upon getting no response, he turned and leaned in to Peyton's side of the car. "Everything is going to be fine. I promise…I really do," He said strongly, although his voice was close to breaking.

Closing her eyes tightly, Peyton allowed his words to sick in. As she opened them again, she offered him a soft smile. "He'd better be okay," She stated before nervously pressing a soft kiss to his lips, as though gathering courage for whatever was yet to happen. "I love you," She muttered against his lips, and smiled as she felt him smiling lightly too.

Sighing heavily Julian pulled away, and rested his hand on her cheek; she leaned into his touch closing her eyes again. "He will be," He stated, replying somewhat Peyton's first statement. "And I love you, too," He added with a weak chuckle. "Now come on, he needs us," He said once again, as he tapped playfully her nose with his forefinger, and processed to get out of the car.

They walked together through the hospital's lobby, her feet moving at a speed that she could swear she hadn't walked before, but then again, she'd never been in such situation involving _her_ son before.

Her hands were tightly grabbed by Julian's, she could feel how terrified he was as well, so squeezing it back was all she could do to somehow soothe him, too.

Both of them have in a way, completely forgotten of how Lucas was supposed to come behind them; however, when they reached the front desk Peyton caught sight of Lucas out of the corner of her eye already there. She still couldn't care less, the one thing she wanted to do was ask for her son.

"Samuel," Peyton said quickly to the receptionist. "Samuel Sawyer," She added but her quivering lip denied her to keep going so Julian spoke for her.

"Samuel Matthew Sawyer," He repeated strongly. "He's four and half years old, he was...He was in an accident...the Big Blue accident," He informed hurriedly, before grabbing Peyton firmly into his arms as they waited for the receptionist to respond.

Lucas could see, and for some bizarre reason feel too, how Peyton's body was shaking underneath Julian's arms. She was biting her lower lip so strongly to the point that she even drew blood from it. He wanted so desperately to tell her something that would soothe her. He wanted to grab her in his arms, and tell how it didn't matter what the woman before them would say, that they were going to be just _fine_. All three of them.

But he couldn't, that wasn't his place anymore, and he despised himself for the fact.

The receptionist looked up from her computer's screen hesitantly. Apparently, today had been a crazy day for everybody, including the healthcare providers. "I'm sorry you are..." She began but Peyton rapidly cut her off.

"I'm his mom," She said as tears started flooding her eyes, and a few fell freely down her cheeks, but she still didn't make any attempt to wipe them away, instead she leaned closer to the desk, and with her eyes pleaded the woman before her to speak fast.

"Oh," The receptionist said apologetically before looking back down at her screen and then up at Peyton. "Room 421," She said quickly.

"Is he…" Peyton began hesitantly, but this time it was the receptionist's turn to cut her off.

"I don't know how he is, Miss Sawyer. You'll have to talk to his doctor upstairs, but if he's already in a room it can't be too bad," She said cautiously, somewhat trying to take a little bit of the painful burden the mother in front of her was carrying.

"Okay...thank you," Peyton said softly, offering her a nod, as she walked already towards the elevator. Her heart was still racing, and she could feel her chest raising and falling unsteadily as all three of them got into the elevator. She pressed the number four, and gasped loudly when at doing so she noticed even her hand was trembling.

After reaching just the right floor, she pushed past some people before actually spotting the room the receptionist had told her, she froze at the doorway though. Julian's strong hand landing on her shoulder was what made her return to reality. "It's okay," He spoke softly into her ear.

Peyton nodded, and guardedly pushed the door open; Julian was walking right beside her, and Lucas was walking..._behind_ them.

But after opening the door, none of it mattered anymore. She didn't care who was at her side, or behind her, all she cared was who was in front of her. Seeing the picture of her son sitting on the bed, whining at the nurse who was with him, but actually smiling was the one thing Peyton needed to breathe again. She felt the tears welling rapidly in her eyes again, but she fought them back this time. The less she wanted was scaring her boy.

She walked swiftly to the bed, ignoring the nurse's questions, but instead hugging, and kissing, each and every bit of her son. "Hey," She cooed cupping his face with her hands so she could see those charming big blue eyes she'd missed so much. "You okay, sweetie?" She asked softly, but a small sob managed to escape her lips. She just couldn't help it, she had imagined the worst, she had thought she wasn't going to see him again, yet, she was, and it was just too overwhelming.

"Don't cry Mommy," Sammy whispered, lifting up himself so that he was at his mom's eye level. "Don't cry," He repeated, following with his forefinger the tracks of the tears on Peyton's cheeks.

"It's okay, Buddy," Peyton said swallowing hard, as thought trying to pull herself together. "Momma's just happy you're all right," She informed him before pulling him back into her arms.

It was then that Lucas was broke out of his daze, feeling Julian walking past him and closer to the bed, pulling both Sam and Peyton into his embrace. Lucas saw as he kissed the top of Sam's head strongly and for a long time before he pulled back and smiled at Peyton as she did so too. "Told you he was okay," Julian smirked cracking a smile Peyton weakly matched.

"I'm fine," Sam spoke up, somewhat confused about all the tears, and commotion around him.

"You are," Peyton agreed with a small chuckle, as she turned to look at her boy again, and now finally going into detail about how he was.

He was dressed in one of those awful hospital gowns, and also had a few bruises on his face, and for Sam's, and for her own dismay actually too, her mischievous son's left arm was covered by a really colorful cast.

Upon seeing his mom staring at his arm, Sam spoke drawing her attention. "They didn't have Toy Story ones," He pouted and both Peyton and Julian shared a laugh.

"I think Cars it's pretty cool still," Julian noted playfully as he re-kissed his boy's forehead.

At the far corner of the room, Lucas did..._nothing_. He just stood still. He couldn't walk to the bed and tell the boy how happy he was he was okay. He hardly even knew him. He couldn't laugh at his pout. He couldn't comment how he would try to find him a Toy Story Cast.

He couldn't do any of that, so he simply remained quiet.

Staring as the happy family reunited, and he only watched them from the distance.

It all was his fault, and although he was trying to make everything right, it just didn't seem to be enough.

He was still at the back.

Watching the screening of his life... of _his family_, playing out before his eyes, and being simply unable to do something..._anything, _to change it.

* * *

**...**

**AN : **Hmm, what did you think? I really couldn't harm the boy, and this somehow sets up some things for what'll come next. Giving you a little cliffs-notes of unanswered questions from reviews :

+ We will see (soon enough actually) how Haley redeems herself with Peyton _&_ Sammy...and well, how Lucas too screwed it again back then.

+ Flashback chapters are actually always (at least so far) from Peyton's pov. I never thought about writing Lucas' side of the story, mainly, because even in _my_ eyes he was (is, who knows?) the bad guy. I don't see the point of writing him in the 5years gap since he was an ass, and though you will learn little things here and there about how his life was in that time, I don't think I'd write a flashback entirely about his life in that time unless you really want me to. ;)

+ Lucas and Peyton's "blowout" (which isn't _so_ bad tbh) once upon a time before he walked away is _partly_ written already (I needed to get the ideas out of my head! lol) **yet,** you won't be able to read it until it's the 'right' time, so in that one, you'll maybe have to be patient. It'll happen though ;)

Um, I think that's enough for today. Hope you all liked this chapter. Sammy will spend another little while in the hospital, and hopefully you'll like what'll happened in that time. I kind of did heehee! ;)


	12. These Ties That Bind

**Author's Note : **Have I mention how fun it is when you get all these "conflicted" opinions? It is FUN! Maybe not too much for_ you_, but since (for a change) I am the one who has the "truth" and knows how things are going to unfold, it is kind of fun. Let me tell you something still; I like some of you are warming up to Julian, I like some of you are still feeling bad for Lucas, I like some of you think LP is likely not to happen...then again, I _did_ call certain "warnings" in the beginning, so try to keep that in mind. I promise you all, I will try my best so that when LP happens (if) it won't "fall flat" or anything like that.

In my defense, I know we're eleven chapters in already, but I'm still trying to set up the story properly. I told you from the start this is not a "long" story per se (this one is certainly shorter than "Far Away" for example) yet, I do "need" you to understand the characters and why they are why they are now properly before moving on to more "important" happenings. What I can say is...that if you are patient enough and stick for the long-haul, I'll make sure that the ride (maybe bumpy and frustraiting at times) would also be very much worth it at the end.

All in all, you all said such interesting things, I wish I could reply to all of you without giving much away, but unfortunately I kind of can't, so I really can just hope for you to stick with me...For the record, one of you in the reviews somewhat read my mind; I won't say who, and I won't say you did it completely, but yeah, _somewhat_ heehee ;)

I hope you like this chapter. **Please Enjoy! ;)**

**Chapter Twelve : ****These Ties That Bind**

* * *

Maybe is nature, maybe it's not, but all too often we don't acknowledge the opportunities that life happens to throw our ways. Sometimes it is as if our brains were programmed to see obstacles instead of chances. Instead of openings, and new breaks, we see difficulties and excuses. Excuses that one way or the other, deny us the chance of recognize everything that is right there in front of our eyes.

It is sometimes as if our eyes were covered somehow by an invisible blindfold that only let us to see what we _want_ to see.

Even though sometimes what we _choose_ to see isn't at all what we _need _to see.

Lucas let her go five years ago. He let her go with his very own child inside her, and after pretty much telling her that he _hated_ her. That nothing good had come out of her returning home.

Why would he say something like that when the reality was the complete opposite? When instead of hating her, he loved her?

He loved her more than anything else he had _ever _loved and sometimes that thought alone even scared him.

_Most_ of the times, really.

Then again, maybe that was just the reason why he pushed her away.

Can actually someone love a person so much that because of that he ended up hating her?

That certainly sounds as a pathetic excuse; one that not really justifies him for his mistakes, but that in any way, seemed as the closest reason as to why he did what he did.

He didn't want to drive her away, but at the same time, he felt as though he couldn't be in the same room she was.

When she came back home he didn't want to stop seeing her every day, but at the same time, he wished she had stayed in LA.

He didn't want to let her go, but at the same time, he wanted to move on. Move on without her.

He didn't want to hurt her, but at the same time, he wanted her to feel the same way he felt when she said _'no'_ when he proposed.

He didn't want her to be alone, but at the same time, he didn't want her to be with anyone else other than himself.

He didn't want to love her, but at the same time, he couldn't imagine a world in which he didn't.

He wanted to hate her, but at the same time, he didn't want to stop loving her.

How could he let his heart feel something so big for one _'regular' _person?

That was the reason why he had said what he'd said and acted the way he'd acted.

If it was wrong? _Yes_.

Now he was one hundred percent he had been _wrong_ all along. He should have acknowledged his true feelings towards her from the beginning.

He should have told her that having a family with her had always been his dream. That he couldn't possibly imagine someone else carrying his baby other than her.

That he _loved_ her. That he always had, and that that feeling would _never _change no matter how much time passed, or what would happen in that time, or how much both happened to change in that time, too.

That he would _always_ love her.

No matter what.

He would love her, and he would also love _him_.

_His_ son. He was this tiny little person that even though Lucas hadn't share much words with him yet, Lucas felt as though he already loved that boy. He really did, just as he loved his mother, because that was the reality of the matters, that little guy Lucas was just beginning to call his son, was the greatest parts of Peyton and him together.

He was that perfect merge of two people that loved each other deeply.

The actual circumstances didn't matter; that little boy was made out of love.

He wasn't a mistake, an accident...or a 'reckless night' as somebody once put it.

Even though Lucas couldn't admit it then, he loved Peyton back then just as much as he loved her now.

He could only hope she at some level felt the same way as he knew he did now.

He knew that what the two of them had once was _true_. There wasn't a single other thing he felt more sure of than the way he had always feel about Peyton Sawyer.

That little boy in that bed before his eyes right now was simply the living proof of that love that will _always _be there.

That will never change or alter. He was sure of that. Now his job was to convince Peyton of the fact.

"Where's my mommy?" Sammy's groggy voice broke Lucas from his musings.

Tonight had been the night he'd spent the most time with his son. Lucas in all honesty couldn't care less Sammy had been asleep the whole time.

He'd felt peace simply because both of them where in the same room.

"She's downstairs at the cafeteria, she went to get some coffee," Lucas informed the small boy as he moved closer to his bed. "She should be back soon; I told her I'd stay with you while she ate something, are you okay with that?" He asked hesitantly. After all, he was still a stranger for that child.

Sam nodded slowly his head, as he rubbed his sleepy eyes with both his palms. "Daddy will come too?" He asked softly, turning onto his side, so that he could see Lucas better.

"Yeah, and your...Daddy too," Lucas replied awkwardly with a nod. "How are you feeling?" He asked in a silly attempt to change the subject.

"I'm okay," Sam replied rapidly widening his eyes. "I think I miss my room, though" He confessed looking around, as if making sure no doctors or nurses were hearing him.

Lucas let out a chuckle, but nodded in agreement. "I'm not a big fan of hospitals myself either, you know?" He commented casually, and smiled when his comment cause Sam to chuckle. "They told me you were very brave today," He noted unable not to sound proudly.

According to what the police told them, Sam had been one of the boys who had stayed inside the bus for the longest time since taking out the kids from the back of the bus had been harder than the ones who were in the front. However, they had also told them that even though Sam had been crying and scared when he was taken out of the bus, he also was a lot more worried about the little girl who was sitting next to him on the bus than about his own fears.

That had brought a smile to all three adults' faces in the room, and a defensive _'What? She's little than me,_' from Sam.

"They let me rode in the _ambulance_!" Sam replied excitedly. "The sirens were pretty pretty loud," He noted with wide eyes.

"I bet they were," Lucas agreed, allowing himself to chuckle a little. For the seven or so hours they had been at the hospital, Sam had been the calmest one. He hadn't complained about pain, or about his bed, or about anything related to the accident. He had in a way, been comforting Peyton the whole time. He kept telling her how he was okay, that it had been just a _'little'_ scary, but that he had been strong as she'd taught him to be.

"You're momma's old friend," Sam pointed out after just a couple minutes of silence.

Lucas would have laugh at the way his eyes fell into a squint as he talked, but the seriousness on Sammy's face didn't allow him to. "I am," He replied simply, but Sam's questioning eyes were still staring at him so he decided to elaborate some more. "We went to school together,"

"You did?" Sam asked back skeptically, scrunching funnily his face.

"Yeah, we did. You know, with your Aunt Brooke, and Haley, and Nathan," Lucas tried hopeful. He'd seen the pictures of them all together, it was only natural Sam knew Peyton had went to school with all of them. At least he hoped so.

In any way, Sam remained silent and somewhat interrogating Lucas with his stare. "We were all really close friends. I loved your mom very much." Lucas said sincerely, with a nod of his head.

Sam twisted uneasily his lips, and did not shift his eyes from Lucas' for a second. "Then how come I didn't know you before?" He asked simply with a shrug.

Lucas was suddenly out of words. How could he tell that little boy the reason why he hadn't been in his mother's life for as long as he had existed? "I did some pretty bad things," He explained quietly.

"Bad people do bad things. Are you a bad person?" Sam asked innocently, trying to sit himself up on the bed.

Lucas stood up from his chair, and lifted Sam up easily, helping him sit up properly on the bed, as he too set some pillows behind the boy's back. Just when he was about to take a seat again, his hand instinctively landed on Sam's curly hair ruffling it playfully. He smiled when Sammy didn't move away or show any sign of discomfort at his gesture. "I don't think I am," Lucas replied at last, as he sat down again.

"You shouldn't do bad things," Sam told Lucas honestly, as he shook his head strongly from side to side. "Momma said so," He informed Lucas seriously.

Smiling faintly Lucas nodded his head. "I know that now buddy." He said solemnly.

"Good," Sammy said returning Lucas the nod. "If not momma will get mad at you," He warned him with all the seriousness in the world, and even though Lucas wanted to smile at that, he simply couldn't.

"I think your mommy is already mad at me, Sam." Lucas confessed sadly, his head ducking slightly.

Crawling on the bed, Sam reached the edge of it and sat comfy right there, gently putting his hand over Lucas' shoulder and at the same time making him jump a little on his spot; he kind of hadn't seen that one coming. "It's okay," Sammy said reassuringly with that same half-smile that was all Peyton, and that Lucas could not mistake for the world. "Momma never lasts mad for too long," He explained playfully, squishing up his nose.

Lucas chuckled and rested his own hand on top of Sam's for a few moments. "Thank you," He then said simply before standing up again, and placing the small boy back under the covers. "You should sleep now buddy. That way you get all better soon, and you can go home, okay?" Lucas said gently ruffling his hair once again.

"'kay," Sam replied simply, dragging the covers up to his chin, yet again, much alike the way Peyton used to do once upon a time when Lucas had been lucky enough to see her do that much.

In spite of himself, and the bittersweet feeling that washed over him at that moment; Lucas smiled at the alikeness between Sammy and Peyton, there was a not a doubt that kid was all hers.

Just when Sam was turning to the other side of the bed, Lucas managed to hear him mumbling between his slumber a, "_I don't think you're a bad person._" and he could only smile brightly at the statement.

Little steps were a hell of a lot more better than _no_ steps at all.

* * *

"You should go home now," Peyton said softly, not wanting to wake up Sam, but trying still to wake up a very uncomfortable Lucas.

He opened his eyes startled; shaking his head as he gained focus and realized it was just Peyton in front of him. "Um...I," He stuttered, shaking some more his head, apparently he hadn't wake up completely quite yet.

However, hearing Peyton let out a small chuckle as she walked her way to Sammy's bed caused him to smile. He loved being the reason of that laugh.

"I'm staying with him," Peyton informed him quietly, as she placed herself on the bed, and cuddled Sam close to her chest.

For Lucas it seemed as if that was a position often taken, the little boy didn't even open his eyes, or grumbled at been moved. Still slumbering he turned into Peyton's side, and relaxed comfortable in her arms. One of his own tiny arms made his way around Peyton's waist, and she returned the gesture using both her arms to hug him tightly as he continued to sleep.

"But you really should go," She kept speaking, although she was obviously more focused in the boy in her arms.

Lucas smiled at the picture, but shook his head. "What about..." He trailed off hoping Peyton would fill in for him.

Thankfully, she did. "Julian?" She asked back raising her eyebrows. At Lucas' small nod, she continued. "I already sent him home, too," She informed him nonchalantly.

"Oh," Lucas said simply, looking around the room awkwardly. "I can stay if you want me to...Just for a little while longer?" He tried with hopeful eyes.

Peyton sighed, but shook her head slowly. "It's late, and...it has been a long day for _all_ of us. You should go home. He…he's okay." She said with one small shrug.

There was no reason for him to stay really. Sam's doctor had let them all three know how the boy was only staying the night due a minor contusion to his head. They said it would heal on its own, and that there was nothing really to worry about, but that in any case it was better to at least, monitor the boy for the night. He would be released hopefully the next day after noon, so having Lucas in the room would only cause unnecessary tension.

"Sure," Lucas breathed somewhat disappointed, standing up from his chair and walking slowly in the door's direction.

In spite of everything, unnecessary tension was kind of necessary at times too.

"Only once before I've been with him in a hospital like this," Peyton said in a husky whisper, but still loud enough for Lucas to hear her, and froze on his spot.

He stood by the end of the bed and fixed his eyes on Peyton. "Yeah," He said softly, as though encouraging her to keep talking.

"He was a little bit older than one year, he…he got the chickenpox," Peyton said, swallowing hard, and finally looking up at Lucas' eyes. "I had a meeting in the city and I took him with me. When he was a baby, h-he used to go to work with me all the time, so that wasn't a problem. But I...I don't know, this little girl…" She paused, closing her eyes, and lightly shaking her head. "She was the one that had the chickenpox in the first place, but she still wasn't showing it?" She somewhat asked, opening back her eyes and looking right into Lucas' as he nodded. "Anyway, she somehow passed it to Sammy, and...It was awful, you know? He was so little still, and we...we tried everything with him. Warm baths all the time, calamine lotion, but he was still _so_ uncomfortable. We even had to put him little mittens in his hands so he wouldn't scratch but we knew he wanted to do _so_ badly, but we just couldn't let him. Still one night," She said with a coy smile on her face. "I remember I went into his bedroom to check on him, it was almost midnight, I was actually surprised he hadn't woken up fussing already so I had to go see him. The thing was that when I looked down into his crib he immediately looked up at me with the goofiest of smirks. With one of his hands he was happily waving his blanket in the air, and with the other he was pleasantly scratching his forehead. I remember him looking up at me and smirking _'itchy'_ over and over, and over again." She said with a chuckle, as she too rolled her eyes. "He actually has a scar that didn't go away," She noted as she smoothed some curls out of Sammy's face, and motioned Lucas to see the tiny mark on top of his face.

"But you said you were at the hospital with him," Lucas pointed out after sitting himself shyly at the edge of the bed right next to Peyton and Sam.

"Yeah," Peyton replied with a long sigh. "One day he got a fever, a really, _really _bad one," She explained uneasily, looking down fondly at the boy in her arms. "At first the doctor said it was normal, but then it didn't go away or got down. We had to stay at the hospital for almost four days. They said it was pretty close to being '_really bad_,'" She said sarcastically. "But…For us it was in fact really bad anyway. They gave him all these medicines, and hooked him up to machines, and I just…" She trailed off closing tightly her eyes, as if relieving the memory.

"It's okay." Lucas said soothingly, as he softly put his hand on top of hers. She had began to ramble, he knew by that just how hard it might had been for her seeing her baby like that. Although Sam was safe and sound, and even smiling and in a great mood now, Lucas couldn't help but hate the fact he was at a hospital. He still was glad Peyton…and Julian, apparently too, had allowed him to stay and be there for his boy. However, the sad part was that he hadn't been there to soothe Peyton back then.

Maybe that was his biggest punishment.

Constant and aching _regret_.

"It was just _hard_." Peyton continued explaining after just a few seconds of pulling herself together. "It was really hard seeing him _so_ little, and helpless in that hospital bed. Here he's okay, you see he's in a way better mood than Julian and I are together," She added with a quiet giggle. "But that time he cried for over five days in a row and…I don't know, being here somehow brought all those memories back, and I just know how much I don't want to be here with him again, you know?" She said with a small shrug of her shoulders.

"Yeah," Lucas agreed with a nod. "But he is all right, Peyt." He said shrugging his shoulders too. "And you, you really are an amazing mom to him. That kid is extremely lucky to have you." He told her honestly, for some reason his voice attempting to crack, so shaking his head slightly he stood up from the bed, and offered Peyton a small smile. "I just let you rest," He said softly, and Peyton simply nodded her head.

She saw as he held his stare on Sammy for a little while longer, before slowly making his way to the door. As he did so, Peyton shifted down her eyes at her boy, and started snuggling closer to him, wrapping her arms even tighter around his sleeping frame.

Yet, only a few seconds later, Lucas' voice carrying quietly through the room caused her to look up at the door again.

"_It'll be easier if you hated me,"_

Lucas stood there with a sad smile on his face for another moment, but after making sure Peyton had listened to his words, he disappeared just as quietly through the door.

* * *

**...**

**AN : **Okay, this one was a little transition-y again (I somehow do like Lucas learning history from Peyton's mouth and her very words), but then again, even transition-y chapter or not, some of the things said here are setting up stuff for a near future, so read thoroughly! heehee ;) Upcoming chapters have been so much fun to write so they'll be up soon. Let me know what you think of_ this _one in the meantime hehe** ;)**

**PS :** "Under Stars and Stripes" update is coming up shortly, too. I'm actually pretty much done writing the story *bittersweet tear lol* but I'm just still not completely sure as to where I took it, so I need to "re-evaluate" before getting back to it properly and post the last few chapters. I know last chapter was kind of a cliffhanger so I promise I'll make my butt work in that one soon enough** ;)**


	13. Guardian Angels

**Chapter Thirteen : ****Guardian Angels**

* * *

Have you ever had somebody asking you about your life? About the moments that made it important? About the moments that made it _matter_?

Perhaps the answer is some sort of big accomplishment. Whatever it had been at whatever age it was, but that you certainly remember with some kind of happiness, and pride.

Graduation day is usually an easy answer. That's most of the times a happy day for everybody. That day after all, twelve or so years of school finally '_pay off'_, right? You are with your friends, you're laughing, you're having fun.

What is it about that day that really _matters_?

The fact that you got a diploma? The fact that your parents decided to give you a car as a graduation present, or send you out to travel the world?

Or maybe the fact that you simply were with your friends and the people who saw you grow up in the most defining years of your life?

I suppose are both at some level.

But then again, most of the times what makes life really important, are the little moments. It doesn't mean as if life can't be great, or full of big accomplishments. It means that at the end of the day what would have really mattered are the people that happened to be beside you in those very moments.

The people who were there for you to share that important, defining moment in your life, and perhaps too, the ones who had stayed after that.

"God Haley, you gotta stop doing this!" Peyton said fairly startled, upon opening her eyes after a much-needed nap, and at doing so, finding nothing less than Haley's big brown eyes staring firmly into hers.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Haley cried back, holding both her hands up in the air as in surrender. "Brooke told me to stay with you, and I just…came in here," She explained with her face all scrunched up.

Peyton chuckled, as she managed to sit herself up on the bed. "What are you doing here, anyway?" She asked surprised but still with a smile painted on her face. When she went to take her nap, Julian, Brooke, and Sammy were her only company; now Haley was here too for a reason Peyton had yet to figure out.

"We came to check on your boy," Haley replied with a small sigh. "We were sick with worry about him, you know that," She stated sincerely.

Peyton offered her an understanding nod and then smiled. "He's okay," She assured her simply with a shrug.

"Yeah, I could see that…Showing off his cast and everything!" Haley mused with a genuine smile on her face.

"Tell me about it," Peyton said scoffing, but then frowned slightly. "Where's he anyway? And Brooke and..."

Placing her hand on Peyton's tight; Haley made her pause. "Brooke is helping Nathan and the kids set up in the hotel; they are coming over later for dinner." She explained not even attempting not to sound happy.

It had been in fact a good while since they all happened to be together at the same time. Whenever Haley and her family could come to visit Peyton, Brooke had some place else she had to be and the same happened when Brooke was the one who was free. So regardless the circumstances that had made them all fly to California, Haley was glad she was spending some time with all her friends together.

Well, at least with _almost_ all of them.

"It really is so good to see you," Peyton finally greeted, pulling the brunette into her arms for a hug.

"You too," Haley whispered back into Peyton's curls. "How are you?" She asked hesitating only a bit, yet after making sure her eyes had found the blonde's again.

"Okay," Peyton responded rather rapidly. "Sammy's fine, we're finally home, I just took a nap. I'm actually pretty good." She said sincerely nodding her head, but then the look on Haley's face let her know how she had already been filled in with all recent events.

"Did Brooke finally tell you?" Peyton asked uneasily upon Haley's not so amused face and silence.

At the question however, Haley did nod her own head with a somber expression gracing her features. "Why didn't you? I..." Shaking her head, the brunette sighed and let her sentence trail of.

Peyton sighed too, looking down and starting to toy with the small blanket that covered her body. "I wanted to, I was going to, but I guess I just wanted to be sure about what I was going to tell you before I actually did so," She explained, but realized after a beat she wasn't doing a very good job since she was confused herself by her own words now.

Haley chuckled at her play of words but nodded her head. "Have you seen him? Like..._Really_ seen him?" She asked cautiously, as her worried side settled again.

Peyton simply nodded.

"How is he?" Haley asked again. Of course she knew how maybe this really wasn't the moment for a Lucas interrogation, but she couldn't help herself.

Yes, she had come to California to make sure her nephew was okay, but the fact that Lucas happened to be in the picture again simply made her motives even stronger.

"I don't know," Peyton replied with a shrug of her shoulders. "We've talked a few times. He'd said all these things," She said lightly shaking her head. "We'd mostly talked about Sam, and then the accident happened..."

"Brooke said he was with you and Julian at the hospital?" Haley asked confused. Very little was the time she had spent with Brooke. She hardly told her what had happened in the last nine days, and details and _'whys'_ hadn't really been her forte.

"Yeah, he was here when I got the call from Sammy's school, and then...he was worried too I guess…I just couldn't tell him not to come," Peyton told her honestly, before painfully seeing Haley's face fell. "Hales..." She tried softly upon seeing the tears that were slowly, but surely forming in the corners of her friend's eyes.

"No, it's okay," Haley said faintly, turning her face away to look at the wall beside them, and sighing heavily as she did. "I just hate we ended up like this," She stressed.

Peyton sighed then too, but also let a small smile grace on her lips. She then crawled her way out of the covers and moved closer to Haley. "Things have not ended up in _no_ way yet as far as I know," She said sweetly, as she placed both her arms around the brunette's shoulders. "We have _a lot_ to look up to, Haley. You know that." She said playfully but strongly enough rephrasing what Haley once told her when Peyton had been the one in need of a bit of support.

_June 2012_

_It had started overnight. She had been all right the day before; she had actually spent most part of her day with Nathan and Jamie and that had gone rather okay._

_Him and his family were in town for a couple weeks for the summer, and that was simply something Peyton had decided to take advantage of._

_However, even though they had all arrived to Los Angeles at least three days ago; for some reason, Haley hadn't been in the 'mood' to go out with them and Peyton yet, not that day – and well, not the day before either. It wasn't lost on anyone, how in spite of messages carried by Nathan, Peyton and Haley hadn't really spoken to each other in months. _

_Maybe it was all just too awkward. _

_According to Nathan, Haley did sympathize with Peyton, of course she did, Lucas was somewhere in New York trying to work things out with Lindsey, while Peyton was mere weeks away to have his baby. But she still didn't feel as if she could face Peyton quite yet, so Nathan and Jamie had spent the whole day with Peyton alone. They had lunch together, went to some of the tourist places, and simply hang out for the time being._

_Peyton had been fairly grateful for the simple fact that she was leaving her apartment for a change. Going to work, or actually doing any kind of real exercise wasn't an option for her at the time. It hadn't been her choice at all, but when you have a man worrying for you and your baby twenty-four seven even though he has no real responsibility towards you, you learn to please instead of argue sometimes._

_In the end, Peyton knew it had been for the better. Though she hated to complain, her pregnancy hadn't been all that easy and smoothly as she once hoped it would be. High blood pressure and little weight gain haunted her throughout the pregnancy. _

_The doctors were always telling them how she should take things easy, and eat and do only the things from a long list they gave her earlier enough in her pregnancy. _

_However, the fact that instead of gaining weight she was losing it since morning sickness cost her around 32 pounds only in the first four months, made them all a little worried. _

_Her baby was okay, but the doctors simply kept telling her, over and over again, how although they could be optimist, if she didn't take things slow her baby would more than likely don't make it full term._

_So one day after one of those heated appointments with the doctor when Julian happened to 'suggest' her how instead of waiting another five weeks to stop working she did so now, she had painfully agreed._

_Yet, no matter Julian's encouraging words, and how hard she tried to convince herself she was staying at home for the right reasons, not even after the first week and a half of doing so, she was completely sure it hadn't been the smartest of decisions. _

_She was going nuts alone in the apartment for most part of the day. Yes, Julian would come by at every chance he got. She had her music; she still had her work, because even against everybody's wishes, she had kept working from home. The little or much she could do that was, but she still had done it. She really just didn't want to feel useless. _

_That's why he also would draw. She did that a lot actually, but it just wasn't the same. _

_It was simply driving her insane._

_Brooke had offered to come and stay with her until the baby was born, but Peyton had turned her down…politely._

_By the time, all her 'family' already knew her whereabouts. Brooke had come and visited her repeatedly in the last few months. By her fifth month of pregnancy, Brooke had already bought and made all the baby clothes her baby could ever possibly need. Whether it was a girl or a boy._

_Nathan had come and visit her only once before that summer, but they still talked constantly by the phone._

_Peyton felt sometimes as if Nathan felt responsible somehow for Lucas' acts. She didn't completely understand why, but it still didn't hurt the way he care for her and her baby. He would tell her all the random things during their late-night conversations, and though it wasn't the same as having him with her, she could still feel the comfort from the distance._

_In any case, after coming back to her apartment with Nathan and Jamie the day before, and after both Scott boys made sure she was okay before they left, and of course made sure she'd eat something, –they were following to the letter Julian's instructions, who taking advantage of them being in town had left to Sacramento the day before – Peyton then had done what she did every night whether her 'guardian' was there or not._

_She sat with her music, and read something to her baby. In the course of the months she had actually got closer to 'it', since although Julian claimed it was a girl, they didn't know for sure what it was quite yet. She would still read, and talk to her belly. She would teach her about the music she was hearing, and how much she actually loved her or him no matter what the circumstances were._

_That was maybe her biggest fear, having a baby of her own thinking she or he was not loved enough because his father hadn't want it. She felt guilty of the fact for some reason, but anyhow she'd made the promise to make her baby feel otherwise for as long as she could._

_And as best as she could. _

_So that was why she loved her already. Because as Julian had once told her, it was never too soon to start loving your kids._

_However, the once light twinges that started bothering her around 10 o'clock the night before began getting the best of her as the day dawned. _

_She'd tried to organize her thoughts and feelings, and settled herself in the fact that she was okay and nothing was going to happen. She still had a little over six weeks to go; her baby shouldn't be born yet so that was what she was convincing herself of._

_Or at least trying._

_At 11 o'clock in the morning, her doorbell started ringing. At first, it rang once, a soft one, nonchalant single ring. After a couple minutes, she heard three rings on a row. She wanted to answer the door but she felt as though she couldn't move from the bed._

_It wasn't as if physical pain didn't allow her to, but it was more as if it was something inside of her that just wouldn't let her._

Fear.

_So she stayed in bed, and painfully heard the rings over and over, and tried to ignore the pain that was running through her body at the same time. She was uncomfortable, her forehead was soaked with sweat, and although she hadn't realized it at first, she had been crying. Probably it had started last night, but not until her hand flew to her forehead, she was aware of the tears on her cheeks._

_A little less than fifteen minutes later, Haley and Nathan rushed into the apartment with nothing short of horror painted on their faces._

_After calling Haley, Nathan had started talking the landlord man into letting him inside Peyton's apartment, however not until Haley arrived all his pleas had fell on deaf ears. Haley had not so politely demanded the man to let them both in because her 'sister' was pregnant, and alone, and not answering her phone or door. So only two minutes after Haley arrived to the building's lobby they were entering Peyton's home._

_Her bedroom door was closed and locked however, and for the two of them it felt as if they were back to square one. The landlord left not before offering himself to call 911; they had still declined his offer upon not really knowing what was going on with Peyton in the first place._

_They stood outside her bedroom door for a good couple of minutes knocking fiercely, and calling her name repeatedly. _

_After a little while Peyton could actually hear them whispering outside, but not a single word, other than painful moans, could leave her lips._

_Not five whole minutes of silence past by when her door swung opened; she had her eyes tightly shut but for some reason she could still see the fear on her friends' features._

_Haley rushed to her side almost immediately as she caught sight of the way Peyton was so strongly clutching to her stomach. "Hey, you're okay," She whispered in the one and only calm tone of voice she could find inside herself. "What are you feeling?" She asked, kneeling in front of Peyton, and brushing some clammy curls off her face._

_However, Peyton didn't respond, her eyes reminded shut, and she simply shook her head from side to side allowing tears to fell freely down her cheeks._

_Haley then shifted her eyes from Peyton to her back where Nathan was pretty much frozen by the doorway. "You should call an ambulance now, I think...I think she's in labor," Haley stated quietly gesturing Nathan to the soaked sheets on top of the bed. Turning again to look at Peyton, she continued stroking her hair. "You're going to be okay, I promise. The ambulance is going to be here soon, and you and the baby are going to the just fine. Here's when everything begins," She soothed, trying with all her might to remain calm. "I promise," She stressed one more time._

"_I...I," Peyton muttered but suddenly the pain she was feeling every other while seemed to hit her stronger. "It's too soon," She cried helplessly, attempting to curl up in a ball and protecting with all she had her belly. "It's too soon."_

_Haley sighed and fighting back her own tears climbed herself over the bed next to Peyton. She cradled the blonde close to her chest and started rubbing small circles on her back. "It's going to be okay," She repeated unable to come up with a different line. _

_All of a sudden Haley felt guilt rushing over her. She had refused to see Peyton throughout her pregnancy. She hadn't been there for anything she might have needed. She hadn't been there telling her what it was like to be pregnant and have a baby. She hadn't been there telling her what she went through with Jamie so she knew what to expect._

_She had stayed at bay, as if years of being friends with Peyton didn't matter simply because Lucas was her best friend. "It's going to be okay sweetie. I'm here." She whispered kissing faintly the top of Peyton's head as the EMTs started making their way into the room._

_She didn't leave Peyton's side for one second; she went with her in the ambulance, and simply stayed with her helping her the best way she could through what she was going through._

_It was as though wordlessly but with actions, Haley vowed to be there for Peyton the way Lucas wasn't. Maybe that was also part of being his best friend._

_Nathan stayed in Peyton's apartment after the girls left; first, to call Julian and ask him to fly back to LA as soon as possible, since the one thing Peyton did do before being taken away to the hospital, had been in fact, asked for him. _

_And second of course, to also search for the baby's bag and everything else Haley told him to get to the hospital._

_He had sat in silence for a couple minutes struggling with the feeling that he needed to call his brother. It was after all his baby the one that was being born in the time being, he deserved to know. At least that was what Nathan kept telling to himself as he dialed a phone number he hadn't dial in over five months. _

"_Luke?" He asked hesitantly as the phone was picked up in the other end._

"_Yeah, Nathan?" Lucas replied just as hesitantly. He surely wasn't expecting his brother calling him after everything that happened the last time they saw each other. "Everything's okay?" _

_Nathan took a deep breath but his guts were telling him that was the right thing to do, so in one breath he said what he needed to say. "It's Peyton. Her baby...She's on her way to the hospital now." He somewhat stuttered, but then stayed quiet expecting Lucas to respond._

_But instead, all he could hear was silence._

_Silence_

_When he called Julian, he had literally yelled at him assuring Nathan he was taking the first flight to LA and that he had to promise him to take good care of Peyton until he arrived._

_Something like that was what Nathan was expecting from Lucas. But instead, it was only silence._

_A few seconds later, the line went dead and Nathan got the answer he needed from his 'brother'._

_Around fourteen minutes later, he had made it to the hospital. Apparently, Peyton hadn't change one bit over the years and her messiness was still the same, so finding the baby's bag had been harder than what Nathan expected it to be. However, when he reached the hospital room he was glad to find his wife and Peyton together and not a bit of arguing as he had expected to be when those two finally faced each other._

_Yet, he couldn't be gladder the reality was way different from what he had pictured. Haley was up in the bed with Peyton, holding her and telling her little nothings he couldn't hear._

_On the other hand, Peyton was pretty much in the same state of mind she was at her apartment; Nathan could see the fear on her face from the doorway. But she at least was done crying by now. She was resting against Haley's chest, with her eyes shut, and holding on to her as tightly as she could._

_In spite of everything that was going through his mind, a smile managed to tug at the corners of his lips at the picture before his eyes. _

_His best friend was having a baby. _

_For the time that thought crossed Nathan's mind, everything else didn't seem to matter. Lucas was an ass for missing it, but Nathan was still there, and in his hands was to make everything he could to help Peyton…and her baby for that matter too. That little one was family in the end, and he was gladly welcoming it._

* * *

**...**

**AN : **What do you say? I...um, let's just say I really did like writing this chapter for some reason. If Lucas "couldn't" be there for Peyton, then at the very least she _needed_ to have Nathan & Haley (and Brooke too, but to see her you need to read the next chapter hehe!) I hope you had like this, but oh well, I guess it's okay if you didn't lol Let me know either way though **;)**

**PS : **Monday night I totally, totally messed it up posting a prior version of THIS chapter to then finding all these things that quite didn't sit right to me so I deleted it, and re-wrote a bit and well, this is what you got in the end...So sorry I deleted chapters and made one big mess out of posting this time! **Ooops! ;)**

**PPS : **Just like a proper broken record I need to say how much it bummed me out yesterday when at the end Brooke told Haley, Peyton wasn't comming! Uh, I'm happy for Brooke, but come on! LOL For the record, if in any of my stories Brooke happen to get married (or something of that sort), first, you can't hold that against me, and second, you can bet your ass Peyton's gonna show up here anyway LOL I'm really kidding, but it does suck a little! :/


	14. The Little Prince

**Chapter Fourteen : ****The Little Prince**

* * *

It is strange the way we find comfort sometimes.

When we get scared or sad or are hurting for any sort of reasons, we tend to turn to the things that give us comfort.

Some sense of security and peace.

Maybe go to a dark place where we can be alone with our thoughts. Or maybe even a noisy club where we _can't_ hear our thoughts for a change.

Or maybe something simpler; our favorite movie in the company of a friend and a good load of popcorn.

Whether is as simple a big bowl of ice-cream, or a little fancier as escaping to that special place we all have, the fact is that it brings us comfort in one way or another.

It help us feel a little bit better for the while it lasts, and surprisingly enough, even if the hurt returns, or never really left completely, most of the times it is still enough because we _did_ manage to forget the world for the two hours the movie last. Or for as long as the ice-cream was in our mouths.

It made us feel better for a little while and we were okay with that.

People have that power over us, too. Whether they say something big and elaborated to make us feel all right, or simply staying in silence next to you.

People can give you that comfort in more than one way, and sometimes, the times when you are less expecting it, the soothe those people can give us is a whole lot more comforting that whatever else we used to do on our own to find that peace.

"_You can hold him," Peyton said sweetly, unable to carry anything but happiness with her voice. She couldn't stop smiling for that matter either._

_She'd woken up not two whole minutes ago but when she did so, she was glad to find her best friend standing in awe next to the small cradle where her baby laid._

_As far as the doctors had told Peyton, she had delivered an apparently healthy baby-boy regardless he was a slight preemie. He had weighted a little over six pounds, which was more than okay for a 35weeks baby according to the doctors._

_His delivery had still been rather long and painful though, at some point the doctors had even suggested a c-section if things kept going slow given Peyton's high blood pressure condition. However, a little over 11 o'clock the night before, things had speed up at Peyton's own terms._

_Or better yet, at her baby's own terms._

_Nathan, Haley, and Julian had taken turns staying with her in the bedroom, since no actual 'father' figured. Lucas' spot had been filled by her closest friends, and she was definitely not one to complain about that._

_Yes, it would have been a hell of a lot better if Lucas had been by her side, but she still had all three of them trying their best and beyond to help her and make her feel all right._

_There was nothing else she could have been any more grateful about. One way or another all three helped her baby come into the world, and that was without a doubt, the best thing anyone had done for her before._

_In the end, after a couple long hours in the delivery room her baby boy had been born. At 3:07am, and kicking and screaming loudly for Peyton and the doctor's relief. He had still been taken rather fast to the nursery for some more checkups, but not long after 5 o'clock that same morning, a nurse walked into her bedroom with Julian in tow, and her baby in her arms._

_She had placed the newborn gently on Peyton's arms, and not until well past 9am, the baby had left that very same spot. Peyton wouldn't have let go of him, but Julian claimed how she needed some rest. And in the end, it was true. She was still exhausted, but the silence comfort of seeing her baby boy breathing was more than enough to take all the tiredness away from her._

_However, that had been almost two hours ago. She had slept __soundly__ along with her son, and now was sincerely pleased to find her very best friend standing by the side of her very best boy._

"_He's so beautiful." Brooke mused still with her eyes on the baby. After a beat, she turned around slowly looking right at Peyton with teary eyes. "I'm sorry," _

_Peyton frowned but remained smiling. It was something about that boy that simply wouldn't let her feel anything other than happiness. "What for?" She asked confused._

"_For not being here in time," Brooke retorted at the edge of tears. After giving the small baby once last look, she walked a few steps closer to Peyton's bed. "I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you through–"_

"_Hey," Peyton called out softly stopping her ramble. "You are here now, aren't you?" She asked with a goofy grin, squeezing lightly Brooke's arm in reassurance._

"_I am, but I am sorry too. I should have been here," Brooke insisted as she leaned forward and pulled Peyton into her arms for one really tight hug. "You did awesome though, that boy is awesome." She stated sincerely as they pulled away._

_Peyton smiled even brighter and offered her a strong nod. "He kinda is, isn't he?" She asked hesitantly biting her lower lip._

"_Oh gosh, are you kidding me!" Brooke cried out standing up from the bed and walking excitedly next to the cradle again. "He's..." She began but one long sigh got in her way. _

_Turning to Peyton's direction after pulling herself together, Brooke offered her the happiest of smiles. "He really is awesome." She stated firmly. "I can't believe you're a mom already," She added, as her eyes started to well up with tears again. _

_And this time around, so did Peyton's._

_Taking a deep breath she nodded her head, and looked over to her left where her baby lay still sleeping soundly. "Me either," She admitted softly. "But I...I can't really imagine not having him here with me, you know?"_

"_Yeah," Brooke agreed quietly sharing looks between the baby boy and her best friend. "Can I..." She began warily drawing Peyton's attention away from the cradle. "Can I hold him now?" She asked cautiously as if she actually thought Peyton was going to say no._

_Letting out a chuckle Peyton nodded vigorously. "Of course," She said happily, and then watched in awe as Brooke nestled lovingly the boy to her chest._

"_Hey baby," She cooed sweetly, her forefinger grazing over the baby's soft skin. "I'm your Aunt Brooke buddy," She said softly as she looked up and met Peyton's eyes. "You did awesome," Brooke stated firmly once again, but stressed dramatically this time around the 'You'. _

_She couldn't believe Peyton had gone through all her pregnancy practically alone, and that now she had more than likely to deal with parenthood alone. Closing her eyes tightly, Brooke shifted her eyes down to the baby again. "I'm here for you forever." She promised, not only to the baby but also to Peyton._

_Walking cautiously to the bed she placed the small baby back on Peyton's arms and just watched in amazement the way Peyton held the baby; there she saw such love, and some kind of happiness Brooke hadn't seen in Peyton in a very long time. She could only imagine what Peyton was feeling, what it actually felt for her not having Lucas at her side meeting his son, but...then again, Peyton hadn't stop smiling for one second since she woken up._

_That had got to mean something, right?_

_Brooke knew she was going to an amazing mom. Actually, she already was. "I'm happy for you, P." She whispered with a coy smile on her face._

_Peyton looked up at her face and nodded her head while smiling. "I am happy for me too," She said only half-jokingly, and after a beat looked down again at her boy. "Momma's very happy with you little man," She cooed, squishing her nose up playfully at her still sleeping baby._

"_They still have to run some more tests on him, though," Peyton confessed uneasily after a few moments of comfortable quiet. Her eyes were still firmly fixed down on her boy._

"_Oh Peyton, I'm sure he's just fine." Brooke told her strongly, as she sat herself next to them at the edge of the bed. "Just look at him. He's all pinky, his skin is soft. All his fingers and toes are in order...I already checked while you slept," She admitted playfully. "I haven't hear him cry yet, but I'm sure he has an awesome set of lungs just like his mama does. You got nothing to worry about, okay? I'm sure the doctors will be coming here in a little while and they'll tell you how you both are more than free to go." She stated firmly, but upon seeing the hesitation in Peyton's eyes, Brooke added even stronger. "Do you think that if they thought something was really wrong with him you'll have him here with you? Wouldn't he be in the nursery, or in the baby's ICU or something? The doctors let him stay here for a reason. I'm sure everything's okay."_

_Peyton nodded slowly, as she lifted her head. "Thank you. For...for everything, for coming, for being here with me, for..."_

"_Hey, it is okay." Brooke cut her off. "I'm your best friend. You can't possibly tell me you were expecting any less from me, did you?" She stressed feigning hurt._

_Chuckling Peyton shook her head. "It means a lot anyway," She said sincerely before the door slowly opened revealing a perky Haley with a couple balloons in her hands, and Jamie following closely behind._

"_Hey!" She chirped happily walking into the room, and offering both her friends a faint smile as her eyes traveled immediately to the boy on Peyton's arms. "You're so cute," She cooed to the baby, before actually acknowledging the other two women in the room. "How are you feeling?" She asked softly looking right into Peyton's eyes._

_Shrugging helplessly Peyton shook her head slowly from side to side. "I honestly don't know," She replied still shaking her head. "I'm just happy I guess," She said looking back down at her baby. _

"_Who knew...?"_

* * *

"_Those two together are a handful!" Nathan exclaimed jokingly after finally ushered Brooke and Haley out of the room. They had stayed all together with Peyton and the baby for over an hour just talking about nothing and everything really. But when both mama and baby yawned, Nathan decided both women needed to go and find something else to do at the cafeteria._

_It wasn't lost on them though, how maybe he wanted his time alone with Peyton, too._

"_It's okay. It's kinda nice having you all around again." Peyton admitted with one small shrug of her shoulders. _

"_You know I'm always here for you, right?" Nathan asked, maybe a little too serious, as he placed his hand softly on Peyton's forehead and brushed some curls away. "For the two of you." He added just as seriously._

_Peyton couldn't help but smile, and be grateful. If it hadn't been for him and Haley insisting and getting into her apartment, she wouldn't be holding her baby boy at that very moment. A thousand of things could have gone wrong if it hadn't been for him and Haley so she simply knew she owe them more than what she could actually express. "I know you are," She said softly. "Thank you." She added, finally saying those two little words she couldn't keep any longer inside of her._

"_Any time, Sawyer," Nathan replied, now a lot less serious, as he walked away from the bed, and sat down on the closest chair. "So, no name for...him yet," He said jokingly gesturing to the boy. _

_Peyton smiled sheepishly but shook her head a couple times. _

"_I don't think 'Baby-boy-Scott' is gonna work that longer for him. I bet he wants a real name." Nathan attempted to joke, but the dim that slowly shadowed Peyton's face caused him to regret exponentially whatever he said that made her smile fade._

_However, only a few seconds later, she looked up at his eyes and shrugged, twisting her lips slightly. "Sawyer's his name." She informed him firmly._

"_Oh," Nathan said somberly before sighing. "My brother's an ass, okay? But..."_

"_Nathan..." Peyton nearly pleaded. This was in all honesty one, if not the happiest moment of her life regardless whatever the circumstances were. She loved that boy in her arms, and talking about who was missing really didn't do any good to anyone. "Please,"_

_Nathan nodded uneasily, and offered her a sad smile. "I just wish there was something I could do for you," He said quietly, looking down at his lap._

"_You're doing it goof. You already did it." Peyton retorted happily for his relief. "You do know we wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you, right?"_

"_Well yeah," Nathan agreed cocking his head to the side jokingly. "I guess you're right."_

_Peyton chuckled as she bounced gently her awaking little boy. "Hi," She cooed with the biggest of smiles on her face. The boy's face was all red, and scrunched up as he stirred and slowly opened his eyes. _

_Nathan flew immediately to Peyton's side staring for the first time into the boy's baby blue eyes. He didn't say anything but it was obvious Peyton was thinking the very same thought he was._

"_You're one awesome wrinkled-little-old man!" She noted, lovingly brushing her thumb over her baby's cheek, and ignoring completely the look on Nathan's eyes. "Momma loves you very much little guy."_

* * *

"_God Haley! What are you doing?" Peyton asked as she woke up only to find Haley wandering in the dark of her room. "You scared the crap out of me,"_

_Haley turned around on her spot and stared firmly at Peyton. "Chill out!" She cried teasingly. "What did you think I was? _A_ ghost?" She tried jokingly, but upon seeing Peyton's face expression, she realized that maybe that had been a possibility in her friend's mind. "I was just checking on you," She informed now more softly, as she moved closer to the bed._

"_I..." Haley began before Peyton could open her mouth to speak, but still had to pause taking a deep breath. "I wanted to talk to you, you know?" She said seriously._

_Peyton slightly frowned looking at her eyes confused. "We've been talking all day long, Hales," She noted playfully. _

"_Yeah, I know, I..." Haley replied but had to close her eyes in order to compose herself and continue. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry–"_

"_Haley, you don't have to. It…It really is okay," Peyton cut her off rapidly. _

"_No, I know, but...let me." Haley stated feebly meeting her eyes. "I...I'm sorry for the way I've been with you for the past months. I know I never really did something, but maybe that is exactly the point. I should have been there for you and for the baby. I should...I'm, I'm just really sorry I didn't."_

_Peyton remained in silence and slightly nodded as she spoke. She felt as if there was no need for apologies. She was here now and that was all that mattered in reality._

_Yet, before she could let Haley know her thoughts, a very happy Julian made his way into her room with her baby boy in his arms. "The nurses said he can spend the night with you," He said, more so to the baby in his arms, than to Peyton...or even Haley in the room._

_They both were pretty sure he hadn't even noticed Haley there since his eyes where nowhere other than in the baby._

"_You're staying with your Momma tonight little-big-man!" He informed the baby goofily before handing him over to Peyton, and flashing a grin as he caught sight of Haley at last. "Oh, hey," He chirped out simply, before sitting next to Peyton and the baby. "He's kinda awesome, isn't he?" He spoke again upon Haley's silence. _

_It was an understatement saying that his presence was something 'surprising' for all of Peyton's friends._

_Still, for Haley it had been a little bit more shocking than for all the others for some reason. Maybe it was because of the fact that they weren't even dating. Yet, Julian cared for Peyton and the baby even more as if he was the real baby's father. Or even Peyton's boyfriend or at least something for that matter. _

_They were just friends who had dated in the past. That was all Haley knew and although she genuinely believe Julian cared for Peyton and the baby, she couldn't help but finding it all a little odd._

_It was obvious he had feelings for her, you could sense that miles from the bedroom, but...It was different. The way he looked at her and the way she looked back at him. They seemed connected in a really deep way, and even though she didn't really want to admit it, the thought scared her._

_Not for her essentially, she was even glad Peyton had someone taking such good care of her here in LA, but she was still scared for Lucas. _

_Julian was taking his place next to Peyton. His place in that little boy's life already. _

_She knew Lucas had done wrong. He had messed up badly, but she was still hopeful he would come around soon enough, and she knew that when he did so, the fact that Julian and Peyton were growing all that close wouldn't look so nicely in his eyes._

_However, before Haley could give any more thought to the scenario before her eyes, she was snapped out of her musings when a question was thrown in her direction. She smiled politely but shook her head a bit confused. She had certainly been oblivious from Peyton and Julian's conversation for some good five minutes already._

"_I...I should let you rest now," Haley stated as she began standing up from her chair and walking a bit closer to the bed so that she could say her 'Goodbyes' to Peyton and the baby. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" She said sweetly to Peyton, although her eyes where down on the baby, and her finger was tracing over his small jaw. "I'll see you too tomorrow sweetheart," She cooed now officially to the baby brushing a soft kiss to his forehead._

"_It's Sam." Peyton informed happily, as Haley pulled away from her and the baby. "His name," She clarified gesturing to her boy, upon Haley's confused look._

_Haley held her stare on Peyton for a good moment, before a bright smile tugged at the corners of her lips. "I think he does look like one," She mused contently and Peyton simply nodded her head with the same bright smile she'd been wearing all day long._

"_Actually it's Samuel," Julian corrected smugly at the two women's sudden silence._

_Peyton shook her head at his words shooting him a playful glare before turning again to face Haley. "Samuel Matthew Sawyer that is," She stated only half-serious, as the silly grin on Julian's face wouldn't let her be completely serious at all these days. "You like it don't you baby?" She said now focusing on Sam, and in a tone of voice Haley had never really heard Peyton speak before._

_It was sweet, and full of love and worship. She could feel how much Peyton loved that little boy in her arms; she knew she was sincerely happy with him, and...It just saddened her Lucas was missing out so much._

_That was his son, and he probably didn't even know he had been born._

_It was his fault; Haley couldn't deny that, but...She would actually give anything so that the man next to Peyton and Sammy was Lucas and not Julian._

_She had nothing against him, sure, he was a little arrogant, and maybe a little too cocky for her taste, but he honestly cared for Peyton. Haley could see the love through all his sarcastic comments, and although it wasn't ideal, she was still glad Peyton had someone like that in her life._

_The bottom line however, was that despite the circumstances, Haley was in fact happy she was a part of Peyton's little family and Sam's life from the beginning._

_That small baby was her nephew in the end, and...He was family._

_And hopefully, just hopefully… Lucas would come around before it was too late._

_She could hope so anyway._

* * *

...

**AN : **Honestly, I was in fact, aching a bit for some nice BP so here's the beginning of this chapter to that! heehee :)

I can't help it, I am in fact a hardcore "Core5" fan. I loved how their friendships evolved to "family" in the course of the seasons and the years on the show (That's actually pretty much why Season8 doesn't feel "real" for me...Your mom dies, you are getting married and your best friends aren't actually there? Anywho, that's not the point. The thing is that I do deeply love to write them together, their friendship/family dynamics and that, so I hope you'd like this chapter. I think Haley&Nate are still in town next chapter, the difference however, present time.

A lame attempt of a teaser on my side; Haley and Lucas hadn't seen each other in quite a while either...

Anyway, enough of me, let me know what you think about this chapter **:)** Hope you have like it, and ofc, thanks so much for reading.

**PS :** Hits for some reason shot up in the last couple of chapters, though I do wonder how many of those people actually read the chapter, I anyhow hope it means the story is not too bad after all heehee I'm totally kidding, I just found that a bit curious... **:)**


	15. Barely Friends

**Chapter Fifteen : Barely Friends**

* * *

"You look like crap," A soft but somewhat angry voice carried through Lucas' merely empty living room. He was sitting in one small couch with papers scattered all around. He didn't hear her come inside, and even though he knew just how mad she was at him, the alone fact of hearing her voice was somehow comforting.

_A friend in need is a friend indeed._

An old and even cliché say, but that in any way, carried quite a meaning. Perhaps to go in life we actually do _need_ a best friend; someone that would not judge us when we make mistakes. Someone that would love us even after they know our darkest flaws. Someone that would always be there even when we refused to be there for them. Someone that is not just your best friend but also your family. Someone who can read our feelings simply by the way we told them _'Hi'_ that day. Someone that can even understand your silence.

Someone that would come around even when you don't deserved them.

"You're not one to talk. Your eyes are puffy, and your face's all flushed." Lucas replied quietly, looking down at the raft of papers in his hands.

Before he was able to acknowledge what was happening, the feel of Haley's hand crashing hardly against his worn cheek made him jump on his spot on the couch. His hand instinctively flew to the side of his face, and his eyes finally met the brunette's ones before him. He saw hurt in her eyes; they were flooding in tears she just didn't let fall. Her eyes were strongly fixed on him at the point that looking down was a mere reflex out of shame.

Lucas had called her his best friend for almost his entire life. He had been there for her the same way she had always been there for him.

Yet, three whole years had gone by and this was the first time he was seeing her.

She looked different, more mature, more…serious. She'd let her hair grown considerably since the last time he had seen her. It was still dark as he remembered but she wore it down, and slightly curled. Her face was in fact flushed; he knew she had been crying, and really crying for a long while now. He ached to ask her why, hell, he ached to just hug her, and tell her just how much he had missed her, but he couldn't. That was yet, another right he'd lost when he turned in the person he did five years ago.

"If it wasn't because of your mom I would still think something happened to you," Haley said brokenly taking a seat at the edge of the small coffee table in front of Lucas. "I thought I'd never see you again."

"I did too," He replied softly, still resting his hand on his cheek. She was petite, but she could definitely slap.

"Then why are you back?" Haley asked harshly, pulling Lucas' hand away from his face, and forcing him to look up at her. "You're throwing yourself a self-pity party in here?" She asked, maybe a little too roughly, but she couldn't help it.

She couldn't hide what she was feeling towards the man in front of her. For years, they have had each other's backs. They have loved each other as family, and though both of them were far from perfect, she still always knew she could always count on him.

That had dramatically changed in the course of the years. He wasn't a stranger to her, that wasn't it. She could still see the guy she used to call her brother for years, but that boy was now however covered by this other person Haley wasn't willing to meet.

He seemed broken, and lost, and confused. If she had only known where he had hid himself for three years now, she would have been there for him. That was after all what best friends are for. But he didn't allow her to. He closed himself from the world and ran.

He ran from everybody that loved him, and cared for him.

He had hurt all that people in the process, too.

He had hurt _her_ in the process.

But she was still here. Regardless of her anger, and resentment towards him, as soon as Peyton let her know his address she had come to him. She hadn't even thought what she was going to say, or do. She just went to his place, because that was what best friends do.

And even though, not she, not Lucas, had really admitted the fact in years, Lucas Scott was still the boy she would beg to play with her, although he instead wanted to go and play with the boys, boys' games. He was still the boy that would stay with her, and figure out a way that she could play with them. He was still the guy that several times backed her up, and stick up for her whenever someone was picking on her. He was still the boy who pretended being her boyfriend so other boys wouldn't mess with her. He was still the boy who remained on her side even when everybody else wouldn't.

Deep inside he was still that boy and that was why Haley was still here.

"I'm not, I came here because I had to," Lucas replied simply, and firmly looking into her dark brown eyes. "I need to make things right, Hales," He closed his eyes stressing out her name. It had been so long since he'd last said her name aloud, yet, for some reason he didn't feel as if their closeness had vanished. She didn't look at him as if he was a stranger and a bad person. She looked at him with hurt, but too with sympathy and compassion. He also knew still how she was dying to slap him again, but then again, he couldn't hold that against her.

You don't just disappear from your family one day with nothing more but a text saying good-bye.

"I'm sorry, Haley." Lucas said sincerely, however, those three words earned him that slap he well knew Haley had been holding on to.

He still didn't argue, instead closed tightly his eyes, and allow the tears to form in his eyes as well.

Before he realized it, Haley was at his side on the couch, with both her arms wrapped strongly around his frame. He could hear her sniffles on the back of his neck, so he did only what was expected. What was effortless. What was _right_. What he should have been doing for the last three years; hug her back.

"I hate you, you know that?" She cried unsteadily, never losing her hold on him, but instead tightening it as time passed.

"I know," Lucas replied softly, rubbing invisible patterns on her back. "I know,"

* * *

"_Maaa-maaa!"_

"Why is he calling you '_mama_', mama?" Sammy asked Peyton with a confused look on his face.

Peyton chuckled but offered her boy one small nod. "He's not calling _me_ mama, he's asking me for your Aunt Haley," She explained patiently while letting down on the floor a really mischievous one-year-old Ryan.

Although Ryan Nicholas Scott wasn't a much-planned baby, he was a very much-loved one anyway. Haley had been in the middle of the road when she found out she was pregnant with him, it had been a surprise, but a well-taken surprise in the end.

She had return to the music business only a couple years ago, so Ryan caught her while she was still in her coming-back tour, however, he had in fact let his mom work in her music until well into her six month, which was greatly appreciated by Peyton who was producing Haley's _'come back'_ record this time around.

Nathan on the other hand had been in Charlotte when Haley called him with the news. He had made his way back to the NBA and though it hadn't been easy, things looked up for him now. He had played for the Clippers for a couple seasons but although he enjoyed the fact of being closer to Peyton and his nephew in that time, getting an offer to play for the Charlotte's Bobcats had been a no-brainer. Much more after receiving Ryan news, he'd know he had made the right choice.

They were all still living in Tree Hill, Jamie being really used to his town and friends there. That was home in the end, and most of the times, Peyton and Sammy where the only two that were missing.

In fact, Peyton had ended up being Ryan's godmother, kind of a payback since Nathan was Sam's godfather. The little boy had joined the Scott's brood exactly fourteen months ago and had everybody head over heels at his charm. He was sweet and tender when he wanted too, but most of the times he simply enjoyed making people laugh with his antics.

Sam then twisted his lips staring firmly into Peyton's eyes, but after a beat he shrugged his shoulders, and focused on his cousin. "Ryan, your momma's not home. She's visiting a buddy." He said slowly, taking one of Ryan's hands, and helping him stand up straight without quivering for a change. "She'll be back soon, but my momma's name is _Peyton_, _not_ mama, okay Ry?" He asked seriously, as if he was having the crucial of conversations with the one year old.

"Key-Key!" Ryan chirped out, letting go of Sam's hold and running clumsily to the closest couch. "Key!" He screamed again, as he grabbed a tight hold of the sofa.

Peyton let out a few more chuckles at the small boy, but then caught sight of Nathan making his way into the living room. "He's kinda cute," She mused with a genuine smile on her face.

"Yeah, I kinda like him, too." Nathan replied nonchalantly with a smirk on his face, as he put on the coffee table before them a plate with some snacks, and gestured Peyton to sit down and let the kids play.

"I'm glad you all came," Peyton said sincerely with a small shrug on her shoulders. "Even considering the circumstances," She added, with a coy smirk.

"Yeah," Nathan said nodding. "But girl, you gotta learn how to pick up your cell," He said somewhat exasperatedly. "Haley was a mess watching the news, and Sammy's school, and the chaos, and you not picking up your phone!"

Peyton nodded sheepishly, with a small smile on her face. "I'm sorry, I am...I was just so worry about him, that return calls didn't seem as the most important of priorities."

"I know." Nathan agreed simply, taking one of the cookies in front of him. "I'm glad the little guy is okay, and all the other kiddos too. I'm sure you were a mess," He said only half-jokingly, gently squeezing her knee.

Peyton couldn't help but scoff. "Kinda," She said lightly shaking her head.

"So," Nathan began again, and they both knew already where he was going. "How are you?"

Taking a deep breath Peyton managed an "Okay,"

"You know I don't think it is a good idea that Haley's with him right now, right? He…He's my brother, but..."

"It's okay, Nate," Peyton said softly, cutting him off. "I won't say I'm happy he had just showed up, but if he really wants to be part of Sammy's life I can't just shut him out,"

"Why not? It's not as if he's done anything to deserve otherwise." Nathan stated confused, and maybe a little too loud. It was obvious they were trying to keep the conversation soft since the boys where only a few inches away.

"Because!" Peyton said frustrated in a loud whisper. "He's his…Dad," She admitted painfully.

"You know he's _not_. And he...hell, he sure as hell doesn't deserve you being so nice with him." Nathan fought back, actual anger carrying through his voice.

Lucas might be his brother but the fact that he put not only Peyton and that boy he proudly called his nephew, but also his wife through a living hell caused him to lose each and any kind of bond they might once had.

If Haley hadn't had a word with Lucas in a little over three years, Nathan on the other hand, hadn't had a word with him since the day he hung up the phone on him the day of Sam's birth.

Might sound somewhat awful to say it, but Peyton was his friend before Lucas was his brother. And although Nathan would always be grateful to him for Haley, and for all sort of things he did in the past for him and his family, what Lucas did walking out on Peyton, and his family, was the last straw and something he didn't seem to know how to forgive.

"I'm not being nice to him," Peyton stated uneasily. "I just…Life's too short you know? Everything that happened with Sammy last week; what if something had actually happened to him? What if something happens to me, or him, or any of us tomorrow? I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't wanna live with regrets. I'm not completely letting Lucas back in, I'm not letting him be Sammy's father, because you're right, he's _not_. But I wanna know that I at least try, so that way I won't have _'What ifs'_ running through my mind about Lucas and Sam." She finished, as she closed tightly her eyes and lay back on the couch.

"I'm sorry." Nathan blurted softly. "I know it's not my place to tell you what to do, but God, Peyton. You know he doesn't deserve him."

"Maybe so," Peyton replied after a couple seconds of silence. "But I at least have to _try_. Only if it's only to finally move on for good. To close Lucas' chapter for the last time. I'm not expecting anything from him. As a matter of fact, I'm not expecting him to show up again, but if he does, I'm not going to hide, or hide Sammy either. If he wants to be in his life, he'll have to earn that. I'm not just handing him my boy, but..." She let her sentence trailed off as her eyes fluttered close again.

She didn't know how to put into words what she was feeling. She only knew she wanted to do what was _right_. What was right for Sam and for her. She didn't want to look back a few years later and think in what could have been if she hadn't only been so hard.

She wanted to believe that deep inside Lucas was still the person she once loved, not for her, but for her son. He had the right to know his dad. If it scared her what Lucas could do, and could not do? _Yes_. He'd proven her over and over again how he didn't have any problems breaking her heart, but…You can't expect people to change, or show you otherwise if you simply don't let them, right?

So that was what she was doing with Lucas. She was giving him one last chance, not to be completely in their lives, but to at least show he's willing to change and make things right.

She was fighting back her fears, her insecurities. Only time would tell, and no matter the end result, she was only hoping she was strong enough not to let Lucas' decisions bring her down again whenever the inevitable happened.

Whenever it becomes too much for him and decides to run.

That fact was in the back of her mind. She simply couldn't shake it away, but in any case, she was going to be ready for whatever happened next. She wasn't alone, she had her family, she had Julian, she had Sam.

Whatever happened next, whether the results happened to be not as good as she was hoping, she'd at least know she'd try. She'd try to make things right against herself, and her feelings.

That was the less, and the most she could do for Lucas.

She could only hope he would recognize the value of the risk she was taking with him.

* * *

"What happens next?" Haley asked as she and Lucas had composed themselves.

Swallowing hard Lucas looked up at her questioning eyes. "I get them back," He said simply, but surprisingly enough, convincing.

"You know how I always took your side, right?" Haley asked, followed by one long sigh. Lucas simply nodded his head so she continued. "What you did to Peyton was something I never, never, _ever _thought you could do to someone, let alone Peyton," She stated far too firmly. "But you did it, and…Although I love you, because I do, Luke, you still have no right to just step back in their lives and ask for all the things you lost long ago when you asked her to leave Tree Hill–"

"I never said I had," Lucas broke in strongly. "I'm not expecting anything from her. In fact, I was expecting her to shut me out from both their lives as soon as I came back, but...I'm not going anywhere Haley. It may take me forever but I'm fighting for them. I'm gaining her trust again, and I'm gaining that boy, because he's my son. And I was stupid, and selfish, and I know I don't have the slightest of right on him, or Peyton, but I...I love her, and I'm simply not backing out." He stated firmly, never losing Haley's eyes from his. "Not again."

Haley held her stare on Lucas for a few minutes in complete silence. She knew exactly everything Peyton had gone through since the moment Sammy was born. How hard it had been on her, how much she had struggled to be a good mom. To not let Sam down, as she had actually put it herself. She knew how much it took from her seeing a reminder of Lucas everyday in her son. She knew how much it had cost her to open her heart at last to Julian. She knew how Lucas didn't deserve her.

She knew that the right thing to do was telling Lucas to back off and leave town the same way he arrived.

But she couldn't, she was seeing actual sincerity in his eyes.

She still wasn't one to make everything easier to him. Although maybe she was, given the fact that she had reach him in the end. But she still wasn't one to help him get Sam or Peyton back. She wasn't one to take his side, and blindly blame his problems on everybody else.

But she couldn't either ignore the broken man in front of her. The broken man that seemed as if he had finally grow up and decided what he want and need in his life.

She wasn't helping him, but she wasn't worsening things either.

At that moment, looking into her best friend's eyes for the first time in three years, Haley was giving Lucas the benefit of the doubt.

Something that by the look of things; Peyton had given him already.

* * *

"So what happens next?" Nathan asked moments later, as Peyton's statement finally finished sinking in.

"I don't know." Peyton told him honestly shaking her head. "I guess we just have to wait and see."

"Yeah?" Nathan asked back incredulously, and really fighting back anger. He simply couldn't understand how she could be so willing to give him a second chance when he'd done nothing but hurt her. "What happens to your heart in the mean-time?"

"What about it?" Peyton asked calmly with a shrug. "The fact that I'm not pushing Lucas away doesn't mean that I'm gonna fall for him just because. I…I'm not doing this for me. If Lucas is going to be in my life, it is going to be because of Sammy and that's all. I know well enough where my heart is, and that is definitely not with Lucas." She said seriously staring into Nathan's eyes.

"You know you still love him. You can feed yourself all the speeches you'd like but that isn't changing the facts." Nathan retorted, just as seriously.

"I…" Peyton began but trailed off upon not having a good enough answer to Nathan.

"He's an ass, but you love him. And you can say to yourself that you're doing this for Sam, and maybe so, a part of it it's because of that boy. But you can't say to me that you're not hoping Lucas had come back because of you. Because he wants you back, because –"

"I don't want him back." Peyton said strongly cutting him off. "He's always going to be in my heart, I'm not saying he won't. But I'm not letting myself go anywhere with him, rather than his relationship with Sammy. I have a life I like, I have a son, I have a family, I have Julian, so just drop it." She ordered firmly, before shifting her eyes to somewhere else other than Nathan's eyes.

Reluctantly Nathan obliged and decided to keep his opinions to himself. For now anyways. He would just hate seeing Peyton hurting again because of Lucas, but he would still trust her decisions to be the right ones. That she's not doing anything because she's hoping to gain something from Lucas in return. That she's simply doing it because she thinks that's the right thing to do.

As his friend, he was doing what friends do, trust her and be there for her no matter what happens next.

Sighing heavily, he turned so that he was facing Peyton again. "Okay…I'm sorry." He said simply, before mockingly rolling his eyes. "Where's movie-guy anyway?" He asked jokingly in an attempt to break the awful tension that had formed in the room.

Peyton couldn't help but chuckle loudly at his subtlety. "His name is Julian, and he's at the set, dork!" She said playfully, softening her features, and offering him a small smile. "Thank you for worrying for me. I love you for it, but you still gotta have a little faith on me, okay?" She said half-teasingly before Nathan dragged her into his arms for a hug.

"I do have faith on you, Sawyer." He said softly into her hair. "But I just don't want my ass of a brother to hurt you, or Sammy again." He confessed uneasily.

Peyton pushed away slowly, smiling sadly as she did so. "I don't want that either," She replied with a helpless shrug of her shoulders. "I don't,"

* * *

**AN : **This was a different kind of chapter, at least it felt that way for me when I wrote it, and well...I dunno, what did you think? I hope it was okay, and well, once again, this was also one of those "builder" chapters for a near future. Ideas for this story are flowing quite steadily which is a pretty good thing, so I don't know, please let me know what you think. You know hearing from you is actually pretty awesome (& helpful) so yep, thanks for reading heehee!

**PS :** I really can't not say it; last night I in fact did bawl like a little baby HAHA! The red door so did it for me...and Jamie's speech was awesome, Haley's too, but she really should have chose a different epi, I mean...Brooke was high out of her mind that day *lol* She even said something of the sort of how it was "tragic" to think they'd be friends the next day, so (IMHO) if that epi served for bonding that was between Haley/Peyton, but still...it was a _beautiful_ wedding, and Skills was AWESOME, and Brooke looked a m a z i n g too. So yeah, I cried like a dork, but overall, I liked the epi, but hmm...lets leave it simple saying how Brooke&Peyton's little portrait was enough to put tears to my eyes, so...yeah, I'm a sucker, deal with it! LOL Jk!** :)**


	16. Owner of a Lonely Heart

**Owner of a Lonely Heart**

* * *

It's impressive how much an empty white screen can affect you. You are sitting in front of your computer and that blank document is somehow staring back at you as if complaining for the fact that you hadn't been able to write a single word on it.

It's accusing, and...frustrating, because in truth, you do know you want to write.

_Everything._

_Anything._

You want to write what your heart is feeling. What your mind is thinking. What your eyes are seeing. You want to put into words everything that is in some way eating you inside, but...what happens when you just..._can't_?

That little upright black line blinking back at you without fail letting you know how you have yet to touch the keyboard and begin.

But how do you begin?

He'd done that before, he had one published book, and several manuscripts keep in the safety of his house.

Lucas could vividly remember the time when it was as simple as opening his laptop for the words to flow to him. He would sit there in the peace of his room, and the right words would just come to his mind.

He wouldn't even think, he would just write and free himself from all those dark feelings as he put them to paper.

Give or take, the distance that separates New York from California are something of the sort of 2,411 miles. Over two thousand miles came between him and Peyton once upon a time, and in the first attempt he did to cut back that distance in over one year – something shy of two years to be honest, he had been left in the place he was right now.

Write-wise speaking among a whole lot of other phantom regrets that constantly haunt him still.

Writing used to be simple for Lucas. It used to be easy, and something he simply did without questioning twice.

The feeling was somehow alike at the one he felt when he stepped in a basketball court with a ball in his hands. He didn't have to think about it, or think how to do it, he just would. He would throw the ball and it would effortlessly go down the net. It was easy…unforced and just…natural.

There was some sort of calmness he would feel when he stepped in the river court at night and just played until his surroundings disappeared and it was just him and the game.

That feeling had been taken away from him a little too soon. But he had learned to live without it. He had other things he could do in order to fill that void.

He could write. Merge himself in someone else's problems and just be free from himself while his mind and soul was focused in the world in his head.

That had been taken away from him now too.

Now it seemed as though his mind was blank.

Drained from everything that once made him open up his laptop and start writing.

There wasn't something compelling him to write anymore. He'd lost interest and passion about that over the years too.

He had still tried, he had in fact written some stuff. But it was that _need_ of wanting his words to be perfect from the beginning, which simply denied him to keep going past a few pages.

He had never admitted she was his inspiration but the truth of the matters was that she was indeed. With his first book, he had pretty much screamed at the world just how much he loved her. He had told the world; to each and every person who read his words, that he would _always_ love her. That they had _always_ been meant for each other.

How he had always, and would always be in love with that curly blonde who stole his hear a little too early in his life.

He said _always_ in that book.

He told Peyton, and he told the world _always_.

However sometimes he feel as if he should have wrote it bigger, or in italics, or bold so he could have actually understood the meaning of what he was writing.

_Always._

Six letters that took him long enough to understand.

He had said always, and although not entirely acknowledging at the time, he had meant _always_.

He knew that now.

However, his reality was cruel. He was living in a world in which he would see her, but she wouldn't.

She would certainly_ look_ at him, and talk to him and even be…nice to him.

But as Lucas had grown to realize in the last few days, she had stop really _seeing_ him.

There was a time when he could always see those flickers of that love she felt for him shining powerfully through her eyes when she was looking back at him.

Now that was just _gone_. There were no twinkles, or glimmer, or sparks when she looked at him. There were…hints of sadness, and disappointment. Hints of darkness Lucas hated to see, but in any way could.

Lucas knew he had put that sadness in her eyes, and although he was trying to make it up for her, and even though she was actually letting him be somewhat in their lives, he still knew no matter how hard he tried, there weren't some magic words he could ever say or write that would erase everything he had done to her.

Maybe that was why he couldn't write anymore.

In spite of _everything_ however, his life wasn't worst now as it was just a couple of months ago; to begin with, right now he was starting to know _his_ son; and that, that was simply a feeling Lucas wasn't – and couldn't, take for granted at any second now.

They had gone together to the park a few times already; Lucas had helped Sammy slide with one hand only through the monkey bars. He had pushed him on the swings, and bought him ice-cream after school just like any other father would do.

However, Lucas was still his _'mom's old friend'_. And that was what hurt. Although he was seeing his son, every time he did, it had been under supervision of Peyton's assistant, Clare. She was nice, Lucas couldn't complain about her, but she was no Peyton.

Every time he had hear an '_okay_' from Peyton over the phone when he asked if he could spend a little time with Sam in the afternoon, his whole heart lit up, and he felt..._happy_ for a change.

Still, the moment that Sam walked out of Peyton's office with Clare holding his little hand, Lucas always felt his heart dropping just a bit.

He's always hopeful Peyton is the one that is going to go with them. However, that hadn't happened once since this 'hanging out' with his son routine had started a couple of weeks ago.

Lucas knew Peyton was reluctant at first, that she didn't want to let him spend all that much time with Sam, but she had still agreed in letting them just...bond for a few hours a week.

There really was no harm on that. Sam saw Lucas as a friend of his momma who bought him candy most of the times they saw each other.

Lucas however hated by some means that _'friend'_ role he was playing in his son's life, but the bottom line was that he was still learning all those little things he had missed about that boy.

He was learning how Sam actually does like veggies. How he is sure those are going to make him grow up strong and handsome as he always puts it. Lucas now knows how Sammy's favorite ice-cream flavor is vanilla with just a teeny bit of chocolate syrup on top. He knows now how Sam is sure he has a ton of angels on his side watching over him at all time, the same way they do with Peyton and his _'daddy'_.

He knows his son's favorite music is whatever his mom plays him since she has the 'awesomest music taste _ever_'.

Lucas now knows what it is to love a little boy so much that it hurts every time he has to say goodbye.

But he was cherishing those moments. He was not a father for that boy yet, but he was still becoming a good friend.

He wished he could be so much more already but...he was still well aware of what he did, and of the time it would take him to faintly recover what he once –_willingly_– gave away.

He hadn't seen Peyton's face in six whole days. The last time he did so was when he was dropping Sam and Clare back at Peyton's office one afternoon and had insisted to the woman to let him go inside and say '_Thanks_' personally. He had, and Peyton had said in response a '_No need'_ with a warm smile that Lucas was beginning to hate.

A part of him wanted her to slap him for once and for all so they could just move on and start fixing things between the two of them. But they weren't. Lucas felt as if they were growing stuck, and not moving forward at all.

Yes, he was building a relationship with his son, and he was loving it. But he also _needed _to rebuild his relationship with his mom and it seemed as though no progress between the two of them could be done.

Peyton was rather nice and polite with him when they talked over the phone...about Sam. That was the one and only thing Peyton would talk to him. He would ask her a silly '_How are you?_' and she would immediately reply a kind '_Fine_', before rapidly asking him about the time he would come over to pick up Sammy and Clare since like she had said it herself, although she wanted too, she simply couldn't trust him with_ her_ son alone.

Lucas had obliged, he had said he was okay with that even though he wasn't. But he knew she was taking a risk with him because of what he could only agree on whatever her conditions were.

But he wanted more.

He wanted _her._

He wanted to be able to talk to her the way he hadn't in…almost eight years since high school finished.

He wanted her to know that he'd do anything to take back all those times he didn't chose her and instead…walked away.

But…Time kept passing by and they still didn't have a relationship whatsoever...Any sort of it.

And instead, Lucas' ever-growing frustration towards that feeling had actually made him mess up with the little and only piece of hope he was still holding on to.

"What's up with him?" Peyton asked confused after letting in an apparently very-upset Sam into their home. The little boy ran past her with not even a '_Hi',_ leaving her with a very questioning look on her face and a stunned Lucas before her eyes. "Well," She asked frustrated herself looking back and forth between Lucas and the stairs Sammy had just run up.

Frozen at the doorway, Lucas closed his eyes tightly letting out a shaky breath. "I think I messed it up with him," He admitted quietly with his eyes still closed.

"What happened?" Peyton asked softly fighting back all the different terrific scenarios she had playing in her mind. She was worried about the scene that had just unfold in front of her but then again...Lucas seemed a lot more upset that what Sammy did. "What did you do to him?" She asked now a little more worried upon Lucas' silence.

As she motioned him to come inside, he opened his eyes and looked right into her big green eyes. "Clare, She...Her nephew, her sister called, she...I, I told her I'd bring Sam right to you..."

"She called me telling me that Lucas. What happened then?" Peyton asked again stopping his ramble softly.

Nodding, Lucas steadied his eyes on hers again. "I just said some things, that...I shouldn't have. I just...I don't know what I'm supposed to tell him or not." He paused as he took a seat in the couch, and he looked up at Peyton's expectant stare. Taking a breath, he continued. "He started asking me about Julian, you know? If I knew him, if I was an old friend of his just like I was one of yours. I told him that no. That I had only met him because of you and that…then I just blurted out that I wished I hadn't," He admitted quietly, rubbing the back of his neck. Shaking his head, he continued speaking not letting Peyton comment before she had heard the whole thing. "Then he kept asking me why I'd say that, that why I didn't like him, and then he started saying all these nice things about him and I just…I just told him to stop–"

"You yelled at him?" Peyton asked calmly, piercing slightly her lips.

Lucas didn't respond giving Peyton the answer she needed.

She nodded her head a little, as she sunk in the information and after a whole minute of silence, she began speaking softly despite the fact that she indeed, wanted to yell at Lucas in that very instant as well. "We dated for a bit more than a year well after you and I broke up back in LA. I met him…we started dating and…I love him, but you…You just kept getting in the way even though you were nowhere to be seen," She explained with a sarcastic laugh under her breath. "He…We broke up, kinda because of you and then a year later I was going back to Tree Hill. When I came back here, he was the one person I could turn to. He was here for me through it all; for me _and_ for Sammy. We only got back together a few months ago. But…he still was Sammy's dad way before that day. He'd always live here with us for some reason," She added, and couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped her lips.

It was the truth. At first, he had stayed with them because Peyton had asked him so. She had said how she didn't want to be alone in that big house –_they both had picked_– with her newborn. So Julian had easily agreed since in the few days they spent in the hospital he had grown overly attach to the baby. He'd said how he would stay with her and the boy for the first few weeks until she was completely set up.

However, months went by and it just felt natural he was with them. He slowly moved his stuff, and by Sammy's first birthday, he was completely moved.

They never slept in the same bedroom. Not up until nine months ago, around Christmas, when their relationship had finally moved forward a little.

They had decided they were '_dating'_. Getting to know each other despite the fact that they had been living together for at least five years and there wasn't really something they didn't know of the another but they still went for it.

For Sam it hadn't been a big change, since they were still always caring and loving for one another. The fact that they now kiss and hug more often only made Sammy happier. The one big change had been the fact that Julian had moved into Peyton's room, but in the end they had made a day out of the moving and the boy had take it all too well.

"And he…he'd always been here for Sammy. Julian is his father, and…That's simply the way things are, and how they are going to stay. You...I know that you're trying. And I know you want a real place in his life, but…You've been here for three weeks or so Lucas. He's been here since I was pregnant. You can't erase that. And I..."

As Peyton let her sentence trailed off, Lucas took it as his cue to reply. "I know that. I know that I messed up. Not only today but…I've been messing up for years now. I know, believe me…I know. I never meant to say anything bad about him today. I didn't want to say that I didn't like him but…God Peyton, I couldn't help it. He…He's my son, and I know he's still a small boy, but sooner or later–"

"I know that," Peyton cut him off strongly knowing exactly where he was going. "I never say I was going to lie to Sammy. I never, _ever _would. I just…You're not somebody's father because blood said so. _You_ should know that Lucas. _Sam_ knows it. He is going to know about you, hell, he already does. But that doesn't change the fact of Julian being his dad. And you…If we are keep doing this, whatever it is," She stressed, somewhat frustrated. "You really have to learn Julian's going to be in Sammy's life for as long as_ he_ decides it to. You just can't say bad things about him to Sammy. That boy is little, but he's _extremely_ protective over the two of us. You said something bad about him or me, and you'll set him off." She paused exhaling heavily. "Right now it is _my_ choice, and _I'm_ letting you hang out with him but…In a few years, it is going to be Sam's decision whether he wants you in his life or not and I…I know you mean well but..."

"I know all that Peyt. And I'm sorry, I really am." Lucas spoke quietly, yet cutting Peyton's sentence. "I know I shouldn't have said what I said, I scared him and I'm...I'm just sorry. I'd never want to scare him or push him away but–" He paused suddenly fixing strongly his eyes on Peyton's. "Does he make you happy?" He asked out of the blue completely stunning Peyton at the unexpected change of subject.

"What?" She asked back clearly confused.

"Julian. I know he's great with Sammy. I've seen him, Sam said so, but...You, does he make _you _happy?" Lucas asked again hoping he would get an answer from Peyton.

"That really is none of your business," She replied followed by one incredulous laugh, as she looked away from him.

Closing his eyes strongly Lucas nodded. "I know I'm sorry. But then...Are you happy? Regardless Julian guy, are you?" He tried once more, waiting until his eyes found hers again.

"I am." Peyton replied this time, and for Lucas' dismay without hesitation.

"That was all I wanted to know." He admitted sadly anyhow with a small shrug. "I promise it won't happen again. Maybe I can apologize to him if you let me." He suggested quietly.

Peyton held her stare on his eyes hesitantly for a few seconds before nodding. What else could she tell him? Scold him some more…Sometimes she actually wished she could, but that look in his eyes one way or another just wouldn't allow her to. "Fine, but God Lucas...I promise I really like things to go well between you and Sam but I..."

"I promise I'll keep my opinions to myself from now on," Lucas stated only half-serious, upon seeing the shy smile that was dancing on Peyton's lips as he spoke.

"You'd better," Peyton said nodding. "He's little but he definitely has a temper." She added smiling for real at last.

Nodding along with her, Lucas allowed a smile to grace on his lips too. "I could see that." He noted softly. "He... He really was upset and demanded strongly to be brought back home...Is he up–...You should be with...him..."

"Lucas," Peyton called with a small laugh stopping his tirade. Shaking his head Lucas shut up all at once and looked up at her sheepishly. "Julian was upstairs getting ready; I bet he got him before he even reached his room." She explained plainly, trying to hide her smile. "But if he is okay with it, I'll bring him down so you can say I'm sorry if that's what you want, but you...I better don't have to do this again…_ever,_ you hear me," She said firmly as she started getting up from the couch.

Lucas nodded his head obediently, offering her a small smile as she walked towards the hallway.

Only a few seconds later anyway, when Peyton had already disappeared from his sight; Lucas managed to hear her again from behind him.

"Remember at the hospital…What you told me before you left the night of the accident?" She asked, more to herself and the air than to Lucas, but he still knew she was addressing him.

"Yeah," Lucas said softly, as he turned his head around so that he was looking at her standing by the bottom of the stairs.

"You said that it'll be better if I hated you," Peyton needlessly reminded him. "But I can't." She stressed with a shrug.

"Why?" Lucas asked back simply but his voice was carrying all kind of feelings with it. From curiosity and frustration merged together, to interest, defeat...and even wonder upon finally having his question answered.

With a soft sigh, Peyton offered him yet another shrug of her shoulders. "Despite whatever you did to _me_, you still gave me my boy; I can't hate you for that."

Lucas sighed heavily but nodded his head. "I wish sometimes you did though." He confessed mostly to himself, but loud enough for her to hear him.

"Yeah," Peyton called quietly drawing Lucas' attention to herself when his head lowered. "But if you hurt _him,_ I…Then I'll hate you."

* * *

**AN : **Whoever said the beginning of this chapter came out of experience is a liarrrr lol Just kidding, you can make your own conclusions heehee! ******;)  
**In any case, let me know what you thought about _this_ chapter. This one and the next one are kind of part1 and 2, so the second one should probably be up soon enough. I'm trying to keep things "real" yet i'm not sure how I'm doing just that LOL Hope you'd like it though...:)

**PS :** Not ranting today, I promise, just wanted to say...soo Happy HilarieBurton is now officially a regular in WhiteCollar! Honestly cannot wait for her and Neal to hook up LOL so yup, that's it, if any of you watches WC too, hope you agree lol! ******:) **


	17. Lessons Learned

**Author's Note : **You know how I said this chapter was supposed to be up shortly? It was, and guys I'm _so_ sorry it took me a little longer *lol* In my defense, life-altering stuff is currently going on w/ me, so I suppose I could be excused heehee! After all, you don't move (the real thing) cross-country every day, now do you? LOL It's exciting, it's also scary, but I think it's going to be awesome! Who knew it'd end up in the South, huh? But just so you know; it is for the BEST! I'm sure of that! Heehee **:)**

Now…Li'l moment of over-sharing is officially over, I'm sorry about that, but I still wanted to share the –awesome– news with you awesome people! Onto this chapter, short but hopefully good enough. Remember to let me know what you think and/or _if,_ you liked where I'm taking the story now…

**Enjoy! **

**Lessons Learned**

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"_He_ doesn't like _me_..." Julian sang playfully upon catching sight of Peyton running up the stairs.

Rolling her eyes, yet, _with _a smile on her face, she walked her way to him. "_I_ like you," She sang back, burrowing herself in his arms. "How is Sammy?" She asked in something just a little above a whisper.

"Ah, he's all right," Julian replied simply, brushing a soft kiss to the top of her head. "He was just standing up for me." He explained teasingly, and earned a small smack to his check.

Pulling away from his arms, Peyton fixed both her eyes firmly on his. "I'm sorry he said that," She apologized sincerely, though she was one hundred percent sure it wasn't her place but still…The less she wanted was Lucas causing problems between the two of them.

Lightly shaking his head, Julian cupped her face with his hands. "Are you forgetting I don't like him all that much either." He stated playfully and caused Peyton to yank his hands away as she smacked him once again.

"Whatever," She said rolling her eyes, although she surely couldn't hide her smile. That was what she genuinely loved about him. He wouldn't make a big deal of those little things. Instead, he would just find a way to dismiss them, and that was just exactly what she needed. "I gotta go talk to Sammy," She informed him rather quietly after a few seconds. "Lucas is still downstairs,"

"Oh," Julian said, slightly confused, but still smirking in her direction.

The perfect _'o'_ his lips formed as he spoke surely caused Peyton to smile. There was nothing that genetically bond Julian with Sam, however the way both of them got out that sheepish '_Oh'_ was dramatically alike. If she didn't know better –_and she did_–, she could swear Sammy got it from him.

"Then for safety's sake I better stay up here." Julian added goofily, before planting yet another kiss to her forehead and head towards their bedroom.

"Julian," Peyton called softly as he reached the doorway. Waiting until he turned around and his eyes found hers, she couldn't stop herself from smiling at him. "Thank you,"

Nodding his head, Julian gladly returned her the smile. "You're welcome Blondie." He replied sweetly, before disappearing through the door of their bedroom.

Still smiling at Sammy's doorway, Peyton mentally got herself ready to face her other favorite boy. "Hey, buddy." She called as she stepped inside the bedroom.

Sam was sitting seriously on his play table coloring strongly, and actually struggling to get the paper to stay still since he could only use one hand. Regardless all he hated not being able to use his hand due the cast in his arm, he, and Peyton, and even Julian, they were all relieved he had hurt his _left_ arm and not the right one per se. He loved drawing, but mostly coloring, he was a small boy, but a big perfectionist when it was about his coloring books. Peyton smiled at the sight, but inwardly sighed. Moments like those were the ones that reminded her why Sammy was her son in the end. "You busy, little guy?" She asked softly as she took a seat next to Sam, and placed one of her hands over the small of his back.

"Nope," Sam replied slightly shaking his head, but still focused on the drawing before him.

"You're upset?" Peyton asked uneasily although she couldn't wash the smile from her face. He wasn't a boy to be serious for long; she knew his crooked little smile would shine just if she gave him a bit more time.

"No momma," Sam replied decisively, now looking up at her, and shaking strongly his head from side to side causing all his curls to fly to his face.

"Good, buddy," Peyton said gladly. There was still her happy little boy. "You wanna tell me what happened with Lucas?"

Sammy dramatically shrugged his shoulders. "He said he doesn't like Daddy. I don't like him anymore momma." He confessed sincerely.

Peyton nodded twisting lightly her lips as if in understanding. "You know, Lucas said he didn't mean to say that 'bout Daddy." She informed him softly.

"Daddy said he didn't mean to say that, too." Sam noted with some strong nods of his head. "So he _does_ like Daddy?" He asked uncertainly, imitating the goofy way Peyton was scrunching up her nose.

"I dunno kiddo." Peyton replied playfully before patting gently his back. "Why don't we go downstairs so you can ask him?" She asked gesturing to the door.

Sam stayed put as if really thinking about it. Exhaling deeply he nodded at last his head. "Okay," He said simply, standing up from his chair, and walking after Peyton.

She held the door open and allowed him to get out before her. He was wearing his red stripy cap. He really didn't like red all that much. He was only wearing it because he was upset and Peyton knew it.

It felt sometimes kind of bizarre, but she truly knew _every_ bit of that boy.

Less than three minutes later, all three of them were sitting in one awkward silence at the living room. Sammy had sat himself in the couch across the one Lucas was sitting at, and had put on his serious face again. 'Both' his arms were decisively crossed across his chest, and he was seriously staring at Lucas.

Peyton on the other hand, couldn't help but remain smiling, both boys had the very same squint on their faces, and although she had tried to break the silence offering both some cookies neither of them actually spoke, but shook their heads. "Okay," She tried again, really trying to hide her smile. "You're saying something Lucas?" She addressed him, he was the grown man after all, Sammy was only four.

Clearing his throat loudly Lucas nodded. "Right," He settled on something easy. Honestly, he didn't know how to begin, how do you apologize with a four-year-old? However, he knew he had to do it. Peyton wanted him to. "Um..." He began again, running his hand through his hair, but he sincerely was stuck.

"Are you sorry for what you said at the park?" Sam questioned firmly upon realizing Lucas really was _not_ a man of words.

Lucas stared at the boy for a few seconds, his face was serious, and the expectancy in his eyes was all Peyton. "I am," He replied simply with a nod. "I shouldn't have said that about your Dad. And I sure as he–" He stopped in his tracks at the way Peyton widened her eyes. "And I _surely _shouldn't have yelled at you." He fixed it rapidly. Of course, he couldn't swear in front of the boy. "I'm really sorry."

Sammy nodded in understanding but twisted his lips a whole lot like the way Peyton still does it. "You mean that?" He asked cautiously one more time.

"I mean that." Lucas replied strongly. "You have my word, Sam."

After staring a bit more into Lucas' eyes, Sam nodded and then turned to look at Peyton. "It is okay if he's still your friend, momma." He stated seriously and she had to fight back the need to smile and instead simply nodded.

"Okay, baby." Peyton told him sweetly, rubbing her thumb over his chubby cheek.

"I wanted to ask you," Lucas spoke softly again, breaking the silence that was slowly settling on the room. Both Sam and Peyton turned to look at him so he continued. "Um, on Saturday, there was this reading–"

"Daddy's taking us!" Sam excitedly let Lucas know how he _already_ had plans for the weekend.

Lucas looked at him somewhat confused before letting out an uncomfortable_ 'Oh'._

"We...Um, we kinda take him every month." Peyton explained, feeling somewhat bad at the way Sam blurted out the information. "But..." She began a few seconds later, turning so that she was looking again at Sammy. "What do you say if Lucas takes you this month instead? He can take you to the mall, and stay with you throughout the reading. He loves to read too, you know?"

"He does?" Sammy asked genuinely curious sharing looks between Lucas and his mom.

"I do," Lucas replied rather shyly. "I used to write books of my own too, you know?" He commented looking right at Sam's eyes but still managing to catch sight of Peyton as he spoke. She was clearly surprised but instead of giving it much importance, he sighed and re-focused his attention on the boy. "I'll be really happy in taking you," He continued, and for the first time that day, he was sounding hopeful.

Sam stared at him for some good seconds before shrugging uneasily. "I always go with Momma and Daddy," He informed Lucas quietly. "Can you come too?" He asked now facing Peyton.

She gave him an apologetic look before slowly shaking her head. "You'll go here with Lucas, and you will have fun and I promise we'll go with Daddy next month okay?" She tried, sounding as happily as she could.

It had become in some way a tradition of the three of them. They'll make a whole day of going to the city _at least_ once a month for those book readings Sammy simply loved. In a way, she was hating she wasn't going with him this time, but then again, maybe the interest in books both Lucas and Sam shared could be a good way for them to bond.

"What do you say, baby?" Peyton asked softly at Sam's silence. He had a sad expression on his face that was slowly breaking Peyton's heart. She knew how much Sam was looking forward to that special weekend, but maybe things would go all right with Lucas too. "I bet you'll have fun," She sang playfully cracking a smile.

At the boy's hesitation, Lucas figured he could help his case a little too. "Yeah, I promise it'll be fun. I can buy you whatever you'd like." He tried eagerly but Sam instead frowned at his words, and turned around his head looking firmly at Peyton.

"I'd rather go with you, Momma," He stated with a slight pout on his lips.

Peyton held her stare on his bright blue eyes for a few seconds before just nodding her head. "Okay, then we'll go." She promised without bothering to turn to see Lucas' defeated look.

"Good!" Sam exclaimed happily before leaning forward and wrapping his arm around Peyton's neck tightly.

Peyton chuckled at his enthusiasm but still didn't hesitate a second in hugging him back just as tightly. After a couple minutes with the boy gripped to her, she pulled away slowly. "Why don't you go up now and tell Daddy he's going to be late, okay? Tell him he can't wear the funny tie; tell him it is a serious meeting!" She said with a giggle as she scooped Sammy down the couch.

"Sure mommy!" Sam replied between some giggles of his own before he turned and looked again at Lucas. "Goodbye," He said maybe a little too serious before running excitedly up the stairs,

"Bye," Lucas echoed quietly when the boy was already out of sight for the two of them.

"I'm sorry," Peyton said sincerely, shrugging lightly her shoulders.

"No it's okay." Lucas replied, trying as hell to sound nonchalant as if Sam's rejection hadn't really affected him. However, judging by her expression she wasn't buying it much. "I guess he's not ready to hang out all that much with me." He stated sadly.

"I think maybe _you _are the one who is not ready." Peyton suggested, but by his look, she knew she should elaborate a bit more. "You don't know what is to be a dad…yet, and that's not wrong. I know you're trying. I already told you that, but…If you are _ever_ going to get there it is going to be because Sam genuinely likes you, and maybe even loves you...It isn't going to be because of what you wanna buy him or already did." She stated seriously, and it was then when realization hit Lucas.

Without even realizing it, he had attempted to bribe his son into going out with him. Peyton was right, and although it wasn't easy at all to admit it, he knew he still had a long road to go if he _ever_ wanted to be that little boy's father.

Why couldn't fatherhood snapped in him as something simple and natural? He'd always been good with kids, Jamie, his little sister. Why with his _own_ son things had to be so hard?

"I know." He agreed solemnly after some good two minutes of silence. "I'm sorry."

Peyton simply shrugged. "It's okay. I guess eventually you'll learn," She tried in an attempt of joke but Lucas' serious face told her she'd fail. "Or not," She added and couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped her lips.

Lucas smiled at her but...it was more of a sad smile. It was just hard for him being in the same room with her and she being so kind and... It was just hard to believe her heart sincerely wasn't with him anymore. "I should probably go now." He informed her quietly, and at her nod, he started standing up from the couch. "I'm still very sorry for today. I meant it, it won't happen again."

"Okay," Peyton said rather nonchalantly already looking around the room thinking in all the things she'd stop doing upon Lucas' '_little problem_'.

"Okay," Lucas echoed sadly. "I'll just see myself out." He called softly walking in the doorway's direction already.

Peyton simply nodded her head as she also started walking away, but in the opposite direction of course.

Already at the door Lucas couldn't help himself and hesitantly left over the stand by the doorway the little '_present_', he'd been willing to give Peyton for over four long years now. He stood there for a few seconds just staring at it, and after closing his eyes and sighing heavily, he opened the door and left leaving it behind and hoping Peyton would be the one to get it.

Luckily for Lucas perhaps, the squeals that were coming from the second floor made Peyton leave the kitchen after he'd left the house, and head towards the stairs in order to 'calm down' her men in the upper floor.

Of course, the stand caught her eye in that moment too; there were no bills or keys in there, there was a plain brown-like package she hadn't notice before. She walked towards the door and took it delicately in her hands. She waited a moment, but at last, taking it out of the bag, she couldn't help when her whole face lit up against her wishes. A blue hardcover edition of what seemed to be Lucas' novel caught her eyes. She traced gently the title's lettering with her forefinger and couldn't help but smile.

He had said '_used to write'_ earlier. Although she didn't want to admit it, she was glad he hadn't meant it.

"_The comet," _The whisper escaped her lips unexpectedly as she held the book in her hands. She hated the feeling, but she genuinely ached to read it.

* * *

**AN : **HA! Did you see that one coming? *lol* I'm totally kidding! I bet you did, after all I'd been talking about books ever since last chapter, but still let me know what you think **:)**

**PS : **Ohh, & yup yup! I'm still happy HB's now is a full time WhiteCollar fellow, but...ek, now chances she'd be there for oth finale are even more slim; mid-March OTH wraps S8, mid-March filming WC S3 picks up...not a good timing, now is it? lol I'm kidding, though it is sad, I'd really miss her then too I'm sure...** :)**


	18. …A Thousand Words

**Author's Note : **I suppose it was finally due I updated this story - You can thank darn WestCost btw! I COULD be watching WC if only I were on the OTHER side LOL :) I am sorry anyhow updating this story took me a while! :)

Long story short, I have a 'rule' you know? At least with this story that is. If I'm posting this chapter today that means the next one (i.e Ch19) is already written. Way too roughly and in need of a lot of editing, but nonetheless written. That's why I hadn't been able to post this one until today. I've been a bit busy with school lately (& actually really in the mood of "Under Stars and Stripes lol) BUT since exams are over for now and until April, I should be able to get hands on this story properly again - and perhaps too (li'l shoutout to Joann for one more time, reading my mind! You should know what I'm talking about hehehe!) on a new story I'm thinking of start posting soon, so...yup, we'd see how it goes. In the mean time, I really really hope you like this chapter. Please, pretty please let me know what you think heehee!** :)**

**PS : **ANs for this story _may_ go quiet from now on. I have NO heck of an idea what you're going to think of what I'm now doing with the story, so in case you disagree with me, I'd rather go quiet unless it's absolutely necesary for me to "defend" myself lmao! I'm kidding, though I am in fact, crossing fingers you'd like what I'm writing!

**Enjoy! :)**

**Chapter ****Eighteen**: …**A Thousand Words**

* * *

_"It was more than just a __comet__ because of what it brought to his life: Direction, Beauty, and Meaning…"_

Of course she had heard everything about the infamous book that cost Lucas his wedding.

Brooke had called the alleged ceremony a complete debacle. Bride running down the aisle after tossing the ring back in Lucas' hand. Peyton had heard all about Lucas' broken look after Lindsey simply left him there.

A part of her had thought in how he now knew what it was like to be left as if you just weren't enough. As if you weren't worth it.

How it is to have your heart broken after you've give everything to have nothing in return.

Still, a bigger part of her, a part she grew to hate, did feel sorry for him. She was even imagining his broken frame lying on the floor after she ran away.

She could even picture the tears welling in his eyes when Lindsey told him she was leaving.

People always leave, right?

Who knew _her _reality would become Lucas' too?

"_There were many who couldn't understand, and sometimes he walked among them. But even in his darkest hours, he knew in his __heart__ that someday it would return to him, and his world would be whole again…and his __belief__ in God, and __love,__ and art, would be reawakened in his __heart__."_

She was trying hard not to read between the lines, remind herself how it was just a _story_.

In spite of her attempts, Haley's words just kept whirling around in her mind endlessly.

She had told Peyton about the book one summer not more than a couple years ago. Lucas' subject was still touchy at the time of course; everybody knew how if they wanted to live, the smartest idea was not to mention Lucas' name around Peyton.

But in any case, Haley had claimed that as Peyton's friend, she was in all the right to speak what she needed. She and Peyton had grown a lot closer in the course of those two years or so. Haley had become a really great friend to Peyton, and an awesome aunt for Sam. Took her long enough, but she even grew to be nice to Julian, she even liked him, and that was something Peyton really appreciated.

However, she didn't appreciate all that much when that evening, while everybody else was having a snack; the brunette had brought up the book.

Haley had admitted to her how she told Lucas her feelings about his novel days before the wedding. She'd tell Peyton how his book was all about her and no one else. That it was about love, and wants, and needs and all the things Lucas felt but couldn't admit.

She'd tell Peyton how she thought even then that Lucas still loved her and that although she was completely sure that what they two of them had done behind Lindsey's back had been a mistake– the action, not Sammy per se, of course. The brunette had stressed that, the very same way she stressed how allegedly, Lucas' heart still wanted _her_.

Peyton had stayed in silence the whole time as Haley spoke.

Yet, her words didn't completely fall on deaf ears. It wasn't easy for her though; Peyton tried to understand it, but she just couldn't make sense of any of it…Of the book, of his "_love_," of everything Haley was telling her.

If Lucas' heart was still with her, why wasn't he there?

How come he hadn't looked for her or_ their_ son in those two – almost three years?

Why if it hadn't been for Lindsey he would actually be married?

How come if he was supposedly missing her he hadn't call _once_?

It just didn't make sense, so against Haley's wishes she had closed the subject then, and asked gently not to be brought up again.

Haley had reluctantly obliged, but did so anyway in the end.

Still, her words about whatever Lucas had wrote in that novel remained in the back of Peyton's mind until the very moment she opened the so-called book.

It took her three whole days to dare herself to simply open the cover. She did it reluctantly and almost with tears in her eyes. She hated the person Lucas made her.

She became insecure and a fragile mess she hated to be, but couldn't help it when it was about _that_ boy.

She had wanted badly to throw the book away before reading one single word of it. She had wanted to burn it the same way she burned each and every copy of his first novel.

But she couldn't do it. She hated it, but Lucas Scott, even after all those years and all the pain he had put her through, still held that strange power over her.

She had opened the book, and she had read the first eleven chapters in one seat.

After doing so she had realize yet another thing she hated…she loved what she read.

She loved what he wrote and for that very same reason, she _hated_ it.

She didn't exactly hate the book. She couldn't do that even if she wanted.

It was in fact a beautiful piece of writing. He was so precise and careful with each word written throughout that novel.

Peyton couldn't, not in a million years, deny the way with words Lucas had.

His words described a love so pure and innocent, and _true_, that with just a few lines it could make your broken heart believe in all those romantic notions and true love, you've tried so hard to forget about.

It didn't matter the sorrow your heart was still carrying, his words had the power of give you faith, and hope at some level.

That was what he wrote…A heartbreaking piece of writing that warmed and broke her heart all at the same time.

That was one of the few feelings Lucas– and _no one_ else could make her feel.

Even after all the time they have been apart.

"_The boy saw the comet, and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away, he waited his entire life for it to come back to him…"_

She knew she couldn't believe in him; she didn't _want_ to believe in him…believe in everything that was there in front of her eyes.

If it was true it wasn't needed a scientist to make the connection between Lucas' words in the novel and their relationship…that still didn't change the facts of the last few years, now did it?

Yes, the boy saw a comet;_ she_ drove a comet. It wasn't hard to put together. It wasn't hard at all.

But, if that was true, if she was in fact his comet, how come things had gotten so bad between the two of them?

Lucas had written that novel over five years ago. Yet, he hadn't act on his words…on that supposed love until now.

And not even now, what really does it mean leave the damn book in your front door?

Why if he wanted her to read it, couldn't he just said that much? Probably because Peyton wouldn't have receive it anyway, but that really wasn't the point.

He had claimed and claimed things since they first saw each other again, and perhaps it had been because Peyton hadn't allowed him to do so, but he really had never said the words '_I love you'_ to her…he had said '_I'm sorry'_ more times that Peyton could count, but he had never really said the _"L"_ word…

She wasn't sure why that fact seemed so important all of a sudden; she knew she didn't want him anymore, let alone love him…

Or, at the very least, she was _almost_ sure she knew that.

He'd told her how she never left his mind, not his heart…but what did that mean? It wasn't as if she '_needed_' him to say the words or was expecting him to throw 'I love yous' he didn't even mean. Peyton was sure that would only complicate things even more, but if he really loved her, if he had always loved her, like Haley and Brooke would always tell her back then, why then when it was about _her,_ he could never find the ways to show it?

His actions always showed the opposite of what he supposedly felt.

So the question was simple, why would she possibly fall for his words again?

They are just _words _in the end.

"_The boy saw the comet, and suddenly his life had meaning…"_

"What are you mumbling about, Blondie?" Julian asked as he reentered their bedroom after changing himself out of his work clothes, and into comfortable ones for bed.

His words pulled Peyton abruptly out of the daze she'd fallen in for the last hour or so. She shook her head slightly as she closed the book. After doing so, she looked back up to meet his eyes, and smiled. "Um...nothing, just reading," She replied softly with a shrug as she put back carefully the book inside the top drawer of her night-stand.

"Took you long enough," She noted after a moment catching sight of the hour in the clock beside her bed.

It was past one o'clock, but then again, it was Friday night. As Sammy had gotten older, they had started to create all these little traditions with the boy. On Friday nights, the three of them would watch a movie that Sammy would especially pick. They will watch it together in the play-room, along with a lot of pop-corn, ice-cream, and all kind of chips and cookies. Most of the times the boy would fall asleep before half the movie had passed, but in any way, he would more often than not, wake up when Julian was carrying him to his bedroom.

In the end, Julian would always end up playing a little something with Sammy after the movie was over, while Peyton –of course, fixed the night's aftermath left behind by the boys in the play-room. Most of the times Sam and Julian played video-games, or cards, or anything really as long as Sam felt as though he could beat his dad at.

That was the fun of it all allegedly.

"That kid was beating the crap out of me," Julian said with a chuckle as he crawled under the covers next to Peyton. "Playing Wii with him is not all that fun anymore, he's getting actually good!" He nearly cried out before pulling the blonde into his arms, and kissed strongly the crown of her head. "Go say goodnight, I'll keep your side of the bed warm," He all but ordered, as she chuckled against his chest.

"Be right back," Peyton said sweetly, pecking his lips softly before rolling out of bed.

She couldn't hide the guilt that rushed over her as her lips touched his. She meant it, she honestly want to kiss him, and she liked it, but...Lucas was in his mind while she did so and that just wasn't _right_.

"Daddy said you beat him," She sang playfully entering Sammy's bedroom. Whatever the case was, she still could find that comfort her son never failed to give her. It was as simple as catching sight of his little smile to make her feel a hell of a lot better.

"Daddy's real bad bowling!" Sam giggled as he ran his way to the bed.

"I bet." Peyton agreed as she pulled the covers down for him to crawl under. "Did you have fun, buddy?" She asked quietly as she wrapped the blanket around his small body, and around herself a little too.

"Yeah," Sammy replied simply, snuggling closer to his mom. "You?"

"A lot, baby," Peyton replied sincerely, kissing fondly the top of his head. "You know I love you, right Sammy?"

"Sure," He replied playfully, attempting vainly to look up at her eyes. All his curls were a tangled mess over his face, but that didn't stop him from smiling and Peyton was glad for the fact. "I love you too!" He giggled before Peyton pulled him back under the covers and tickled his sides gently.

It only took Sam a few minutes to drift off to sleep. He could well be the most mischievous of kids in the day, but when nighttime came and his PJs were on, he was nothing short of an angel curled up in a ball next to his mother.

Peyton stood up carefully from the bed, and after kissing his forehead for like the tenth time that night, she walked out of the bedroom silently.

Hers and Julian's bedroom was just a few steps away down the hallway; she'd made their rooms to be close since the very beginning since being apart from Sam always happened to be hard on her and on the boy too for some reason.

"That was fast." Julian noted, looking up from the script he was reading. She didn't reply immediately but smiled at him as she let her robe fall from her shoulders and laid it at the end of the bed.

"He was tired." Peyton said back simply crawling her way to him under the covers. Julian almost as an instinct held his arm out for her to snuggle under, and she did so as if that was just normal...natural. Which in more than one way was; he made her feel at home, secure; in all honesty, that was a feeling she dread to lose.

"You scared?" Julian asked in a tone just a bit above a whisper, and breaking the quiet peace that had settled between the two.

Peyton frowned slightly, but took her less than a moment to understand what he was asking. She let her eyes fell shut and wrapped her own arms tightly around his waist. "Not really, I mean…Lucas is already here." She whispered, and he could feel her shrugging beneath his body.

Letting out a small chuckle, Julian nodded his head. Last year both their excuses for not going to Tree Hill had been the fact that they '_may_' run into Lucas there even though no one had seen him around in years.

Peyton had said she didn't want to rehash her past, and that was the truth. Tree Hill held so many memories; so many painful memories she was determined to push past it.

She hadn't do anything as drastic as promise she'd never be back there, because in the end that town had been her '_home_' for a long time. She spent there all her childhood and most of her teen years, and although not all of her memories were all that good, that town still held some really good ones that still had a very special place in her heart.

However, for some reason when the '_opportunity_' to go back knocked at her doorsteps, she hadn't been able to take it.

She'd felt silly, even pathetic for not being able to put a foot there as if she had something to be ashamed of, but in any case she didn't.

She couldn't.

Still, for her good luck, and also for the fact that Brooke Davis wasn't one not to have her very best friend _and_ maid of honor at her long-awaited wedding, everything had taken place in a beautiful location up in Virginia, and not in Tree Hill like it was originally planned.

The wedding had gone smoothly, and Brooke had been happy and that was all that had mattered the year before.

However now as to be expected, Brooke was having a one-year anniversary '_get together' _Peyton was nothing short of _ordered_ to assist.

Brooke had told her it was going to be something '_little_'; just family and close friends, but knowing Brooke Davis the way she did, it was definitely an understatement to say that this year's celebration party was going to be any less big than her actual wedding party a year ago.

It was Brooke Davis after all.

And this time her party was held in Tree Hill, and Peyton hadn't found one real excuse not to go.

It scared her for some reason she hadn't yet figure out but it still did.

It was maybe the thought that haunted her, and didn't stop telling her that if she stepped back in Tree Hill all her insecurities would come back rushing to her, as fast as her foot hit the familiar ground.

In any case, they were already set to go. She'd promised so to Brooke, so her goal as of that moment was to enjoy herself there as much as she could, and hope those three days '_back home_' happened fast and uneventful.

"I think we are going to have fun," Julian stated maybe a little too joyful for Peyton's taste. "I'm finally getting to know your infamous home-town," He teased and earned a smack to his chest although she was already giggling against his chest.

"It is a little scary," Peyton admitted a moment later. "I haven't been there in a little too long and I just..."

"Hey, it's going to be okay," Julian assured her in his best soothing tone of voice. "I'll be right there with ya." He promised playfully but he was really meaning the words that were leaving his mouth.

He wasn't sure either what it'll mean to be back to Tree Hill. He only knew how much it had cost from Peyton to move on... to move on with _him_, and if he was being honest, he was a little lost about what to expect when they went back there. Nothing could happen, he could be just overreacting over something that may not even happen, but the other side of the coin was still there.

_Everything_ could happen.

Everything could _change_.

_Change_; that was the real scary word. Although he would never admit it to her, Julian couldn't deny how much it scare him to go back there and somehow lose the life he'd grown to love in the past five years.

A few seconds later, pulling him from his thoughts, Peyton propped on her elbows over his chest and locked eyes with him. She was wearing the warms of smiles, and he couldn't do anything else but return it regardless whatever thoughts that were still in his mind. "Thank you," She stated simply, but sincerely.

"You do realize those are the two words you say to me the most, right?" Julian noted playfully, although they both knew that was the truth.

"I know," Peyton agreed with a shrug. "But I really do mean it. I'm sure I wouldn't have been able to go through these last few weeks without you, let alone the last few years." She stressed. "I really_ do_ love having you on my side. I don't take you for granted _one_ second. I…I promise."

Julian held his stare on her eyes for a second before nodding. "I know," He said simply before pulling her back into his embrace.

Peyton obliged and closed her eyes again in the safety of his arms.

He waited a couple minutes before he spoke again. The question was eating him inside; he knew he had to ask it, but…It was as though he already knew the answer and simply didn't want to hear it coming out of her lips. "Do you love _me_? Or do you love that I'm always on your side?"

"_Julian_," Peyton pleaded from his chest as soon as he finished speaking.

"It's okay, just answer the question." He said softly, tucking some curls behind her ear so that he could catch a better sight of her eyes.

"Of course I love you." Peyton stated firmly, reaching out her hand, so that it was resting on his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned to her touch, causing her to smile. "I do...and, that Lucas is here doesn't change _one_ bit everything that I feel for you. I…I love _you_. I really do."

Julian's eyes opened back slowly, and at doing so, he offered her a smile. "I know you do, but…let me ask you something else then, what about him? What do you feel for him..._now_?"

At his question, Peyton had to swallow hard, and biting her bottom lip felt as something simply impossible for her not to do. "I don't…I don't love him," She said quietly after almost drawing blood from her lip.

"Don't you?" Julian asked seriously and she felt as though all words to say back to him had been taken away from her at that very moment. She shook her head, but she still knew she had to say the words. She owed him that much, but honestly, she just didn't know what good that answer would do.

"I don't know." Peyton admitted shamefully as her eyes fell shut when hot tears started burning at the corners of her eyes.

Julian wasn't sure exactly as to what to do with that, what to tell her next. He felt nothing short of useless; he could see she was hurting. This all mess was hurting her and all he wanted to do was to make her fell all right again. Take the pain away and tell her that everything was going to be okay, but he couldn't do that.

For much that he hated it, he didn't know himself if things were ever going to be all right again or not.

In what concerned the two of them anyway.

"But I want to." Peyton cried seconds later pulling him out of his thoughts. "God Julian, I want so bad to tell you that I don't love him, I do, but…It is not as if I love him either, I just don't know," She stressed uneasily, and obviously frustrated. "I…What you and I have is _real_. I swear you that much. But him…he's a part of my life and I do wish sometimes he wasn't but he is, and there is really nothing I can do, he's here because of Sammy, and I…I don't want to think about him, I don't, I just..."

"Hey, _shh_," Julian soothed, placing gently his finger over her lips, stopping her ramble. "We don't have to talk about this now." He offered, trying to pull her into his arms, but she fought his hold, closing tightly her eyes, and shaking her head in rapid jerks.

"But we…" Peyton drawled out, as bit by bit her eyes fluttered back open. "But we _have _to." She stated sadly, breaking Julian's heart into pieces as she let fall the first tear down to her cheek.

He reached his hand out to wipe it away, but before he knew it, she was already turning towards the night-stand.

Swallowing hard before she did so, Peyton pulled out of the top-drawer Lucas' novel, and turned again so that she was facing Julian.

Cautiously, she placed the book on his lap.

In any case, Julian didn't exactly look down at it, but instead kept his eyes firmly fixed on hers. "What's that?" He asked clearly confused.

What was she supposed to tell him? That she'd been reading behind his back something that Lucas had wrote..._again_? She didn't want to make the same mistakes that she'd done once upon a time with him. Yet, maybe this was part of it; she needed to tell him. She needed him to know that she'd said the truth. That she really doesn't take him for granted, and that in all honesty, the thought alone of losing him scare the crap out of her, but she still needed to be honest with him anyway.

He deserved at least that much.

"Lucas wrote it," She muttered; her voice was carrying a great load of shame for a reason she really couldn't quite explain.

At last, at her words, Julian's eyes did fly immediately down to his lap. He eyed the book carefully for a few minutes in complete silence, he didn't open it, or even touch it; he just stared at the cover.

"He...He brought it a few..." Peyton tried to explain but before she could finish her statement, Julian's head jerked back up, now staring firmly into her eyes.

"You read it?" He asked and though his voice stayed soft, Peyton knew he was angry. She knew him. She also knew that anger wasn't exactly directed towards her, but towards Lucas and everything he represented.

"Just a few chapters," Peyton admitted restlessly, as some new tears welled up her eyes completely.

She painfully saw the disappointment on his face, and all she wanted to do was to desperately tell him that it was just a book. That whatever Lucas wrote, or did not wrote didn't mean a thing because she loved _him_.

But although that was truth, it was only part of it. It didn't matter how hard she tried to convince herself Lucas' words didn't mean anything, she knew they still meant something.

The fact that she didn't know exactly what _yet,_ didn't mean that they didn't mean anything.

"Lucas, the book...I told you, all of this, it doesn't change at all what I feel for you." Peyton stated as firmly as she could, although she knew her voice, and herself overall was at the edge of breaking.

Suddenly everything had become too much.

"I'd give anything to tell you that I don't feel anything when he looks at me, but...God, I just don't know what it is. I hate that I can't hate him, because I should, I know I should, but I don't, and this all is not fair. It's not fair to _you_, and..."

"Hey," Julian called up softly, trying to stop her tirade for the second time tonight. It wasn't as if he didn't believe her, he did, her words were sincere, and he knew that. But that still didn't change the fact that her heart was at odds still, and he simply couldn't ignore it any longer.

However, apparently she didn't have any intention to stop quite yet.

At his words, Peyton held one of her hands up in the air, hushing him as she continued. "Just let me, okay." She pleaded, needed desperately for him to hear her out.

Julian simply nodded his head; he could see how hard she was trying to fight back her tears, and it broke his heart.

Taking one deep breath Peyton continued with the three words she still feel as though were sincere inside herself, despite of all the confusing mess her life had all of a sudden turned. "I love you." She stated firmly. "I...I never thought I would be really happy again, you know? Not after everything that happened with Lucas. But I did, I am. _You_ make me happy, you helped me move on, and realize what was really important. You know, my days get a hell of a lot better when I see you, when you kiss me. I never thought I'd be genuinely happy again, let alone be in love again, but you proved me wrong. You showed me how I could love, and I could be loved without that constant hurting involved in any way. Without cheating, and lies, and pain; you simply made me happy. You are what I need, you are what I want, I know that. Lucas just…He," She trailed off closing her eyes tightly, and with that allowing all the tears she'd kept at bay to finally fell down to her cheeks.

"I love you," She promised once again, opening back her eyes, and locking them firmly with Julian's. She wasn't lying. She could never lie having him there standing right before her. She loved him, she did, that was all she knew. All the rest, Lucas…All that simply didn't make sense.

Julian did.

She took in a shaky breath before hastily wiping some tears off of her cheeks with the palm of her hand. "I don't wanna lose you. Not…not because of Lucas," She tried to explain, but it was then when her voice cracked, and a sob full of ache managed to escape her throat.

Julian didn't say any other word, but instead, swiftly, and without giving her any chance to fight him, wrapped her small frame firmly with his arms. He was simply trying as hell to shelter her as best as he could from everything that was hurting her right now. "Shh, you won't. You won't, you never will." He reassured her strongly as her body shook beneath him as she cried. With every single tear she was shedding, his heart was breaking a bit more every time.

She and Sammy were pretty much all he got; they were his family and the most important thing that had happened to him in his life. He didn't want to lose them, he didn't want to lose _her_ either; that was the less he wanted of course.

He wanted her heart with all his might; he wanted each and every bit of it. But even though he knew a part of it was his to own, another part was still owned by Lucas, and he just couldn't keep denying it.

He loved her, more than anything in the world; that was a fact. He wanted to be with her, but he sure as hell didn't want her to stay with him if she wasn't going to be completely happy at his side.

Julian knew how much he wanted her to be happy; so...at the end of the end, the truth was that the alternative of having Peyton staying with him for some sort of commitment was just something he couldn't wrap his mind around.

Ultimately, she was the one that had to make the choice. He knew her heart was torn right now, and eventually he knew she'd be able to clear those doubts and know for sure who she needs to be...and well, when she did, he could only hope her feelings for him to be strong enough to push past whatever she still felt for Lucas.

* * *

**...**

**AN : **I don't know what you are thinking after reading this chapter, but I really want to know so I hope you can let me know what you think! There are still things you don't know about the "past" that would surface eventually - sooner rather than later if you let me say so myself, so have that in mind. Thank you so very much for reading, and again, I truly hope you'd like this! =)

**PPS **: My thoughts are with NewZealand! It saddens me when that kind of things happen! :(


	19. Unwritten

**Author's Note : **Dude! Some of you are actually rooting for Julian! I did not see that one coming! LOL I'm kidding! It's all-cool and fair though! Let's see if you still think the same after _this_ chapter {Flashback! Heehee} Is really Lucas that bad? LOL I'm Kidding!

Special _'thank you'_ shoutout for this chapter to "RJMoonspell4" ; One more time I gotta tell you how much help to this story you'd been! Thanks!** :)**

Enough of me tonight, you're free to keep on reading now! Hehehe :)** Enjoy!**

**Chapter Nineteen : ****Unwritten**

* * *

_**March 23 ~ 2013**_

_He was so serious, if Peyton didn't know better, she could swear he was as mad at her as he had ever before been. _

_In all honesty, she wasn't used to seeing him like that. Most of the time, he would be goofing around and pretty much, being silly. That morning that was far too different however; in a way Peyton was 'demanding' something from him, and as it seemed, he wasn't one to give in at all. He was set in staying quiet and in simply staring back firmly into her eyes with those soulful bright blue eyes of his. _

_After taking a deep breath, and fixing her eyes even strongly into his, Peyton moved closer to him on the bed and crouched down on the floor so that their eyes were aligned. Any other morning he would be laughing at her seriousness, today, that was certainly not the case. "It's easy Sammy, just la-te…Can you say that? Momma is going to make us all __late__?"_

_Nope, he didn't even flinch. It was no secret – especially not for Peyton, how much he enjoyed his tummy-time, but at the very least, he should have acknowledged the fact that she was trying. And besides, the faster he began using his words more, the faster he'd get what he wanted without fussing much. "Lat–" Peyton tried one more time, but had to abruptly stopped herself midsentence when Julian's voice carried through the room and her head mainly snapped in the doorway's direction._

"_Probably if 'mommy' didn't spend the whole morning trying to get the kid to say 'late', we wouldn't in fact be late," He stated rather smugly, making Peyton's jaw drop to the floor. _

_She shook her head glaring at Julian, before turning around her head again, and focusing in her baby boy before her…it really didn't matter he was serious as hell today, Sammy was still her baby boy, and probably, always will be. "Don't listen to him, Sammy," Peyton said looking far too pointedly at Sammy, and shaking her head too as she spoke. "He just likes to talk cra–"_

"_Shh!" Julian called laughing making Peyton's jaw one more time drop at the interruption. "You can't cuss in front of him!" He said playfully, shaking his head and at last, walking inside Peyton's bedroom, only, to reach almost immediately the small boy by her bed._

_Peyton bit on her bottom lip in a vain attempt to kill the smile that so surely was creeping to her lips. Yet, the very second Sammy began squealing when Julian picked him up; she couldn't help herself, and __had__ to smile._

_After a moment, she stood up from the floor, and looked with a smile at the way Sammy was clumsily cupping Julian's face as the alleged 'grown' man, made to him those funny-faces Sammy seemingly simply love, and that Julian and only Julian could make to get out of that boy those squeaky laughs Peyton had no other option but to love._

_After all, that baby boy in Julian's arms was __her__ baby boy, for better or for worse, despite his short age; he was in the end the only one she knew she could count on to be there and never leave…at least not for now._

_Julian winked his eye in her direction and Peyton forced a small smile back at him. She appreciated– more than anything else really, how that man was around her son. He loved him, and that; that was simply something Peyton didn't know how in hell she would ever be able to thank him enough._

"_We are actually running late now," Julian said breaking Peyton out of her musings. He lifted up his arm as though trying to show her his watch and how in fact, they were late already, but before the watch could reach Peyton's eyes, Sammy was already leaning all over Julian's arms covering the watch with his own arms and head. _

_The little boy smirked at Peyton when their eyes met, since of course, he had won and his momma wasn't looking at the watch but __he__ was. "He's terrible! Do you imagine how he's going to be in a couple of years?" Julian almost cried, and at the urgency in his voice, Peyton had no choice but to wholeheartedly laugh at him._

"_Come here," She cooed taking Sammy from Julian's arms, and smiling when the boy preferred her arms rather than Julian's oh-so very flashy watch he loved so much. "Momma loves you, you know that, right?" She asked –actually serious, looking pointedly into Sammy's eyes, and for that instant, ignoring Julian's questioning stare on her…she had a point, he would see. _

_The nine-month-old thought for a moment before sticking out his tongue and nodding his head. "Wuv," He babbled and Peyton smiled when both his wobbly hands reached her own cheeks and the little boy started attempting to make her nod her head as well._

"_Yeah…I know you do, baby," Peyton said back simply, and after a short moment, she effortlessly gave in, and nodded her head along with Sammy. A few seconds passed by before she looked over at Julian and shrugged her shoulders in his direction. "I'd deal with him in two years," She said –trying to sound flippantly, but in any case, Julian couldn't be oblivious of that tad of sadness her voice was carrying._

_His smile faded, and he looked strongly into Peyton's eyes before heaving a sigh and shaking his head. "You need to finish getting ready," He all but ordered taking Sammy back from Peyton's hands, and motioning her with his head towards the mirror. "You told Haley we'd meet her at __10__…it's 10:30, and I don't mean to dramatize, but since she really doesn't like me much, you know I'm the one she's going to blame…" He said genuinely playfully, yet Peyton knew, that at least until certain point, he was right._

_Perhaps that was the reason why she chose not to say anything in return but simply nodded her head, forcing at him, yet again, another soft smile._

* * *

"_Twenty-three, why?" The answer, as well as the question came out somewhat harsh; she didn't exactly plan it that way, but then again, he had been acting weird for a long time, and after hours –perhaps even days of not uttering a single word, he was asking her –with no shame whatsoever, as if anything had happened, what day was today? Honestly, she did have a right to be upset, right?_

_Lucas thought for another moment; seemingly, he was looking at her, but as Lindsey had grown to know, that blank stare on his face meant he really wasn't. "Twenty-three," He echoed quietly, and Lindsey's eyes narrowed in mild-confusion. At this point, she was almost certain nothing he'd say or do would make things worse, but then again, here they were, and maybe without knowing it, Lucas was doing nothing short of feeding her frustration towards him._

"_Today's twenty-three," Lucas said softly again, and out of raw frustration Lindsey rolled her eyes even though Lucas wasn't really looking at her. _

"_And so I told you," She bit back sarcastically before completely stepping out of the bathroom as she'd at last finished getting ready for her day. "Would you please tell me what are we doing?" She asked, and this time around, it wasn't anger per se what her voice was carrying; it mostly was dejectedness, and disappointment. Her guard fell and her features softened somewhat when she reached Lucas' desk and looked pointedly into his eyes. _

_It wasn't too crazy that she wanted an explanation, right? She really just…needed to know._

_And apparently, that was something that Lucas was acknowledging since this time he did no attempt to brush off her words and questions. He looked back at her, and dejectedly heaved a sigh ducking his head._

_Lindsey Strauss was the girl he needed in his life; she was far too intelligent, sensible, classy and of course beautiful. Life with her was…stable, she loved him, and Lucas in a way, loved her back of course. She had a job, he had a job, in a perfect world; they would be able to make it work, and perhaps, even be happy…_

_His world wasn't a perfect world though; it never had been, and Lucas closed his eyes when that realization set in one more time. "I'm sorry," He said looking up at her for the first time in a good few minutes._

_Lindsey stayed quiet for a moment; thinking over his words perhaps. "Sorry for what?" She asked, and this time, yet again, she couldn't help when her voice carried harshly._

"_I never thought we'd end up like this," Lucas uttered after a moment. He wasn't answering her question exactly; yet his words made sense to him. _

_Apparently however, not so much for Lindsey; her eyes narrowed and though she did want to make sense of it all, she just couldn't…she didn't know how._

_Especially when he insisted in saying things like that._

"_End up like this?" She said back nodding her head a tad incredulously. "I guess I should assume then you'd thought we would end up someway anyhow, right?"_

_Lucas let his head fell at her words, and even though silence settled between them one more time for a few seconds, at last, he got up from his desk and walked so that the two of them were closer. "I chose you, __you,__" He stressed pointedly, and as it seemed, it wasn't just Lindsey whom he was setting things clear, but mostly himself. "I chose you over Peyton and over everything she and I–"_

"–_Don't be stupid Lucas," Lindsey said strongly cutting Lucas short. "After all this time and silence you can't possibly look at me in the eye and tell those things as if it had been my fault __you__ didn't have the balls to step up and deal with your mistakes when you had to. I…God, damn it, I wouldn't even know about that – boy," She called, and couldn't help herself when she somewhat cringe at the thought of him for some reason._

"_I wouldn't even know about him if it hadn't been for Haley, so no, no Lucas, you didn't choose __me__..." She called strongly and rather angrily, at last letting herself be honest, not just with Lucas, but especially with herself and all those feelings she had bottled inside herself for all that time only so that the two of them could pretend to be happy and have a good life, when now it was just so damn obvious they didn't._

"_I am very sorry to break this to you Lucas, but you chose __yourself__ and whatever selfish motives that brought you to New York without even bothering to check if that boy was okay or not. I don't give a freaking damn for Peyton, she could well vanish from the face of the Earth tomorrow and I'd be a happy person, but I too did a mistake pretending that kid didn't exist so that __you__ could live with yourself. I'd be damned if I let you turn me in a pathetic version of your father and his wife…"_

_By the end of that week, when Lucas returned 'home', there hadn't been any trace of Lindsey in that apartment. She had been gone and she had taken with her everything she owned, and everything the two of them ever considered theirs and meant for their 'future'. She was gone, and what felt odd for Lucas, was the fact that the pang in his heart when he walked into that apartment had had nothing to do with Lindsey but with that curly blonde he'd left– one more time at the other side of the country…_

_Literally._

* * *

_Peyton couldn't care anymore less about the event; of course she was happy for Nathan; that was after all the one reason she had to be there that day. Because of him and because she loved him, and well…too because she wanted to show off how big and awesome Sammy was getting. They hadn't seen each other ever since December. He, Haley, and Jamie had stopped by Santa Monica for a little while to wish them some happy holidays before they headed south again to Haley's parent's place. _

_Today's event was about basketball and about people's endless speeches Peyton couldn't care less about, so in the end, after leaving her baby boy safe and sound in the hands of one very-mushy Aunt Haley, Peyton headed out of the room and set herself by the bar. Not that she was going to drink per se, not today, but simply because that place seemed calm enough and there were no so many people out there yet._

_She chuckled to herself at the little guy who followed after her, and with all the determination in the world, climbed himself up on the stool right next to the one she had sat herself at. "I'd take you are not drinking this evening mister," She said, unable not to sound goofily and laughing when Jamie did so too._

"_They should just say Daddy's the champion,"_

"_They shouldn't talk so much about it, huh?" Peyton filled in for the boy, and for the second time, the two of them couldn't help but laugh at the statement. It was so true!_

"_I think Sammy's funny, but he doesn't do very much, does he?" Jamie asked seriously after both his and Peyton's chuckles had died down._

_The blonde looked over at the boy– not as seriously per se, but yes acknowledging Jamie was being completely honest with her as he said the statement. "He's only nine months old," She reminded him with a small smile. "He'd grow to be funnier, I promise," She said nudging Jamie softly, and laughing sincerely the moment the boy laughed too, and seemingly, thought of her answer as enough._

_Their laughter and little moment was momentarily interrupted when the bartender reached them and asked them for their order. Peyton chose for a glass of white wine and Jamie for a– cool soda of course._

_There were some good seconds of silence as each one of them drank from their respective glasses; Peyton couldn't be one to complain, since out of the corner of her eye, she could catch sight of Haley pretty much jiggling Sammy in her arms. As it seemed, even Peyton's own little boy had gotten tired of the many speeches and perhaps too, of his aunt messing so much with his cheeks._

"_Mama said Uncle Lucas is not coming today either," _

_Jamie uttered his comment quietly, yet in that very instant Peyton__ found her voice stuck in her throat. From all people, the last person she'd thought would ask her about him was Jamie._

_She should have known, though. For all that boy knew, his uncle simply wasn't there –again, at that very much important day for his father, and well, for his family overall. As far as he knew, and as far as things were just one – two years ago, Lucas was part of that family; of course he was wondering now why that'd changed._

"_I bet his busy buddy," Peyton told him simply when at last the words began forming themselves in her mouth. For some reason her voice carried apologetically to Jamie, and her own hand unconsciously landed gently over the boy's shoulder. _

_Jamie looked over at her with a half smile before he simply shrugged his shoulders. "He's been busy a lot lately. That's what mama always says, too," He said looking right into Peyton's eyes, and the blonde was not one to miss the tad of discontent and disappointment in his voice._

"_Oh baby," Peyton said gently; her voice and features softening almost immediately as she vividly felt that tang of pain she knew that little boy before her was feeling. "I know you wish he was here with your Daddy and you and Hales. I know you miss him and I, – You know," She said, tucking her forefinger under Jamie's chin making the boy look into her eyes. "I know he misses you a lot too, and as a matter of fact, I can bet Luke would love to be here too and he would if only he could."_

_Jamie stayed quiet as Peyton spoke, and at the same time the boy couldn't help but look a little too skeptically up at her. "He's never missed so much," He said softly at last, and one more time, Peyton felt her heart breaking terribly within her chest._

_In a way, seeing Jamie the way she was seeing him at that moment was the clear realization of her biggest fear came true. Jamie was just a small boy who Lucas, one way or another, perhaps without intending to do it but still doing so in the end, was hurting. Jamie didn't understand of reasons or work or why Lucas was that busy that couldn't be there when his family needed him. All Jamie knew was that he missed his uncle and he wasn't there when he should._

_What would Peyton say when the boy before her wasn't Jamie but Sammy…her own son?_

_Her heart was breaking for Jamie; sure it was, but in any case, it was also breaking at the possibility of someday Sammy being in that place wondering why Lucas isn't there when he really should be._

"_I know he hasn't," Peyton replied soothingly, tenderly pulling Jamie closer to her side. _

_She let him rest his head over her chest, and smiled when Jamie actually didn't hesitate to snuggle all too deeply into her arms. Maybe the 'mama thing' hadn't come too easy and too natural for her, but in the end, exactly nine months after her son had been born, she could correctly say she got what it was needed to be a mom and make feel better those who she loved. "And I know he doesn't like to miss it all either, but I bet you'd seen him soon and he'll make it up for you. You two always have a lot of fun together, right?" She asked sweetly looking down at the –almost– six-year-old in her arms._

_At last, when it actually seemed as though he wouldn't, Jamie let himself smile and nodded his head looking up quite hopeful into Peyton's eyes. "Yeah, yeah we do," He agreed, smiling sincerely, and drawing away slowly from Peyton when her hug had done the job, and he was feeling a whole lot better. "Do you think he'll make it for my birthday?" He asked excitedly before after a moment he became a little too pensive for Peyton's taste._

_She stayed quiet though as Jamie thought over the right way to say what he was thinking. "And for Sammy's first birthday too, our birthdays are very very close!" He said giggling at his own discovery._

_Peyton smiled at him and nodded her head; that time around however, she had had to force herself somehow to agree. In all honesty, very little was the hope she still held of that happening._

_Before she had the chance to agree with her words with Jamie, the two of them lost focus on each other when Sammy's whines and whimpers carried to their ears a little too close. _

_Haley looked helpless to say the least with the small –yet clearly strong-headed boy squirming in her arms. For some reason anyway, Peyton couldn't help but smile when the pair reached her and Jamie by the still-alone bar. "Uh, I swear I tried everything, but I really think he wants __you__ now," Haley said rather worriedly handing Peyton over her baby boy._

_Sammy was so concerned in getting off of Haley's arms that he hardly even notice when Peyton got him and instead continued fussing even though he wasn't any longer in the brunette's arms. _

_Peyton kept smiling, but at the same time, couldn't stop herself and had to roll her eyes slightly at him. That boy in her arms was in fact one very stubborn boy. "Shush Sammy, I got you," She said lifting him up a little from her lap so that he at last could acknowledge with who he was. _

_After squirming a bit more in Peyton's arms, Sammy ultimately decided to open his eyes and at doing so, for some reason his lips formed a pout and he leaned over closer to Peyton tucking his head securely in the crook of his mother's neck._

_Jamie chuckled at Sammy and Haley couldn't help but sigh relived. Honestly, very little she wanted to make a scene only because she couldn't properly hold over her nephew._

"_You okay now?" Peyton actually asked Sammy looking down seriously at him._

_The boy on the other hand, could only beam at his mom's words. _

"_He is," Peyton said reassuringly looking back up in Haley's direction when all the brunette could do was shake her head incredulously at Sammy's antics._

"_He's not too bad momma," Jamie uttered rather playfully looking up at Haley and laughing –only a tad annoyed, when she nodded her head before squishing Jamie's own cheeks with her hands and giving the tip of his nose one of those kisses only moms gave. Actually, only __his__ mom gave._

_Peyton laughed too at them and at their very own mother and son antics before she caught sight of Julian and Nathan also stepping out of the room. _

"_We could listen the boy wailing from our table," Julian noted teasingly the very instant they reached Peyton and the others. _

_Of course, he also couldn't help but beam to himself when almost as soon as he spoke, Sammy's head lifted up from Peyton's chest, and his bright blue eyes began searching for him all over the room._

"_It weren't wails," Peyton corrected him pointedly before sitting up Sammy properly on her lap so that he could see Julian without all the squirming he was beginning to do again._

_Peyton was about to say something when Sammy at last caught Julian with his eyes and reached out his hands to be hold by him. _

_Any other day that wouldn't have been anything new to her; that boy had grown overly attached to Julian, but today, what did make Peyton pretty much freeze in her spot, was the one little word Sammy thought of saying right when Julian reached out his arms to hold him as he wanted._

"_Da-da"_

_His voice wasn't even that loud and if you weren't familiar with baby's gibberish, you would have probably missed what he said or didn't say._

_None of them were as lucky as to not understand though – perhaps Jamie was, since as far as he knew, Sammy was Peyton's kid and that was the end of the story, but for all the others, that one word was enough to put them in silence._

_In the end, while everybody else let the awkward silence settled between them, Julian didn't hesitate to take Sammy from Peyton's arms, and locked him securely in his arms and close to his body. That didn't mean however, that he didn't know what that meant for Peyton._

_Perhaps five minutes later, the three of them were outside of the building. There were these little top stairs on the front, and there had been Peyton sitting when Julian reached her outside with Sammy still in his arms. He wasn't fussing anymore and that probably was simply because it was almost naptime and he had only needed familiar arms to take it._

"_You'd been with him his whole life," Peyton uttered quietly after Julian had sat himself beside her. Her eyes were on the floor and she really didn't understand why exactly she wasn't looking at him._

"_I know," Julian said back simply and just as quietly as Peyton's voice had prior carried._

"_I don't know what I'm supposed to tell you," Peyton said with a sigh shaking a little bit her head as in quiet frustration._

"_I know," Julian said one more time. He waited in silence for a couple of minutes before he lowered his head slightly so that he had a better look of Peyton's face. "I'd do anything for you and this boy," He promised earnestly motioning with his head at the sleeping baby in his arms. _

_Peyton looked over at Sammy too, but no words could come out of her mouth. "You know how my relationship with my Dad is …we hardly even speak with each other, I…I don't want that for Sammy. I want him to know that there's always going to be a man there for him if he ever needs one. And I–I love you, you know that," He said shrugging his shoulders as though saying the 'L' word wasn't really a big deal but just something Peyton of course should know by that day. "And well, loving this one hasn't been too hard either. You…You should just know that too," He said simply, one more time, shrugging his shoulders. _

_After a beat, Peyton looked up at him and nodded her head a tad too somberly. "I'm gonna tell you something but I swear…" She stressed closing her eyes tightly for a second. "But I swear to you Julian that I will never say it again," She promised pointedly, and all Julian did in return was nod slightly his head. "I do miss him," She said but at the same time couldn't help when her voice cracked. _

_Julian looked over at her softly and cursed inwardly when her eyes began filling with those horrendous tears he hadn't seen in her eyes in a while. He didn't say anything for a little while, but at last, after heaving a deep sigh, he shifted Sammy in his arms so that he had one free and was able to pull Peyton to his side._

_She didn't fight him, but instead her front– that one she had been working so hard to pull off for the last nine months finally broke down then and there before him. Julian didn't utter a word, but held her tightly and kissed his head hoping one hug- one kiss at the time, he could take her pain away._

"_I'd give anything for him to be here," Peyton confessed brokenly, and Julian could only swallow hard._

_That honestly was no secret for him. "I know," He said softly before kissing her messy curls one more time. "I know," _

– _Lucas on the other hand, didn't even get down from his car to have a better look of said unfolding scene. Perhaps if he had done so, he'd realized Peyton wasn't content in that man's arms as he thought she was, but instead…breaking down._

_Breaking down because of him at that._

_In his mind and in his heart at that moment one thing was relatively clear; Lucas didn't even know who that man was –and little did he care to find out, all that matter was the fact that __she __was with him. Lucas only cared how she had clearly moved on already, so perhaps, he was the only one of the two who still thought they were meant to be together._

_Apparently, Lucas missing her wasn't enough. Peyton was with someone else and as it seemed, was greatly content with her son and with someone else in her life who wasn't Lucas precisely._

_He'd thought maybe coming over was what she needed too; a part of him had hoped Peyton had been missing him just as much as he'd __thought__ he missed her, but obviously, that wasn't the case._

"So you just left?"

"Left and never turn back again." Lucas said closing his eyes when one more time, shame washed over him. "Not until now that is," He added, yet his eyes stayed closed.

"I didn't even look at Sam that day, he…he was in Julian's arms I guess, he was wrapped in a little blue blanket, but do you think I cared about him?" The question was made for himself, and Karen knew enough to stay quiet as he carried on. "I didn't. All I cared that day was that she'd moved on without me. How…" Shaking his head, his sentence trailed off for a few seconds. "How one more time it was her fault I was walking away…"

There was yet another moment of silence between herself and her son, but at last, after having closed her eyes for a few seconds too, Karen reached out her hand and placed her gently over Lucas' shoulder pulling the supposed grown man to her side. "You drove over 2,000 miles to see her only to turn around and ran again?"

The questions– her words overall weren't coming out harsh or too strong at all; in all honesty, all Karen wanted was understand what had made Lucas act the way he did once upon a time.

Lucas however, didn't answer; his head stayed burrowed in the crook of his mom's neck and his lips stayed sealed.

"What happened to you?" Karen asked softly one more time. She pushed Lucas away a little, and the broken man in her arms, the broken look in his eyes was enough to break a mother's heart right there.

"I wish I could tell you that," Lucas replied sorrowfully shaking his head. He sat up properly on the couch and for some reason, had to keep his eyes down. "I thought I was doing the right thing when I…when I let her go. I was no good for anyone then, I wouldn't have been any good for her and Sam back then either. That's what I thought anyway," He said with his head down mostly talking to himself, and also shaking it in a few rapid jerks. "I was wrong, of course I was, so…by reaching out to her that day I also thought I was right, but it had been almost two years since we had last seen, and she was with him and I…I just thought she'd moved on,"

Karen stayed quiet at his words, and Lucas knew rather well what that meant.

"I just _assumed_ she had moved on without me, and didn't need me anymore…that was easier than staying and fight for her…for her and Sammy…for what was mine," He painfully corrected himself. "I couldn't stay and face her that day because I was scared. I was scared she didn't love me anymore, that she couldn't do it after I walked away from her and the baby when she needed me most. I was afraid she was never going to be able to look at me the way she did before all of it happened. I…I guess I was just afraid to face up my mistakes…again," Lucas confessed brokenly with a sigh before Karen's arms reached up and wrapped his body tenderly one more time. "I was scared,"

* * *

**AN :** ... Side-note as to Lucas/Lindsey first part :: Sammy's birthday is June **23 -** As for the chapter itself, uh...I dunno! Please let me know what you think!** :)**

**PS : **Sara's back tonight! Excited for WhiteCollar goodness in a _little_ while folks! heehee** :)**


	20. Comfort in Pain

**Author's Note : **Long reviews for the win! heehee :) You guys are awesome! I don't think I have said that in a while, so you should know it, you all who read are really amazing, and I thank you all every time for taking the time to read! :)

**Chapter Twenty : Comfort in Pain**

* * *

Have you ever find peace in something most people would call '_eerie_'? Or even disturbing for some others?

She'd felt that for a long time now. But there are just some things you just can't explain, or change even if you wanted to.

This was the case for Peyton, even though she didn't want to change the fact per se. The peace and quiet the cold cemetery brought to her was an irreplaceable feeling she had learned to like, and some days, days like today, even love.

And surprisingly, that feeling she got there was also a feeling she hadn't been able to found elsewhere.

It was not at any regular cemetery though; it was particularly Tree Hill cemetery that brought to her that peace. Walking down its empty paths was probably one of the things she'd missed the most about her so-called hometown.

Regardless what anybody may think about death or afterlife, the fact is that everybody has all sort of different feelings while walking through the cemetery.

Most people would consider it as a place of sorrow and sadness. And it is, most of the times.

People come there to in a way honor their dead; sometimes even find guidance in them like in Peyton's case.

If it's a fact she'd lost her mom all too early in her life, the habit of coming regularly to the cemetery in seek of help was something she actually grew to love.

For some people the unearthly calm and quietness in the cemetery can be simply something they cannot bear.

People who hadn't had to really deal with death in their lives would probably not be the kind of people who'd like to make _'small trips'_ to the cemetery just because. They'll find the habit odd, maybe a little scary too.

But for the contrary, if you are a person who death had hit you already, maybe you can find something else in that quiet. Maybe even something great and healing.

If she happen to be alone at the cemetery, then that would be it; she knew that would be all she'd get. It'll be just her and death's pervasiveness surrounding her from every single angle.

Sometimes she could even felt as though all those dead were right there beside her. Hanging out by their own tombstones watching down at her every so often, and somehow maybe recalling to her that life they had long live.

For her it was nice to think that when she went to the cemetery and decided to talk away her feelings with her mom and whoever else that happened to be there, she wasn't just talking to a cold stone, but that some part of that person she cared about so deeply was still there somehow; listening to her in some way.

Perhaps there is in fact some kind of hidden beauty behind the tragedy that death is. If well at first it is one of the things that can hurt a person the most, maybe as time passes, and the heart gets the chance of heal, people can also find in their dead that peace they can't seem to find anywhere else.

Because maybe there is a chance dead can be there for you even when they are not.

Peyton had always liked to believe that anyway. Maybe it was just a way to bear with the pain of losing her mom at such short age, but maybe, just maybe there is a way her mom had heard her all those times she'd come to visit her.

That was something nice to believe anyway.

For her it had always been a quiet walk before reaching her mom's grave, today even though a lot of time had passed, and a lot of things had changed and happened since the last time she was there; it hadn't been any different. All she could hear as she walked was the wind picking up leaves in the distance.

She hated though the fact that every so often in that path she'd find the grave of someone she'd once care but that by now had left this world already.

It saddened her, but in any way, she knew she needed this. She needed the quiet and peace her mom, even after death, never failed to give her.

That was the reason why her first stop after landing on Tree Hill ground had been the cemetery. She needed her mom.

Even if their conversations had been one-way only conversations for a little too long already, her mom somehow gave her the feeling of _really_ being back home.

Her mom was that in a way, she was home, and surprisingly enough, deep inside Peyton was glad to be back.

Even if it was only for a few days.

Peyton had still brought Sammy along with her this time too.

If it was true that most people aren't all too enthusiastic about bringing their small children to the cemetery, the sadness the place represents maybe being a little too much for their kids, in Peyton and Sammy's case that was different.

She had tried to teach him about death as something that is simply part of life, and that we have to be okay with, even though it would make us sad more often than not.

Back when she first tried to explain it all to the boy, Sam had questioned her back with every single question he could think to ask about the matter at that very moment.

Peyton have early enough told him about her moms; his grandmas, she'd told him how both of them were watching out for him from heaven, and how much they both loved him just as much as she loved him, and the two of them from up there loved them both too.

She'd thought that was all a three-year-old would need to hear, but apparently, Sammy hadn't been an ordinary boy from the start. He'd asked _everything_ that evening. He'd said that why if they didn't want to leave why they had? That how come if they wanted to stay they couldn't? That who should _he_ talk to in order for them to come from heaven and '_visit_'? Even for the littlest of times, he'd say.

Peyton had simply smiled at him and told him how much of a good boy he was. Maybe that was just one of the beauties of being a child, having innocence enough that simply let you see past all the sadness death actually means.

Sam had been around three when she first attempted to explain him about death, now he was a little over four-years-old and it actually hadn't hit Peyton until the moment he asked her back in the airport if he could come along with her to visit his grandma, how she hadn't once introduced her boy '_officially_' to her mom. That feeling alone saddened her a bit, but then again, that was exactly the reason why she'd come first to this place, and had brought her baby-boy with her.

She genuinely needed this.

"You miss her, Momma?" Sammy asked hesitantly, as if the stillness of the place was frightening him somehow too. It was the very first time he was visiting a real cemetery in the end.

In any case, Peyton smiled at his question, and knelt down, wrapping her arms firmly around her boy as the two of them stared at her mom's tombstone. "Every day, kiddo," She replied sincerely, turning to look right into her boy's eyes.

Sam smiled sadly, sharing glances between Peyton and Anna's grave. "Are you gonna die, Momma?" He asked genuinely concerned, and breaking Peyton's heart just a bit.

Still, she needed to mask it, she hated with all her might when Sammy catch her sad. "I am not going anywhere," She stated strongly into his ear.

"Good," Sammy giggled as Peyton gently nuzzled his chubby cheek, but still he sobered maybe a little too fast as he walked a few steps forward, and placed his little hand on top of the cold stone.

Peyton loose her hold on him, but never really let go, she somehow _needed_ him close today, too.

"I miss you too, Grandma," Sam said softly, smiling sadly at the grave. "You think it's fun up there, Momma?" He asked again, now looking up somewhat expectantly at the big blue sky.

Peyton chuckled lightly, and took back his hand, drawing him closer to her body. "I bet it is," She sang playfully. She then sat down on the ground, placing Sammy on her lap so that he was resting his back against her body. "I think that she's happy up there, you know?" She began explaining, as the two of them eyed the clear sky. "I think that she does miss us at times, just like we miss her too, but pretty much I think she's happy to know that we are happy, because we are? Aren't we?" She asked teasingly, looking down at her smiling little boy.

Sammy didn't hesitate a second before nodding strongly. "Course!" He replied rapidly. "We very happy, nana" He informed looking to the tombstone before him.

"You know what else I think?" Peyton asked, feigning seriousness as she drew Sammy's attention back to her.

"What?" Sam asked cautiously as their eyes met.

"I think she more than anything else, is happy I got such goofy little boy as my son," Peyton said jokingly tickling gently his sides.

Sammy giggled in delight for some good minutes, before the two of them remembered where they were, and how you are supposed to be quiet in that place.

"Why don't you go over there," Peyton said, gesturing him to a nearby bench, and a ton of leaves that had fallen due the season. "You can play there for a little bit while I talk to my mom, okay?"

Sammy smiled looking at the leaves, and then nodded. "Kay," He said simply, pressing one strong kiss to Peyton's cheek before walking away.

Just as Peyton was turning to face her mom's stone, she couldn't help but smile when she could still hear Sammy giggling in the distance when the warm wind caused his curls to fly all over his face.

"He's kinda awesome, you know?" She began with a coy smile on her face. Sometimes it was hard to come up with just the perfect conversation subject when you are trying so hard to avoid the real reason you came, so talking about her little boy seemed to be her saving grace. "I know you'd like him if you met him. Dad says that he's a lot like me when I was his age, I really don't know about that. For some reason I find it hard to believe I was half as awesome as he is, but…I'm glad we are here, you know? I think I even missed it." She said with a small laugh she couldn't keep inside for some reason.

Sobering, Peyton fixed her eyes on the lettering on the stone. "I've been trying to make what's right for Sammy, and at the same time hoping that what is right for him, happened to be right for me too. I…Most of the times I just don't know what I'm doing," She confessed sadly, looking away from the grave and instead down to her hands. "I'm not sure what I want, or what I feel, and I know you know what I mean. Sometimes it feels as though every time I come here is to complain something about Lucas, but he…he's a problem mom." She stressed as both her hands flew to her face.

"I…I honestly wouldn't mind if you tell me what I am supposed to do about him. I…he's in LA, he's seeing Sammy_, I am_ seeing him, and I just…I don't know what I want to feel for him. He mainly told me he _hated_ me mom, he actually did. I guess I should hate him too, right? That's the way things _should_ be, but I don't. I look at him sometimes and it's not as if I want to kiss him, or hug him or anything. It's just the way he looks back at me, he…he doesn't look at me the way everybody else does, he never has. And…When I came back home before Sammy, he didn't look at me that way, you know? He looked at me as if I was a stranger, but that's changed and I hate it." She paused taking in a few shaky breaths.

"His eyes are now different, he seems sad more often than not, but then he would…smile at something Sam says, or…something I said, and his whole face lit up in that way I remember he did back when…you know?" She said with a small shrug of her shoulders. "When there was an '_us_' between him and me. But I know that's over now, and that I should feel _anything_ when he is with me but I…I just can't help it. I do hate it, but when he…when he's next to me, he still puts me all chilly, and I cannot help the warm that rushes over me every time he's with Sam and they are smiling. That…that's the hardest part, you know? I…I saw them the other day," She confessed with a sheepish smile.

"He...Lucas took Sammy to the park after school, I didn't want to go, but…I just _had_ too." She explained somewhat confused at her own feelings. "At first I felt as though I was stalking my own kid, but then when I reached the park and the two of them were playing by the slide, I couldn't– I…I…I loved it." She confessed with a deep sigh. "They were laughing; Sammy had just almost fallen to the ground but Lucas caught him right in the air and then the two of them simply started giggling at…at the silliness maybe?" She tried with a small giggle of her own.

"They seemed happy, and I know that Lucas is just a friend in Sammy's eyes, but he is his father and…I just won't say to you that I hadn't pictured that picture in my mind a few times before. But…I guess that's part of my problem. I know it is good for Sammy to be around Lucas, and eventually he'll know he's his dad too, but I don't know what _I _am supposed to do, not for Sam, but for me, you know? Lucas is close when I wish he were miles away from me, but then I think of Sammy, and I want him here, I somehow do want him with us. I…How messed up a person has to be to feel something for a guy that's made her miserable for the longest of times?"

She closed her eyes tightly, letting the question lingered in the air as she just sunk in everything she was saying. It was in some way relieving saying all those words she'd kept to herself aloud instead of saving them any longer inside in her heart.

She knew this would bring her some kind of peace of mind afterwards when she left the cemetery, but it didn't stop to being hard now.

"I love Julian, mom, I do." She stated after just a few moments. "He's been so good to me…_and_ to Sam. He's the second best thing that has happened to me in a very long time. The less I want is hurt him…or lose him. He's too important to me and I'd just hate to be one to hurt him again. I want to be fair, I wanna love him the way I should love him. The way _he_ loves me, but…Everything is just so messed up. I know I'm being selfish, I'm not even sure of what I really feel for him, yet I just can't let him go. I want to be with him, and I know that, but it…it just wouldn't be fair if I stayed with him when I can't love him the way he deserves. He deserves someone that love him with all her heart, but mine…Mine is maybe just too screw up to love him how I should. And then…then there is still Lucas. I don't even know what I'm doing, but here I am, still wrangling over the idea of him…even after I swore myself I was done loving him."

"I was _so_ sure, you know? That day at the park, I was so sure of what I was feeling. I was sure I didn't want him, or needed him in my life any longer. I…I told him so, I told him to go away and disappear. I wasn't lying; I swear that to you. I was mad at him, and I wanted him to just leave me alone, but then…I actually don't know when it happened, when it changed, but it did, and I…I've fought it mom. I've really tried but I just can't hate him, or be really angry with him the way I know I should be. I…I'm not saying I want to be back with him. That's not it at all; even if I did feel something for him, I wouldn't do that. I _can't_ love someone like Lucas; I could never really trust him again. But…I still do need to make what's right for Julian…and me, and yeah, lucky me Lucas has a lot to do with that." She said shaking her head frustrated, and really unable not to sound sarcastically.

Her tough front faded all too soon, though.

"I can't let Julian stay with me if I still love him too. It wouldn't be fair to him." She stated brokenly, as she let fall one lone tear down her cheek.

That was going to be the one and only tear she'd shed today. She didn't have the luxury of break down when her baby-boy was just mere steps away. She couldn't do that to him, or to herself for that matter either. She had to be strong and figure out exactly what she should do.

The problem was _how_

"Maybe Sammy's the only guy for me," She tried with a light joke after a few minutes of silence. She chuckled quietly to herself, but sobered all too quickly. "I…I'd just give anything so you could tell me what to do next. So you would tell me how to deal with all this mess. I wish you could tell me how to tell my heart to…to _stop_ feeling for Lucas." She confessed sadly at last, not only for her mom, but to herself too.

She still had feelings for Lucas, and she could only hide it for so long.

Taking a deep breath, Peyton's eyes turned to where Sammy was. He had already set himself on the bench, and his sleepy eyes were letting Peyton know just how the weight of the five hours flight was already paying off on her boy.

She smiled looking back at the tombstone. "I'm sorry I hadn't come here in so long. I…I missed you mom. I miss you every day." She admitted sorrowfully, as she stood up from the ground, and delicately traced the lettering on the stone with her fingers.

"You know what I wish the most? I...I'd just like to find the way to figure out the difference between loving the idea of someone, and actually loving what they_ really _are." She whispered as she gave her mom's grave one last look before turning around and head towards Sam.

He was huddled on the bench, hugging his legs tightly, and more than likely, he was close to drift off to sleep. It had really been a long day in the end.

"Let's go get your Daddy, Buddy." Peyton said sweetly, taking her boy into her arms. Sammy barely nodded as he rested his head on Peyton's shoulder. He was heavy, and maybe a little too old already to be carried in her arms, but besides the fact that her little boy was tired indeed, she _really _needed him to be close to her right now.

The closer the better.

On their way out of the cemetery, a second particular grave caught her eyes. She might not ever know Keith all that well, but for some reason she still held some major respect towards the man.

"Who's that?" Sam asked groggily as he turned slightly his head so that he could catch sight of this second tombstone.

Peyton smiled, turning her head too, looking right into his big baby-blue eyes. "That's Kei…" She began, but upon sharing looks between the stone and her son, realized how the proper way to introduce them was. It was maybe hard to say the words, but it was the truth in the end. "That's…That was your grand-uncle baby." She replied sincerely, before closing her eyes tightly and resting gently her head over Sammy's.

She had the next words on the tip of her tongue, but it just felt wrong to say them aloud.

However, it was the truth. She'd never lied to that boy.

Smiling softly as she pulled away a bit and caught back Sammy's eyes on hers, she added. "He was your father's uncle." She said simply before tightening her hold on Sam, and started walking her way out of the cemetery before he could ask more.

Keith had always been the kind of man Peyton thought Lucas was, or at least _would_ be, but…he'd showed her otherwise a long time ago.

He was no Keith and she knew it. It saddened her, of course it did, but that was a fact nonetheless.

* * *

"Whoa! You look pretty Momma!" Sammy chirped, creeping his way into Peyton's bedroom.

She had been just staring at her reflection in the mirror for at least the past fifteen minutes, yet she still wasn't sure at all about how she looked.

Brooke had designed her dress for really, no one's surprise. But there really wasn't anything wrong with that, her friend was awesome at what she did, so it really was okay if she shared her talents with her friends.

She'd made Peyton an A-line silhouette, tea-length, strapless, classy black dress. It was simple, yet it managed to show her every curve. She could well be the mom of a four-year-old; but that sure as hell didn't mean she couldn't look hot.

Of course that in Brooke's words, not exactly hers but she'd roll with it.

However, although Sammy had said so, she wasn't sure still. "You think so, little man?" She asked hesitantly meeting his eyes through the mirror.

"Sure Momma!" Sam replied decisively bouncing himself playfully up and down on the bed. "Your butafol!" He said with a giggle causing Peyton to laugh a little as well too.

He would always tell her the very same compliments when she dressed up for any occasion, and still, _every_ time, no miss, it would warm Peyton's heart to the core.

"Well, you don't look that bad yourself either," She noted turning around, and finally taking a proper look of her perky four-year-old all dressed up in his little tuxedo. "You look pretty nice." She said as she walked closer to the bed, and gestured him to sit up straight so she could fix his dickie bow.

"Daddy said I look..._sharp_!" Sam replied cockily causing Peyton to laugh slightly at him again.

He'd look just perfect if he hadn't only decided to wear his blue cap along with the fancy dress. He still looked as neat and perfect as his aunt had requested.

"You _do_ look very sharp." Peyton agreed playfully, before walking away from the bed and back to the mirror. But that not before she took the cap off of his messy head of course.

"Hey!" Sammy cried out plopping himself butt-first on the bed.

Peyton chuckled but shook her head looking helplessly at his eyes. "I don't think we are allowed to wear our goofy caps for the party kiddo," She said teasingly, fighting back laughter at his disappointed expression.

Just when Sammy was about to retort Peyton's statement, a very hurried Julian made his way into the bedroom, but only to freeze in his spot when he caught sight of Peyton. "Wow," He mused simply, yet stunned. That much Peyton could read from his face.

"You...You look beautiful," He drawled out, making both Sammy and Peyton laugh. He chuckled himself a little too, but sobered soon enough looking her up and down a few times.

"You think so?" Peyton asked sheepishly, still facing the mirror, and with her back to both her boys.

"Yeah," Julian replied without hesitation. "You really do look beautiful." He stated sincerely never losing her frame from his eyes. He couldn't help but chuckle when her cheeks turned light pink.

However, she brushed it off. "So I've been told." Peyton said teasingly, walking away from the mirror, and patting Julian's shoulder as she walked past him. "You look ..._fine_ too," She said jokingly, as she sat herself at the vanity-table, in front of yet another mirror.

"Fine?" Julian called up feigning hurt.

Peyton chuckled but with a goofy twist on her lips turned to give him another look. "Yeah, pretty fine," She smirked while nodding.

He actually looked pretty '_sharp_' himself too. He looked like a grown Sammy, or actually...it was more like the other way around, _Sam_ looked like a mini-Julian. Their suits were mostly the same with the slight difference that Julian's tie was black, while Sam's was white. They still looked awesome if she does say so herself.

"Okay, you do look pretty good, all right?" Peyton said nodding goofily, before turning to face the mirror again.

Julian rolled his eyes, shaking his head, but decided to drop the little '_argument_'.

Looking like that he just didn't stand a chance to win any sort of argument with her.

So instead, he walked and placed himself behind her, his hands at her sides, and his chin resting over her right shoulder. "You really look beautiful," He said smiling at her reflection in the mirror.

Peyton smiled softly back at him, but yet again, brushed off his comment with a small shrug.

"You do," He insisted playfully, as he kissed slightly her neck. She smiled before starting to bit her lower lip; she knew what he was doing. "I like your hair down," He continued singing his words low and warm into her ear.

"We are going to be late." Peyton noted somewhat painfully, she actually couldn't complain about him; a part of her didn't want him to stop... but he _had_ too. "Come on, we gotta go," She tried again, upon realizing Julian wasn't stopping his game at all, but instead pressing his kisses strongly.

Sighing defeated after a few seconds, Julian pulled away and head towards the bed where Sam was simply watching disgustingly the scene unfolding before his eyes. "What?" Julian said daring the small boy to speak his mind.

Sam didn't reply but shook his head vigorously while laughing. "Your all so mushy!" He giggled, causing both his parents to do so too.

"Go on you two," Peyton said gesturing her two '_men_' to the door. "I'll be right out,"

"Kay Momma!" Sammy replied for the both of them, as he jumped on top of his father, and gripped to his shoulders. "We wait you in the car!" He informed loudly.

Julian simply nodded his head, looking at Peyton helplessly, as he started walking out of the room.

She smiled as they left; they were her family, and she was happy with them. It didn't feel wrong, or false, it just felt_ right_ and exactly what she needed.

How come then she couldn't shut up the stupid little voice in her head that kept remaining her of Lucas, even when he was at the other side of the country?

Or well, at least that was what she thought.

* * *

**AN : **Party next week! Care to guess what you think will happen_?_! It was fun to write nonetheless...Let me know what you think!

**& PS :** Next chapter is LONG! So you are warned; I don't want to cut it in two so I hope you don't mind. On the brighter side of things however, a lot will happen so maybe that makes up for the length hehe! :)


	21. Soul Mates

**Chapter Twenty-One : Soul Mates**

* * *

Have you ever asked yourself about _soul mates_? Do they really even exist? Or they are maybe just yet another idea people create to help themselves believe in something a little bit nicer than their regular lives?

Believe there is only one person and _one_ person only with whom you are really _meant_ to be with.

It is a noble idea indeed; a little naïve perhaps, but most of the times, an idea worth believing by most.

Peyton had entered the ballroom smiling, Julian was on her side holding her hand, and the two of them had just left Sammy in the small tent especially designed by Brooke for all the children outside the reception place.

Not Peyton not Julian had seen Brooke or David, -her now one-year husband- when they walked into the large room. Haley had told them Brooke was somewhere in the room greeting some guests, but instead of spotting her, Peyton had spotted _Lucas _first.

He was the first person she saw as her foot stepped into that room. He really wasn't close, he was by the bar, his back was to her, but of course, she knew it was him.

He was neatly wearing a classic black suit, matching black shirt and shoes. He was alone, and for what she managed to see, deep in thought. Or maybe being more accurate, brooding.

He had a drink in his hands, but he was only playing with the edge of the glass; it seemed as though he hadn't even taken any sips yet. He was just sitting there in a party he sure as hell hadn't been invited but that he'd come anyway.

Peyton wasn't sure how she felt about seen him there, she'd thought he was still in California, she hadn't told him where they were going, just that they were taking a small trip. He didn't know they were coming to Tree Hill, yet here he was too.

Peyton's thoughts were in that instant broken as Julian gestured her to where Brooke and David stood. Peyton smiled to herself at how Brooke looked; she looked beautiful of course, but more importantly, she looked _happy_.

Maybe even happier than what she had been the day of her actual wedding.

Peyton managed to forget about Lucas for that moment; she greeted her best friend and sang congratulations repeatedly into her ear.

She had made it through the first year of marriage alive and whole, and..._happy_.

Peyton couldn't be any happier for her. She was Brooke Davis after all, and the girl surely deserved to be happy. She really couldn't help but be glad that was finally a fact.

She'd married a local physician; some people say that nothing good can come out of fender-benders, however for Brooke, that had been different; a small contusion to her head had helped her meet her husband.

Her _soul mate_.

He was everything she had always needed, he was simply a man who loved her, and understood every bit of her.

And most importantly, he was the man that Brooke loved back with her every bone.

That was the thing, the people she knew kept moving forward with their lives; they were getting married, and meeting and being happy with the people they were _supposed_ to be with. Brooke had found David, Haley had Nathan, and she...

It wasn't as she wasn't moving on with her own life either; she was, she had a successful label, she had a beautiful son, she had Julian, but every now and again, she would still feel like if all of that wasn't enough for some reason.

She hated the feeling, because she knew she was happy, but seeing that particular smile Brooke was wearing today, in a way reminded her of what she didn't have.

However, she hided it, she brushed those feelings away and fondly hugged her best friend. Today wasn't about her and her dramas, it was about Brooke, and Peyton was definitely one to honor that.

* * *

At the other side of the room, it didn't take Lucas all that long to acknowledge Peyton's presence in the room either. She wasn't the quiet type, per se. Her laughter had filled the air as Brooke hugged her, and he certainly couldn't mistake that laughter.

He had always loved that laugh.

Hearing it now after all those years, it just snapped in him how much he had really missed it.

He had missed her laughter. He had missed the way her curls flew from side to side as she talked. He had missed everything about her, and it wasn't as though he was just now realizing it, he'd known it for a long while now, but seeing her there before his eyes, smiling, and being the crazy happy woman he loved, simply reminded him just how big that feeling was.

She had Julian following in tow though, he was greeting Brooke's husband as Peyton was telling Brooke something about her dress apparently. He wanted so badly to stand up from the stool he was sitting at, and go and greet Peyton the way he wanted.

He wanted to steal a hug from her, and tell her into her ear just how very beautiful she looked.

And that would be nothing short of the truth. Lose Julian and she'll look just _perfect_. Her dress was rather simple, yet she looked far too beautiful in fact. Her make-up was by far perfect, it was subtle but he could still see her big green eyes sparkling as she spoke.

The ache in his heart suddenly grew bigger at the sight. He didn't have the right to think of her in that way any longer. She was with Julian. She wasn't with him, and Lucas couldn't even come close to her and say '_Hello_'.

He couldn't do that; things had gotten so wrong between them all, that he couldn't even go say '_Hi_' to Peyton without starting world war III.

He had lost the right to all of that the very night he left alone and walked out of her life. They weren't even friends; Lucas hardly was her son's new _'buddy'_.

He'd lost _everything_ the moment he'd walked away.

Watching her be happy and moving on with a man that surely wasn't him was without a shadow of a doubt, yet another part of his punishment.

So even if Lucas didn't want to, even though he felt as though he could stare at her all night long, Haley had cautiously warned him how he could come, but that he'd better stay away from Brooke and cause no problems. So in order to keep his promise, Lucas _had_ to step out and hope Brooke hadn't eye him yet.

However, just as he was walking away from the bar and starting to mingle himself into the crowd of people dancing in the middle of the dance floor, for some reason his eyes caught Peyton's. She was in the middle of a conversation; Lucas could tell that much, but that still didn't stop her from keeping her eyes fixed on his. And it surely didn't stop Lucas either from offering her a small smile. She didn't exactly return it, but she didn't look away either.

Their eyes were just... _locked_.

That moment might have only lasted a few seconds, but for Lucas those seconds unquestionably passed by in slow motion. He well could be thinking crazy, or being completely naïve, but in those mere seconds while their eyes were colliding, he felt as if he could call Peyton _his_ again.

Or at the very least; that he was going to be able to do so sometime soon; sooner rather than later if he could say so himself.

Deep down they were still the same sixteen-year-olds that fell in love of each other once upon a time.

In him was just to make her remember that much.

* * *

"Do you want me to send him away?" Brooke asked suddenly, catching Peyton completely off guard.

They had just been talking about the funny-looking flowers and the presents people gave her; now out of the blue, she was asking about the one they supposedly didn't talk about.

"What?" Peyton asked hiding the chuckle that wanted to leave her throat, and attempting to sound surprised. However, the look on Brooke's face told her just how very much the brunette wasn't buying her words. "I didn't even think you knew he was here," Peyton explained offhandedly. "I mean...I thought that if you did, you..."

"What? I would have thrown security on him already?" Brooke asked raising dramatically her eyebrows. Peyton chuckled but offered her a nod. "Yeah, and make a scene in _my_ own wedding party? I don't think so," She stated trying hard not to smile.

At her words, Peyton bit slightly on her bottom lip keeping laughter at bay that way. "First of all," She began raising her brows just as high as Brooke was doing so with her own. "_Anniversary_ party," She corrected pointedly. "Secondly...What is he even doing here? You, you didn't..."

"Of course I didn't invite him!" Brooke filled in for her rapidly. "I hadn't seen him until just a few minutes before you arrived. I was greeting all these people, and then...I really didn't have the time to threw him out before you came," She said with a shrug, trying to sound serious, but her ever growing smile of today simply didn't let her.

"It's okay," Peyton said simply, shrugging her own shoulders.

"It is?" Brooke asked somehow confused. "I'll ask him to leave if you want me to." She offered sincerely. She would be lying if she said she hadn't mind the way Lucas just crashed her party. She had wanted badly to go to him and tell him just how much he wasn't welcome to _her_ party, but then again, that was exactly her point, this was_ her_ party, and she surely wasn't one to make scandals.

Not today anyway.

"Do what you want to do." Peyton replied nonchalantly. "It's _your_ party, remember?" She said playfully, kissing lightly Brooke's cheek, before standing up from the table, as Julian grabbed her hand and scooped her right into the dancing floor.

Brooke stayed in her spot for a few more seconds, just watching warily in Peyton's direction. She was positive she hadn't liked one bit the way Lucas auto-invited himself to the party, but that was she, Peyton on the other hand, seemed as though she really didn't mind. Like if she even liked at some level the fact that Lucas was there.

A hand placed gently on top of hers broke Brooke from her musings; she looked up smiling at her husband, and let him lead the way to the center of the floor as well.

She danced gladly in his arms, but part of her mind was still with Peyton. She could only hope now her best friend's heart not to be broken again.

Not to be broken _again_ by the _same _man at that.

* * *

"Didn't your mom ever tell you how staring at people is not so polite?" Haley asked only half-jokingly, as she took a seat in the same table Lucas was sitting - at the darkest and furthest corner of the place of course.

Lucas turned to look at her offering a small smile, before his head ducked, and he started toying with the edge of his glass. "I guess not," He replied sadly. He had promised he would keep his distance from Peyton, and he was doing it, but it just seemed it was easier said than done.

He felt as though he couldn't take his eyes off of her, she looked so beautiful and... gracious. She was now dancing by the center of the floor. She was dancing happily, with a genuine smile on her face. Although he loved that smile, it was also breaking his heart at the same time as it was warming it.

She was dancing and smiling with a man that wasn't he; the thought alone simply burned in his mind.

That should be him; the one whispering little nothings into her ear as her head rested against his body should be him. He was the one that should be stroking her back at the soft rhythm of the music.

But it wasn't, and in truth, there was very little he could do about it.

"Why did you come here, Luke?" Haley asked somewhat soothingly, placing gently her hand on Lucas' back, as in support.

She wasn't sure why she had told him about the party. She knew she was going to get into trouble, not so much with Peyton really, but with Brooke as she had already let Haley know her mind. But she still in some way _had _to tell Lucas _where_ exactly Peyton was going to be this weekend.

"I wanted to see her." Lucas explained with a shrug of his shoulder. And that was nothing other than the truth.

He just wanted to see her, and maybe spend some real time with her.

Even if it were for the shortest of times.

"But you see her all the time, right? Back in LA? Because of Sammy?" Haley retorted somehow confused. Yes, she'd told him where they were coming because deep down she was hoping he'd come, but she didn't mean come and brood hiding at the end of the room.

"That's exactly the point, Hales," Lucas said pointedly, shifting his gaze from the blonde across the room, to his best friend beside him. "Sam is all we talk about. I'm...It's not as if I'm complaining about the fact, Sam... He's kinda awesome." Lucas stated somewhat proudly, a coy smile gracing on his lips. "But...that's all our conversations are always about. When I'm going to pick him up, and when I'm dropping him off. I would say a lame '_How are you?_' hoping to make some sort of small talk with her, but...She would simply say rather politely '_Fine, thank you'_, before going back to _when_ and _where's_, Haley." He said uneasily shaking his head slowly.

"There is never the time for us to really talk, you know? I...I want to tell her so many things, I do, I wanna tell her how I feel –"

"And what is that that you feel?" Haley asked firmly, cutting him short. She knew he had more to say, but his use of words had particularly caught her attention this time.

"I love her." Lucas replied without hesitation for Haley's surprise actually.

She kept her stare strongly fixed on his eyes. He sounded sincere, he really did, but even though Lucas still was her best friend, it was hard to believe in him after all the time that had passed.

Lucas had never been the very stable of men when it was about matters of the heart.

When it was about _Peyton_ actually.

Haley would not forgive herself if Lucas happened to break Peyton's heart again, and this time around, she even helped somehow.

However, she _did_ want to trust him, her guts told her not to, but...She was his best friend in the end, and if she didn't believe in him, who would?

"Then go get her." Haley replied just after a couple minutes of silence. Lucas remained staring expectantly at her so she added. "If you really love her, if you are positive Peyton is the only girl for you, then I think you _should_ tell her that. Find the moment and tell her how you feel if that's _really_ what you feel. But God help you Lucas if you are just here because there's no one else." She told him honestly, and Lucas wasn't one to miss the disappointment her voice was carrying.

"I..." He started looking back where Peyton and a bunch of other people stood by the bar. He didn't recognize a soul from that group, expect of course from Julian.

Haley followed his gaze and smiled lightly. "And..." She began, drawing Lucas' attention back to herself before he could say whatever he was going to say. "And if you can't '_find_' the moment, then you might as well '_make_' the moment, Luke." She said simply, already getting up from the table, and patting gently his back in sympathy.

Lucas didn't reply, he simply saw with a sad smile on his face as Haley joined her husband and kissed lovingly his lips. That was precisely what he wanted.

He wanted _everything_ with Peyton. That was the _truth_. That was _really _what he wanted.

He finally knew that without any doubts.

Now Haley's words just kept echoing in his mind. How was he supposed to '_make_' the moment if movie-guy just wouldn't let Peyton alone?

He wanted badly to talk to her, he was aching to hear her voice, but it just seemed as though Julian was glued to her for some reason. He hadn't left her alone for the slightest of seconds.

Well, she had gone to the restroom alone, but that place didn't seem to Lucas as the better spot to start any kind of small talk with Peyton, so it hadn't matter.

He had to talk to her, that was all he knew, and fortunately, he wasn't in the '_giving up'_ mood today at all.

After the sight of Peyton and Julian together had become a little too much for him to handle, Lucas had stepped out of the ballroom, and went to the garden to take some air.

The moment he spotted the tent where the kids' _'party'_ was held, his mind had completely lit up.

It took him only a little more than five minutes to convince Sammy how it would be just awesome if he called his '_dad_', and asked him to play with him. Sam had of course explained to him how Aunt Brooke had been smart enough to make two different parties since grown-ups were all too boring. But still, just as soon as Lucas had said how he could teach Julian how to play '_Rock-Band'_ the same way he had taught him already, Sammy had agreed with the idea.

Lucas returned to the ballroom with one huge grin on his face. Even if he was almost certain that using his son in order to have some alone time with his mother wasn't the ideal of ideas, it had worked itself out anyway. Julian hadn't hesitated a bit in going to play with Sammy as soon as one of the waters past him the boy's message. He'd left Peyton by the bar alone with a glass of champagne, or so that was what it seemed.

Lucas however waited a little while after Julian had left to actually make his way to her. Naturally, he didn't want to seem too suspicious.

When Lucas finally began walking closer to her, he managed to catch sight of a small photograph she was looking at while taking one small sip of her glass.

"Who's that?" He whispered close to her ear before taking a seat on the empty stool beside her.

Peyton didn't turn to look at him, but kept looking carefully at the picture. His words however, did make her jump a little. "She's Sadie." She replied simply, still refusing to face him, but Lucas could still see the silly smile that was dancing on her lips. "She's Brooke's baby-girl." She informed him casually.

"She's beautiful." Lucas noted leaning closer to Peyton in order to have a better look of the picture.

Peyton didn't move away as he had expect her to do though; she had stayed on her spot and even tilted a little the photo so Lucas could eye it better.

No one could really hold that against her; it was her goddaughter in the end, she was proud of that little girl with everybody, it didn't matter if it was Lucas or not. She simply liked to brag her little niece.

Or at least that was what she told to herself upon the smile that without warning graced her lips.

"Can I?" Lucas asked already attempting to take the picture from Peyton's hand, and of course taking the chance to brush _lightly_ his own hand against hers.

"Sure," She whispered back handing him the picture without a fuss.

"She got her dimples!" Lucas noted with a small laugh almost immediately, as he admired properly the photo.

Peyton chuckled slightly too, but sobered maybe a little too soon for Lucas' taste. "What are you doing here?" She asked simply, looking at the glass in front of her.

For some reason she knew she should look at anything _other _than into Lucas' eyes tonight.

"Brooke," Lucas replied rapidly, but Peyton's eyebrows raised, and he saw it. She wasn't buying it. "I wanted to be with you," He explained simply but sincerely.

He sure was hoping she could catch that feeling from his voice.

Peyton twisted her lips, and remained quiet for a good few seconds before replying. "You are _not_ with me; we are just in the same room for some reason." She said with a small shrug.

"You look beautiful," Lucas noted tenderly, trying to ignore her last comment.

They _were_ together.

"Don't," Peyton nearly pleaded closing tightly her eyes as if mighty pretending Lucas wasn't there and she was just having a bad dream. Even though, deep inside, she knew it wasn't all that bad.

"Don't what?" Lucas asked back somewhat confused, as he moved silently his stool closer to hers.

"Don't say things like that, you...You shouldn't." She whispered, bringing both her hands up, and lightly cupping her own face.

"I shouldn't but I can." Lucas retorted playfully, and smiled as Peyton did so too. He was only seeing one side of her face, but as of now, that was more than enough.

She was smiling after all.

"And I'm not lying, you do...You really look beautiful," He repeated strongly, moving gently one of her hands off of her cheek so that he could look at her better.

Her eyes stayed closed though; he'd give anything to see those big green eyes of hers if only she'd open to him.

"Hey, Peyt," Lucas called softly, after just a few seconds of studying her.

"_Mmm_?" She muttered, before heaving a sigh, and little by little opening back her eyes.

"Would you dance with me?" Lucas asked fondly as he stood up from his stool, and reached his hand out for her to grab.

At his question, Peyton couldn't help but out of sheer instinct shake her head slightly. She turned to look at Lucas, and at last caught a proper sight of him.

She wanted to say _no_ more than ever; she wanted to turn around and not stare at his stretched out hand, but she couldn't, she wanted...more so _needed_ to say _yes _for some reason.

She hesitated, darting back and forth between his eyes and his hand, but even though she was shaking inside, more than likely in the outside too, she managed a small nod with her head.

It was just a dance after all, how much harm could that be?

Lucas couldn't help but flash to her his best of grins as he walked a few steps closer to her, and grabbed pleasantly her hand into his.

He'd missed that touch, too.

Peyton stayed quiet -and pretty much frozen really- as he lead the way slowly to one almost lone corner in the dancing floor. He could see the hesitation in her eyes, and actually in all her body language overall. But she had agreed regardless; she'd taken a chance on him and he was going to do everything in his power to take the most advantage out of that.

Everything was at stake and he was well aware of the fact.

He was determined to win though, to win _her_.

She was nervous, much more than any other time she could remember recently. He wrapped his arm firmly around her waist, but she could barely place her hand on top of his shoulder without thinking in how wrong this all felt at some level.

But it all still felt right at some other too, so she simply closed her eyes as Lucas pulled her closer to him with his every move.

He held both their free hands locked in the air, as he slowly swayed them to the music. A slow ballad was playing in the background and inwardly Peyton had to curse to herself for saying '_yes'_.

Yet, she knew she was lying. She could deny it all she wanted, but she was actually somehow glad she'd said '_yes_'. For some bizarre reason she was in fact enjoying the moment.

She also knew the moment he took her hand, that this was not _just_ a dance.

"You know I've dreamed about this? This very moment?" Lucas whispered right into Peyton's ear, closing the small gap that still remained between the two of them.

Peyton didn't respond; she felt as though she honestly could not. What was she going to say, that she hadn't?

She was slowly losing herself in the foreign, yet familiar feeling of being in Lucas' arms. She could feel his hot breathing against her neck, and although she knew she should move away, put some distance between them, she couldn't do it.

She didn't _want _to do it.

"I've dreamed so many times about having you in my arms like this again," He said tightening his hold on her, as he also guided her head to her oh-so well-known spot in the crook of his neck.

Lucas couldn't help but smile when she didn't fight him back. She simply let herself lose in him, and he couldn't be any gladder. "And even though I thought I knew how it was going to feel; this, _you._..I wouldn't trade this moment for the world."

"I..." He began again after a moment, pushing away just a bit so that he could see her face.

Her eyes were closed, and he knew she didn't want to open them, but she did so anyway after just a few seconds. "I've missed you so much." He stated knowing those five words were the truest he'd said in a very long time.

After that, he drew her back to his chest, and they simply continued to dance. The song even changed but that didn't seem to matter to either of them. They just kept dancing slowly to the music, forgetting about everybody else that was in the room, and just pretending they were the only two in the world for those few minutes.

Her head was resting over his chest, and both their eyes where tightly closed. Lucas' chin was resting against her head as he too let himself lose in the moment.

It was in fact the moment he'd been dreaming of for years now.

"I wish there were words enough to tell you everything that I feel for you, you know? But I guess that if there were, you'd be listening to me talking until the end of time," He said with a small chuckle, and Peyton could hardly only smile a little from his chest.

He brought his hand up to her face, tucking delicately one of her unruly curls behind her ear giving him a better look of her features. He lingered his touch on her skin, tracing precisely each and every line of her face. "Still," He said softly, drawing her attention back to him. "I'm going to settle with just two things," He said as he snuggle her as close to him as he could. "I want to say...Thank you. Thank for simply being who you are, for being _here_..." Drawling out the last word, he got the courage to press a small kiss to her forehead. He just couldn't help himself, that very moment was the moment he'd been waiting for, for what seemed a lifetime.

"I also wanted to tell you-" Lucas continued as he somehow pulled himself together.

However, before he could finish speaking what was in his heart, Julian's very angry fist crashing against his already sore cheek caused him to stop.

Lucas didn't had any time to react, neither did Peyton, before she knew it, Lucas was already tumbling down to the floor, and Julian was all over him, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt attempting to punch him some more.

In a matter of seconds, a good load of people had gathered around the two men. In spite of that, no one was actually _doing something_ to stop them. They were all just staring as they punched each other, and brawled on the floor.

Peyton couldn't do something either to make them stop; she stared at them somewhat stunned just the same way all the other guests were. They were yelling and cursing aloud, but she couldn't really make sense of the words they were saying.

After a few moments, she also heard Brooke yelling something, and it was then that two older men stepped in the middle of the ballroom and pulled them apart. Both of them fought the hold, and struggled to be let go. They were looking mightily into each other's eyes, and all that was there was sheer anger.

The men pushed Julian and Lucas at each side of the room with enough distance put between them. All of a sudden, the noise, and yelling had disappeared and all Peyton could hear were irritating murmurs from everybody.

Julian stood right in front of her, all across the room, she looked firmly at him, but he lowered his face before their eyes could meet. Lucas was right beside her but she couldn't look at him.

Not him.

Without a word, she simply turned around and walked away from the room. She couldn't look at anybody right now. Especially those two.

She walked to the back of the place where the dressing areas where. She entered into one dark room full of clothes, and shoes, and make-up scattered all around.

She sat down on one of the small sofas and buried her face on her hands. She wasn't going to cry, she couldn't, but she still needed to sink in everything that happened.

Go through everything that was going to happen next. And in more than one way, figure out exactly what she was feeling.

Julian first instinct was to go right after her, but Haley had stopped him arguing how he was still too fired up to see her now. So even though he didn't want to, he had obliged and walked out of the room so she could clean him up.

Lucas saw painfully as Haley gave him a look full of disappointment as she walked away with Julian. He'd done exactly what she told him not to. He ducked his head, and simply stayed put and watched as everybody, little by little, went back to their '_wedding places'_ as if nothing had happened.

No one really cared where he was going to go next. He'd noticed that much when the guests simply walked past him as if he wasn't even really there.

But that still really didn't matter to him. The _one_ person that mattered to him had walked to the back and that was exactly where he needed to be.

Spotting the room she had gotten herself into hadn't been all that hard; it was the only one with the lights on in the end. Lucas entered the room silently. Wordlessly, in an attempt not to disturb her anymore, he sat down on the couch across from the one she was sitting at.

For some good minutes, he simply stared steadily at her in complete silence.

"He started it," Lucas said simply breaking the silence.

Peyton's head started shaking immediately at his words. After a few seconds, she looked up to see his face with an incredulous look on her own. "Really?" She asked in disbelief.

"You where there, he was the one that came all over me," Lucas explained feigning innocence. "It was _his _fault." He stated shrugging his shoulders, and she could swear she saw a pout on his lips.

She remained shaking her head disapprovingly at him, but still cracked a shy smile rolling her eyes. Lucas was just about to chuckle when at trying to do so, the pain in his jaw reminded him the hard way that he couldn't.

He gasped loudly, and his right hand flew to his face rubbing slowly his sore cheek.

Peyton one more time rolled her eyes dramatically looking right into his eyes before impatiently getting up from the sofa.

Lucas didn't say any other word, but simply watched as Peyton walked her way into the small bathroom and came out moments later with the first-aid kit in her hands.

She didn't _once_ really look at his eyes when she placed herself right next to him, and put the small red box on top of the closest table. Her eyes were fixed on the box, and on the bruises of his face.

Never his eyes.

Not his eyes.

"You're an idiot, you know that?" Peyton muttered angrily, pressing harshly a washcloth against his forehead.

Lucas winced, and even gasped a little but she really couldn't care.

"First you punched him back, as if you were eight-years-old, and by the way, you are not, Lucas. You two aren't little kids anymore. And then you come in here telling on him? Really?" She scolded, as she continued to clean his bruises all not too carefully, but she was still doing to the job.

Lucas couldn't help but smile at her rant; she was trying to sound angry, to really be angry with him, but in any way she was still there, she was taking care of him.

She still cared.

"You didn't have to punch him back, he's not like that, you know? He doesn't start fighting just because –"

"Uh, and I do?" Lucas interrupted, really trying to sound serious. He lifted his head a little to meet her eyes only for Peyton to push it back down with both her hands strongly.

"Shut up," She warned firmly. "You don't get to talk," She said as coldly as she could, but still not looking into his eyes.

They remained in silence for some good couple of minutes until she gasped frustrated. "You...You're bleeding pretty bad," She noted softly looking at his temple, and then down at the kit looking for something to make it stop.

"I don't care..." Lucas began looking up at her, but before he could really acknowledge it, Peyton had already sat herself down again on the couch across from him.

"Why did you do it?" She asked somewhat defeated, burying her face on both her hands, and letting out a deep sigh.

Lucas shrugged his shoulders at her words, kneeling down right before her. He placed one of his hands on her knee for support, and with the other pulled one of her hands away from her face, and took it into his own placing them both over her lap.

"You want me to tell you why I did it?" Lucas asked back looking firmly into her eyes although she was shyly looking down at their intertwined hands.

However, her silence gave him the cue he needed to continue. "I punched him because of the very same reason why you are right here with _me_, and not out there with _him_." Lucas explained gently lifting her chin with his forefinger so that their eyes could meet.

"I want to be here with you because I _have_ to be with you. And I…God, I know it's hard...but…I know you do too. I know that I hurt you in ways that are impossible to forgive; but I also know that there are things that simply can't be broken. Things like you and me." He stated sheepishly, running his thumb tenderly over her cheek. She leaned into his touch, and he couldn't help but smile never taking his hand away from her soft skin.

"There's no time, or pain, or anything really that can break what I feel for you, and what I know you still feel for me too. Because you are here, despite everything that I've done to you over the years, you are here and you are with me and I...There is only one thing I'm sure of right now, and that is _you,_ and everything that I feel for you, I, Peyton I lov–"

"Don't" Peyton warned suddenly, breaking his grasp on her, and standing up rapidly from the couch.

She couldn't hear him say the words, she simply couldn't. She hated the feeling that was rushing through her body. For some reason all she could think about was how much she wanted to believe in him, and walk out of that door and _start over_. Pretend that the last few years never happened, and that the two of them could go back to the beginning, and be what they always were supposed to be.

However, she couldn't; she knew she couldn't. That idea was far from reality and she knew it even if it hurt more than anything else did. "You should go," She said as she put some distance between the two of them.

"No," Lucas replied simply, without any hesitation, and as strongly as he could sound. He'd come all the way until here, he sure as hell wasn't giving up now. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm not making the same mistakes I've always done with you. I...I ran for a long time from you, from everything I feel for you, but I'm done with that. I'm done running and so should you." He stated firmly, walking a few steps forward closing that way the gap Peyton had created.

"_I love you_," Lucas stressed forcing her to look at him in the eye, and closing whatever space that was still put between them. He could almost feel the tip of her nose brushing against his, and that was something he was cherishing. "I've_ always_ love you, and you know I always will. It took me long enough to understand that, but what I feel for you is simply too strong, and it's never going to change. I–"

"Don't say it," Peyton pleaded looking this time right into his eyes, before turning around and try to escape his hold.

"It's the truth." Lucas said reaching out his hand, and grabbing her arm, preventing her from going anywhere. He placed his other hand on her shoulder, and turned her around so that way she was facing him again. "That's the truth." He repeated strongly, his voice rising slightly, as though trying desperately for her to believe in him. "You...Don't hide Peyton,"

"What?" Peyton asked in disbelief, although her voice was rather soft for some reason. "How dare you tell me how I feel? I...I'm not..."

"Yes you are," Lucas filled in for her, gripping tightly his arm around her waist so that the two of them were closer than ever tonight. "You are hiding. I can see that in your eyes. I see the way you look at me, and I know what I'm seeing. You may be saying the words, you may be saying you want me to go away, but that is not what you want. That is not what you feel. Don't hide from what you feel. Just..._don't_." He warned, never losing her eyes from his. "I don't know what you feel for movie-guy, Julian, or whoever. What I _do_ know is what _I_ feel for you and what _you _feel for me. Because I know you don't want to, I know you don't even understand it. I know that you want to hate me, but you don't. You can't for some reason, and I know that, because I've been there." He stressed pointedly. "I've tried not to love you, but I've failed, and you wanna know why? Because I simply _can't _not love you. You're the person I've always _needed _to be with Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer. You and no one else."

If there was one thing Lucas knew; that was what it was like to try to make yourself love someone even when your heart is yelling at you how you love someone else more instead.

So much more.

Sighing slowly Peyton's eyes fell shut, and he could feel her weary body shaking slightly against his. As one lone tear fell down to her cheek, Lucas lifted up his thumb and tenderly wipe it away. Her eyes slowly fluttered open at his touch, and all she saw at doing so were Lucas' icy blue eyes looking back strongly into hers. "Don't hide," He whispered again, leaning forward slightly. He rested his forehead against hers and simply stayed there for a few seconds.

If she had wanted to move away, she could have done so; Lucas gave her plenty of time, but when she didn't do it, when she simply held her stare into his eyes, Lucas then did the _one_ thing he'd longed the most for years.

Her eyes closed again as he leaned forward and closed his own. It felt so familiar, so..._right._

Little by little, he gently pressed his lips against hers, and was in that moment when his world became whole again, and he knew he wasn't the only one feeling that way. He lifted his hand up to her cheek, and with the other one around her frame, pulled her closer to him.

The kiss was gentle, yet sweet, and so full of meaning.

Lucas pulled away a few moments later, not because he wanted to, but because of the feel of her tears falling freely down to her cheeks. "Hey," He whispered, resting his forehead back against hers.

Peyton didn't pronounce another word but just shook her head decisively, drawing away completely from him and in some mere seconds she was already standing by the doorway.

"You shouldn't have done that," She said so quietly that Lucas almost missed it, but he didn't, and before he could complete sink in everything that had happened, she was simply…_gone_.

* * *

**...**

**AN : **mmm...What do you say? Still torn about this chapter myself but hopefully some of you wont! heehee Please let me know what you think!

**...**

**PS : **Holy cow, any of you saw White Collar's Season Finale? _THAT WAS REALLY AWESOME!_ LOL If you're reading this and never watched the show, I tell you from the bottom of my heart, you SHOULD! lol It really is GOOD TV! heehee **:) AND**, if you _do_ watch it and feel like 'ranting' about it, so be it, I'm all ears hehe! It was real good IMO anyhow =)


	22. Our Darkest Hour

**Author's Note :** Hello! May I say 'Thank You' again? You guys are awesome! I'm a little hesitant about this chapter but I still _had_ to write it eventually and well, here it is. I hope it is good enough and you all like it. Please don't forget to let me know what you think and one more time, thank you so so much to all of you for reading! :)

**Chapter Twenty-Two : ****Our Darkest Hour**

* * *

_**December 5 ~ 2011**_

"_What about me?"_

_That had been the one question that actually made Peyton bear in mind one last time the idea of leaving town that night or not. Brooke was her best friend, more than that, she was her family, the perky-brunette she grew up with, and practically shared everything with._

_In a way, she at that moment was doing exactly what everybody else in her life always did; leave. How could she do that to her only family?_

_However, not a whole minute passed by before reality set in again in Peyton. She was determined to do so; she had to be. "I love you, you know that." Peyton stated, stopping her packing, and taking a seat at the edge of the bed._

_Brooke followed her lead and sat down next to her. "Then why don't you let me help you?" She stressed uneasily. _

"_I..." Peyton began, but paused taking the brunette's hands into her own. "I need to learn how to help myself first." She said with a small smile, that Brooke didn't even try to match. "I gotta do that alone."_

"_But Peyton," Brooke tried, but she really didn't know how to argue her points. She only knew she didn't want her best friend to go anywhere. She wanted her to stay so they could together deal with whatever came next. "You...Where would you go?"_

"_I don't know," Peyton replied nonchalantly with a shrug of her shoulders. "I just can't be here. Besides I…I'm not gonna be gone forever. I wouldn't do that to you," She said sweetly cracking a small smile that Brooke painfully matched. "I just need a little time to figure things out, I...I'll be okay."_

_Brooke shook slowly her head at her words. How could she be sure she was going to be okay, if she was going to be all alone? "You know you don't have to, you don't have to leave, you have me, and…I'm sure I can help you here or..."_

"_Hey," Peyton called softly, stopping her ramble. "I don't __have__ to, but I __need__ to." She explained giving Brooke's hand a small squeeze before standing up from the bed and going back to pack some more clothes into her bag._

_Brooke didn't argue, she stayed quiet and Peyton was in a way grateful for that. She was saying the truth, for the first time in weeks she was saying the truth, not only to Brooke, but to herself as well. She couldn't stay in this town any longer and see helplessly how the person she allegedly was supposed to be, simply got lost. She couldn't lose herself and know she didn't do anything to fix it._

_That's why she needed time. She needed time away from all the mess her life had turned out to be, and maybe then realize what the smartest thing to do really was._

_Too much was at stake and it wasn't even only her anymore._

Tonight reminded her a lot about that winter night when everything had changed for her. Things weren't supposed to be this hard, her heart was not suppose to ache that much, she was supposed to be…_okay._

But she wasn't. Coming back to Tree Hill wasn't supposed to mean so much, yet it did. The streets, every single part she walked by held all sort of memories. Whether they were good or bad, it didn't matter, all she knew was that she was at the edge of tears and Lucas Scott was all she could think about.

She shouldn't have kissed him; that had been one of the biggest mistakes she'd done in a long time. She never wanted things to turn out for them the way they did, but they had regardless. It shouldn't matter to her what Lucas had to say now. She shouldn't care how sincere he sounded, or not. How broken he seemed when he said the words.

She simply shouldn't care.

But she did. She could almost still feel the touch of his lips on hers, and there wasn't a thing she wanted most but to have him on her side again.

It was cold now. She didn't know exactly where to go. Leaving the party wouldn't have been all that hard if she only hadn't had to go and make sure Sammy was okay. She hadn't had the courage to face her boy, but Brooke had assured her he was going to be just fine.

That had been her cue to leave. To escape from that place and simply be alone.

She didn't have anywhere to go though. She would still call this town her '_home_' from time to time, but in reality, it wasn't anymore.

She didn't have a place to break out from the world here. She couldn't escape from the haunting memories of Lucas here.

In a way, this night brought back to her mind the very night she'd decided she was leaving Tree Hill for good. There was indecision in the air, and fear, and confusion, and all those feelings she'd done such good job hiding for the past few years.

She didn't know what she was supposed to do now much alike as she didn't that night.

She'd made a mistake. She knew that much. She shouldn't have kissed Lucas. But just like the last time, she'd done it anyway.

She wished there was a way to rewind time and simply go back to the moment when everything had gone wrong.

Maybe she'll be smarter, and make things right somehow.

_A knock on the door came around ten eleven; she wasn't expecting anyone, and Brooke never knocked._

_It was her own place in the end; of course she had her own set of keys._

_In any way, Peyton walked quietly to the front door, and without looking into the peephole swung it open. She'd be lying if she said she hadn't been surprised to find Lucas from all people standing in front of her, but she still managed to mask it and show no emotion as he stood before her._

"_You are soaked."_

_Were the only three words Peyton could think of to say when a deadly silence had settled between the two of them._

_She ushered him in, but he didn't say a word as she did so. Peyton guided him into the bathroom and gave him a towel he numbly received. He vaguely dried his head as he followed her back to the kitchen. _

_She didn't know what she was supposed to do, or say. Should she offer him a hot drink? By the way he smelled it was clear he had had his drinks already...other kind, but still..._

_To be honest, she simply felt lost and stunned, and surely taken aback with him there. She honestly didn't know what the heck he was doing here._

"_Luke?" Peyton called softly, trying to draw his attention to her. _

_Lucas didn't respond, he barely looked in her direction. He simply stayed on his feet with his mind anywhere but there._

"_It's late and Brooke's not hom–"_

"_I was with her," Lucas interrupted her as he turned around, and started walking in the direction of Peyton's bedroom._

_She stayed put in her spot for a few seconds; she had felt even more lost at his words, but after a little while and realizing he wasn't coming back to the kitchen, Peyton stood on her feet and walked into her bedroom as well._

_Lucas stood by the side of her bed where a couple of bags where; she entered the room quietly, and didn't say anything but only leaned against the doorway simply looking at him._

_They stayed in complete silence for some other good minutes before Lucas grabbed one of the photo frames on top of her opened bag. "So is it true?" He asked quietly, and still looking down at an old picture of Brooke and Peyton together._

_Peyton hesitated a bit before replying; he wasn't even looking at her. Still, in a way, that was actually making things easier for her; she didn't have to look into his eyes, and see…well, she wasn't sure what she'd see, but more than likely, anger, and disappointment, and all those feelings she'd supposedly gotten herself ready to see when this moment came. "What part?" She asked flippantly still from the doorway._

_Lucas remained quiet for a few moments before putting harshly the photo down and turning around to look at Peyton at last. "All of it," He said raising his voice slightly for the first time tonight._

_He didn't give Peyton any time to respond to his statement though; before she knew it, he was already moving towards her. "Weren't you planning on telling me?" He asked unable not to sound bitterly, grabbing the crook of her arm strongly with his hand._

_Peyton gasped, and without hesitation yanked his hold away. "You know now, don't you?" She said back as she put enough space between the two of them._

_Lucas stared at her incredulously; his eyes narrowing, and his hand running repeatedly through his hair. At last, he turned around, and threw both his hands up in the air in frustration. _

"_I'm getting married in a week," He muttered facing the door, and making his hands fists._

_Peyton didn't reply for a few seconds, but then shrugged her shoulders even though she knew he wasn't looking at her. "You are," She agreed simply, and maybe a little too nonchalantly for Lucas' taste._

"_Why did you have to come back?" Lucas asked angrily, shaking his head slightly, but still with his back to her. "Why?" He stressed turning and catching her eyes._

_Peyton shrugged her shoulders again, but it only seemed to make him angrier. "You didn't have to, you...I wish you never had." He said resentfully and Peyton was certainly not one to stay quiet at that one._

"_Well yeah? Me too," She agreed just as bitterly, and as stoic as ever. She then walked past him, and tossed into her bag the last pieces of clothing she had left scattered on the bed._

"_What do you want me to say to you, huh? That this changes something, that I…that I love you, I can't...It doesn't change things, I love…her, I'm getting married, and you...What in the hell do you actually want me to say?" Lucas asked frustrated, grabbing her arm strongly one more time; stopping her from keep packing._

"_Nothing," Peyton replied seriously, turning just a bit searching for his eyes. "I don't want you to say anything. I...I can't do this anymore." She said shaking her head every so often. For the first time that night, her guard was down._

_She shouldn't have done that though; she shouldn't have been so weak…she didn't know that then though._

"_I just...I need to get out of here and figure out by myself what I'm gonna do. Figure out what I should do with it..." She let her sentence trail off, as she escaped from his grasp once again._

"_What is that suppose to mean?" Lucas asked, his voice carrying all shades of hurt that broke Peyton's heart, more so than his earlier statements did._

_But really, what was she suppose to tell him, that she was happy and on cloud-nine because of the baby? She wasn't._

_Just as he obviously wasn't either._

_If it wasn't a lie how the two of them had once upon a time actually talked about how their kids together were going to be, those talks and dreams together didn't mean anything now. It didn't fit here any longer._

_They weren't together, and he had got it right, he was getting married in a few days with a woman who wasn't she. There was no 'us' between him and her anymore, and although that kid was both of them, she couldn't feel bliss by the fact._

_Not today._

_This wasn't the way things were suppose to be, and she just didn't know how to deal with everything._

_In all honesty, the less she needed was this; him interrogating her and getting all-judgmental on her._

_Her mouth still managed to open to retort, but before a single word managed to escape her lips, Lucas spoke up first. _

"_You know what?" He asked, staring angrily into her eyes. "Maybe you are right, maybe you should go and maybe...Just look at you, you are not ready to be a mom, you..." He said all in one breath, and never losing her eyes from his. _

_There were tears, and pain in her eyes he couldn't mistake as he spoke, but...one way or another he couldn't seem to care. "You can't even take care of yourself, let alone a...baby." He stated, before finally turning around away from her._

_Peyton wanted to speak, she did. She actually wanted to yell at him, and demanded him to go away, but she couldn't. She was taken aback at his words._

_It was actually hard to believe the man in front of her was Lucas and no someone else._

_She was hurt, of course she was. Maybe not so much because of what he said but because of the way he said it. He was meaning those words, he wasn't lying, she could see that in his eyes, and it was just hard to think in just the right way to respond to such accusation._

"_You...you are right." Lucas continued. "You should go, and we just should pretend you never came back."_

_Peyton bit harshly her lower lip, keeping her feelings on check that way. She managed a small nod in his direction but Lucas barely even acknowledged it._

_This wasn't the way things were supposed to be. That was the one thing she knew._

_He was supposed to tell her how things were going to be all right even though he didn't think so. He was supposed to lie to her in order to make her feel okay. He was supposed to tell her that despite the circumstances he was glad he was going to be a dad. Because he was and he just didn't seem to care._

_He was supposed to tell her that nothing else mattered, that things would come around and they were going to be just fine._

_He was supposed to hold her in his arms, and let her cry all the tears she had been holding inside herself ever since that little white stick showed her a positive._

_Instead, he was looking angrily at her; he was looking at her as if he didn't even recognize the person before him. __As if she were a stranger, as if he really wished they hadn't ever crossed paths._

_Both their eyes were welling up with tears but none of them seemed to be able to let them fall._

"_You should go now," Peyton drawled out, biting her lip to the point of drawing blood from it. _

_She didn't wait for a response but walked past him and exited the room. Her hands were shaking, and she could feel the hot tears treating to fall but she couldn't._

_She couldn't give him the satisfaction to see her cry and break down because of him._

_It didn't matter how much it hurt._

"_I…Peyton," Lucas shouted in spite of himself a small moment later, going after her outside of the bedroom._

_Peyton froze in her spot, but didn't turn around. There was no way in hell he could come back from everything he had told her but then again, what possibly he could say now that was worst than what he already had?_

_He didn't say anything though. He stayed quiet although she could feel him standing right behind her. _

_She closed her eyes tightly as she felt him closer to her neck; his hot breathing against her very skin. "I'm sorry," He whispered into her ear, before storming out of the house without taking a second look at her, but instead leaving those two words lingering in the air._

_She wasn't even sure of what he was sorry about._

"Five years ago, and today?"

Brooke couldn't help but huff at the nervous laugh that followed Peyton's question. "For starters," She said locking eyes with the blonde. "You were crying when I got home that night."

"Guilty!" Peyton exclaimed taking a long sip from her wine. "Shoot, what else?"

"You weren't drinking that night," Brooke stated, biting her lower lip in an attempt to keep a chuckle at bay that way. Peyton had caught her completely off guard, she had said she had been '_walking around for a little while'_ and then asked Brooke with misty eyes if '_please_' she just could stay and '_crash the night'_ in her house.

Brooke hadn't hesitated a bit in agree; however she wasn't buying the idea of Peyton getting '_tipsy_' only for been walking around. She couldn't blame her though, just like five years ago, this time around she was also carrying with a lot on her plate.

"Five years ago I _couldn't_ drink." Peyton explained, drawling out her words. "I got Sammy then, remember?" She whispered with a quiet giggle.

The wine was surely kicking in on her, Brooke wanted to smile, deal with tipsy-Peyton wasn't an everyday affair, but today it was different. Drinking was not like her; Brooke was well aware of that. Peyton had always been more of the brooding kind of person other than the boozy one; that really was no secret for anyone.

However, that was exactly the reason she knew that whatever happened back in the reception –_with Lucas more likely than not_– must have been really tough on her if it made her open the bottle of wine, and actually drunk it until the bottom.

"You still got Sammy," Brooke reminded her with a knowing look.

At the mention of her boy, Peyton's lips curled up in a smile almost as an instinct. She brushed the tip of her nose giggling goofily, causing Brooke to faintly do so too. "I do," She whispered loudly placing one of her hands over her mouth. She definitely didn't want to be loud tonight.

"But wine can't..._hurt_ him this time." Peyton added nodding her head decisively.

Brooke smiled sadly taking the glass of wine from Peyton's hands. "But it can hurt _you_." She stated knowingly.

It took Peyton's front mere seconds to fade. "I screwed up," She confessed, as hot tears started welling up in her eyes.

Brooke sighed heavily, but in some quick moves, moved right next to Peyton, holding her into her arms. "What happened?" She asked quietly, rubbing small circles on her back as in support.

Peyton stayed in silence at her question. Just feeling comfort by being in Brooke's arms. She had wandered her little town for a while until TRIC had emerged on her way. That had been the one place that still held some familiar sense of home for some reason. It really hadn't been her fault that the place happened to be a bar, had it?

She'd ambushed Brooke, she knew that much. Today was Brooke's day, she was supposed to be celebrating some more with her husband but Peyton just didn't know where else to go.

There really wasn't someone else.

"I kissed him," She admitted so quietly that if Brooke hadn't been so close to her she would have probably missed it. She remained silent at her words though; she didn't want to push Peyton. If she was going to tell her more, it was going to be at her own terms.

That was the way things had always been between them in the end. Brooke was used to it.

"Actually, _he_ kissed me, but..." Peyton started again, shaking her head against Brooke's body. She lifted her head up just a little meeting the brunette's eyes. "But...that really doesn't matter, does it?" She stated more than what she asked, but after a beat she added just as quietly. "I kissed him."

Brooke nodded looking down at her. "Peyt," She said softly, pushing away slowly so that the two of them could face each other. "Do you _love_ him?" She asked seriously, staring steadily into Peyton's watery eyes.

She didn't respond for a few moments before simply lowering her head, that way giving Brooke the answer she needed.

"Then you gotta talk to him." Brooke said somewhat offhandedly with a small shrug of her shoulders. Her voice wasn't judgmental though; it was carrying understanding, instead of finger pointing.

Peyton appreciated that, although she hated she was right.

She needed to talk to him, and '_him_' wasn't just Lucas.

* * *

**AN :** Flashback plus a smidge of "present-time" What do you think? :) Hate it? Love it? None of the above? Either way thank you _so_ much for reading! You guys rock!


	23. Aftermath

**Chapter Twenty-Three : Aftermath**

* * *

"_A kiss always means something."_

Perhaps painful and annoying and all, but that's just one of those truths you simply can not deny. You can feed yourself lies telling you all you want how it didn't mean a thing, but deep inside you would always know you'd be lying. It really doesn't matter the case, whether it was on purpose, unplanned, stolen, accidental, full of love...full of hate. It _always _means something.

Well, of course unless you are playing some sort of game, say spin-the-bottle, then maybe the silly peck might not mean all that much, but whether you like it or not, all the others _do_.

There are always all sort of different feelings attach to a kiss, not only love, but passion, desire, lust, _need_, the list can go on and on endlessly, the bottom line is that it always stands for something.

It is maybe just our human nature at some level. She knew that well; she grew up knowing the fact. She'd always known that's the truth and nothing short of it.

Then again, how come now she was finding it so hard to accept it?

She felt like a hypocrite trying to deny something that she knew was true.

Her mind was a whirlwind, not only because of the kiss – or the wine's after effects, but simply because of everything. She'd kissed Lucas; she _had_ to deal with it all now...that was all she could be sure at the moment...

The final outcome, what would happen in the end was still something hazy she needed to figure out. All the sooner the better is she could say so herself.

Her mind and heart were all so torn with emotions she was finding hard to make sense of. How was she supposed to go to Julian now; face him, and tell him how that kiss hadn't meant anything, when she knew, without a doubt finally, how it _had_ meant something.

It had meant _everything_.

When it's pure and honest, an alone kiss can mean what a million words can't. She was sure of that; their kiss hadn't been the most passionate, full of lust kind of kiss, yet at the same time, it had been.

In its own way.

There are so many feelings that can be disguise under the name and act of a kiss, and the amazing part is that if you just try hard enough, you'll be able to feel all those feelings and even more if only you happened to be _that_ lucky.

Before it happens, those small seconds in which you are just seeing into the other person's eyes... then is when everything begins.

When everything changes.

In those moments, every once in a while, if you are only with the _right_ person, it can feel as though you're seeing yourself in those eyes that aren't yours. And at doing so you can see so much more than just a reflection; it is sometimes as seeing there the very best of you, because in a way, that's exactly what the other person always sees when he's looking at you.

Finding that person that sees you for what you _really_ are, and in the way nobody else does, is almost as strange as feeling that _perfect_ kiss.

The one in which you lose each and every bit of sentiment with, but that in some other way, you gain so much more for the simple fact of having his lips on yours that it doesn't matter what you lose.

And then, when your body tells you to stop, to pull back, not a lot, only a little bit for air, you simply know you_ can't_ oblige. You know you'll feel incomplete the moment you are not feeling him anymore.

You just want to stay there and pretend as if nothing else matters, because the truth is, that in fact nothing else matters as long as your lips are together.

Sometimes people, women more often than not, may demand for romantic overtures, blowouts, grand-gestures, deeds that show them just how much they are loved. However now and again, in some rare points in time, when the feeling shared between two people is _true_ enough, the most amazing gesture you could get is a _real_ kiss.

The one that simply pours out of you every bit of emotion you are feeling inside.

It's simple, yet the most meaningful thing you'd ever feel.

How is she supposed to tell that to Julian now? That although she does love him, because she does, she just doesn't feel with him all what she felt when Lucas kissed her? How was she supposed to break the heart of the man that had done everything to love her for what she is?

It just didn't seem fair, but staying with him didn't seem all that fair either.

Especially for _him_.

One might think she thought that in order to kill down the enormous rush of guilt she was feeling, but... is it really fair to stay with someone, even though you are _finally_ sure you are never going to be able to love him the way you should?

The way _he_ deserves.

"Hey," She spoke softly, watching his head turning from the window to her. He held his eyes on her for a few seconds before his face fell. She felt uncomfortable; that was a new for her around Julian. Between the two of them, there had never really been that kind of awkward silence, at least not recently. One of the beauties of their relationship was that they could always speak the truth; they had history they were determined not to follow so they'd set rules earlier on; they'd speak _everything_. The good, and the ugly too; they never held secrets from each other, and although the truth wasn't always what they wanted to hear, they would say it anyway.

That was the way things work, and had worked for the last few years.

Now everything seemed different somehow, like if it had been…broken.

"Hi," Julian replied just as softly, offering her a small smile although he wasn't even attempting to make eye contact.

Peyton smiled sadly and without any more words, sat herself right next to him on the bed.

Silence settled for a good few minutes, she started toying with her hands, whirling her rings uneasily, and he could only stare at her hands from time to time without saying anything, or really looking at her for that matter.

The last time that things had been that awkward between the two of them, had been almost one year ago after he kissed her under the mistletoe in that horrendous Christmas party his mother hosted. He'd taken her by surprise but it hadn't felt forced, that was why Peyton knew then she was ready to try things out with him again.

She had kissed him back without hesitation and it had felt right.

He'd been embarrassed afterwards, up until that point they were supposed to be just friends, '_roommates_' that happened to be raising a small boy together simply because that was the way things turned out to be.

However, after what seemed to be hours of silence, she'd told him that it was okay, that she was in the same place he was, that she was finally ready to love him again. After her words, he had kissed her again, and promised to love her no matter what.

Being together at the time simply seemed and felt as the right thing to do. She'd been happy with him, she'd loved him; it was just…maybe it hadn't been enough.

Maybe she hadn't been ready after all.

"I'm sorry," Julian broke the silence with a whisper.

Peyton's eyelids fluttered closed at his words, and she could feel his eyes boring into her. Without questioning, he stretched out his arm, and pulled her closer to his chest. She obliged with any sort of fuss and simply let him nestled her and bring her comfort the best way he could. "You have nothing to be sorry about," Peyton pointed out softly from his chest. She didn't open her eyes, or move an inch from his embrace. She simply told him the truth. If there was someone who needed to be sorry, that have got to be she. _She_ was the one who was sorry for literally dragging him into this whole mess. He could have move on with his life but for one reason or the other, he'd stayed with her. He'd stayed with her even when she had nothing to offer him in return other than problems.

_She_ was the one who was truly sorry.

"I am still." Julian replied only half-serious, brushing some messy curls off of her eyes. "I shouldn't have reacted the way I did, I just…I just saw you slipping away from me, and I acted on that. I am sorry." He stated sincerely looking down at her face.

"I'm sorry too," Peyton replied after a few moments of silence. She wasn't seeing him but she knew he was nodding his head. His thumb started to run gently in circles over her cheek and she couldn't help but smile sadly. "Why?" She asked suddenly, opening back her eyes and staring up into his.

She took him aback, and that clearly showed in his face. Julian shook his head slightly before asking simply. "Why what?"

Peyton pulled herself up a little into a sitting position before replying. "Why do you love me?" She asked softly, and her voice was actually carrying honesty as if she really didn't know why.

"Because," Julian replied simply with a small shrug of his shoulder. "You are _you_," He elaborated a little, but apparently, Peyton didn't think so. She started shaking her head slowly from side to side, and brought her eyes down.

He lifted her chin up with his finger and when their eyes locked, he shrugged again. "I just do."

Peyton stared at him uneasily for a few seconds before nodding. She then offered him one of the few true smiles she still had inside her today. "I do too," She promised looking helplessly into his eyes.

She was about to start explaining when Julian spoke first. His voice was soft, and gentle, and full of love for a reason she still was finding it hard to believe, more so…understand. She was a mess; that was who she was and always had been, how could he possibly actually love her? And so much?

"Remember when we talked about the book?" Julian asked never losing her eyes from his. Peyton didn't reply but simply nodded her head slightly. "You said something about the way _he_ looks at you," He reminded her needlessly, Peyton could only nod in return once again.

"Yesterday I saw the way _you_ look at him," He said sorrowfully, and at that, Peyton's eyes unexpectedly started welling up with tears. "…I know you love me, I know you do," He told her with a warm smile on his face; one smile that Peyton couldn't, not for the life of her return. "But…him, of course you still love him too. Maybe pretending you didn't was easier than this," He said calmly, Peyton's head simply couldn't stop shaking at his words. She hated they'd come to this.

Julian's words weren't a lie though; it had taken a lot from her to accept it, and although she hadn't come to terms with the feeling quite yet, she knew what she felt for Lucas was simply too strong to keep hiding from it or keep denying it too for that matter. Hadn't she seen him again, maybe they could have saved themselves from all this mess. But…Had that been worth it? Was the question that stayed lingering in her mind.

Yes, she would have stayed with Julian and nothing would have happened, but one way or another Lucas would have _always_ stayed in her heart. She knew that now.

"I can't lose you," Peyton stated through unforeseen tears that were by then falling freely down to her cheeks. She knew how selfish that sounded, she knew she couldn't love him, yet she felt simply unable to let him go.

Her weeping was startled however by a small chuckle that escaped Julian's throat, she narrowed her eyes confused looking up at him, and he did nothing but drag her back into his arms. "You are never losing me. I promised you that once, remember?" He said sweetly, stroking her back. Peyton's whimpering turned into sobs in mere seconds, and despite hating the fact, he simply held her tightly.

"I'll always love you," He stated after a few minutes, she continued to cry for his sorrow, but he still needed her to hear him out. He was angry, sure, but unlike her, he knew he_ had_ come to terms to this situation…the sooner the better to be honest.

It was hard, he would never doubt that, but it wasn't still as if he was just now finding out how she feels. "But I want you to be happy, and if…" He paused forcing her to look up at him. He continued as she reluctantly did it. "And if writer-boy makes you happy…so be it then, Peyton." He said holding back his own emotions. He'd never thought he would actually be saying those words, he hadn't planned them, he still wanted her, _loved_ her more than anything, but… He saw a love he had never seen before in Peyton the moment he saw her dancing with Lucas.

She hadn't been smiling, or saying anything, she was just there in his arms; as if that was the place she had belonged to all along.

Yes, the sight had made Julian nothing short of furious when he first saw them, but past the rage of the moment he could focus in the way Peyton's eyes were closed, how her hand was shyly resting on his chest, and how without any words she was letting Lucas know she still loved him.

She may not see it all that clear herself still, but Julian did. And he'd said the truth, and nothing short of it. He wanted her to be happy more than anything else, and if that meant Lucas, he was willing to step back.

Maybe that was part of that so-called love he claimed to profess for her.

* * *

Peyton cried herself to sleep in his arms. He had tried everything in his power to soothe her but maybe she needed that. Maybe she did need to let for once and for all, her whole heart out in the open, and free herself from all those harmful feelings that hurt her mind and heart all too often.

That had been a little over two hours ago, though.

"You meant what you said?" Peyton asked quietly, propping herself up on her elbow so that she could catch his eyes. She'd been staring at him for a little while, he seemed so focused reading, the less she wanted was disturb him but...after everything that had happened, and was yet to happen, she somehow needed to know where exactly they were standing at.

"What did I say?" Julian asked feigning innocence. She shook her head, but she still was wearing a faint smile on her face so he smiled as well. After all the tears he'd seen today, a smile seemed like simply the best thing ever. Putting his book down on the table, Julian stood up and walked his way to the bed sitting at her side. "Which part?" He asked again fixing his eyes firmly on hers.

Peyton sighed heavily, and remained silent for a few minutes just staring into his eyes. "What happens now?" She asked back instead of elaborating her prior question. Her mind was a whirlwind of emotions, and questions were everything that was filling her mind at the moment.

However, the bottom line was always the same; she _needed_ to know what was going to happen between him and her. It couldn't just be over.

Julian shrugged at her question. "I don't know," He replied shaking slowly his head. "I...I told you remember? Once upon a time, I told you I wasn't leaving you again. _Ever again_ were my words if I recall correctly," He said with a small chuckle Peyton could hardly return with a smile. "Then I remember you also said you were gonna hold me to it, so... I wouldn't expect any less from you." He said playfully but the way her face fell told him that probably it was too soon to play.

"Hey," He called softly placing his forefinger under her chin and lifting it gently. "I'm always going to be here for you, that is not gonna change. You and I, it might not be..." He paused rolling his eyes playfully. "_Epic,_" He said through clenched teeth although he couldn't help the smirk that dance goofily on his face. Peyton chuckled at his '_admission_', but sobered all too soon, so he continued. "But that doesn't mean you are going to lose me. I don't know what you are going to do about him–"

"I don't...I, Lucas, I can't be with him anyway, I..." Peyton interrupted uneasily, but Julian held his hand up as she spoke. It was _his _turn to speak.

"Despite whatever your decision is," He continued firmly. "I'm still keeping my promise. I won't leave you again, we...You just can't get rid of me all that easy," He said winking at her. "Besides, even if _you_ could, Sammy can't." He stated sincerely, and the most serious she'd heard him since she woke up. He leaned forward and kissed fondly the top of her head.

She closed her eyes at his touch, and simply felt him on her. He kept his lips pressed to her forehead for a good while, as if he was still holding on…That did nothing but break Peyton's heart a little more.

As he pulled away, Peyton offered him a sad smile. "But things, things…"

"Things are not going to be same," Julian finished for her shaking slightly his head. "But that…maybe that's okay too. I'm sure we'll be okay." He added soothingly.

In any case, Peyton started shaking her head at his words again, and bowed it at the feel of tears filling her eyes once more. "I...Julian, I...I'm so sorry," She cried biting harshly her lower lip in a fail attempt to keep her emotions in check. "I never meant for this to happen...god, I'm just so sorry, I didn't want..."

"Hey, _shush,_" Julian interrupted hurriedly. "Look at me," He demanded as she refused to look up at him. "I'm not a kid, you know?" He said, as she finally obliged and met his eyes, with watery ones of her own. Her lower lip was quivering, and he wanted nothing more but to kiss her, but he couldn't. That wasn't his place anymore, and even though it was killing him inside, he couldn't show it. One of the two had to be strong, and apparently, this time it was his turn to step up. "I...Actually you, _you_ really need to stop beating yourself up at everybody else's decisions," He called out strongly. He wasn't yelling, yet his voice was rising as he spoke each word. He just needed her to understand. "I'm a big boy, all right? I may not act like it all the time but I am, and I made my own choices._ I chose_ to be with you because that's what _I_ wanted. I wanted to be with you, and I still do. You didn't force me into loving you, or Sammy, I just did it because I wanted. You, you don't have to be sorry. I knew what I was getting into when I decided to be there for you, and hell, I hate to lose you to him, and it hurts, because I _do_ love you, but...God, Peyton, it's not as if you have any of the blame...we... things just didn't turn out my way, but...You don't have to be sorry." He stated, at last softening the urgency in his voice.

In spite of this, it only caused Peyton's tears to finally stream down her cheeks with no brake. She didn't deserve him, she knew that much. He deserved so much more than the broken mess she was, yet she couldn't be any gladder of everything he said.

Julian allowed her to weep for a little while longer until it simply became too much. At this rate he was sure he was going to have to take her to the emergency room due dehydration. "You gotta stop crying though..." He drawled out, attempting to gain her attention. She looked up slowly, and chuckled softly through her tears at the sight of the coy smirk on his face. "You stop or I swear to you then I'll actually walk out that door until you decide to pull yourself together girl." He added in relieved upon her smile, and the fact that she hastily attempted to wipe the tears stains off of her flushed cheeks.

"Thank you," Peyton said quietly, while nodding, and as genuinely as she could sound. She was sure she'd be a hell of a lot more lost if it wasn't for him.

"You're welcome," Julian replied sweetly, reaching out his hand, and stroking tenderly her cheek. "But..." He started again, somewhat awkwardly, but he still needed to say it. "You know this isn't over quite yet," He stated apologetically.

"Why does it all have to be _so_ hard?" Peyton questioned him brokenly. Before he could reply, she ducked her head, and started shaking it.

He was right; this whole mess wasn't even close to be over. Yes, she'd face Julian, and…Things hadn't been as horrible as she'd pictured, though her heart was in fact breaking at the seams, but...There was still Lucas.

That seemed to be always her problem lately, _Lucas _was in the picture, and if she wanted some peace of mind at last, she _needed_ to talk to him.

Even if nothing good could come out from it.

"I think it has to be that way because in the end..." Julian began explaining to her; his voice carried hope and anticipation. Like if he really believed what he was about to say.

Peyton's head little by little lifted up locking eyes with him as he continued. "…Had the road been easy all along, how are we supposed to know that it was worth it when we are done? How are we even supposed to know that we finally got to that place we always dreamed about, if in our path everything had been simple…trouble-free? People says it all the time, it's pretty clichéd, but maybe they are right, maybe great things doesn't in fact come all that easy." Julian said firmly, before standing up from the bed, kissing her forehead strongly, and letting his statement lingering in the air.

She could let herself be in all the denial she wanted, but the facts were still the facts whether she liked it or not, and yet again Julian had got it right.

Maybe you in fact have to struggle a little in order to know if something had been worth it or not. You can't pretend that one day things are going to just solve themselves out. That one of these days you'll get your happy ending simply because you _think_ you deserve it.

Tonight had taught her a lot, the most important thing perhaps; how you can only hide from your feelings so much. One way or another they'll sneak up on you, and you might as well be prepared for them.

She wasn't sure if she had been ready for this, yet she'd come anyway. Lucas' doorsteps, not in a million years she'd thought she'd be back here, but in any way she was, it hadn't matter if it was raining or not, she had come.

He opened the door and it was as if he'd literally froze on his spot at the sight of her; his eyes firmly fixed on hers, and his bewildered look would have even been funny had the circumstances been any different.

She stayed quiet though, and simply heard as he breathed her name.

"_Peyton"_

* * *

**AN : **Ugh...I've thought this chapter over so many times I'm not even sure what I think about it anymore LOL I think the tricky part about FanFiction is _staying_ in character. Not let your own notions of the characters get in the way of what they would 'really' do in whatever alternative universe you decide to put them through as an author...  
I always try my best to do as much, but more often than not, it's way easier say than done LOL In the end, I will keep trying and hopefully you'd concur with me more than you'd disagree when reading my stuff heehee =)

ANYWAY, done with the little rant now! For what it's worth, I feel a whole of a lot more confident with the next chapter than I did with this one - It's actual LP after all LOL Oh AND, for the ones who read both my stories, **"I Can't Fix Us Two"** update should be up soon too! I'm just trying to balance both stories in some way hehe! Thanks you all for reading anyway! Reviews are love! :)


	24. Perchance to Dream

**Author's Note : **Don't judge me, okay? LOL There's even Romeo&Juliet quoted in here so just bear in mind, I'm a sucker for LP! And to be honest, I'm not even kidding! This chapter turned out to be what it turned out to be. I had very little to do with it. I just wrote away and _this_ happened *lol*

Besides quoting Shakespeare, I also used this unbelievable BEAUTIFUL song called **"Times"** by "**Tenth Avenue North**" throughout this chapter :: I swear, if you are ever to take into consideration my music taste, you should buy that song! Really!  
& I mean, for some reason that band happened to be label under "Contemporary Christian Music" & I ALWAYS shy away from that kind of stuff because...well, because music is just _too_ precious to me to have someone "preaching" me through it, BUT, I swear, that song, the kind of love that song talks about it is simply something I couldn't stay away from even to save my life. It's _too_ beautiful, & I mean it! **"Times"** by "**Tenth Avenue North**" It really is good music!

Anyway, after that, whatever you wanna call it, I guess I should leave you to this chapter **:)**

For what is worth however, I'd like to say that I too think that for Lucas to _really_ have Peyton back he has to do a whole LOT more than what he's done, & even more after that. If I were one to be honest to that believe, I swear I would have to write a whole other fic with him just "wooing" Peyton in all possible ways :: I'm saying that, just so you can have it in mind when reading this chapter and the next one. An Epilogue to this story is probably going to be written. I have no idea yet as to what in the world I'm gonna write in there (probably the 'wooing' and more of a fluff relieve hopefully - _read: hopefully_ lol) but I know I _have _to do it and hey, would do! heehee! Let me know what you think about this one for now lol! **=)****  
**

**Chapter Twenty-Four : Perchance to Dream**

* * *

_"From forth the fatal loins of these two foes, a pair of star-cross'd lovers, take their life..."_

There are many times in our lives when we give the credit to the things that happened to us to _luck_. Or to _God_, to the stars, or to some sort of higher power that in some way changed the course of our lives for the better…or for the worse sometimes too.

Every so often, we find ourselves unconsciously closing our eyes and wishing for something to happen. Or for something _not_ happen. People around the world go to church to pray, and to hope that if they simply do it hard enough then they may just get what they are praying for.

We close tightly our eyes at nights, and sometimes we drifted into a world in which everything's better. In which everything's possible, and we get to have everything we want, and everything we need. There's no sorrow, or tears. There we are simply living our dreams. Dreaming the life we'd like to be leading in the real world.

In that place in our dreams, luck is always on our side.

We can wish for anything there, and more than likely, it would be granted for us no matter what it is. Because it really is simple, we are in our fantasy world. In our dream world where luck, God, or the higher power we happened to choose this week will grant us _anything._

However, you still can't help when you wake up the next morning, and realize, sometimes sadly, sometimes not so much, that you are not really there.

You are in the '_real world'_. A world in which we have to deal, if well with good luck, with bad luck as well sometimes too.

That's just life. And in many ways, we're used to it. If luck happens to be with us, then we will celebrate, even squeal a little since we're beating the odds.

And okay, when luck's not exactly at our side we will perhaps curse a little. Be mad at the universe for a while until ourselves, or someone else pat us on the back, and we just keep going.

After just a little while, we move on to the next thing, and hopefully forget the small episode of bad luck we had just deal with.

That's what most of the times happens.

_Most of the times._

Her car broke down. That's usually a sign of _bad_ luck. One moment she was driving freely, the other her car was spitting out smoke. She'd gotten angry…of course she had.

But then…then the body-shop boy happened to arrive, and commented awkwardly her notebook stickers.

And ever since, Peyton's life just hadn't been the same.

She'd been rather mean to the body-shop boy. She'd freed part of her anger on him, but he still didn't back off. He instead shared his feelings with her, to the point that they even laughed with each other in that very first encounter.

Soon after, she happened to go to a basketball game were apparently_ she_ was fair-game between that boy and his brother.

And then the body-shop boy won the game, and said, _"I'll be seeing ya,"_

She could spend hours at the time reminiscing, thinking back whether it was _bad_, or _good_ luck that made her car broke down at that hour, and that place. If it was luck that she called Keith's Body-shop and not a different one. If it had been luck that Lucas and not somebody else happened to pick her up. If it was luck that she left her sketches in the car, and he happened to care for them. If only Nathan had won the game instead of Lucas, everything that happened between the two of them would have happened either way or not.

If it had been for the better or for the worse that she happened to fall in love with him.

People sometimes say how the third one is the charmed; but…Peyton had already open her heart to Lucas _three_ times and it still hadn't work out.

The first time Brooke happened to come out from the back shattering whatever hopes she had about Lucas and her being something... _anything_.

The second time he…The second time it actually worked out. But not for too long.

He said _'Oh'_.

She'd said _'I love you'_, and he had said _'Oh'_. It had stunned her for a while. She had completely opened her heart, and all she got in response was an _'Oh'._

However, he then opened his heart to her as well. He'd said she was the one he wanted next to him when all his dreams come true. She'd believed him. She'd kissed him.

Then he almost died.

Maybe that had been a sign.

In any case, they both managed to ignore it for over a year, until rings, and boys on one knees happened.

The third time…That time she'd admitted her mistakes. She'd confessed the reasons why she came back home. Peyton had told him how she_ still_ loved him.

He had then ran and proposed to another woman. He even got to say _'I do'_ at the altar, to a woman who wasn't she.

The third time that she opened her heart to Lucas Scott seemed to be the time it had caused her the more sorrow. They were not teenagers anymore. They were supposed to be young adults who allegedly make the _right_ decisions.

People says things come in threes. Well _three_ hadn't worked out a bit for Peyton.

And the sad part was that regardless all her past, all she'd suffered, all she'd cried, all she'd screamed, and even hate. Regardless everything Lucas had put her through she was considering open her heart to him a _fourth_ time.

What do people have to say about fours?

Her son was four years old. Maybe that meant something.

She spent four years in High School with Lucas. Maybe that means something too, despite the fact that she only spoke to him for two.

She stayed away from home for four years after High School.

She'd been living in Santa Monica for four years now.

She couldn't care less, but Soccer World Cup happens every four years too.

There aren't a whole lot of things that happened in fours, yet, Lucas was there, in her life.

Making everything _harder_.

Making everything _easier_.

How was she supposed to decide if she should hold on to that feeling she'd felt for years now, although it had always hurt her so much? How is she supposed to know if her heart is ready to feel for Lucas again? Isn't something, or someone that could tell her it'll work out this time around? That this time Lucas is not going to break her heart the way he had in the past?

Can something truthfully tell her that it is _not _too late?

_I know I need you  
I need to love you  
I love to see you, but it's been so long._

Lucas didn't ask what was she doing there, he didn't ask if she was okay or not, he didn't ask if she wanted to come in, he didn't say a word other than her name.

After a moment of silence, he just took her into his arms and ushered her into his home. It had started raining earlier that evening, she'd gone out for air around five o'clock, yet eight pm flew by and she hadn't got yet what she went out looking for.

She had just _thought_. Thought about everything and anything.

Without even acknowledging it, she'd reached Lucas' doorsteps. She stood outside for a good while before actually knocking; it also took him enough time to come and get the door after she did so. However, she didn't think in turn around and go away, she simply waited until he opened the door, and his hands were on her as he pulled her inside.

Much alike the way she once upon a time guided him into her home to dry him from the rain, he'd done it this time around with her too. He was careful, and gentle. As she shivered, he ran both his hands over her arms so that he could just warm her up a little.

He led her into the bathroom, and without asking sat her on the sink as he went searching for some towels. Everything happened in complete silence, but for some reason it wasn't uncomfortable or awkward, it just was…and was needed.

_I long to feel you  
I feel this need for you  
and I need to hear you  
Is that so wrong?_

His touch on her was soft, as if he was afraid that if he touched her wrong, she would break and disappear from his side.

Wordlessly he made her get out of her rain-soaked clothes, and instead put on an overly big tee-shirt of his. She'd obliged, not entirely because she was willing to do so, but because she felt unable to put on any kind of fight.

"Let me get you warm." Lucas offered, taking her hand in his when he was done making sure there was not even one single spot wet left on her body.

Peyton's head was down, and she couldn't even manage a nod, she simply let him take her hand, and lead the way into the kitchen. His house was changed, it was obvious nobody had really been living there in a long time; there were no pictures on the walls, or in the fridge. Doors were shut more than they were just closed. And although she knew he was trying to warm her body, she could still feel than eerie cold irradiating from every inch in that house. She used to like it here, she used to _love_ it there actually, it was this small house that despite whatever that was happening, always held still than sense of home, and unconditional love.

It didn't anymore. Now it was just..._cold_.

She sat down at the counter, and simply stared at Lucas as he pulled out two big mugs, and started making what seemed to be hot chocolate. A silly smile tugged at the corners of her lips as she saw him; he was _so_ focused, but it wasn't in the milk in front of him, his mind was someplace else and she knew it. Hers was too, the less she could care was the cocoa, but she still liked seeing him there before her eyes.

"I'm gonna explain Sammy you're his dad too," Peyton said quietly, but still at her words, Lucas almost choke.

He coughed a few times shaking his head before looking up at her eyes. He stayed quiet though, his eyes simply on hers expectantly. He'd thought in all the possible scenarios of the '_why_' she'd come to his house, yet, telling her something about the boy somehow didn't cross his mind.

It should have though; Sam was after all the one thing they talked about in the end, no?

"That's not going to change the fact of Julian being in his life, and him being his dad, but I just thought I should." Peyton explained upon realizing Lucas wasn't going to say anything. "The less I want is to confuse him, but..."

"Thank you," Lucas interrupted, at last finding his words.

Peyton smiled sadly at him before her head bowed. Silence settled between them again for a few moments. Lucas ached to tell her something…anything. Yet he didn't seem to find quite the right words still.

Quietly he walked around the counter and sat down on the stool next to Peyton. "What happened?" He asked softly, not wanting to cross any lines, but simply _needing_ to know what was in her mind.

Peyton shrugged one of her shoulders, before coming up with any kind of response. "I just guess it's over," She whispered looking down at her hands uneasily.

"Over?" Lucas echoed fairly confused, but still managing to sound calm. He'd hate for her to think he was interrogating her.

Peyton shrugged again at his words, and bit by bit looked up meeting his icy eyes. "Me and Julian," She explained simply.

Lucas should be happy to hear that, right? She had broken up with the man that stood between them, she was free now, she was free for _him_ now. How come then he couldn't find happiness inside of him after her confession?

It actually was easy, she seemed sad, her words were filled with sorrow as she spoke them, he couldn't feel happy when she was obviously hurting.

"I'm sorry," Lucas said softly, hesitating a bit before resting his hand on the small of her back.

Peyton didn't move away, or took her eyes off from his for that matter either. She simply offered him a small nod.

"I don't know what to do now, Luke." She confessed brokenly a few seconds later.

_In times of confusion and chaos and pain  
I'm there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame  
I'm there through your heartache  
I'm there in the storm  
My love I will keep you by my power alone._

He wasn't sure what he should do or say back to her, she seemed _so_ vulnerable, and really lost about what was happening with her life now. He felt guilty, of course he did. He'd come back to her life and made a whole mess out of it, but he...he still couldn't be sorry about it. If it was true he was dying inside upon seeing Peyton like this, he couldn't be sorry for coming back, and fight for what he wanted, more than that, for what he _needed_. He needed her, and he was now sure she needed him just as much.

She'd come here, she'd come to him and that was reason enough for him not to be sorry about being back in her life.

"What do you want?" Lucas asked in a tone just a bit above a whisper. He honestly feared she would break if he happened to speak in a different way.

Peyton remained silent staring into his eyes before shrugging for like the tenth time tonight. "It wasn't supposed to be this hard," She stated in response instead of answering his question. In reality, she wasn't sure herself what she wanted. Yes, she'd come here, she wanted to see Lucas, but now that she was here, she didn't know exactly why.

"Nobody ever say it was supposed to be easy either." Lucas tried shrugging one of his own shoulders. He wasn't sure how much good his words would do to her right now, but he at least knew he was saying the truth.

Peyton nodded, fighting back her emotions. She wanted to cry _so_ badly, to bury herself into his arms, and just let out all she was feeling but she couldn't. Something inside of her just wouldn't let her. "Do you love me?" She asked so quietly Lucas almost missed it.

In any case, he didn't, and at her words, he could only smile. "I love you more than anything I've ever loved in my life." Lucas stated as sincerely as he could sound. "I know it hadn't always been easy but it...it has always been _everything_ in the end, isn't it? It's you and me, remember?" He asked sweetly, as he little by little moved closer to her.

Peyton sighed heavily as her bottom lip began to quiver.

"Hey," Lucas called softly, reaching out his thumb, and stroking her cheek lovingly. "It's okay, you know? It doesn't matter how hard it is, we'll make it. I know that."

"How?" Peyton interrupted weakly.

_Now you pulled me near you  
when we're close I fear you  
still I'm afraid to tell you  
all that I've done... _

"I don't know _'How'_, but I know I love you, and I'm not afraid of that anymore," Lucas replied without a second of hesitation. "I ran on you when I should've been there for you instead. I messed up so badly, and I regret it every day. I've seen my life passing by without anything in it that matters. _You_ are all that matters, and always had, I was just so damn blind to see it." He said cocking slightly his head so that he was catching a better sight of her sparkling green eyes. "I was scared to my every bone but that's over now." He confessed strongly, although he couldn't help but crack a smile and never stop to caress Peyton's cheek with his thumb. It somehow gave him courage to say all those things that had been locked in his heart for so long.

He was definitely getting her back. That was the one and only thought running in his mind.

"I don't expect you to forgive me now; I don't expect to gain your forgiveness easy. But you...You loved me, you gave me a love I never knew I needed but I do. I need you more than I need air to live, and I just...I should have trust that love in the past, but I didn't. I didn't know how." He said shaking slightly his head. Peyton's eyes had long closed as he spoke but he knew she was listening his heart speaking, because that was exactly what was happening.

He was speaking his heart out, and for a long time he hadn't feel such amazing emotion rushing through his body.

"But I do now," He continued softly. "I now know just how big that love is, and how I can't simply live without it. I can't live without you. You..." Lucas paused, cupping now her face with both his hands tenderly.

At his actions, Peyton's eyes fluttered back open slowly. Her eyes were teary but she wasn't letting any tear fall. "You're Peyton Sawyer, you are everything I've always wanted and needed." He stated firmly. "I'm not letting you go, or giving up until you are ready to love me again. I know we can make it, simply cause my love is enough – actually, because I know _our_ love is enough."

Bending her head down Peyton started shaking it in small jerks. "I...I just can't, Luke," She said uneasily, lifting her hand up, and resting it over Lucas' still on her cheek. "I can't love you."

Lucas couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle at that one. "Good luck with that." He said simply, smiling at her.

After a few seconds, Lucas let go gently of her face, and leaned forward to the point that their foreheads were mainly resting against each other. "There are things we just can't fight Peyton." He stated softly, staring quite powerfully into her eyes. "You and I, there is nothing that can come between us anymore. Not…Not even ourselves." He said nodding, and almost laughing at how true that statement was. Over the years, they had been the main problem between them, even though the love had always been there.

He was now done with that though. Never again he'll doubt his feelings for her. "I'm ready to love you just as much as you deserve to be loved, and I know that soon, very soon if you let me say it, you are going to be ready to love me back too, and then we...We'll be together, because you wanna know something?" He asked before bending down just a bit and dropping a small kiss on the tip of her nose.

At his gesture, Peyton couldn't fight back the smile that graced her lips, so she only offered him a small nod.

"We _are_ meant to be together, that's just purely the way things are supposed to be, and will be again. I promise you that. We _need_ to be together, Peyt." Lucas stated firmly at last, as silence settled between the two of them once more.

He didn't hesitate one bit, as her eyes fell close again; he tilted his head, and moved forward slowly taking her lips on his. She stayed still for a few seconds, but just as he was about to pull away, she didn't let him, but instead kissed him back softly, but passionate at the same time too.

"I love you," Lucas whispered against her lips. He couldn't completely pull away, he didn't want to.

Peyton heaved a nervous sigh looking down as he spoke, however, only a few seconds, her eyes slowly lifted up meeting his.

_I don't care where you've fallen; where you have been,  
I'll never forsake you.  
My love never ends…it never ends._

"I love you, too."

* * *

**AN :** I don't think that conversation's over yet, so you shouldn't either! lol Next chapter is going to be a monster one so you should prepare to that one! hehe =) I hope you're not disapointed with where the story is getting - Like I tried to say at the beginning, just because Peyton ackoledges she loves him doesn't mean they are together...Doesn't mean they are not together either, it just means that, imo, none of them can't really run from their true feelings for so long...

All in all, thank you SO much for reading! & Please don't forget to let me know what you think if you can **:)**


	25. The Beginning in the End

**Chapter Twenty-Five : ****The Beginning in the End**

* * *

There are things in life that no matter how hard we try we can never have complete control over. _Love_ is one of those; we can't _tell_ our hearts who to love, and who not to. Those things, those feelings simply _happen_. Love has its own time, its own season, and mood. You never know where it is coming, or where it's going when it leaves. You cannot trick love into staying, or into going.

Love just is what it is for a reason the world has yet to figure out.

It's kind of a mystery, even for people who have _really_ love; knowing what love is and what it's really about is just too damn hard to put into words.

Then maybe the thing is into knowing how to _hold on_ to that feeling when we get it. Into know how to embrace that love when it gets to us. Deciding if we are going to take the best of it, or just not appreciate it enough because it is just..._love_?

Perhaps when – _if_ love is given to one self, then that person should do its very best to hold on to it, and not let it go.

It can be scary, it can hurt us, but in more than one-way, love is that, that gives meaning to our lives. As it does through family, or friendship, or art, or faith in others; those are all parts of that true happiness everybody seek out throughout their lifetime. People are always in the search of that '_something great'_ that can make their lives mean something and sometimes, _just sometimes_, if we are simply smart enough to see it, we find that in just the simplest things...such as love.

In the people that had remain in your heart even after years of sorrow and pain. In the people that with a simple smile make our hearts skip a beat.

Finding love, and happiness, and _allowing_ meaning to our existence can be as hard, or as easy as we decide it to be.

Sometimes it had always been there, and we just have to let it in, and embrace it.

"Pepperoni or cheese?" Lucas asked in his best cheering-up tone. His eyebrows were raised in expectancy and a true smile was spread across his face. However, it faded away all too quickly when Sammy didn't even flinch at his words. "Come on buddy, what you'd like?" He tried again, sitting in front of the boy across his kitchen counter.

Sammy stayed silent though, he was avoiding Lucas' eyes, and his arms were hugging tightly his small frame.

This was supposed to be the first night Sam would actually sleepover at Lucas' place, and he sure as hell was thrill about that. Yet, Sammy didn't seem to think so all that much.

After returning from Tree Hill, things had certainly taken a different course - it wasn't a bad one though.

Little by little Julian had move out from Peyton and Sammy's house; Peyton had been nothing short of reluctant about the idea, she hadn't like it one bit when she found Julian packing up his things only two days after coming back home. She had actually pleaded him not to go; she had said that things could go back to the way they were before they decided to be together in the first place. Julian had smiled at her but shook his head at the same time. He had argued how at the time he was okay with that because there was always the chance she was going to start seeing him as something more than just a friend. Now, as he rightly pointed out, that possibility was gone. So even though it broke his heart the fact of leaving Sammy, of leaving _her_, he'd decided to find his own place. It was close to Peyton's still; he couldn't stay away all that much even if he wanted to, but it still wasn't the same.

It wasn't lost on Lucas how much that actually affected Peyton; if well she hadn't completely open up with him that much since they came back to California; she surely went back to her old closed self after Julian's resolve.

She was rather coy around Lucas, and although they would talk, and she would give him some of those little smiles he loved so much, that was pretty much as far as she would go. They had talked a lot back in Tree Hill, both were well aware where their hearts laid, but they still knew it wasn't going to be easy.

Lucas knew that even though Peyton loved him, because she did, she had told him so, and she had showed him so with actions, that didn't mean at all she was just going take him back...

Right now she felt _guilty_. That was the one feeling Lucas could never fail to see in Peyton's eyes now. Every time she was a little bit too close to him, a rush of guilt would wash over her and she would back out with whatever excuse.

Lucas didn't waver at that though; he always, _always_ tried and succeeded to understand where she was coming.

And then there was Sammy too;_ his_ boy.

Apparently and for Lucas' surprise, Sammy had known all along how Julian wasn't his '_dad-dad'_ the same way Grandpa Larry wasn't Peyton's '_dad-dad'_ although he was in fact her father. Sam had explained Lucas how people could have all the parents they needed to have; that that was why Peyton had had two moms who loved her very much. Sam had told him how Peyton said that he was a lucky little boy because he now had two daddies who loved him.

At first, when Lucas had that conversation with Sammy he'd thought things would be all right between the two of them, Sam seemed at least _okay_ with the idea. He didn't call him dad –_not that Lucas wouldn't be glad if he did so_– but at least he had understand how Lucas was more than just a friend, but he was family.

He was his dad…_too_.

Yet, Lucas' joy had lasted until this evening. Sammy's head was bent down, and a surly frown graced his face. He hadn't say much ever since Lucas picked him up from Peyton's earlier, and even Lucas knew that wasn't a good sign. Sammy was a gabby child, he would speak everything and yet today that was different.

Sam was sad.

Lucas had never really seemed him sad before, he'd seemed him upset, but not sad. The fact that the first time it happened, had been apparently because of him, did nothing but break his heart.

"We don't have to order pizza if you don't want to," Lucas tried again, feeling a little lost at Sammy's silence. "We'll eat whatever you want buddy."

Sam stayed quiet but at least shook his head 'no' from side to side.

"You don't want pizza?" Lucas asked uncertainly. At Sammy's silence and the uneasiness that filled his tiny features, Lucas did what any other dad would have done with his four-year-old son. Without really thinking, he grabbed the boy into his arms, and gently placed him on his lap, allowing him to rest his body against his.

At first, Sammy stayed still, kind of frozen, even stiff at tad, sign Lucas didn't like one bit, but after just a few seconds, he relaxed, and rested his head comfortable against his chest. Lucas couldn't help but smile at the feel, and instinctively started rubbing small circles on the boy's back. "You can talk to me, you know?" He asked more into the air than to Sammy, but of course he was talking to his boy.

In that moment, Sam reminded him vividly of Peyton, the way he hesitated at first into trust him or not, but after just a little while, and realizing he was safe in his arms, he simply let go and snuggled just a little bit closer to his body. It was a good feeling, knowing that at last he was finally able to be there for his son.

"I know sometimes we feel as if we can't say the things we want to say, but I want you to know," Lucas said, looking down at Sammy who coyly was staring back into his same pair of blue eyes. "That you can always talk to me, I know that we hadn't known each other for that long but I'm here for you, and I love you, okay?" He asked sweetly, and a smile graced his lips when Sammy nodded.

"So," Lucas began again after a couple minutes of simply staring down to his son's features. "You wanna tell me where your mind is at, or..." He trailed off, looking up thoughtfully. Sammy giggled slightly at the goofiness that filled his expressions. Lucas laughed too, but sobered as he looked back down at the boy. "Or you can join me and eat something, cause seriously!" He said wide-eyed. "I'm starving!"

Sammy giggled for a few moments before his smile faded and he looked down, burying his head deep into Lucas' chest. "Mommy's sad," He whispered sorrowfully for Lucas' hard luck. He honestly hated how sad his boy sounded.

"Why is that, buddy?" He asked soothingly, never losing his tight hold on Sam.

"Because Daddy's no home, no more," Sam told him sadly, as he lifted up his head and looked up strongly into Lucas' eyes. "I miss him, too," He confessed somberly before snuggling back into Lucas' embrace.

Lucas took a deep breath and lifted Sammy up a little so that he could kiss fondly the top of his messy head. Today for some reason Sammy didn't have a goofy hat covering his head, Lucas couldn't help but wonder why.

In any case, hat or not hat, all of a sudden Lucas found himself out of words. Of course Sammy missed his dad, how he was suppose to understand everything that was going on between him and his mother? All he had always known was that they were his parents, and they were together, and now all of a sudden they just weren't.

This all mess wasn't easy on him, let alone on Sammy who was just a boy.

"I bet he misses you too, buddy. But you still get to see him, right?" Lucas soothed as best as he possibly could.

"Yeah," Sam replied softly starting to toy with his shirt. "He comes to dinner every night...but he's not home a lot like before, and…I…" He had to stop short as a soft sniffle got in his way breaking what was left of Lucas' heart.

"Hey," He called swallowing hard at the first tears he had _ever_ seen from Sammy. "Your Daddy loves you, okay? It doesn't matter that he's living now in another house, he's a great guy, and he's never leaving you alone, I know that much." He said reassuringly, nodding along with his words.

He might not know Julian all that well still, but the fact that he had stick with his son and Peyton for so long, although painfully, was something he valued.

Sam then hastily wiped away some tears off his chubby cheeks and matched Lucas' nodding.

"You're Daddy too," Sammy said softly after just a few seconds. He had now replaced his tears for a mischievous smirk on his face as if he was actually telling Lucas something he didn't know already.

Lucas chuckled at his sudden change of mood, but still couldn't help but feel relieved. That boy's smile was really _too_ much. "I am," He agreed simply, nodding his head.

"Mommy said you don't know how to be a Daddy yet, so _I_ gotta teach you," Sam confessed biting playfully his lower lip much alike the way Peyton still does.

Feeling like the heaviest of burdens had been taken off his shoulders; Lucas sighed feigning defeat and nodded. "Yup, I'm no good daddy still." He said shrugging, Sammy giggled from his spot on his lap. "But you're helping me, right?" He asked only half-serious, as if daring the boy.

"Sure," Sammy replied without hesitation, before twisting his lip, and looking over to the phone. "Pizza's yummy, but pizza's not all that good," He informed Lucas before bursting into laughter once again.

Lucas joined him and simply let himself be… let himself be happy in that moment with _his_ son.

* * *

"_Shhh,_" Sammy called up placing his forefinger over his lips, as he guided Lucas into his bedroom.

Lucas looked at him as serious as he could and nodded quietly. Just when they were about to order some dinner –_not pizza precisely_– Sam had confessed to Luke how his mommy had let him stay at his house only because she was sick and didn't want to pass on the bug she had to him. Lucas had nodded his head concerned, and then heard as Sammy told him his worries as well; he'd said how he didn't like his momma to be alone. Lucas had agreed immediately, and had '_suggested_' to go back to their home and take Peyton some soup so she would feel better even sooner. At his words, Sammy had agreed as fast as his little head could start nodding.

Lucas wasn't sure about how much of a good idea it was coming over unannounced, but he still had gone for it. Not so long ago Haley had told him that if he couldn't _find_ the right moment to act, he had to _create_ the moment.

Well, that was exactly what he was doing.

"Wow, you got yourself one cool room, kid!" Lucas said happily, as he stepped in for the first time in Sam's bedroom. He'd come to that house repeatedly, yet, this was the first time he'd actually been upstairs.

"It is cool!" Sam agreed nodding vigorously from the other corner of the room. He was searching for something, but Lucas couldn't figure out what for the life of him.

"Want some candy!" Sammy yelled a few seconds later responding Lucas' question as he held triumphantly a bunch of licorice sticks in his hands.

Lucas chuckled, but nodded his head. Of course he'd like some; _Sam_ was giving it to him.

"I'll go check on your mommy now and see if she's okay with us coming over, okay?" Lucas asked as he and Sammy had already settled in his play table. Lucas felt fairly uncomfortable, the chairs, the table overall were all too small for him, his legs barely fit but he still couldn't find himself caring about that. He only cared at that very moment about the fact that Sam had actually opened the doors of his room, _and_ his heart to him in more than one way. He was at last letting him in.

"Sure," Sammy replied simply, chewing goofily a mouthful of licorice. "Tell her it was _your_ idea," He somehow warned Lucas as if he thought Peyton would actually be mad at him for coming.

She had ultimately tell him it was best if he stayed with Lucas, but what was he supposed to do? Let his momma be all sick all by herself?

"Will do," Lucas replied already by the doorway. He would of course hold accountable of whatever happened to be Peyton's reaction.

In any way, of course he was hoping for the best.

Lucas then walked towards Peyton's bedroom straight away; there were like four other doors he had been tempted to sneak into, but in all honesty, his mind was completely focused in the blonde behind the door at the end of the hall. Sam had said '_sick'_, he didn't exactly explain how she was sick, it might be nothing, or it might as well be something big...Lucas _had_ to make sure.

Either way he was just about to find out. He smiled to himself when at entering the bedroom the first thing his eyes caught sight of was Peyton curled up in a ball at one side of the bed. Her face was to him, but her eyes were still tightly closed, as she hugged her legs with both her arms. She seemed peaceful though, that was more than enough reason for him to smile.

He stayed by the doorway for a good few minutes just staring at her sleeping frame; however, after a beat, he did what he was aching to do since the very first moment he put one foot inside that bedroom. He walked quietly towards the bed, and knelt in front of Peyton, tucking gently a few unruly curls behind her ear. She didn't flinch at his touch, for what he was thankful. After another few seconds of taking her in, he leaned forward and kissed the top of her head as if saying '_Hi_'.

"You smell like candy," Peyton mumbled sleepily before Lucas could even move away.

He felt rather embarrassed but still couldn't help but smile sheepishly as he pulled away and caught her sleepy eyes into his. "Hi," He greeted coyly.

"Hey," Peyton said back with a soft smile gracing on her lips.

They stayed quiet for a little while longer staring into each other's eyes until the sight became too much for Peyton, and she _had_ to look down. Lucas smiled as she started biting her bottom lip playfully. "What are you doing here?" She asked a moment later, as she brushed sleep off of her eyes with both her palms, and attempted to sit herself up a little on the bed.

Before replying, Lucas stood up from the floor as well, and sat himself shyly at the edge of the bed as Peyton motioned him to do. "We were worried about you," He replied with a small shrug of his shoulders.

"I'm…" Peyton began but a sneeze got in her way. She gasped and squeezed her eyes all too funny for Lucas not to chuckle. Still, when he did so, she couldn't not send him a playful glare, as she brushed annoyed the top of her nose. "Fine!" She added and Lucas couldn't help but keep snickering.

"We brought you soup, and Sammy said _he_ would fix us both something to eat here," Lucas explained a few seconds later, knowing already Peyton would need more than just his earlier response.

"It's okay that you came," She replied shrugging one of her shoulders. "He'll probably give you cereal, so if you don't mind kicking in some cheerios at…" She paused catching sight of the clock on top her night-stand. "9pm," She continued, looking back at Lucas. "Then I don't mind either," She said rather casually as she started standing up from the bed, and walking already into the bathroom. She didn't close the door though, but simply stood before the mirror pulling her hair up into one tall, messy ponytail.

Lucas smiled turning on the bed so he could look at her better. He was positive four months ago that very scene would have never unfold before his eyes even if he were dreaming. Those little acts were the ones that told him that maybe; just maybe if he tried hard enough, they were in fact going to be just fine.

"Sam said Julian's not living here anymore," Lucas said quietly, not wanting to ruin the moment, but knowing inside how just like Sammy, Peyton might as well need to let those feelings out of her system. He sadly saw through the mirror as the smile she was wearing faded at his words.

"It was for the best I guess, it just..." Peyton replied a few seconds later, not really looking at Lucas' face but he could still see her through the mirror.

"What?" He asked not wanting to intrude but she actually needed to talk about it.

He knew that much.

In a way Lucas _did_ get it; yes, she had Sammy, that boy was always going to be there for her, but she was still left alone in that big house -_because it was big, he knew that for sure now_- in a sense that Sammy couldn't help her with.

Then again, maybe that was why he'd come here tonight, maybe _he_ was the one that could actually help her.

"It just hurts, you know?" Peyton replied as she turned around, and at last met his eyes. Taking a deep breath, she put a smile back on her face. "Are we eating now, or what?" She somewhat dared him, smirking a bit, and actually scrunching up her nose in that _exact_ way Lucas remembered her doing once upon a time when life was _so_ much simpler.

"Sure," Lucas obliged, almost immediately standing up from the bed and walking closely behind her as they exited her bedroom. "But...Peyton…?" He called softly again as she was already walking in Sammy's bedroom direction.

Peyton stopped in her tracks at his words, and then turned around narrowing her eyes at him. The tone of his voice was what made her just a little bit scared. She knew what that tone more often than not meant.

"Why LA?" Lucas asked before Peyton had the chance to tell him to go on even when she actually didn't quite want him to do as much. "And I mean…You came back home five years ago because LA hadn't been what you expected. You opened your label back home, but then after everything that happened, you came back _here_, why…?"

Out of instinct, Peyton shook her head slightly at the question. She couldn't help herself, but deep inside she _did_ know that if the two of them were ever going to move past whatever patch they were at the moment, then at the very least she _had_ to be honest with him. And even though it was one of the hardest things she had ever had to do, she had to _learn_ how to let her guard down around him again. She already knew it wasn't going to be easy, but she had to at least try.

"I went back home thinking I'd get back something I had lost. As if by going there I was fixing a mistake I'd done with my life. But back then all I really wanted was _you_…" She admitted when her eyes for one reason or another were already glazy with tears. She couldn't even be sure why on earth she felt like crying in that moment, she just knew she did. "I had come to California because I thought I could be great at this something I love that was music, but…I failed. I couldn't do it and I always told myself it was because I could never move past you in that time, so I went back home, hoping it'll make things better, but…"

"It didn't get better. I made it all worst…" Lucas chimed in when Peyton's voice faded into the air. The two of them sighed before their eyes met and Peyton nodded her head slowly.

She moved them both to the small futon by the end of the hallway and sat down there with him in silence for a good few minutes until Lucas' hand gently reached her knee and he gave it a small squeeze Peyton had to smile at. She waited a beat, hesitating and biting slightly on her bottom lip before she simply reached out her own hand and tucked it into Lucas'. She closed her eyes and shook her head again when Lucas tightly held her hand back. She didn't even have to look at his face to know he was smiling. She didn't mind that all that much though.

"And then one day I woke up and I was pregnant. And…not _just_ pregnant, but pregnant with _your _child…" Peyton continued speaking softly after a moment. Her voice rather quiet and her eyes fixed on their intertwined hands. "I was a mess but I knew I just couldn't give up. I wasn't even doing it for myself anymore but for that baby. I had to prove to myself and to him that I _could _do it, but not just that, but that I could do it _without_ you. That I could move on with my life and be his mother and be great and that you didn't have to define who I was or what I could do or not. That's why I came back to LA. Because I _failed_ once here and I wasn't going to let that happen again. I _had_ to prove to myself that I was strong enough, and…I…I was…I _am_. You really shouldn't underestimate a pregnant hormonal me once upon a time…I was ready to take on everyone…"

"I don't underestimate you…" Lucas agreed sincerely; he smiled at her a bit because Peyton was sheepishly smiling herself too. "You always get what you want…You're stubborn like that–"

"Hey! I'm _willful _like that…" Peyton corrected him smirking before she let out one those perfects chuckles Lucas couldn't help but love. He ran his thumb tenderly over her knuckles and waited in silence for a beat, knowing better than to chime in right now. She wasn't finished quite yet. "I never meant to drag Julian into all of this or…replace you in Sammy's eyes," She told him solemnly once she shifted her eyes up, and met Lucas'. "But I couldn't have done it alone. I needed someone…God, I...I...Lucas, I needed you…" The words were heavy in her mouth yet she knew she _had_ to say them aloud if only just that one time. Her head bowed, and so did Lucas'; their hands however, never really part ways from each other's.

"I know…" Lucas said softly and it was just that one word enough to have Peyton staring into his eyes strongly again with those glistered emerald ones of hers.

"Then how could you just…look the other way?" She asked him honestly and without really thinking; the question just formed in her mouth and she felt as though she _had_ to utter the words, so she did.

She was being as honest as she could be; not just with Lucas, but with herself, and…it was hard. Open up to someone you know you can't really, completely trust cannot be easy.

And it wasn't.

Sure, he was here _now_. He was doing and saying all the right things and Peyton didn't have the slightest doubts that he loved her now just as much as she knew _she_ loved him.

But…He had also loved her that night when he proposed to her back in that hotel room in LA. That night Lucas actually promised her how much he loved her and how his life without her wasn't what he wanted…and yet, the next morning, when he walked away, that love didn't seem to matter anymore - if at all. That was why it was hard for her. Because she wanted, more than anything else in the world, to be able to look into his eyes and be _completely_ sure she was looking at the love of her life. At the man that could never, not ever, break her heart again.

But to that day she still couldn't do that, and in all honesty, that was by far the hardest part for her right now. The struggle to trust in him again.

"I don't know,"

"Then what made you come back?" Peyton's question was fast to form one more time because in truth, something, honestly_, something_ must had happened so after five whole years he decided to reach out to her again.

Then again, after her question was out, Lucas stayed quiet much longer than Peyton considered enough. She sighed deeply and out of the corner of her eye, she saw the way Lucas' head stayed bow while hers was up. That was shame. Shame she wasn't used to see in him but more often than not, in all honesty, in herself and never before in Lucas. "Hey," She called unable not to sound sweet as she shifted around slightly, and with one of her hands, cupped gently his cheek so that she could see right into those icy blue eyes of his. "I _do_ want to make this work, Luke, you know that…" Her voice was so gentle and warm that at her few words Lucas could already feel the salty tears forming in the corners of _his_ eyes. She honestly was the _one_ person in the world that could make him feel _so_ much, in what seemingly was a split second.

He still only nodded his head after a beat. She was trying and trying hard to do as she told him she wanted. Lucas knew that. That and the fact that she loved him –because she did– were the few things Lucas ached to hold on to _every_ single day.

"I do…but I can't just magically pretend the last few years never happened. I can't make myself believe everything's forgiven just because my heart wants you…" The admission wasn't to take lightly and in any way Peyton said it so it was.

Only a couple of minutes of silence passed between them before Peyton's features softened a tad and with one of those sad, half smiles she looked over at Lucas. "Sammy was born and I swore to myself to be the very best me I could possibly be for _him_…because he deserved as much and because…" There was one more time a huge lump in her throat as she tried to go on. It was painful mainly…more-so than she thought it was, but it was nonetheless. "Because you weren't there. Because you turned your back on him and I could _never_ let _my_ son grow up in a world thinking he wasn't the most amazing little boy, because you wanna know something? He is. He has been ever since that stupid little white stick turned pink on me even though I couldn't see it back then…Even when you could never see it…"

"Peyt…"

Peyton simply shook her head shifting her eyes down for a moment and out of sheer instinct, giving Lucas' hand a small squeeze. "You know what I mean," She told him simply, rather delicately, and one-hundred-percent sincerely. "I do love you, Luke. You are the boy I've loved ever since I was sixteen. For better or for worse, you _are_ the father of my son. That's why you should understand, I love you, I probably always will, but I love that boy more. I have to think in him first before doing anything. I have and would _always_ put him before me. Before you. You and I…Sammy comes before that _any_ day." She told him quite strongly even though her features stayed soft and though she meant what she said, she wasn't quite patronizing him…She really just needed him to understand before the two of them could even think in an _"us"_ again.

"Seven days ago his Dad moved out of here. Seven days ago, _I_ was the reason why the little world he knew got shaken. I _need_ to make sure this isn't going to hurt him before I get to think more in...you…and me, and life and…all of it," She explained him kindly and as nicely as she could sound. She really didn't want him to think she didn't want him, she did, she knew that, but…it was just hard. "But having that…it just isn't going to happen overnight, Luke. That is not going to happen only because you told me you love me and that we were going to be okay. In fact, I _know_ we are…" She said with that now even foreign glint of hope flickering in her eyes Lucas so desperately needed to see in that moment.

There was definitely a 'but' in the end of that sentence though.

"…But it's going to take some time to get to that place where you and I…You know, could try to be together again. And…it's not because I don't love you or think you don't love me, I do know that." She promised when with both her hands, she helped him lift up his face so their eyes were aligned. She got their faces so close from each other, that Lucas almost smiled at the familiar tickling her nose brushing against his always caused on him. "I do, but it is just hard, _really_ hard for me to trust you and believe that you are not going to disappear tomorrow just because I'm telling you all this…"

"Peyton I'm not going anywhere. Not now. Not ever."

"And I wanna believe that…"

"But it all comes down to trust." Lucas filled in for her before the words were even completely out of her mouth. In response, Peyton could only nod her head slightly, and one more time, heave a sigh. "I get that," Lucas told her honestly after a beat; his voice was a tad solemn but he honestly was not all that surprised by her words. He already knew it wasn't going to be easy at all. He knew that, he expected that. Hoping otherwise, expecting them to be the same Lucas and Peyton they hadn't be in at least eight years, was far too naïve even for Lucas to believe.

Lucas did mean what he said though; he wasn't going anywhere.

"Trust…and time…" Peyton couldn't help but add. Once upon a time, back when she hadn't been feeling the slightest bit hopeful about their relationship, it had all come down to _time_ more-so than just trust. She had always been able to trust Lucas Scott more than she trusted anyone else…until she just couldn't. She once asked him, almost pleaded him for just _one_ more year. To wait for her one more year and he couldn't. If something was ever bound to happen between them again, then one more time, the one thing she asked of him was _time_.

At her words anyway, Lucas couldn't help but curl his fingers even tighter around hers. He bent down his head a bit and at the same time lifted her hand slowly until his lips and her knuckles met enough for him to brush that soft, almost perfect kiss against her warm skin.

"You know you are just scared though…" Lucas offered his 'guess' gently as Peyton met his eyes before nodding her head slightly.

She hadn't been lying at all as she talked to him that evening. Underneath all of her reasons however, there was _fear_. Fear to put herself and her heart out there only to get burned again. Plain and raw fear.

"You should also know then that I _will _wait for you." One more time, at his words, Peyton only nodded her head with a soft smile on her face. She actually did not know, but only God knew how badly she wanted to. "…Because I love you…"

This time around, at that latter part, she didn't just smile but also let out a soft chuckle as he spoke.

"But I still just don't want you to make this all that much harder than it already is…"

"I know," Peyton told him simply; uttering the first words she'd spoken in quite some time already. She felt as though however, that this time, she _had_ to indeed say the words, because Lucas in fact hadn't been wrong. Unlike him perhaps, she was still an expert making something as true and "simple" as loving him a tangled mess with no beginning nor end.

Just like Lucas did anyway; she didn't want to make this harder. Not this time.

"Don't talk to me like that though." Peyton noted only a moment later when realization hit her and reality set in one more time. Her tone was much more playful now and in only seconds, the air in that room became far too lighter again.

"Like what?" Lucas asked back through squinted eyes even when letting out a chuckle was pretty much something he _needed _to do.

He was able to hold it back though – at least for as long as she elaborated.

"As if you knew me so damn well," Peyton retorted playfully with a genuine chuckle of her very own. Lucas on the other hand however, didn't laugh as he thought he would. He instead offered her a knowing look. "It's been forever, you know?" She tried somewhat nervously with a shrug of her shoulders. "We both have changed, we are two complete different people to the ones we once were. What honestly still makes you believe we can make it as a couple?"

Lucas only stared at her for a good moment. Peyton couldn't blame him though; she had asked a question deep inside she really didn't mean.

"I just know,"

At that, it was Peyton's turn to stay quiet. She kind of _did _know too.

Peyton actually had wanted to tell him something more; anything really, probably tease him a little bit more to break the sudden tension that one more time had formed in the air, but before she could do anything she willed, one small chuckle coming from the other end of the hallway, caught both their attentions before she could utter a single word.

"I thought I'd heard you two talking…"

Peyton couldn't help but smile at the sight of Sammy and his scrunched up face. "And I thought you were sleeping over at Luke's tonight…" Peyton encountered back playfully staring quite strongly into her son's baby blue eyes.

Sammy looked busted for a few seconds before he sheepishly grinned and shrugged his shoulders. "Luke was_ so_ worried for you, mama," He told his mom, shaking his head seriously, as he moved closer to the futon both Lucas and Peyton still were sitting on. "We _had_ to come," Sam told her as he quite skillfully crawled his way into Peyton's lap. "You mad?" He asked her coyly before Peyton could tell him something in return.

In any case, at first, she didn't quite reply with her words but simply kissed fondly his messy head and after a beat, shook her head. "Of course not," She reassured Sammy with a smile before kissing the tip of his nose only because she felt like it.

Sammy giggled and nuzzled his nose against Peyton's before he snuggled against her chest and turned around slightly to catch sight of Lucas too now. "I'm sorry I busted you," He told Lucas rather seriously as if the idea of coming over had actually been his. Sammy stayed serious for a little while longer looking into his same pair of piercing blue eyes before he just simply couldn't help himself and after only a few seconds, he cracked a smile and chuckled again.

"It's okay Sammy; I was actually _really_ worried about your Momma." Lucas told him back playfully –although _not_ lying, as he too tapped his son's nose with his forefinger.

Sammy let out a perfect fit of chuckles as he burrowed his head in the crook of Peyton's neck in an attempt not to be too loud.

Lucas then couldn't help but chuckle too and shake a tad his head at the actually surreal feeling having the two of them –_just_ them– with him in that moment.

It was just one of those raw _incredible_ feelings.

"We should probably go feed this little monster something or else..._you_'d deal with him tomorrow when he wakes up all cranky because he didn't get enough sleep since dinner's taking so long…" Peyton said looking at Lucas right in the eyes. She was only half-serious, which meant she was also only half-playfully, which for one reason or another, Lucas found in that quite a nice feeling even though he couldn't explain why to himself.

Probably it was simply because he _was_ in fact in their lives now. He was _part_ of that and he couldn't deny, even if he wanted, how good that felt.

"Hey! But_ I_ will make it for you!" Sammy cried as Peyton was already getting up from the sofa and walking her way down the hall with the boy in her arms, and Lucas following closely beside them. "You're sick!" He reminded her needlessly with a giggle.

Peyton chuckled at him as she_ too_ rolled her eyes playfully at his words. It still didn't take her more than a minute to nod her head in his direction. "You'll make it, all right…" She agreed mockingly making both boys laugh.

Lucas allowed Peyton and Sam to walk down the stairs before him, yet the very moment they reached the first storey and he saw the two of them still laughing, he couldn't stop himself. "Hey Peyt…" She didn't respond, but simply turned her head around at Lucas' words, and stared at his eyes with a genuine smile still gracing her face. "Thank you…" Lucas told her simply, and even though Peyton _did_ hold them in the moment for a few seconds when she didn't look away from him, everything she did in response, was shrug her shoulders and never really stop smiling at him.

And in truth, that was more than just enough for Lucas. All he cared was that she did know what he meant with that '_Thank you'_ – He meant it all.

They then ate dinner together, for a stranger who happened to see them, it might as well looked like as if they were having dinner together as a _family_. Throughout the cheerios and ice-cream meal, Sammy kept throwing witty comments every now and again that would of course make them both laugh sincerely.

From time to time, more often than not however, he would also say some things that would make the air in the room become a bit tense and heavy, but then again, there wasn't anything more effective than Peyton's sneezes to break whatever tension that might have formed between them after Sammy's not-so-appropriated words.

"I feel it, you know?" Lucas said quietly as he and Peyton tucked in an already soundly asleep Sammy under the covers.

Peyton smiled turning around so that she could catch sight of Lucas' eyes. "What exactly?" She spoke softly, not wanting to wake up her boy.

"That feeling people talk about, but that..." Lucas began, but paused looking down as if searching for just the right words. "But not until I met Sammy I didn't know if it was real or not. He's you and he's me, and I...I'm his Dad," He said, strongly looking into Peyton's eyes. The warm smile she was wearing was doing the best of jobs warming his heart.

Peyton nodded as she looked down caressing lovingly one of Sam's cheeks with her thumb. "He'll grow to love you, I actually bet he already does," She stated softly offering him a shy wink.

Lucas smiled and nodded along with her.

A few minutes later, after Peyton had finished settling the boy comfortable at his side of the bed and had said properly her '_Goodnights_', the two of them stepped outside of the room...quietly, but both were still wearing content smiles.

"I should..." Lucas began breaking the comfortable silence that had settled between the two of them as they walked downstairs. He didn't want to go, of course not, but she was still obviously sick, and he felt as though he needed to let her rest. "Go now," He added, gesturing her towards the front door. "I...um, I– _Actually_, can I call you tomorrow?" He asked rather wittily raising both his eyebrows playfully.

Peyton shook her head, but without warning, a small chuckle left her throat. She couldn't even form the words to respond to him, so she just shrugged her shoulders trying like hell to seem nonchalant.

In any case, she failed for Lucas' delight. "Then I just will," He retorted childishly, smirking in her direction.

"Whatever," Peyton replied blushing slightly. At the warm feel on her cheeks, she shook her head and looked away rolling her eyes.

Soon after, she had to close her eyes tightly as she felt Lucas placing both his hands over her shoulders, and leaned closer to her ear. It was a familiar feeling, much alike the one she felt '_that night'_ before he disappeared from her life, and yet, this time it was different, she knew that much.

It was actually the complete opposite. She felt close to him, to his heart, and to everything that he'd always meant in her life.

"I love you," Lucas whispered right into her ear causing a cold shiver to run all the way through her spine. His voice was soft, yet powerful, and sweet all at the same time. Most important it carried so much sincerity, that the feeling alone made of turning around in his arms the most natural and _right_ thing to do.

Their bodies were fairly close to one another's, without her noticing it, his hands had made its way down to her waist, and she was gently pressed against his body. She smiled coyly looking up at him, before swallowing hard. "I guess it is okay if you call," She told him without really thinking, the words simply slipping out of her lips.

Lucas smiled and nodded his head as he leaned forward and rested his forehead on hers. "I'd like that," He said simply taking in everything that those little words meant.

He knew the road they had ahead wasn't going to be easy, there was a lot he had to make up for, but at the same time, he also knew that as long as their feelings were as strong as they had _always_ been, then they were going to make it.

They were simply meant to make it and he knew it. This was just the beginning...again.

* * *

**AN : **Okay, so this is what is going to happen...We just got ourselves this monster-like chapter AND I'm almost done now writing the Epilogue to this story (which given length I'm not sure if it's going to be a one or two parter) YET, the important part is that I'm twisting a little bit now the way the story is going to be told. To be honest, I took quite seriously the comment I did about writing a whole other fic with Lucas "gaining" Peyton back; so that is kind of what I'll do. The next chapter(s) you'll get the _resolve_. How things turned out to be in the end for these two(+Sam) AND, in an 'extra-flashback' 3-4parter I'll post soon, you will read just HOW they got to the place they got in the epilogue. Did that make any sense at all? Does the title of this chapter makes any sense for you? **"The Beginning in the End"** anyone? lol I'm kidding, yet that is how is going to happen...Let me know what you think, AND, of course, what you thought of this one.

This time, Peyton was the one who did the talking, and I'm really hoping she didn't feel too ooc lol =) Thanks so much for reading!

**PS :** HUGE shout-out to Joann aka **"BecauseYourMine "** Who in truth, was the mastermind behind me actually deciding what in the world to do with this fic. **THANK YOU** **:)**


	26. Never Say Never I

**Author's Note : Hellooo! **I probably shouldn't be here, probably should be somewhere getting ready for finals next week, but what are you going to do? I was totally feeling this story and I think I finally decided how the "Epilogue" {aka THIS} is going to work.

So in the end, over 20.000words Epilogue meant a 4-parter Epilogue. TODAY is the first part and I will be updating the rest every other day giving you all a little time to read properly through each chapter. See it as you will, in my eyes, you are getting a mini-"ME" marathon for the next few days.

There were a lot of ideas as to how I wanted to "reach" Peyton & Lucas' still unsolved issues {even when they worked through most issues and managed to stay together} and well, in the end I chose an "easy", kind of predictable road YET (at least in my opinion) it was still a pretty good way to access all these feelings they might as well "buried" over the years in the name of "working their relationship up".

All in all, the epilogue is not nearly as confusing as this ANs is, so go on and read, but please be kind with me heehee!

The Epilogue takes place around 5years after last chapter and the song throughout the whole thing is **"Never Say Never"** by _TheFray_. (YES, Wonderful song by those guys! No one else!) & By the way, did you hear HBurton said she'll never say never either to OneTreeHill? lol -It's naïve but to be honest, I still carry hope I'll have- at least for a couple of episodes, Lucas&Peyton (& Sawyer) back...One can dream, right? lol

Anyways, I'll leave you to this chapter now. Please enjoy and let me know what you think :D

"**Always On Your Side" Epilogue : Never Say Never (I)**

* * *

_Some things we don't talk about,  
rather do without & just hold the smile…  
Falling, in and out of love; ashamed and proud of  
Together all the while… _

If you had seen her a few weeks ago, perhaps even one month ago, she had certainly been a complete different person. At least, work-wise talking, although in her personal life too…even though she was the only one who was aware of that for now.

Her life had been into an _almost_ perfect groove; she knew what she had to do and she simply did it. Nothing was forced and things simply felt right most of the times. Her son was happy, her significant other was happy, _she_ was happy – she still was, in a way more than before, but things just weren't as black and white anymore.

A few weeks back, she had been getting things accomplished at work in record time, there was no pile of work she couldn't deal with; things were just _easier_ back then. That one was actually the word that she could certainly use to describe her life a few weeks ago and her life right now. Everything was _easier_ back then. Now her mind was constantly filled with thoughts she honestly thought once she wouldn't ever have to think about, and yet, now that she was indeed _forced _to think about them, Peyton couldn't help but curse at herself for stubbornly thinking she never would have.

Right now, she had been reduced to the annoyingly uncomfortable sofa at the end of her office at work. She never liked that thing. She hadn't even picked it herself – that ought to be the reason of the dislike actually. But in any case, the thing was just uncomfortable as hell. She had hardly ever before used it to actually lay down on it, now however, even though she hated the fact tremendously, she couldn't envision herself in any other place.

What annoyed her the most in that very instant anyway, was the ever-growing pile of paperwork accumulating on top of her desk. It was certainly an understatement to say she hadn't been able to set her mind into working for the past few days.

Everything just seemed so out of the blue, really.

Then again, on the other hand, she, in her right mind, couldn't deny she didn't have all these _other_ appealing little things to help her forget about her own dramas for a while. Even, if it was for a rather small while; it still helped.

"You really shouldn't be looking at me that way. It's not as if I'm talking nonsense and you know I'm right! She just doesn't sit right to me."

Peyton was right; at the very least, she honestly thought she was. And yet, for the last half an hour or so, she had been treated as a mental-case only because she wasn't sure about that…girl. She couldn't and didn't want to help herself, she wanted to be right because deep inside she knew she was.

Why couldn't she just see it?

"She's _perfectly fine_, and I'm pretty sure, you do know that just as much as I do." Claire, Peyton's assistant, retorted Peyton's comment seriously and offering the blonde a nod of her head as if for more emphasis. "I know that and I've only met her once!" She added somewhat exasperated at Peyton's dammed stubbornness.

"Exactly!" Peyton noted seriously without missing a beat. She was trying to make a point, and certainly, she was just given the reason why. "You don't know her enough–"

"Oh, and you do?"

"I do!" Peyton corrected pointedly. She might be feeling like crap –_because, oh boy, did she_– but that didn't mean she was weak enough not to try to make her point. "I've seen just enough of her thank you very much. I just don't think she's good enough for him."

At that latter part of her statement, Peyton received one of those looks that pretty much told her what she already knew; she wasn't one to actually mind who was or who was not good enough for Julian anymore.

"You know–"

"I don't care what you are gonna say. Whatever it is, I'm sure you've already told it to me. And no, I'm not jealous, I just care for him, and that, you _do_ know." Peyton interrupted strongly – not really angrily, but yes, a tad too seriously. That wasn't something that was up for discussion – not now, not ever. So Julian was important to her? That was no secret and never would be. She really just_ cared_ for him. "And anyway, you _should_ take my side, you know? Even more now. You are _my_ friend – hell, I am your boss. I can fire you!"

"As if,"

Peyton's jaw dropped at her _darn_ cocky assistant, yet she couldn't hold her comment against her either. Truth be told, not in a million years she would think of firing Claire as a good idea. Not at all. When the better part of your 'family' lives across the country, or out at sea, you learn to grow to love those who are with you pretty much every day of every year for the last ten years or so of your life.

"I still think Julian can do better than that...Juliet girl whatever," Peyton added in spite of everything after a moment. She rolled her eyes at Claire's knowing face and grunted dramatically as she burrowed her face on the small pillow beneath her.

"Not better?" Claire tried even when she knew better. Her hand traveled to rest on the small of Peyton's back, and even though she knew it wouldn't help, she stroked it slightly. To be honest, Peyton was quite miserable and anything she would do –or not, would be in vain anyway.

"No…" Peyton whispered annoyingly, yet a tad_ too_ softly. She didn't lift up her face from the pillow yet she did sigh. It wasn't supposed to be so hard. "It should get better after a while – or at the very least _I_ should grow used to it or something," She said as a pretty pathetic explanation as her head shifted and she met Claire's eyes. "Anything _but_ this," She added with a faint chuckle the two of them shared.

After a beat, Peyton's eyes rolled again at the sound of heels clicking its way into her office – she really wasn't annoyed per se though. She kind of just wasn't in the mood for visitors right about now.

"Anything but what?" Brooke called as she entered the office, yet she paused mid-way at the sight of her alleged hard-working best friend laying over her stomach in that pretty lousy couch – or at least that was what she thought. "You look like crap,"

"Thank you!" Peyton called sarcastically as she one more time, rolled her eyes from her spot. She didn't even do an attempt to get up from the couch– as lousy as she was still feeling herself; the frigging sofa was at last becoming less uncomfortable.

Claire getting up from the floor beside her, caught Peyton's eyes for a while as the petite blonde sent her direction a small smile as if for courage – or maybe even luck, who could be sure, really? All Peyton knew was that she had to smile back at her as she also nodded her head in quiet assent as Claire started walking in Brooke's direction and out of the office. "I'll try to get you something," Claire called already from the doorway. "And I'll call the band – You said–"

"Thursday, Thursday, I promise I'll get it all done by _Thursday_," Peyton called rather urgently before Claire could finish saying the words. She honestly needed to get her mojo back; she really did.

"And Sammy…?"

"_I _will pick him up today too." Peyton answered, and so, after nodding her head and offering Brooke a small, polite smile, Claire stepped at last out of the office. "I really don't care what he says; I actually like getting there a bit earlier so I can catch him still playing some ball…" Peyton noted sweetly after a moment as Brooke started walking further into her office.

The brunette couldn't help but smile in Peyton's direction with her nose squished up playfully and all. She actually also was a pretty big fan of Sammy and his soccer games. The boy was actually good; though of course, a little shy as to actually liking to show off in front of his family – _especially_ Peyton for some reason.

"You seriously do look like crap though." Brooke pointed out _apologetically_, yet not doing much so Peyton wouldn't glare at her for telling her –one more time, what she already knew. "What was that that you ate anyway?" She asked as she put down her purse on top of Peyton's desk, and coat on the back of one chair.

At the question however, Peyton smiled softly as she shook her head incredulously. "Nothing," She replied after a beat or two. She sighed fairly heavily with her eyes closed before at last; she got up of that sofa.

"Then wh–"

"It's more like I'm pregnant," Peyton let on trying like hell to sound nonchalant before Brooke could ask anything more. To be honest, the words felt far too strange on her mouth. She was trying them out. Brooke was after all in fact the first person Peyton was actually _telling _the news to.

When maybe twenty whole seconds passed by and Peyton didn't get any response from Brooke, she shifted up her head slightly as she pulled her hair into a ponytail and stared at Brooke pointedly with her eyebrows a little raised. "Are you really _that_ surprised?" She asked with a faint chuckle, when in all honesty, Brooke couldn't say anything back for another few seconds.

At last, the brunette laughed and smiled far too sincerely as her eyes locked with Peyton's. "No," She replied still with that oh-so bright smile on her face. "I mean, yes, yeah I am, after all you–"

"I know what I said," Peyton interrupted one more time. This time however, a whole lot more softly, and with a small shrug of her shoulders.

"It's a good thing though, right?" Brooke tried asking without missing beat. Her voice then carried a little apprehensively, but that wasn't in fact much needed.

"Oh no, yeah, of course it is," Peyton replied a tad too urgently not wanting Brooke to think as she honestly shouldn't.

"Oh…okay…good," Brooke said back thoughtfully before that silly smile found its way to her lips again. "You're pregnant…" She echoed rather happily – yet softly enough, before at last she felt as though it was okay to move closer to Peyton in the couch, and hug her best friend _oh-so_ very tightly. "Oh my God," Brooke breathed into her ear, and even though Peyton couldn't help but smile, _sincerely_ at that, all she could get out was a soft _"Yeah"_ in response.

All things considered, even though _she_ had known it for a while, she hadn't quite yet wrapped her head around the idea.

"Okay now…Spill the beans, what did Lucas had to say?" Brooke asked after a while, as she had already pulled back from Peyton and the two of them had sat one beside the other on the couch.

Peyton however, squished up her nose and twisted her lips instead of saying something back at all.

"You haven't told him yet? How long had you know anyway?" Brooke asked one more time; the urgency in her voice was there, and even though she wasn't Lucas' number one fan at all – she actually wasn't fan of him at all period, given he was the father – because he ought to be, or at least, Brooke assumed he was, he had to know the news too, right?

"A while," Peyton replied quietly after a moment. Brooke eyes widened a tad more, and after rolling her own, Peyton shrugged her shoulders. "I just hadn't found the right time to tell him yet. It's hard to bring that kind of stuff up, you know? – _Plus_, he _is_ touring," Peyton encountered before Brooke could tell her how a new baby really wasn't that hard to bring up. Especially, not with the father of said baby.

"How long had you know?" Brooke asked one more time; this time she was actually serious, and that part, Peyton actually found annoying. Brooke didn't even like Lucas that much; let alone cared for what he knew or not, yet here they were.

"Three weeks…A little bit more than that–"

"Peyton…"

"I know, all right, I do." Peyton said back shaking her head. She was struggling enough not knowing why in hell she hadn't tell him just yet, but now actually explaining herself to Brooke wasn't helping at all either. "I just don't know _how _to tell him. And it's not just Luke, but Sam too, and that…after everything that happened with them, I just don't want to bring up more things that can mess everything even more…" She struggled to explain as her face fell and her hands reached up to stroke her temple.

Brooke sighed heavily before she reached out, and pulled Peyton to her side for yet another tight hug. "I know that honey, but you have to. He deserves to know, you know that,"

Peyton barely nodded her head before she began feeling tears forming in the corners of her eyes. She really didn't know why she wanted to cry; she did feel overwhelmed but she'd rather blame it all on the damn hormones that were already taking a toll on her body.

She still didn't let herself cry though. She just settled with breathing in deeply every so often, and finding comfort in Brooke's embrace for a little while longer.

"You told me he was getting here on Friday, I'm flying out that day too, but if you need me here or something I could…"

Peyton simply shook her head as she pulled back from Brooke so that their eyes could meet. "I know I have to tell him, I _want_ to, he…he'll be so happy," Peyton explained softly; if one thing she knew, was how Lucas was in fact going to like –if not _love_ the news. Once upon a time when _she_ told she didn't want to have more children, he had looked just so sad that for some time she had felt herself rather selfish with that decision, that ultimately, hadn't been hers to take after all.

"But I'm just scared I guess…"

"About the baby?" Brooke tried, but to be honest, she was indeed a little lost. Not that she had been pleased, but for over four years, her best friend and Lucas had had a pretty much steady relationship – somewhat bumpy, but the love had always been there anyway.

"No, not really," Peyton said back, and that hint of solemnness in her voice didn't go unnoticed by Brooke. "Sam's getting old. He understands pretty much everything that happens around him now; with me, with Luke…with Julian. I don't doubt for one second Lucas is going to want to be as involve as he can get with this baby from the start, and I guess…" Her voice cracked and Peyton had to close her eyes and breathe deeply before she could carry on. "I guess I'm just afraid what that'll do to Sammy. He loves Lucas, he _adores_ him, but when it comes down to make him understand why Lucas wasn't with him from the start, we both always fell short with that…"

"Oh, Peyton…" Brooke uttered unable not to carry worriedly. Her lips twisted uneasily, yet Peyton managed a small smile in her direction.

"I know it's going to work out in the end, I just wish we could just leave the past to rest one of these days for once and for all…"

With that last statement lingering in the air, Peyton got up from the sofa, and couldn't help but gasp at the dizzy feeling that washed over her for standing up so fast. "Fuck," She cursed, this time, not even trying not to sound angrily. That part, she was indeed hating. She honestly didn't remember all being so hard with Sammy, but then again, that had been almost eleven years ago.

"You're okay," Brooke assured her with a small chuckle she couldn't help. She rose to her feet as well, and stood by Peyton's side keeping her hands at both her sides until the blonde felt steady enough to walk her way to her desk alone. "You know you'd love anyway that little one _so_ much, right?" Brooke noted after a moment in spite of Peyton's obvious annoyance.

And at that, Peyton couldn't help either the dorky smile that crept to her lips at Brooke's words. Of course she would love him, she already did. "Yeah," She breathed simply as one more time, she attempted to fix a little that tangled mess that her ponytail was.

When her arms lifted anyway, and her shirt slightly rose up too, Brooke was fairly surprised to see that small bump she had missed for the whole week she had been staying with Peyton down there in California. "How far along are you anyway?" Brooke didn't even think the question, the words just formed and slipped out of her mouth. For all she'd assumed, Peyton wasn't more than just a few weeks into her pregnancy. Apparently, the brunette had been wrong though.

Peyton looked far too baffled for a moment as she struggled to figure out why in the world that question had came out so suddenly. However, it only took her a few seconds to follow Brooke's eyes. "Oh," She let out goofily when her own eyes traveled down too to her _slightly_ exposed teeny baby bump. "Hmm…" Peyton muttered as she one more time scrunched up her face; she honestly already knew she'd done wrong keeping this from Lucas for so long. Brooke was certainly making her feel worse and more-so, _guiltier_.

"Peyton!"

"Eleven weeks." She responded rapidly then, keeping her stare steadily on Brooke. She felt ashamed, hell yes she did, but it wasn't shame towards Brooke; not at all, Lucas – Lucas was who was in her mind in that very instant.

"That's almost three months…" Brooke said aloud even though it was obvious she was simply thinking aloud as she did the math in her head. "Lucas has been away for–"

"Five weeks; this one is the sixth he's been away…" Peyton interrupted when the answer to that non-question just slipped out of her mouth.

"But he has _not_ been away the solid six weeks, has he?" Brooke asked even though she already knew the answer. Lucas had been booked almost four months ago for an eight-weeks-tour around the country, yet there hadn't been a way he would have been away from Peyton and Sammy for so long. As far as Brooke knew, he'd come home more than a couple of times already, and still, Peyton hadn't told him about that baby of theirs yet. "How have you been able to keep this from him? Lucas is a lot of things, but it's not as if he's also blind, Peyton!" Brooke stressed feeling far too lost, as she fixed one more time her eyes in Peyton's small – yet, of course noticeable bulge on her stomach.

"I swear to God Brooke that you couldn't have been able to tell if I hadn't told you I was pregnant in the first place. I'm pretty sure you would have thought instead that I was _fat_ and had kept your mouth _shut _instead of pointing it out!" Peyton cried from her spot, unable not to get defensive at Brooke's words. She was judging her; she was jumping to conclusions when she honestly didn't know the whole story and that simply wasn't fair. At least Peyton really didn't think so. "And it's not as if I planned any of this, so don't look at me that way as if I was a monster for not telling Luke yet. Yes, we'd seen each other a few times since he's been on tour, but…" The moment her voice trailed off and her defenses fell; Brooke couldn't help but feel a little worried for her again.

Granted, she had messed up a little accusing Peyton _oh-so_ bluntly, but in truth, she was just lost as hell as to how she had 'hid it'. Peyton had been wrong; that bump was certainly a _baby_ bump. Lucas was her partner for Heaven's sake, it was hard for Brooke to believe how he being there he had also missed her body changing oh-so much. "But what…?"

Peyton stared uneasily into Brooke's eyes for a good moment before she took in a shaky breath and shook her head. "But it's not as if we have…you know? Been really together…" She said a tad uncomfortably with a shrug of her shoulders.

Brooke's mouth opened a little bit at that even though it kind of did make sense; if Lucas hadn't _see_ her, then it was more understandable he hadn't notice. "But why?"

"I don't know," Peyton then didn't miss a beat to reply; she honestly didn't know why she couldn't let him touch her either. "I learned about the baby right after he left a month ago. I'd thought I could be pregnant for a few days before that, but I didn't want to think or say anything until I could be sure. Things are _great_ between us, but…"

"Things were rocky between him and Sam before he left…" Brooke chimed in when Peyton's voice faded solemnly into the air. Perhaps now she was _actually_ understanding where exactly Peyton was coming.

"Yeah…" Peyton breathed simply as she let her eyes flutter shut, and out of mere instinct, her right hand lifted up to lightly rest upon her tiny stomach. "It's been just hard all together." Peyton told Brooke after a good moment of silence. "But I still think Luke giving Sammy some time helped. He's missed his Dad more than he would ever admit these last few weeks. He's been genuinely happy every time Luke comes home for the weekend, so…I don't know; I just really, _really _want to believe things are going to be okay and that this is not going to make things worse between them…"

"It's not," Brooke reassured Peyton even though she very much knew she wasn't the person from whom Peyton needed to hear those words.

Brooke said them anyway, and Peyton found herself smiling softly and nodding her head a tad as she spoke; she actually hoped so. If she was one to be completely honest with herself, she hadn't realized just how bad what she'd done was until Brooke so pointedly stressed it. She should have told Lucas already; of course she had, but it honestly wasn't so easy anyway.

_You can never say never,  
While we don't know when.  
But time and time again…  
Younger now than we were before_

* * *

**AN : **What do you say? There was no Lucas in this chapter, but _you know_ we will get to him sooner rather than later, so...if you have any thoughts about this first part of the Epilogue, I'd just love to hear them! :D


	27. Never Say Never II

**Author's Note : **Thank you so much for coming back! I didn't know if you would since it had indeed been a while since I last updated, but oh well...Thanks! I still need to reply to your reviews (I want to- will do) but since I wanted to keep my word, here's the second part of the epilogue already. Just for what it's worth, despite what happens in this chapter, we will still get a small glimpse of the -most- recent time when things weren't as "pretty" between the three of them- i.e. between Lucas and Sam hehehe! But that's the next chapter. Enjoy this one for now and thank you again SO much for coming back and read! :)

"**Always On Your Side" Epilogue : Never Say Never (II)**

* * *

"Stop pouting and just deal with the fact that I _am_ your mom and that I _am_ proud of you kid."

The two of them froze right outside the doorway and stared at each other for a good while until Sam narrowed his eyes and shook his head. "I'm not pouting," He corrected his mom seriously even though Peyton could already hear in his voice that silly smile that so badly wanted to creep the way to his lips.

He was _definitely_ pouting.

"Sure you are not," Peyton granted laughing slightly as she opened the front door to their home so the two of them could walk in.

Sammy stared at her for a bit longer before he chuckled too and entered the house before Peyton. "I guess I just don't get it. You're the only mom who likes to see _practices_…?"

Peyton looked over at him with a soft expression on her face; she honestly couldn't blame the boy. No one could argue their parents when they went to see their children's actual games, but perhaps the practices were a little too much. She never thought she'd be the kind of mom that liked – _loved_, every single thing her child did, but in all honesty, she couldn't help herself when it was about that young boy before her eyes. She loved him more than words could express, and well yes, that sometimes meant she liked to see him play, even, when it wasn't "_official._" After all, for better or for worse, she'd also seen his Daddy once upon a time a whole lot of times just practicing and she'd like it just as much. "Stick it out kid," She told him honestly before the two of them let out a great deal of chuckles.

"What are we getting for dinner?" Sam asked as he put down his bag in the living room and Peyton headed to the kitchen.

She looked over at Sammy from over her shoulder and smiled sheepishly at him as she scrunched up her nose. "Waffles…?" She tried on the word in her mouth hesitantly before her son one more time laughed _at her_, and started following her into the kitchen.

"It's okay, Mom," Sam assured her anyway, and Peyton couldn't help herself when she _had_ to cup his cheeks and kiss softly that tiny nose of his.

"Mom!" Sam protested scrunching up his own face as Peyton pulled back from him chuckling. "I only said I–"

"Hey," Peyton called before he could actually complain about her kisses. He looked up at her only a tad surprised, yet the soft smile Peyton was wearing was more than enough to put him back at ease before she spoke again. "I love you," She promised simply, yet sincerely enough before she kissed his nose one more time.

And not so surprisingly, that time around Sam didn't complain at the mushy kiss. He was almost eleven-years-old already, yet there was no way in hell he could complain about _her_ telling him those words. She was too the person he loved the most in the world, and that was something that simply would never change. "You too, Mom. And actually, breakfast for dinner is pretty okay even though Dad doesn't like it," He chuckled, and on her way to the stove, Peyton couldn't help but do so too…again. She really didn't know what the big deal was; breakfast food was still _food _in the end. Why couldn't Luke get that?

"You can make your homework here in the kitchen but _only_, if you're focused and quiet, and do _not_ mock me as I cook for you…" Peyton warned seriously, as she faced her boy one more time. Her eyes were far too wide, and even though he wanted to, Sammy didn't laugh at her but simply nodded his head as he ran back into the living room to get his backpack. "And wash your hands too!" Peyton called after a beat before laughing to herself as she started dinner.

It was only five o'clock in the afternoon; she really wasn't expecting for Lucas to call in at least another three hours or so, yet all things considered, today she was really looking forward to that call. It wasn't as if she would tell him then and there the news – she'd wait until the weekend when he'd be home and she will actually see him, but she still was craving to hear his voice.

It wasn't long then until Sam was finished with his homework, he and Peyton ate, and around 7:45, Lucas called and the _two_ of them talked to him. It was a light, yet full of long and yearn conversation; they all missed each other and that night, the same as every other night Lucas was away, it didn't matter at all Sam had told him he wasn't his Dad that night almost four months ago already.

"You were always afraid of the storm..." Sammy noted sleepily when he felt Peyton crawling her way under his covers and curling up all so close to him with both her arms wrapped tightly around his waist.

She smiled at his words – because they were kind of truth, but didn't reply for a moment but simply nodded her head as she nuzzled against Sam's arm. She hadn't been able to sleep really; by 9pm the two of them had changed, cleaned up themselves and were already in bed. She'd tossed and turned and…just _thought_ about everything and anything. The storm outside hadn't help a bit and when she felt far too guilty to call Lucas, she had decided upon seeking out for that amazing little boy of hers.

"I'm pregnant," Peyton whispered after a few minutes. A part of her hoped against hope Sammy had drift off to sleep already again, but…of course that hadn't been the case. She felt him tensed a little beneath her body and at that, Peyton tensed herself too. His pain, his happiness, his tears and his joy; _everything_ that boy had ever felt, she had felt so too. She didn't know why, but she knew that would never ever change.

"I want you to know how this isn't going to change what Luke and I feel for you. I know lately it hasn't been easy for you to understand him and what he did, but…I promise you, I have never, never in all the time I'd known your Daddy, seen him as happy as I see him when he's with _you_. Grownups – we sometimes make the wrong decisions; we get scared and messed up and hurt the people we love the most in the process, but you gotta trust me when I say this Sammy, that doesn't mean for one second that we don't love them…"

After a beat Peyton closed her eyes tightly when Sam nodded his head against her chest. He didn't utter a word for a good while, but did sigh softly. She couldn't help but strongly kiss his head at that. Not all the words in the world could express how badly she ached to make things just okay for that boy wrapped in her arms.

"Babies are fun. I bet we'd like this one…" Sammy noted playfully after a moment as he shifted in Peyton's arms, and caught her eyes into his huge blue ones. "Do you think Daddy is going to like it?" He asked and Peyton's breath got caught up in her throat.

Her relationship with Sam and Lucas was actually kind of funny in a way; all three of them had that in common, sometimes they would say things that somehow meant so much more than what they normally would if she wasn't speaking to neither boy. Like right now, Sam had asked her a question that for most wouldn't go past from what he said, if she thought Lucas would like the idea of the new baby, but Peyton; she was his mom, she _had_ to read between the lines and understand everything he wasn't saying. How he was at some level afraid Lucas would leave again because there was going to be a baby. How even though he didn't mind a little brother or sister, he wasn't sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing. How he was honestly just unsure as to what this meant; if with this, what Peyton was trying to tell him was that Lucas was after all not coming back…

"He loves _you_, he loves me, and he'll love the baby too, I promise…" Sammy held his powerful stare in her eyes before he breathed in deeply and nodded his head as Peyton one more time kissed the top of his forehead. "We are not going anywhere," She whispered softly one more time, and that was the last five words she said that night. Sam didn't say anything back either – it wasn't needed. He had actually listened already all he needed to listen from his mother, so instead of saying words that would end up lost in the air of his bedroom; he snuggled closer to Peyton and kissed tenderly her cheek as the two of them drift off to sleep.

For now, having her on his side was all that mattered…

_Don't let me go  
Don't let me go  
Don't let me go_

"I got it next week…"

"But it's the second appointment already, right?" He questioned, and if she hadn't already been feeling as guilty as she could be, she would be feeling even worse after those words.

He was actually a little mad at her, and she wasn't quite sure why _him_.

"Yeah…" Peyton replied solemnly after a moment. "But it's not as if I…I haven't even listened to the heartbeat yet…"

"Why did you let him go again?" He questioned her again, and Peyton wasn't oblivious he from all people was coming down on her like a ton of bricks when she really didn't need it…or probably _did _need, because after all, she had indeed let him go without actually saying what she needed to say.

"I don't know, I just panicked I guess…" Peyton replied uneasily into the phone, before she closed her eyes _oh-so_ tightly and waited for Julian to reply.

He stayed quiet – for only a moment though; just listening to her shaky breath into the phone and perhaps even, hearing the oh-so loud taunting thoughts she most that likely had running through her mind in that moment. "I don't understand…" Julian said, his hand reaching the bridge of his nose, and Peyton knowing exactly he was doing as much.

She would have smiled at that if she weren't feeling as world's worst mess in that instant. Lucas had stayed with her and Sammy for _two_ whole days. He had arrived Saturday morning, rather, rather early, and hadn't left until Sunday evening…only a few minutes ago. She had tried, hell, had she? She had tried when they were just snuggled together in bed after he'd arrived. She had tried when he was making breakfast for her and Sam. She had tried after Lucas was done showing Sammy some of the pictures he had taken on his tour's stop in Savannah and Atlanta, and then Florida. She had tried when at night it was the two of them alone again and the two little words _"I'm pregnant"_ were on the tip of her tongue, but she…she just couldn't.

She couldn't do it, so exactly eleven minutes ago; she and Sam had already said his goodbyes to Lucas one more time as that freaking yellow cab had picked him up on their front porch to take him to the airport and away from them one more time. And then, something like seven minutes ago, after Sammy had already gone to his bedroom, she'd called Julian and as it seemed, to let him scold her as she apparently kind of needed.

"Neither do I."

"You _do_ realize _you_ are making this a whole lot more harder than it actually is, right?" Julian said pointedly, yet softly enough without missing a beat after she spoke.

Unlike her words, Peyton's tears were indeed fast to form in the corners of her eyes not only because of his words but simply because of this whole mess, she one more time, was the very reason of. "I know,"

"You guys should be celebrating," Julian told her with a smile Peyton could actually vividly listen in his voice.

And because of that and in spite of the tears that were welling in her eyes, she matched his smile too. "I am happy." Peyton told him after a beat, when the words simply slipped out. That was genuinely the _truth_ and nothing short of. She was happy about that baby because she did love him already, but in truth, she was just being stupid and scared, and perhaps even hormonal that she couldn't, not for the life of her, bring on to tell Lucas about it for some stupid reason.

"I know you are, just…talk to him, all right?" Julian asked, feeling himself those horrendous tears falling from Peyton's eyes already. "It's going to be okay,"

Peyton nodded absentmindedly even though the little Julian told her did sink in. For over a month now, she had known she _had_ to talk to him. Yet, she just hadn't. Maybe just like Sammy, deep down she wasn't sure everything was going to be okay after all or not.

"Peyton…"

"Yeah," Peyton replied shaking her head as the call of her name broke her out of her musings and made reality somewhat kicked in again.

"I'm happy for you," He said and at that, there was very little Peyton could do to stop the stupid corny tears to fell from her eyes.

They weren't close, not as they used to be at least, but when it mattered, when she genuinely needed him, he was _always_ there. Just as she was when _he_ needed her. They had one thing that tied them forever, and even though it wasn't through blood or something as _"strong"_ as that, Sam would always mean they would be in each other's lives.

Not _one_ time, Peyton had complained about that fact. She actually knew she would complain had the case be otherwise. She loved him. Not as she loved Lucas, but yes as that "_friend"_ who inevitably was much more than just a friend because deeper and more important things tied together forever.

_Picture; you're the queen of everything  
As far as the eye can see.  
Under your command,  
I will be your guardian  
When all is crumbling  
To steady your hand_

Lucas made it to the airport at 8:45sharp. His flight wasn't for another hour or so, but then again, there was always luggage to register and endless lines to be made, so he had made it there just in time to go on with the last week of his tour.

If he were honest with himself, he would know how this last hour was the hardest part. Knowing he was so, literally _so_ close from his family, only 15minutes away to be precise, yet at the same time they were so far away from each other because he had to fly across country and follow his dream as Peyton always told him he did when he flew to New York.

Sometimes Lucas would correct her; tell her how the only part he _needed_ to follow his dreams was _always_ _back_ home to her because _she_ and _Sam_ were his dreams and nothing more. At that she would always smile and roll her eyes at his dorkiness even though she knew he wasn't lying. Then again, sometimes Lucas would also _not _correct her, and just go on with it and nod his head.

Writing and be great at that was also his dream, and if from one person he couldn't ever deny that, that person was certainly Peyton Sawyer. _Sawyer_. Once upon a time, he had wanted her to have his name. She hadn't.

Bringing Lucas back to reality, one perky, rather petite brunette lady asked him for his passport, passage ticket, _and_ ID for some reason too, and even though Lucas was still a little too lost into his thoughts, he managed to do as she asked him. He first handed her his passport and ticket that were in his hands ever since he began doing that line, yet to hand her his ID, he had to first take out his wallet from his back pocket.

He opened it swiftly and rummaged through it just as fast until the sight of that little, fairly shocking picture made his heart race and stop all at the same time.

It was certainly an understatement to say he had been back at home as fast as he honestly could.

"I didn't know how to tell you…"

At those few –_apologetic_– words, Lucas shook his head but couldn't bring on himself to say anything in return for a good moment. She looked _so_ cute, and apologetic and sweet and sorry…and as beautiful as Lucas could be sure he hadn't ever seen her before, but then again, he still just _couldn't_ understand her and that was certainly getting the best of him.

And then, after another moment, even when the _one_ thing he wanted to do the most was kiss that scrunched up face of hers, he still asked what he _had_ to ask.

"You didn't know how to tell me so you just slipped the ultrasound into my wallet hoping I'd catch the _hint_?" He questioned her urgently even though he was _not_ yelling at her at all. His voice for more reasons than one, was filled with understanding and was soft, and as he asked the question, there was even already the brightest smiles set firmly on his face at the actual knowledge that he was going to be a Dad…_again_.

"Bad idea?" Peyton tried squishing her nose even tighter as she looked up at Lucas sheepishly. It wasn't too bad, was it? Even kind of romantic and sweet, no? She was still trying to think it was anyway.

She couldn't _tell _him she was pregnant with her words per se, but she _did_ try to let him know in some way. "I really just thought you wouldn't see it until you got to New York…" She added as an afterthought, just as coyly and now even with her lips a tad twisted. She really was sorry.

Lucas simply shook his head slightly as he tried one more time, to wrap his head around the _oh-so _very awesome news. Mostly, he really couldn't believe it yet. Not after everything that had happened. Not after everything _she_ had once said. Not after he had already set himself into _knowing_ he'd _never_ have the chance to make some wrongs right with Peyton. And even with Sammy too. All that had changed now, in less than twenty minutes, and he still couldn't believe it.

Peyton had been sitting in the high stool behind their kitchen counter, and yet the very instant she stood up, Lucas eyes immediately traveled up from the floor, and before his mind could acknowledge what his body was doing, he was already walking closer to Peyton and pulling her tightly into his arms. His hand traveled to the back of her neck; his fingers slipping into her curls as he hugged her as close to his body as he possibly could without actually hurting her. She burrowed her face in his shoulder and simply sunk in on him in that same way she had genuinely _needed _to do for over one whole month now.

She had needed the reassurance to know he _wasn't_ going anywhere this time, and yet, for reasons she knew she would never be able to actually explain, she hadn't been able to seek out to him. She had needed him to do so, and…he had.

It wasn't long then until Lucas raised her up effortlessly from the floor and sat her before him on the kitchen counter. His tight hold on her never loosened though. They were giving each other the kind of support the other ached for. Her arms stayed wrapped around his body just as his stayed strongly wrapped around hers. Peyton's head stayed resting on his shoulder and his head stayed resting on hers; and yet her legs then also wrapped slightly around his waist even though she was sure he wasn't going to let go of her any time soon. And he didn't. They stayed locked in each other's limbs for as long as the _two_ of them _needed _to.

The way Lucas after a moment kissed the side of her neck tenderly and merely out of instinct, was more than enough to put tears in Peyton's eyes. Those weren't sad tears though. Were actually happy tears, that as of that moment, she in fact wouldn't even mind shed.

Heaving a small, shaky, somewhat nervous, yet even giddy sigh, Peyton pulled back from him slightly and rested her forehead against his. His eyes were still down, but even so, she could see them; those soulful icy blue eyes of his that now were glistered just like hers were. She kind of loved him a little bit more for that…and also perhaps, for the very fact that he hadn't been able to utter another single word ever since he caught her into his arms.

"Luke…" Peyton breathed shakily as she cupped his face and tried gently to lift it up. Lucas shook it slowly instead of obliging as he let his eyes fluttered shut for a moment. Honestly he was still trying to sink it all in.

Peyton was then surprised– fairly, when he pulled back from her slightly and his hands let go of her frame and instead traveled down all the length of her arms until his head was merely resting against her lap. Peyton let her eyes fell shut and breathed in deeply at the feeling; it wasn't that much physical but that _closeness_ between them. That closeness she felt in that very instant having the boy she really loved wordlessly telling her how happy he actually was about that little one he hadn't even met yet. There were many, many and beyond the nights once upon a time when she envisioned that much; not him telling her speeches, not him jumping of joy yelling at the world he was going to be a father, but simply being _happy _about it.

That was just how things were supposed to be.

After a beat Peyton felt his lips _oh-so_ very close to her tummy and it was in that very same instant that she lost it. She bit her bottom lip strongly but not even that helped to stop the damn tears from forming in the corners of her eyes and only a few seconds later, a couple of those same also made their way down to her cheeks.

She stroked his hair with her hands gently and simply waited for another moment as the knowledge and the meaning of it all finished sinking in on the two of them.

"W-we're…" Lucas somewhat stuttered somewhat mumbled as Peyton lifted up his face from her lap, and at last, their eyes locked them both in that close-to-perfect moment that one way or another, was changing it all _again_. That moment that with them knowing it or not was also somehow healing all those wounds that to that day, still needed to be healed.

"Yeah…" Peyton breathed back simply as slowly Lucas lifted himself up and one more time, their faces were merely aligned and their eyes stayed locked. She used the pad of thumb to stroke away those little few teardrops that had fallen from his eye before she smiled and nodded her head looking at him, right in the eye. "We _are_ having a baby, Lucas Scott," She said, and at those few words that made it all the more real, Lucas let himself grin bashfully at last.

He was happy indeed.

After shaking his head softly one more time, he cupped Peyton's face tenderly with both his hands as he leaned in and somewhat sealed the deal, taking gently her lips into his. The kiss didn't last long, just enough and just as much as was needed before Lucas couldn't help himself and _had_ to hug her _oh-so_ very close to his body again.

Peyton chuckled and Lucas relished that laughter as one more time, he burrowed his face into her tangled mess of curls.

Perhaps he honestly was still too stunned to properly form words yet.

* * *

**AN : **Oh, a little corny I know, but since I could so perfectly picture this chapter in my head- at least Peyton+Lucas' part, the very least I could do was giving it a go and write it as best as I could. I hope you like it and even though you just saw how Lucas' reaction this time was far too different from the last time, there is of course more to it, and surely, you'll read it soon enough :D I hope you've like it and if you want, please let me know what you thought!** :) **{If this chapter made you smile then I guess that'd be enough for me anyhow hehe!}

Next chapter I guess its to be up on Sunday so I'll see you then **:D**


	28. Never Say Never III

**Author's Note : **Okay, a little late since Sunday is almost over, but just in case any of you is one, **Happy Mother's Day!** Hope you enjoyed yourselves today.

Anyways, back to the story, thank you very very much for being _so_ awesome! I'm starting to get sad this story is ending, but given I still gotta write for you another small-story with the missing 5 years (how LP got together for real in the first place) after "Always on Your Side" is finished, I guess this won't be over per se even after it is LOL

I guess I'm just glad overall you'd liked what I'm doing with the epilogue =) This one has a little flashback near the end, that one is in _Italics_, so watch out for that one :D

"**Always On Your Side" Epilogue : Never Say Never (III)**

* * *

"Are you scared?" Peyton asked softly into his shoulder after several moments. She couldn't help but smile– rather sincerely at that, when, before she could even finish asking the question herself, Lucas was already shaking his head against her hair.

"No," Lucas replied simply, yet fairly earnestly as he pulled back from Peyton, and for the first time it was felt like a whole lifetime, he was almost certain his voice wasn't going to break if he said as he felt. He matched then Peyton's smile and gently with his forefinger brought her face up so he could kiss her again. "I love you," He promised sincerely against her lips, and chocking back more tears, Peyton barely found herself nodding her head and perhaps, even smiling some more at that boy before her. To be honest, she already knew he did.

When Lucas pulled back from Peyton, and even before their foreheads could rest against each other, Sammy walking warily into the kitchen caught them both a bit off guard.

"You're crying, Dad…" He noted thoughtfully as he stared at both his parents and certainly, the leftovers of unshed tears in both their eyes couldn't go unnoticed by him. Especially the ones in Lucas' eyes though; that Sam remembered, he had never before seen his father actually cry for something- anything.

Lucas then held his stare on Sammy's eyes for another moment or two before he looked over at Peyton, and closed his eyes for only a second before helping her down from the kitchen counter. He pressed his lips sweetly to her forehead right before he addressed his son again. "I have something to show you," He said looking right into Sam's eyes even when his words were directed, not just to him, but somewhat also to his mother.

_You can never say never  
While we don't know when  
Time, time, time again  
Younger now than we were before_

"You remember when you showed me that black, converse shoe box tucked under your bed?" Lucas questioned Peyton when they had already made it to his and her bedroom. She looked rather puzzled at his words, yet she nodded her head.

She _did_ remember. "Yeah, but that was years ago?" She added after a moment when realization of how farther away that day seemed hit her. "It was…"

"Senior year, not long after you and I got together again," Lucas explained with a small smile on his face.

Sam didn't know why, not the slightest clue, but for some reason he _had_ to match his father's smile in that moment. He didn't even know if his mom was smiling or frowning —he was resting his back against her chest as she _so_ tightly and protectively, wrapped her arms around his body— but Sam still smiled just like Lucas did.

"Yeah, I remember, but…"

"You kept there the pictures of your mom…" Lucas stated simply, and as if for confirmation, as soon as the words were out of his mouth, Sam's head shifted up meeting Peyton's eyes. It wasn't as if he didn't trust what Lucas was saying, he did trust him, he really was just curious as to where this all was going.

Peyton in the end however, nodded her head even though, just like Sammy, she was feeling a little too lost as Lucas spoke. She had showed him that box ages ago, literally. She still kept it actually, but just not anymore tucked under her bed as she had for so many years once upon a time. Now that box had actually been in Sammy's bedroom ever since he was a baby– not that he knew about it, but up there in one of his cupboards, the old, even a bit too trashed converse shoe box was still holding all those memories of her mom— Peyton every once in a while couldn't really help but take a look at it when her boy was already fast asleep.

"Hardly anyone ever got to see that one," Peyton let on in something just above a whisper after a beat. She locked eyes with Lucas and smiled. They might not be still the same people the two of them were when she once showed him that box, but now, so many years later, after everything that happened, she could maybe dare to say it all had made them– if not better people overall, at the very least, better people for one another and their own little family.

"How come?" Sam questioned her still with his huge blue fixed up on hers.

Peyton's features softened at that raw beautiful innocence her son's eyes still held inside. "I just could never trust people with that so easily…" She said, knowing she was saying exactly what was true.

Sam thought her response for a second before he smiled when he put two and two together. "You trusted Daddy then…" He noted and in that very instant, he and Lucas shared a playful look before all three of them chuckled.

"Yup, I trusted your Daddy very much back then." Peyton said playfully as she tapped Sam's nose and her boy let out yet another chuckle as he looked back down, and with expectancy in his eyes, stared at Lucas one more time.

He looked back at his almost eleven-year-old seriously for another good moment before he smiled and got up from his place on the bed. He walked right to the book shelve, and both Sam and Peyton followed him with their eyes until he was back with that worn-out book in his hands, and that boyish smile on his face Peyton found pretty hard to resist to.

"I stole this one from you that day," Lucas confessed bashfully, as he slipped out of the book the small photograph and placed it on top the mattress for both his son and Peyton to see.

It was an understatement to say Peyton's breath hitched in her throat and in only mere seconds, she felt tears stinging in her eyes one more time that evening. If she cried however, she wouldn't be do it because she was sad, not at all; it was because she had done it. Because right now, as messed up as it still was, she had the life she once didn't even know she wanted. Not _happily ever afters_ and princesses and castles, but just being there with the people who mattered surrounding her as it always should have been.

"That's your mom and your Grandma," Lucas told Sammy when the boy reached out for the picture and took it into his hands to look at it more into detail.

Peyton smiled as she also caught a better sight of the photograph, yet as of that moment, she still couldn't bring herself to say anything quite yet.

"You were _so_ little momma," Sam pointed out, as one more time, his eyes lifted up finding Peyton's slightly glistered ones. "How old were you?" He asked, and in order to reply, Peyton cleared her throat as she softly shook her head a bit too.

"Not more than one year, I think," She told Sammy sincerely before looking over strongly at Lucas. "I don't understand," She told him being completely honest, because she really did not understand.

"Look at that little girl, Peyt," Lucas told her back as if she really shouldn't be looking for the answer to her questions in him, but in that picture he had just handed them. She still looked puzzled as hell however, so after chuckling slightly, Lucas shrugged his shoulders drawing their attentions. "She's _so_ happy. Look at her smile and that bright future her mom knows that girl has ahead of herself..." He said seriously, and even a tad solemnly, yet his words were enough to make Peyton nod her head.

She did see all that too in that old picture. She was wearing one of those smiles she actually used to see all that often in Sammy when he was a little boy. She still did, just not as often as she once did. Not so long ago she had actually told herself how that came with the territory of growing up, but to that day, and after looking over at that photo, Peyton sure as hell was hoping she had been wrong, and her boy still had inside him tons of those wholehearted smiles.

"Why'd you take it?" Peyton questioned simply; she wasn't mad. Not the slightest bits actually. She just wanted to know.

"I…" Lucas began, but chose to rephrase before he had even begun. "That very night I knew exactly what I wanted with you. I wanted that…" He said motioning both back to the picture. "I wanted to bring smiles like that back to your face. See you completely happy and be happy with me on your side. _Always_." He promised as sincerely as he could be, already feeling his own tears pooling in his eyes for some reason too. "That night I just knew I wanted _you_ to be the mother of my child. You and no one else. That's why I kept the photo. I wanted that something that would remind me of that future I knew you and I would have one day…" He said and at that, Peyton swallowed hard, letting her eyes fall shut softly.

"But then you didn't want it anymore…?" Sam chimed in questioning Lucas with the only one question he had for him. Out of instinct, as soon as Sammy said those words, Peyton kissed his head and tightened her hold on that little boy of hers.

"No, you're wrong, I _always_ wanted it. I _never_ stopped wanting you or your mother, I just…" Lucas explained, but trailed off for a few seconds as he struggled one more time to find just the right words to tell to his son. "I was just angry and bitter– something I don't ever want for you," He said pointedly looking right into his son's eyes.

Sam looked back at him just as seriously, yet deep down he knew today he wasn't one not to trust his father. For one reason or another, he did. He simply did.

"But _I_ still was— angry and bitter, and because of that, I _almost_ lost you and your mom. I almost missed out on having this wonderful life I have with the two of you, but…things _changed_. One day things simply changed and I realized again living a life without your mother and you just wasn't worth it. This silly book fell from a counter and the next thing I knew I was in a park next to your mom and you were playing before us…" He said, and not only Peyton's, but his and Sammy' s eyes also flew to the book resting still on top of the bed.

"_The Great Gatsby_," Peyton whispered with a soft chuckle, and Lucas nodded his head as she searched for his eyes one more time.

"Yeah..." He told her simply, steadily staring into her brightened green eyes. "The book fell, the photo slipped out, and then I was sobbing at everything I thought I'd lost…"

"But you didn't," Peyton chimed in fairly strongly for a change that evening. That was just something she certainly knew, and was actually thankful for everyday now. She was meant to be with that boy; whether the rest of the universe liked it or not.

"No I did not," Lucas agreed simply with her as the two of them shared that same crooked smile. "And now I got things greater and more wonderful than I ever envisioned I'd have in my life. Not even when I looked at that photo of your momma I thought I could ever get this lucky…" He promised looking softly at Sammy who took him very little time to match his parent's smiles as well. "I got you, and her, and…"

"And now the baby too, right?" Sam chimed in chuckling as he took in his hands one more time Peyton and Anna's picture. "I think it should be a girl, Mom…The baby I mean, she'd be cute like you," He added after a beat looking up at Peyton with his nose playfully squished up as he handed Peyton the picture and he pulled back from her sitting up properly on the bed.

Lucas couldn't help but chuckle at the trueness of Sam's statement; have that baby in her tummy be a girl, then she sure as hell was going to be beautiful– _just_, like her mother. "Hey," Lucas called after a beat drawing Sammy's attention to himself before Peyton could grumble about the comment. Lucas instead then leaned in slightly on the bed, and with his hand gently on the back of Sam's head, he pulled the boy near him so that their eyes were completely aligned. "You and your mom and this family are the most amazing thing that has _ever_ happened to me. I don't want you to ever forget or doubt that again, okay. I'm a better person because of you and I…I'd be dead if it hadn't been for your mom in my life, so…Just never forget that, okay? I love you more than anything kid." He promised sincerely and at last, Lucas let himself smile too when Sam beat him to it as he also nodded his head.

_Don't let me go  
Don't let me go  
Don't let me go_

_His door slammed shut, and it was in that moment when Peyton had enough. She had been mostly quiet; Lucas told him he'd handle it, or at least __try__ to do so, but he wasn't handling it. They were screaming and there were tears and what Peyton sincerely couldn't bear; Sam was hurting. _

_Not in a million years she could know that was the case and simply stay at bay; that boy was __her__ son after all…he had been from the start. "Enough," She said sharply and rather stonily. Inside she might as well be a mess, but that didn't mean for a second she couldn't keep her emotions in check for Sam. She honestly would do anything for that little boy. "You need to stop, Luke," She told him sincerely before she closed her eyes for one instant, bracing herself really, and turned around crouching down right before Sammy. "And you need to stop too, baby…" She said softly, wiping with the pad of her thumb a few of Sam's tears. "I know this is hard, but you just need to listen to us…I promise you nothing is as bad as you think it is,"_

_Peyton said, but were those same words that caused a choked up sob to escape Sam's throat. He didn't want to cry, but he couldn't help himself. He had always known his family wasn't a 'regular' family per se, but he didn't know it was so screwed up either and now…now it just hurt far too much not to cry for it._

_Peyton pursed her lips tightly and swallowed hard before she just couldn't take it anymore and pulled Sam strongly into her arms. The moment she held him though, that boy of hers only began sobbing harder._

_Somewhere along the next ten minutes Peyton thought of telling Sam something, perhaps, more likely than not, hush him kindly. Kiss his head and tell him that she loves him, but that please stop crying; that she couldn't take that. And…truth be told, she really couldn't; listening, feeling Sammy in so much pain was something she could barely bear, but…on the other hand, who the hell was really she to "ask" him to just stop and pretend he was okay when he clearly wasn't, right?_

_So in the end, even when having her son breaking down in her arms was the very last thing she would willingly be okay with, this time she would surely put her son's emotions before hers. Not that she had ever done any different, but…just so to say._

"_He didn't want me, Momma…" Sam cried softly after some good few minutes into her shoulder. Peyton closed her eyes tightly as his few broken words, and even though she wasn't quite looking at him, she knew just how very much he was trying to stay calm as he said the words. It was as if by just saying that, he was seeking out in Peyton that understanding she had always had when it was about him. How she should get him in that instant. How she shouldn't be holding him accountable for being angry because he wasn't lying. He was saying what was true. He was saying what hurt the most. He was saying what he never thought could be truth because…well, because it was Lucas, his father, but he…he had failed him and that was just hard to let go of._

"_That's not like that…"_

_Peyton could hear Lucas' words as she struggled to come out with some of her own. She shook her head as soon as his voice carried to her ears though; it didn't carry well, broken, weak…she couldn't handle that quite too much either. Not right now. "Don't make this about you," She told Lucas seriously, when from over Sammy's shoulder, she managed to catch sight of Lucas at last. Her words didn't come out harsh, or full of anger or anything of that sort…She was only telling him, perhaps even warning him a tad, how this…Sam and everything that was happening, should if anything, make him step up, not break down as well._

_After all, they both had known how sooner rather than later, that moment would come. Unfortunately perhaps, but Sam wasn't going to stay a four-year-old forever. For better or for worse, both of them had known that all along._

_Lucas' breath hitched in his throat at Peyton's words, yet after closing his eyes for a moment, he swallowed hard and nodded his head at her. She was right and there was no way in hell he could do anything but concur with her._

"_I was wrong back then, I made a lot of mistakes, but you know I love you and I am your father and I'm here no–"_

"_No you're not," Sam encountered Lucas somewhat angrily as he at last pulled back from his mother's arms. There were still a thousand unshed tears in his eyes but he just couldn't stand there listening to him saying everything he always said. "You're not my father–"_

"_Sam," Peyton now was the one who had to step in and interrupt once again. She knew, more than anything she did in that moment really, that keep hurting each other wasn't going to get them anywhere. "You are angry; I get that but Sammy…" She told him as she softened her features and stared steadily into her son's eyes. "You are ten years old baby; you are far too little still to understand what happens between grownups. What we do, why we do what we do- but you need to understand how we never, not ever want to hurt you. You are right, Lucas wasn't there when you were born and he missed out on four whole years of your life, but in the place he and I were, some days I do believe it was better this way…" Peyton let on, and yet Sam was not the only one who narrowed his eyes as she spoke. Lucas did too, and in truth, he was just lost as to where she was coming…or going with that train of thoughts. She had never before told him something like that._

"_We were angry too, you know? With one another at that." She said still looking at Sammy's eyes before catching sight of Lucas' squinted eyes for a moment too. "Your Daddy and me. Back when you were born, Lucas and I weren't these people you know now. We were young too, and scared, and the __two__ of us made a lot of mistakes–"_

"_But you didn't disappear," Sam encountered strongly in spite of Peyton's attempts to get through him. And that time, he even shifted himself a little so that he could look at Lucas better. "He did," He told Peyton even though his eyes stayed in Lucas._

"_But he came back," Peyton told Sam just as strongly as she, with her forefinger tucked under his chin, moved his face so that Sam was facing her one more time. "Just because a person stays away it doesn't mean she doesn't care–"_

"_How can you know–"_

"_I __do__ know and you know it," Peyton said in that tone she did that brooked no argument. "My mom missed out on seventeen years of my life. Seventeen."_

"_It's different." Sam said stubbornly shaking his head firmly from one side to the other._

"_How come?" Peyton tried back simply. Her eyebrows rose when Sam squeezed his eyes tightly and couldn't form an answer to her question._

_He really didn't know why it was different; he only knew it was._

"_Your Dad has never __not__ wanted you," Peyton said when Sam stayed quiet, yet looking quite pointedly into his eyes. She wasn't too sure when she had come to the realization herself, but somewhere along the way she just had even though she hadn't known it until now. "I just think at first he didn't know how to be here for you…" Peyton said, stealing a small side-ways look with Lucas and smiling softly as she did so. This was hard on him too…just as it was in Sammy and her, so perhaps the very least she could do for him was smile and encourage him to believe things would work out, because even though Sam was angry as hell right now, Peyton knew her son __and__ his heart, and how he would only need time – perhaps not so much, perhaps actually a lot, but either way, Lucas and she…the two of them honestly just needed to be patient and wait for him. That was in some way what she tried to tell Lucas as she smiled at him. That it would be okay eventually even though it was hard to see it in that moment._

"_Your Dad is not a bad person because he made mistakes. We all do. We all will," Peyton continued after a moment. "The fact that he's here now, even though it would never excuse him for what he did in the past, is what should matter to you and to me now anyway. Because…I know you probably can't see it, but one day you are going to be the grownup. You are going to be the one who made a mistake you never thought you would, but that you still did nonetheless. That day perhaps you'd understand. Just because we are hurt and we think that we are right, it doesn't always mean that we are or that we can judge other people's actions only because of that pain we are feeling. There are going to be many, many times in your life when you aren't going to know what to do…when the difference between right or wrong isn't as cut and dried as you now think it is. That day, I swear to you Sam, one of the things that would matter to you the most, is having people around you who is willing enough to see past your mistakes without caring how big those are…"_

_Sam's eyes shifted down to his lap for a good moment before he sighed and shrugged one of his shoulders looking back up at Peyton. "May I be excused now?"_

_| We're pulling apart and coming together again and again,  
We're growing apart but we pull it together...pull it together, together again|_

* * *

:


	29. Never Say Never IV

**Author's Note : **Last Chapter! Sue me if I want to say I'm going to miss this story lol- It won't be for long (I hope) but still...You know what I mean. I enjoyed the ride, and hopefully you guys did too- I can always hope so anyway. Thank you so so much to all of you who read through the end, you guys are AMAZING and made this whole writing thing even more fun than it alone is :D

The chapter came out a little too long- don't blame me lol but yet you 'should' read till the end anyway haha :D I think I spent two solid weeks working in this epilogue & the very end was what gave me more trouble- like always!- I hope anyways you get to like it. I ought to love the closing quote, so yes...**Enjoy**!** =)**

"**Always On Your Side" Epilogue : Never Say Never (IV)**

* * *

The feeling was different. She could never dare to say one was better than the other was; and yet it was indeed _different_. Far too different from one another. Both times, she had known she had been happy though. Giving life, the actual act of bringing a whole other tiny human being into the world was what made of that moment that incredible merge of indescribable feelings.

Perhaps it was destined not to be easy…the road to happiness and that fairytale life every little girl at least once in her lifetime envisions?

Of that statement she couldn't be sure, and yet…looking down at those perfect, soft, and sweet lines in her daughter's face, Peyton simply new she was happy. That she had gotten to that place. To that place where it really doesn't matter if you are rich or full of accomplishments and vanities because at the end of each and every day, all that would ever matter are those people that complete her life. Those who made her _whole_ in _every_ possible sense.

She was _so_ little still; wrapped from head to toe in that pink blanket and with both her eyelids just _gently_ shut as her chest all too steadily heaved up and down as she slept. She had been _officially_ with them, for nothing more than four hours. She had met everybody who was there to be met already though. From joyful grandparents, to uncles, aunts, godparents, to the proudest big brother and…her Daddy of course.

Something was still missing, and Peyton wasn't too worn-out from the labor not to notice. Lucas had acted wary and cautious for the better part of the last five months. He had been there for her through pretty much everything; from every doctor appointment she told him of, to pleasing her with the weirdest things she would demand– _ask_ from him sometimes.

Lucas and Sam had actually worked almost as one in the nursery. Perhaps once or twice they had let Peyton help a little but the rest of the time, it was only the two of them and everything they envisioned to be perfect for the new little one. Both painted, assembled together furniture and even went shopping for baby clothes and toys in the occasions when apparently, they just _"didn't have enough"_

In the end, that new little girl in Peyton's arms had been the very best way to have Lucas and Sam bond and in some way, even mend the new wounds that had arose between them before either one of them had known about _Amelia_, that newest, amazing little addition to their family they all had merely just met.

And yet, despite how little time they all had _really_ 'know' her, from the very moment both Luke and Sammy actually sunk in the mere idea of her, in their own ways, both boys had been more than open enough to love the "_little gal_"… As they eventually had _"named"_ Peyton's stomach as it had begun to expand. To say both boys were already as protective over the baby as they were over Peyton- if not more, was clearly an understatement.

Peyton couldn't complain about it though; not even if she were crazy. And then again, right in that moment, she couldn't help but think of herself as crazy for once actually thinking she didn't want something as precious as the feeling she felt in that moment again. She had made herself believe over the years how Sammy was everything and even more than she needed; that she didn't need anything more to be completely and utterly happy. And even though that had been true, it still was, her life without Amelia, _and_ Lucas would be certainly incomplete and just simply a life she wouldn't like to live at all.

Peyton had probably been selfish – not just with Lucas, but with herself too and even with the universe once upon a time when she _"decided_" Sammy would be the only legacy she and Lucas would leave to the world. But…now that the case was different, now that she was actually holding that rather extraordinary little gal in her arms, she couldn't envision a time when she had felt any luckier.

_Even_, when she still needed to fix a few little things between the little gal and her Daddy.

"I wanna see it first!"

And then there was the whine that completely broke Peyton out of her musings. If you had asked her a few years ago, two, maybe even three, Peyton would have told you Sadie was the sweetest and easy going of little girls. Now, that was also still true, and yet, she was certainly a whole little person of her own. She was independent and as strong-willed as any almost-six-year-old would probably be. But then again, considering who her mother was, then perhaps the rest of the world shouldn't be so surprised she had turned out to be that sassy, _stubborn_ little ma'am.

"You'll see it…" Holding quite tightly to her daughter's hand, Brooke prevented her from waltzing into the room if only for a few more seconds until she told that little girl a little bit of her mind. "You'll see _her_," Brooke corrected herself after a beat when unconsciously she did the same mistake Sadie had done before. "I told you she was a baby girl, didn't I?"

"I know, I know…" Sadie replied only a tad too exasperated as she shook her head at Brooke as if wordlessly admonishing her for even _thinking_ she could forget about something as simple. "But I wanna see it!" Sadie cried one more time with a giggle as she let go of Brooke and with that trademark full-dimpled smile, ran her way close to the bed her aunt and new baby cousin were. "Hi, Aunt Peyt…" She grinned as she looked up at Peyton and bit slightly on the inside of her mouth. "We came visit you and to…" Sadie began informing a very, _very_ amused Peyton, yet she trailed off after a moment when she too realized something was missing. "Where'd you put Aunt Peyton's present momma?" She said rather quietly as to not letting Peyton listen her mom had been _so_ forgetful and hadn't brought along the present for her aunt and the little one.

In spite of how badly Brooke wanted to laugh, her daughter was indeed right. "Oh, shoot!" She cried crinkling her nose and scrunching her face as at last, she met Peyton's eyes as she also struggled not to laugh. "I forgot it in the car…" She explained apologetically as she moved closer to Peyton's tiny hospital bed and mightily tried to avoid Sadie's disapproving look and the way the darn kid kept shaking her head at Brooke as if forgetting the present was the biggest of deals. "I'm sorry…" Brooke chanted softly one more time, right before her eyes finally shifted down and properly fixed in the teeny-tiny bundle resting in her best friend's arms. Her mouth fell open for a moment before she just couldn't help but grin as one more time; she looked up meeting Peyton's eyes. "God Peyton, she's so, _so _beautiful," Brooke stressed pointedly as she and Peyton exchanged a full of contentment look.

It wasn't surprising, and yet Brooke couldn't not chuckle when Sadie tugged on her dress and looked up at her rather seriously with a surly frown on her face. "I wanna see her too, momma!" She pouted, but then again, it then only took Brooke a few seconds to scoop the petite little girl up into her arms so that she could also glance over at her newest cousin as well.

Sadie began giggling immediately at the sight and rested her head against Brooke's as she moved her hand hesitantly closer to the baby. "What's her name?" She asked softly, while quite tenderly, Sadie's own fingers curled around the baby's tiny hand.

"Amelia…"

Sadie didn't even look up at Peyton; she just nodded her head ever so slightly and grinned quite widely. "You happy, Aunt Peyt? She _is_ pretty!" She chanted happily as her fingertips _so_ carefully moved to now reach the baby's soft cheek.

Peyton looked over at Sadie's happy grin for a few seconds before she breathed in deeply and nodded her head as well. "Of course I am, baby…" She told her niece, yet it took Sadie less than ten seconds to start making fun of Peyton for getting the nickname wrong; she couldn't be anymore the baby. Babies were tiny, just like the one in her arms, Sadie was by any means a baby anymore, and yet, her Aunt didn't know.

"You're silly," Sadie said playfully as Brooke helped her sit up right next to Peyton on the bed.

Peyton was still chuckling along with Sadie at her antics when she caught _that_ look in Brooke's eyes. "Do you wanna hold her?" Peyton offered Brooke simply with that glint of sheer happiness in her eyes.

Brooke didn't even think about it before she was already nodding her head excitedly. "Yes, please…" She said, and one more time she couldn't help herself as she bit on her bottom lip as Peyton oh-so very carefully placed the tiny little girl in her arms. "Oh my God…" She whispered completely awestruck at that beautiful baby girl looking up at her with glazy gorgeous baby blue eyes. "There's no denying this one is Lucas'," She said in jest even when she felt still a little overwhelmed at the beauty resting in her arms.

Peyton chuckled at her words but didn't have any other option but to agree so she nodded her head happily.

"It's _so_ hard to believe they start being this small…" Brooke mused softly after a moment; her eyes focused completely in the baby as happy tears of her own slowly began filling her eyes.

Peyton on the other hand, settled smiling proudly as she looked over at that best friend of hers holding her newest favorite girl. "Yeah…"

Brooke sighed heavily before as softly as she could, she brushed a kiss to the baby's forehead. "Hello there, princess. Gosh, you're _so _beautiful baby girl," She told the baby still with her eyes down on her, before looking up at Peyton shaking her head ever so slightly. "Your kids should _really_ learn how to stay inside you for the whole nine months though. I honestly don't think I can handle yet another scare like this one," Brooke told Peyton only half-seriously.

All things considered, it was even impressive she had been able to book plane tickets to California– in the middle of the night, not just for her, but certainly also for her daughter and husband who couldn't miss out on meeting that baby girl, who just like her big brother, had decided nine months were far too long to be inside her mother and instead settled with staying in barely eight.

In the end everything had turned out okay though, since Amelia was in fact as healthy as she could be, so despite of the craziness and even fear attached to her birth, Amelia had made it okay and that was what mattered.

"I'll keep in mind to tell that to the next one," Peyton said lightly until just a beat later, her words sunk in on her as well as they did on Brooke. The brunette looked over at Peyton with a small smirk, and after a moment, Peyton simply shrugged her shoulders. After all, who was she to say this was the last baby she'd have with Lucas, right?

"Anyway," Brooke said shaking her head playfully, as after kissing one more time her niece's forehead, she handed her over back to Peyton. "Where are Sammy and Lucas?" She asked; even, when Lucas' name, even after years, still felt heavy on her mouth. She couldn't help herself; Peyton trusted him, granted, but Brooke on the other hand wasn't as forgiving as her best friend was. She'd learned to be civil and even friendly with him again though. After all, he was in fact the father of two of the children she loved the most in the world.

"Right down stairs," Peyton told Brooke even though her eyes traveled back to her daughter almost immediately as she was back in her own arms. She actually missed dearly having that precious little one in that spot perfectly designed for her. "They're getting us muffins," Peyton added playfully after a beat with a chuckle. Just because she wasn't exactly pregnant anymore didn't mean she couldn't crave yummy goods any longer, right?

"He must be real happy…"

"He is," Peyton assured Brooke confidently without missing a beat. If one thing Peyton knew, that was certainly how happy and grateful that boy was about everything he had in his life right now – Amelia, more than included of course.

Brooke stayed quiet at her words, yet she did nod her head as silence fell between them until Sadie let out a chuckle – _again_.

"We should get one of these for ourselves too, Momma," Sadie told Brooke seriously as she sweetly gave the baby's tiny hand a kiss. "They are actually _very_ cute. Daddy'll like one too." She assured her mother before bursting into laughter.

Peyton and Brooke both did so as well, yet Brooke was in fact shocking a little. One day she would give Sadie a little brother or sister; she just wasn't sure when exactly that day would be.

In any case, before Brooke had the chance to give Sadie an answer, the door of the hospital room slowly swung open as both Lucas and Sammy made their way in wearing matching grins.

Brooke and Sadie stayed in the room then for a little while longer, giving both parents and proud big brother a few more congratulations until the two of them decided upon going back to the hotel to settle down and chill for a while before of course, coming back to gush over the new baby a little bit more.

After they left, Sam snuggled up in the bed with Peyton and Amelia and soon after, he fell asleep right against Peyton's arm, when being awaken to rush to the hospital at 3o'clock in the morning, took a toll on the boy at last. Peyton rested her head against Sammy's and with her forefinger traced delicately the perfect lines of her new baby girl's profile. "Luke…" She called softly because not only she didn't want to wake up Sammy, but also simply because she didn't feel being too loud was needed.

Lucas was actually kind of enjoying that stillness and peaceful silence that had fallen in the bedroom for a while, but then again, in any way, he could seem to complain when Peyton whispered his name. He didn't respond, but just looked over at her from the other side of the room as he continued tidying up all the amount of things their newborn apparently needed.

Peyton then didn't tell him anything more either, but simply stared softly at him until Lucas understood what she needed. He walked slowly towards the bed, and with a smile on his face he couldn't help but kiss both Sammy's and Peyton's foreheads, and with his large hand, he ran it gently over his baby girl's cheek.

"Hold her," Peyton all but ordered as she looked up at him and Lucas on the other hand struggled not to look down at the floor. "Just hold her, it's okay…" Peyton told him gently one more time. Seven hours ago '_Amelia Mae Scott'_ had been born. She had stayed for a little while in the hospital's nursery before she had been brought back to her mother. All her family had already been there by that time, so in between a million pictures and endless conversations about how beautiful that baby was, everybody had also held her for a little while – everybody _but_ Lucas that was.

Peyton understood though; he felt somewhat guilty. Of course it was an understatement to say he was utterly happy about his little gal finally in this world, but…he still felt as though he didn't have the right to hold her just as he hadn't— by choice, held Sammy once upon a time. He was conflicted and torn between sheer happiness and raw regret, and for better or for worse, Peyton understood as much.

"She_ is_ your daughter. You are her Daddy and I know how much you love her already. She, she'll love you back just as much as Sammy and I love _you_. I promise you that. This is our family and…the past, our past, we should just let all that _there_, in the past…where it can't hurt us anymore, because…we're together now, you know? And that should be everything that matters to us." Peyton stated sincerely, and Lucas barely found in himself the might to smile and nod his head grateful at her.

"I love you, Peyt. You and Sam and…Amelia, I just…I do. All three of you." He promised and now it was Peyton's turn to nod her head.

She believed in him.

"I know," She told him back simply as she slowly and very carefully drew Amelia away from her chest and closer to her Daddy's arms instead. Lucas with all the care in the world and as delicately as he could, gathered his baby girl into his arms for the very first time since she'd been born. He tenderly cradled her close to his body and kissed softly the top of her tiny head before his eyes fell shut and that silly tear fell onto the little pink blanket the baby was swaddled into.

"She's…" Lucas struggled to say when his breath got caught up in his throat at the close sight of that tiny bundle who was his daughter; his _and_ Peyton's daughter. "God Peyton, you're amazing…" He whispered as for one split second, Lucas' eyes shifted up from Amelia's still opened blue eyes to meet Peyton's and he smiled; they had done good, they would keep doing good as long as he had that; his daughter _and_ his son _and_ Peyton right beside him all the way until the end.

Peyton chuckled at his words and yet ever so slightly she also shook her head. After holding her stare on Lucas and Amelia for just a little while longer, she looked over to her side to the in fact _amazing_ young boy slumbering peacefully beside her; she wasn't amazing, _they_ were; Sammy and now Amelia too…

_Don't let me go  
Don't let me go  
Don't let me go_

"It's not fair, come on!" Peyton cried as she pretty much squirmed on the floor as both her boys _'attacked'_ her with a whole lot of tickles she wasn't handling too well.

"We're majority mama!" Sam cried back as he hovered over Peyton only to have her grab both his hands as he dropped his guard for that second.

"Exactly! You two shouldn't gang up on me!" She pointed out trying hard not to laugh even though she very well knew that was already a lost battle.

Lucas' arms draped around her waist bringing her down against him before she could argue anymore and at that, there was no other option but to laugh sincerely in the safety of his arms. "It really is too bad little gal fell asleep already and you were left all alone to deal with the two of us," Lucas said teasingly into her ear only to have Peyton laugh even harder at the irony of it all. One of the many good sides of Amelia being a girl was that exactly, that she was a girl, and for once, Peyton didn't have to endure anymore –alone, a house of men. To this day however, her house was pretty much still '_ruled_' by the boys since at, four months old, there was still very little baby Amelia could do to help out her mother.

In any case however, Peyton couldn't help but soften her features at the sight of the little gal soundly asleep in her baby-swing. Today was the third day they'd spent– half on a vacation, and the other half band-scouting with Peyton in Florida. Tonight there just had happened to be a 'little' thunderstorm that had got them all –Amelia included, gathered around the fireplace with big mugs with cocoa and warm blankets and pillows scattered all over the floor. The baby girl just had had too long of a day as it was to endure any longer awake.

Peyton smiled at her anyway and at her chubby oh-so very pink cheeks. Her eyes were _so_ tightly closed- perhaps just as tightly as she was holding to that old, rather old sheep toy that once upon a time, had also been Sam's favorite toy to sleep with when they were all away from home and just like this time, helping mom found the next great artist.

"You leave Amelia out of this, Lucas Scott," Peyton admonished playfully as she shifted around in Lucas' arms, and rested herself against his chest in that way that made their faces oh-so close from one another's. "I still can beat you two, you know?" She told him before leaning in only slightly and barely, barely pressing softly her lips to his.

Lucas winced and grunted loudly as only a second later she pulled away from him and in what seemed a split second, ended up sit up on the floor and far, too far away from his lips. She was such a tease sometimes. "You're mean you know that?" Lucas encountered shaking his head playfully as he also started sitting up on the floor.

Sam laughed at the two of them before he lunged forward and wrapped his arms around Peyton's shoulders resting his head against one. He sighed heavily before kissing her cheek sweetly. "You two are going to get all mushy now…I'm gonna go to bed," He informed Peyton even when his eyes were quite mischievously fixed on his father. Sam already quite knew how the deal was; once the tickles were over, they'd want to snuggle and say corny things to each other before Amelia woke up again. Sammy knew the drill. "Nite, love you, Mom," He sang into Peyton's ear when she was already laughing and her hand had reached up to cup his cheek. She kissed his nose sweetly and Sam shook his head playfully as he rolled his eyes. At this rate, he was going to turn 30 and she was going to keep doing the very same thing.

"Love you too, baby…" Peyton told him back after a beat as she playfully nuzzled his nose, because certainly, that was just what she did. "Good night,"

"Night Dad," Sam said already on this feet as he moved closer to the spot Lucas was sitting on and after giving his father a small hug and kiss too headed over to Amelia's little swing. "Make sure they behave, Mimi," He whispered to his baby sister stifling a laugh as both his parents couldn't help but do at his words. He meant it though, tomorrow Sam had been promised a cool day since they were headed to Orlando, so they'd better get a good night sleep, right?

"Would do kid," Lucas told him playfully as Sam was already making his way upstairs to his bedroom. Not Lucas, not Peyton, could not relish in that rather amazing sound that carried to them as the boy laughed wholeheartedly as he disappeared through the stairs.

Peyton chuckled as well, and after sharing one of those lingering looks with Lucas, she sighed deeply as she also moved closer to Amelia. She stared at her baby girl for a good few moments before looking over at Lucas with her lips twisted. "We should probably move her to her crib," Peyton told him only a tad uneasily, because to be honest, she wasn't lying. Even though Amelia seemed to be sleeping rather, rather peacefully on her swing, her little head was after all still resting over her right shoulder, and that just couldn't be comfortable, now could it?

"She's going to wake up as soon as you move her," Lucas told her honestly making Peyton narrow her eyes slightly, and in truth, Lucas could almost swear she began pouting at his words then. He hadn't said a word that wasn't truth, though.

"I know." Peyton said back twisting her lips as she shared looks between that amazing– yet complicated baby girl of hers and Lucas. "What do you propose, Daddy?" She tried smirking after a moment as her eyes steadily fixed on Lucas for a moment as she did her question.

Lucas laughed at her, but couldn't stop his heart from warming at her cute terms and beautiful way to address him. After thinking over for a moment, Lucas smiled and winked at Peyton as he took one of Amelia's teddy blankets and moved right next to his girls. "That we don't move her," Lucas responded pointedly, and yet playfully too as he covered carefully Amelia's body with the blanket, and gently arranged the swing's sit in a way so Amelia wasn't anymore sit up per se, but mostly sleeping properly on her back as she should. "See, done…" Lucas smirked and Peyton smiled before she leaned in brushing softly a kiss to Amelia's forehead.

"Love you baby girl," She promised before a moment later, pulling back, and staring pointedly into Lucas' eyes. "Now what?"

He thought for another moment before Lucas simply let that darn stupid little smile– he couldn't help, to creep to his lips one more time. "Now we snuggle together by the fireplace and make sure we are here when she wakes up so she doesn't get scared…"

There was anything to think about that proposal, and yet Peyton did take another moment or two before smiling sincerely and nodding her head. "That actually does sound just about perfect," She said as the two of them, after giving Amelia one more look to make sure she was in fact okay, moved closer to the warm fire before them.

Lucas sat down first and without hesitating a bit, Peyton sat right beside him tucking her hand already into his. Lucas then just smiled and stretched his arm out for her to snuggle as close to him as she could, much alike the way they did so _oh-so_ many times before when it was just the two of them against the world.

Lucas smiled as he pulled her closer to his body and rested his chin over her tangled mess of curls. Both his arms were tightly wrapped around her frame, and for that instant, he simply settled closing his eyes as she did so too, and simply relishing in the moment.

It honestly was just about perfect in more ways than he probably could even begin to explain.

"I like it when you hold me, it…I don't know, I guess it's just nice, is all…"

Lucas chuckled meekly and kissed the top of her head before nodding his head. Unless one of them was somewhere else working and the other at home with the kid– _kids_ now that Amelia joined their brood, Lucas would always, always no miss, held her until she was fast asleep. Sometimes he wouldn't even sleep too much himself but simply look down at her as she peacefully slumber and forget about the world for those moments that she was safe in his arms and nothing else mattered.

Lucas however, had already lost count of how many times Peyton had told him she liked it when she was there, when he was holding her and the world outside felt so still and…_nice_.

"I like to hold you too, you know that," Lucas replied quietly after a moment and even though his eyes were closed, much alike hers, he could listen to the smile in her voice as she chuckled at his words. It wasn't as if that was a routine, the way you say, _"I love you"_ every day to the people you love; it wasn't it. Yet, more often than not, at least _once_ each night, Peyton would indeed tell him how "_nice_" it was to have him _so_ near her.

And time and time again, Lucas would reply to her what she already knew; that if she loved to be held, he cherished every second she was in his arms as well.

And that was the truth.

"Lucas," Peyton called his name softly and a tad hesitantly after a beat. She tensed a little underneath his arms, and that was somewhat enough to made Lucas tense himself too. That was a bit odd; not that she wanted to keep talking– rarely ever that girl would shut up to be honest, but the tone she used and the fact that she called him 'Lucas'.

That was why Lucas didn't reply but simply stared thoughtfully at her as she shifted in his arms, and rested herself against his broad chest in that perfect way that allowed their eyes to meet. "I really _do_ love you…"

"I know you do," Lucas replied far too sincerely in spite of her oddness. "I love you, too–"

"I know that," Peyton pretty much cut him off before the words were completely out of his mouth. Lucas squinted at her and yet at the same time couldn't help that stupid smile that started tugging at the corners of his lips as he looked over at her and at that struggle she was having with herself in that moment. It was obvious, far more to him, how much she wanted tell him something but just kind of didn't know 'How'.

"But I just don't want you to think I don't, like…ever," She said seriously for once and though Lucas' breath somewhat caught up in his throat, he nodded his head in her direction.

"I won't,"

At Lucas' assurance, Peyton allowed herself to nod her head for a moment too. "I wanna marry you," She blurted out firmly after a beat, and to say Lucas' eyes went wide at her words was clearly the understatement of the year.

In mere seconds after that, he was sitting up on the floor before the fireplace and Peyton was 'forced' to get up from her cocoon in his arms as well. She grunted a tad annoyingly at the loss of contact as if for her, what she said wasn't really that big of a deal.

"W-What, what did you just say?"

Peyton chuckled at him but that semi-glare Lucas sent her almost killed her smile -_almost_. "I said I want to marry you," She told him again rather flippantly, even shrugging her shoulders. Lucas' mouth fell open a tad, as he just couldn't help but look over incredulously at her. Not more children, not marriage. Those had been pretty much _her _words once upon a time.

"Why?" He got out without even knowing what the hell he was saying, he…he simply just couldn't wrap his mind around her words quite yet.

"I just told you, didn't I?" Peyton encountered with a small chuckle of her own. "I love you, silly," She said and as his eyes fell close at her warm words, Lucas shook his head ever so slightly letting himself _finally_ smile for real.

Now he understood where she was coming and he couldn't, not for the life of him, felt any more happier that in that very instant. He had two beautiful children he loved more than words and actions together would _ever_ tell, and he had this girl, this woman before his eyes telling him the one truth that has always matter most and that made his life complete…and honestly, more than he ever could imagine he would have.

"Are you sure?" Lucas asked, not unsure of Peyton or of whether she meant what she said or not, but…perhaps he really just wanted to double check with her. What if he was just slept already and had been dreaming the whole thing? He actually _needed_ to check again.

At the question however, Peyton giggled a perfect giggle as she leaned in closer to him and with her hand reaching up slowly, she cupped his cheek and smiled sincerely nuzzling the tip of her nose against his. "I am sure, Luke." She told him simply with a nod as she pecked his lips softly. "You… We, I mean we, _we _have both messed up _a lot_ in our lives, with each other and with all those around us. From the start," She told him not even trying not to carry sweetly shrugging her shoulders. "We've hurt a lot of people trying or not trying to be together. We have hurt each other. We have hit rock-bottom but yet we'd come back from there too. Life has let us know, time and again, how we are probably better off without the other. That'll certainly be easier…if we only could not be together, but…" Her nose squished up and she shook her head a little bit pulling back slightly from Lucas. "But we can't not be together, can we?" She asked sweetly in a foreign childlike manner Lucas found rather endearing in her. She seemed excited; that was what Lucas could see in her eyes. As if at last things were _completely_ clear in her eyes.

"No we can't," Lucas responded strongly after a small moment of simply staring at her some more.

"You're right," Peyton said with a firm nod as one more time she couldn't stop a soft giggle from escaping her lips. "All these years, all the heartache and pain…we…We really shouldn't let that be in vain. I love you, and…and I know that love certainly outweighs the hurt. So…yes Luke, I'm sure, I'm sure I love you, and I'm sure you love me, and I'm sure there's nothing you and I can't do…a wedding will be the easy part. I…I want a life with you; I want _my_ life with you. Every day. No matter what happens. No matter how tough it gets as long as I got you. I _do _want to be your wife, Lucas Stott…I, I always dreamed I'd be…"

"Someday…"

"Yes." Peyton replied firmly not missing a beat.

"So now…"

"Now you _must_ just kiss me. We can talk about churches and flowers and freaking dresses in the morning, all right." She told him laughing even though she'd never been more serious. One day she would probably look back at her life and see things she would wish she had done differently, but right now, at the very least she was completely and utterly sure this was the right thing to do. Be with the boy she had always loved and who had given her the three most valuable treasures she had; her two children and his unconditional love back.

It didn't matter how they had gotten to this place; they have and that was what mattered. Not easy paths with rainbows at the end, but just life…with its ups and its downs, but always however, with that boy she loved on her side.

"Peyt…I…" Lucas tried to say, but as it seemed, his astonishment hadn't wear off completely quite yet.

Peyton on the other hand however, was more than fast to fill in for him. "No, no more buts, okay? I just want us to be together. Always. So that's what's going to happen, we are gonna stay together. Today and…always. I'll always love you, Luke." She told him sincerely right before Lucas' misty lips met hers in that passionate, full of love and desire, and hope, and even long, perfectly marvelous kiss.

"I love you," Lucas encountered with against her lips, when they pulled back slightly and their foreheads rested against one another. "And I…I just want you to be happy, Peyt…"

"I am," Peyton promised him sincerely right before she sighed and kissed his lips one more time. "You know when you are little and…one day you just sit and think in what you _hope_ your life would be when you grow up?"

The question confused Lucas a little, it was a tad out of the blue after all, and yet, he found himself simply nodding at her words. "Yeah I do…"

"This wasn't at all the life I pictured I'd have." Peyton confessed sheepishly, yet very honestly at the same time. Lucas' eyes fell into a squint almost immediately as she spoke, and the one thing she could think to put him back at ease was letting out a chuckle of her own. She didn't mean it like that really. "It wasn't." She replied anyhow chuckling some more as she kissed his lips slightly before pulling back from Lucas, and in some few movements, she was already sat on his lap and Lucas was holding her tightly against his chest. "I never thought I'd have to go through so freaking much just so I could be happy, but…I told you, I am happy; and _this_…" She told him with yet another kiss before Lucas could say anything back to her. "And this," She added when her eyes shifted to Amelia still peacefully slumbering. "And Sammy and you and this messed up life…" She said with a small chuckle. "It's way better anyway than anything that little girl ever thought she would have."

"You mean that?" Lucas asked, uncharacteristically soft taking Peyton aback, but then again, she still couldn't help but laugh a bit.

"I do, Luke. I really do." She said back nodding her head before she caught that happiness in his eyes that was actually somewhat burrowed and trying hard to come out from underneath that constant wave of guilt he had carried with himself ever since Peyton could remember now.

In that moment, Peyton's features softened, and she sobered– she didn't stop smiling though; she couldn't do that much. "I forgive you, Lucas. For everything that happened, for everything we said, for everything we didn't…I, I just want you to know…I forgive you…"

* * *

_"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity"- Gilda Radner_

* * *

**AN : **End of the trail for now you guys! I'm not sure what you're thinking right now, but I'd really love to know it lol! I will try to get to you the "Flashback-Small-Story" as soon as I can, yet of course, thoughts and ideas as to what you want there are more than welcome. In any case, **THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING!** I can't stress how much it means my THIRD story is coming to an end and you guys had been awesome enough to give it some love, so yeah, thanks you guys for sticking with me!

& Sorry if you think this was hella cheesy ha. Kidding. I really do hope you've liked it **:D**


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